The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

Raul Berger.
A name of a friend I was now excessively familiar with, yet still made my heart flutter when we met – that foolish boy.
“I’ll be counting on you then.”
That fool handed me the letter he had written only after the day I was returning to the capital.
I knew he was vexing, but wouldn’t it be better if he gave it to me earlier?
Seeing the dark circles under his eyes, he must have kept revising and revising the letter all night for his fiancée, or rather, that shriveled raisin of a girl. That was just like him to keep knocking on a broken bridge.

“Big sis can’t get sick until she gets back, right?”
“…I feel I’ve already told you, I’m a year older than you.”
“I’m talking about mental age.”
“You, who picks fights at the drop of a hat, don’t seem particularly mentally mature either.”
“Shut it, the older and stronger one is the big sis. Don’t go causing trouble with scary ladies until I get back. And don’t skip meals on the battlefield like before. Properly cover yourself when sleeping, got it?”

He was hopelessly oblivious about his own affairs, which was concerning.
“Well, I’ll be off then. Don’t cry without big sis around, just wait.”
“…I’ll say it again, I’m the older one by a year. Aren’t you the one who should prepare for losing our bet?”

No matter how he threatened me, I was confident this fool would look terribly awkward smiling fully.

“Well, I’m off then, fool.”
Though I could have simply thrown my blade and flown, I deliberately boarded the carriage instead.
I wanted to organize my thoughts, flying was tiring, and I didn’t want to reject Raul’s kindness.
The carriage’s rattling wasn’t very pleasant, but I could endure it since it was Raul’s kindness.
This feeling was surely love. Yes, love – the emotion we had all once vowed to hate.

The emotion that had caused the war of countless deaths. At first I could not understand it, but now I felt I could.
Now I felt I could understand with my heart, not just my head, the horror the Demon Lord had spoken of so vividly.

In the early days of the war.
We had once tried to assassinate the Demon Lord when he came alone to visit his late wife’s grave, unarmed and without guards. So we rushed at him without hesitation, the five of us thinking we would be more than enough to kill him.

‘How truly foolish, savage, and cowardly. You cannot even permit me a moment to pray for her repose.’
‘Come then. I shall teach you a lesson.’

We boldly swung our weapons at the Demon Lord, but he simply picked up a nearby branch and deflected all our attacks at once.

‘If not for your teacher, the likes of you could never kill me. The blood on your hands is sorely lacking.’

With just a swing of that branch, we all suffered grave injuries and collapsed.
He had merely swung a branch once, yet the small hills and trees around had vanished without a trace.
Yet a small grave nearby remained untouched, as if nothing had happened.
He turned his back without sparing us another glance, as if shooing away insects.
He did not kill us, merely showing us his back – an unforgivable insult.

‘You’re not killing us…?’
To my question, he answered in a contemptuous voice:
‘Does one bother to check whether swatted flies live or die?’
‘Today, you should feel the shame of surviving. Greater shame than my wife felt.’
‘Chew on that shame and stain your hands with blood. Think only of winning in war. Become mindless beasts that can tear at my nape.’

Raul, who had suffered the worst injuries and could barely stand, asked:
‘Why do you commit such acts…? If you had formally protested…or with that strength, if you had assassinated our emperor…wouldn’t that have ended it…?’

‘…Foolish small fries. If that happened, wouldn’t her tragedy simply end with that?’

What we felt from him was pure madness.
The madness of wanting to make demon and other races clash until all life was mutually annihilated.

‘Her tragic death must lead to the extinction of countless nations and races. Until I am the only one left in this world.’
‘For that is the only way to restore the honor you defiled.’
‘Call me insane, call me mindless if you wish. For I am truly insane, I can only see her now. Is not that what love is?’

He gave a sad smile and said:
‘For love is the act of stripping away. All scenery but her smile. All sounds but her voice. All value but her existence.’

Feeling that madness, we came to see love as merely a dangerous, foolish emotion.

“If I can understand even a bit of that insane talk, I must be a crazy bitch too.”
My feelings were similar. If Raul died, I felt I could not forgive anything around him.
I felt I would kill the woman with the same face as him who took his mother’s life and disemboweled her.
Despite receiving his help and ignoring his atonement, I felt I would kill that shriveled, ungrateful raisin of a girl and feed her corpse to the dogs.
I was sure I would do so, for my reason would not stop me.
Those feelings only grew clearer after Raul vanished from the capital. His face, voice, existence – unable to sense those, I only felt constant unease and emptiness.

“Vexing, oblivious brat.”
I knew Raul could not forget a certain woman.
That on the battlefield, they called each other ‘halves’ and coordinated their breathing, indicating an special connection.
But that friend was gone now. If she were here, I might have given up, but now she was merely an echo of the past. An echo that could not help Raul.
Rather, it only made him act as if he didn’t care if he died. I wanted Raul to live, so I wished he would forget her. Even though I knew that would be the greatest disrespect to that friend.

After traveling for several days, I arrived at the estate in the capital to see the same boring scenery as always.
As the Demon Lord said, most scenery now grated on me, most sounds mere noise.

“Miss, I was worried when you disappeared without a word again.”
The elderly butler was concerned for me, but frankly, I was not the type to get into major trouble no matter where I went.
Knowing that, my father and brother likely had no worries either.
Though they likely had no real concern for their own blood to begin with.

“…Quite rare for you to meekly enter the estate.”
The heir and my brother greeted me outside for once.
I swear, compared to this man, Raul was a poetic romantic.
I wanted to respond to that greeting with my fists, but restrained myself, for it would surely mean instant death.

“Why should it matter to you? If you don’t even know where I went, just shut your trap and go back to your pointless math games.”
“You went to see Raul in the rural area, didn’t you.”
“How did you know that?”
“Because you’re in heat for him.”

Even with words like ‘love’ and ‘like’ available, this crass piece of trash just had to put it so vulgarly, ignorant of any sense of mood.
This trash was one reason I was familiar with Raul’s manner of speaking. A guy who could only feel relief by pissing people off with his words.

“In heat, what kind of nonsense is that…”
“There’s ample evidence, but let me give one example from when we dined together. During the meal, you looked at his face 47 times, giving faint smiles 34 of those times. You portioned food he likes onto his plate 3 times. You deliberately spoke to him 12 times mid-meal. And after he left, the number of times you showed irritation was…”
“Enough. Keep flapping your gums and I’ll skewer you.”
“Even if you pierce my neck, the facts won’t change.”

If Raul was simply inept at expressing himself with most emotions dulled, this scumbag was someone utterly devoid of any sense of emotion.
Raul’s bluntness had some human tenderness underneath, but this scumbag was just a heartless rock.

“Analyzing such data and figures, you are undoubtedly in heat for him. Am I wrong?”
“You use the term ‘in heat’ for humans?”
“For one whose conduct is beastly, beastly terms must be used.”

It seemed conversing further with this rock would only be a waste, so I turned to return to my room.

“Whatever, what’s the point of talking to you.”
“But the matter I was about to raise also concerned him, though it seems unnecessary now.”
“What? What are you talking about?”

My brother neither disliked nor liked Raul. So for him to bring up Raul was surprising.

“Knowing you were in heat for him, I had rejected all the marriage proposals that came for you.”

It wasn’t of particular concern, but I was still surprised. While I had no interest in things like marriage, I didn’t expect this man to take such measures.

“I sent replies saying marrying you, being in heat for him, would be improper. So you need not worry about any further proposals.”

I just wanted to kill everything and go to hell at this point.

“And I’d recommend going to the Nevermore estate tomorrow. The Lord Nevermore has an event today, so he’ll be busy.”
“How did you know I wanted to meet that shriveled raisin?”
“For you to resolve your heat, disposing of her would naturally be the priority.”
“Hey!!!!”

The vexing yet somewhat considerate Raul was starting to seem preferable.
If love was the act of stripping away as the Demon Lord said, then I would start by stripping away my family’s lives.