The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

Camilla looked at me with an expression of displeasure.
“What are you doing…?”
“As you can see, I’m trying to smile.”
“Could you stop? Seeing you force a smile is unpleasant, like that observant Rizehl.”
“…Is it that unsightly?”
“You look like someone who ate poisonous mushrooms and has serious facial muscle issues.”

I stopped forcing a smile and pondered seriously. How could I laugh?
“How can I laugh?”
“Only jesters laugh when they’re not happy?”
“Indeed. Should I become happy, then?”
It was a difficult subject. It wasn’t that I had never been happy before, but I was quite unfamiliar with how to become happy. I had merely been a baby bird fed happiness by others.

“It may be quicker to ask our ever-laughing teacher. Perhaps imitating him could provide the answer.”
“That geezer just laughs because he’s drunk. You wanna get sloshed and crawl around on all fours picking fights with attack dogs like him?”
“…I would rather not abandon human dignity.”
Upon further thought, I didn’t want to become like our teacher.

“I sincerely want to laugh, but no way comes to mind. It must be because I’ve lived a life so far removed from laughter.”
It seemed a hundred times easier to kill someone. The simple act of naturally turning up the corners of my mouth and making a sound was too difficult.
Trying to make laughter bloom amidst the swamp of my heart was just trouble. Moreover, I was hardly a skilled gardener.

“That’s why I came to you, Camilla.”
“What…?”
“You may be able to make me laugh.”
“S, s, s…so suddenly…!”
I readjusted my grip on my cane and said:
“Battles straddling life and death often make one burst into laughter. If I push myself to the limits, I may be able to laugh as well.”
Unlike the Demon Lord, who could only scream in the end, most…

“Aah~”
In an instant, a fist wreathed in electric current struck my solar plexus.
Though I could have easily avoided it, I accepted it as the opening salvo of battle.
Thanks to that, the fortress wall that the soldiers had barely repaired was smashed, and the forest far beyond was obliterated.

“I went easy so you wouldn’t suffer internal injuries, so rest assured.”
“My thanks for the consideration.”
“No need. From now on, I’ll be trying to slice you apart.”
“That would be rather troublesome.”
I had thought the battle-loving Camilla would be delighted, but it seemed I was mistaken.

“Um…Lord Raul…?”
As we prepared for our duel, someone approached and addressed me.
“You are…?”
“I’m Neil. Neil Feehan. The one who was rude to you before, my lord.”
That beak-like nose…it seemed to be him. Though he had grown so gaunt, I nearly didn’t recognize him.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.”
“From doing Camilla’s chores…”
“…..That’s not something a sane person should do.”
I could say that much, having experienced serving under her after losing a bet on the battlefield.
She had no concept of ‘livability’. And her room was always a pigsty, having no sense of organization.
It was to the point that even her own brother insulted her, saying, “Even beasts tidy their nests. You’re worse than a beast.”

“Haha…”
“By the way, you won’t be bothering Cecilia again, will you?”
“Do I look like I’m in any shape to cause trouble? I’m just trying to survive, women and pranks are the last things on my mind…”
“That is ideal.”
“Not ideal, I look like I’m about to leave this world…”
“Consider it punishment. It was her who stopped the measures I was about to take, so I should thank her instead.”
He asked me with an expression mixing curiosity and fear:
“What measures were you going to take…?”

“I was going to summon an acquaintance from the Imperial Army’s Intelligence Command, but now that you’re the regimental commander there…”
“Thank you for sparing me!!!!”
The piercing scream made even me flinch.
“From now on, I’ll reflect and become a new person…!!!”

Certainly, while the Imperial Intelligence Command did torture corrupt officers, there was no need to be so afraid.
At most, they would burn your feet while alive, dip your hands in boiling oil, or make you swallow live mice – that was about it.

“But preparing her meals won’t be easy, so you’ll have a hard time.”
“Yes…”
“She’s as finicky with her tastes as she is difficult to please. Despite her own atrocious cooking skills being enough to make even beasts refuse it.”

Then an electric current-wreathed blade grazed my nose bridge, close enough to singe the tiny hairs.

“Listening to you, it sounds like I’m just some punching bag?”
Camilla gave an eerie smile as she recovered her blade.
“I merely spoke the truth. In reality, didn’t your cooking knock out beasts with just the aroma?”
“Raul…there are times when people…don’t need to blurt out every truth…and should just shut their traps…!”

Camilla kicked off the ground and struck at my solar plexus again.
Thanks to that, the fortress wall the soldiers had barely repaired was smashed, and the distant forest was obliterated once more.

“It’s called tact, engrave that please.”
“…That uncouth strength is making you resemble our teacher more and more.”
“……Don’t compare me to that brute beast.”
It seemed becoming a parent was no easy task, if one received such hatred. Of course, I wouldn’t particularly care myself.
If my mother’s attitude toward me was hatred, our teacher’s was neglect. Camilla herself didn’t speak to our teacher until she was 8 years old.

While our temperaments differed, Camilla and I were raised in quite similar environments. I had my father and Rizehl, but Camilla had no one.

“Yes, I misspoke.”
“Still, I’m amazed at your sudden urge to try smiling. You lived as an emotionless log for years.”
“I belatedly want to keep a promise. That’s all.”
“Well, I don’t quite get it, but…”

Suddenly, Camilla approached and stroked my head, like a giant petting a small chick.

“Good boy. You want auntie’s milk too?”
“First, I’m a year older than you. Second, I don’t wish to lay eyes on a woman’s breasts unless she’s my lover. Third, you have no childbearing experience, so…”
“There you go again, always taking jokes seriously.”
“I recommend not making jokes that could be construed as sexual harassment. I can accept them, but others may not…”
“I won’t.”
Camilla’s face reddened slightly.
“I only do it with you, you vexing brat.”
“…Does that mean.”
“Yes.”
“You think of me that familiarly. I’m delighted. To make such unrestrained jokes, you must see me as quite close…”
“Stop evading it. You know full well what I’m saying.”
She had seen through me.
If even Camilla could perceive it, my lie must have been quite clumsy this time.
She had realized. That she liked me, at least. There was no way she didn’t know I desired her body, heart and seed.
I am not an oblivious person. Yet I averted my eyes and deceived myself.
For the outcome was sure to be unfortunate. From the beginning, I did not even look at trees I could not climb. That was just the kind of person I was – one who cut down and buried such trees.

“…I only have about a year left to live, Camilla. That’s why I’m trying to break off the engagement.”
“Even if you were perfectly healthy, would it have made a difference? You wouldn’t have even touched that shriveled raisin of a girl out of ‘respect’.”
“I think it is quite foolish to preemptively judge hypothetical situations and draw conclusions.”
“Tell me. Could you lay a hand on that girl to produce an heir? No, did you ever even intend to marry her?”
Her words were as sharp as her blade.
While I could deflect blades, I could not deflect those words.
Those sharp words pierced my heart, striking the mark.

“How would you feel if something you wanted was carelessly tossed in the trash and treated however?”
“…..Not good, I imagine.”
“And that’s just an object, so imagine how I feel about that shriveled raisin of a girl…!”
It seemed Camilla hated my fiancée.

“Please don’t hate her so much.”
“Why not? If you die, I’ll start by cutting off her limbs.”
“…Camilla.”
As I lowered my voice slightly, she too began cooling down.
This was one of Camilla’s strengths – her quick understanding, at least in such matters.

“I’ve always said it. That I want to breathe.”
It was a vague thought I had whenever I was at the estate.
Despite my respiratory system functioning normally, I still had that thought.
I voiced that longing for ‘wanting to breathe’ without understanding its meaning. It was simply putting my naturally arising feelings into words.

“Now, I think I can somewhat understand the meaning of that expression. For the time I have left, no matter how little, I want to become happy.”
“…It’s not too much to ask.”
“If I can become happy and laugh, if I can come to love, then at that time, I feel like.”
I met Camilla’s gaze and said:
“I could love a woman unreservedly.”
“…Cheeky bastard.”
“And that’s the most efficient way.”

But Camilla laughed as if to tease me and said:
“But since you were born an emotionless log, if you smile, people might actually get scared instead. Especially kids, they’ll probably run away scared if they see you grinning.”
“There’s no guarantee of that, is there?”
“Well, we could make a bet if you want. If you can properly laugh later and kids don’t get scared, you win. If they cry and run away, I win.”

And so a useless bet was added to our history.

“Meaningless.”
“Chickening out?”
“Not at all. But what were you planning if I won?”
“If you win, I’ll put my hair in childish pigtail braids and call you ‘big brother’ all day, how’s that?”
“Interesting. If you win, I’ll be your slave for a day. You can have me do anything, that kind of slave.”
And so a bet toward our mutual destruction began.