Solo For Two

“Even though you’re going to reassure me like that and then leave….”Sasha knew that young Karel had practiced saying goodbye alone several times. Unfortunately, he was used to feeling frustrated before receiving love.Karel, with his boyishly warm body, hugged Sasha tightly. Just imagining Sasha leaving brought tears to Karel’s eyes. Warm lips traced Sasha’s face. Sasha parted his lips with joy.He was glad to be able to give him this answer.“Wake up from the dream now.”“……”“When you open your eyes, I’ll be there in front of you.”With those words, Sasha was suddenly pulled back into reality, where the thunderous applause of the audience poured into his ears.The stage vibrated slightly with the audience’s enthusiasm and cheers. Sasha saw the trembling lights above him and felt the quivering stage beneath his feet. He could hear the sound of his own breathing vividly in his ears. Lukewarm sweat trickled down his spine.At that moment, he unconsciously assumed a bowing posture that he had practiced tens of thousands of times. Sasha extended his left leg back and completed his bow with a ballet move. A red curtain slowly descended in front of him.“Sasha Sedrin!”Someone from the troupe snapped their fingers, calling for him. Sasha turned his head in that direction. The choreographer was calling him.“The applause won’t stop. Go out beyond the curtain and take a bow! Show them your face!”As he stepped beyond the curtain, a waterfall of cheers reverberated throughout the theater. Sasha closed his eyes briefly, trying to calm his breathing, and felt the sensation distinctly. Every sense, unclouded by any drug, felt unfamiliar.This is what I used to enjoy.“Did you feel that the applause never stopped? Let’s set a record for curtain calls today! Twenty times wouldn’t be enough!”Sasha paused for a moment as he moved to push aside the red curtain before him. The curtain fabric occasionally jerked as if something was hitting it. The audience was throwing flowers. Through a slightly opened gap, a heap of various flowers was already piling up. There were bouquets of multiple flowers and single roses and tulips.To the director, who urged him to go out quickly, Sasha shook his head.Then he turned and walked toward the side stage. The choreographer saw Sasha passing by him with a faint smile.Sasha’s walking pace quickly changed, and eventually, he was running. Arriving at the dressing room at the end of the hallway, Sasha flung the door open.“Karel!”Inside the dressing room, the boy from his dream was waiting with flowers in his hands.Though an indelible scar was etched on his face and time had masked him, the boy in front of him was the one he had seen. Sasha hugged him tightly and said,“Thank God.”“Suddenly?”Karel couldn’t hide his loving gaze and embraced Sasha with the hand holding the bouquet. As if even Sasha’s sweat-soaked body and warmth were lovable.Sasha felt deeply moved by the fact that he could open his eyes in reality and confess his love to him. However, Sasha didn’t detail this emotion. He only found it fascinating that the direction of his hallucinations had shifted from consuming him to making him love Karel more.“I always dreamed you would leave my side…”At Karel’s words, Sasha lifted his head.“But last night, I had a different dream for the first time.”“What kind of dream?”“You were telling me to wake up from the dream.”Sasha suddenly thought that perhaps they had seen the same dreams and hallucinations.As promised in the dream, Sasha embraced him with his arms. It was as if comforting the boy within him who was full of anxiety and loneliness. Karel embraced Sasha’s back in return. Their shadows overlapped as if they were one.＊ ＊ ＊On a fine day, the two went for a walk to the harbor. There, Sasha was captivated by the horizon. With the clear weather, the sea and sky formed a distinct boundary like a painting.“What are you looking at?”“The sea… Beyond the sea.”Karel wrapped a woolen scarf around Sasha’s pale cheeks to prevent them from getting colder.“Is that the direction we came from?”Karel nodded.“Do you want to go back?”Sasha shook his head.“Hmm… then why?”Karel looked down at Sasha and asked. Though it was a simple question made of short words, the tone, eyes, and gesture of wrapping Sasha’s shoulder made it feel very affectionate.“Just looking. It feels like seeing a cross-section of the Earth….”At Sasha’s words, Karel looked at the horizon. The line of the sea extending beyond the view seemed to form part of a large sphere, just as Sasha said.A cross-section of the Earth.At that expression, Karel felt an overwhelming tenderness. From Russia to Austria, to France, from the continent’s western edge to another continent…. Sasha seemed to be reflecting on his life in a way he could express. The time he had to travel far to find happiness.“Want to go?”The decision was impulsive. But Karel sensed that Sasha might accept this proposal.“Where to?”“Your hometown.”Sasha’s eyes widened slightly. His glossy eyes, moist and bright, looked up at Karel.“We’ll start from Russia. Show me your childhood.”Sasha’s tearful eyes trembled.He seemed to realize for the first time that he could return to his hometown.“And we’ll cross the border together, visit the inn where we first met, and see the Grand Duke’s winter villa in St. Petersburg. If you’re okay with it.”“I’d like that. I want to see it again.”“Then we’ll pass through Paris and head down to the villa in Côte d’Azur….”“We’ll eat plenty of oranges….”The two of them laughed together.“Yes. And let’s stop by the Palatinate. I’ll need to disguise myself since I’m banned from entering.”Sasha understood what Karel meant. He wanted to retrace the past journey that had been twisted by misunderstandings and cover it with loving memories.“Sounds good.”Karel embraced Sasha’s back as he wrapped his arms around Karel’s waist.“Let’s go together.”“That goes without saying.”Now, the two would walk together on the rainy cobblestone streets of the gloomy city where they first met. The wind-swept avenues of St. Petersburg. They’d smell lavender on the dirt road leading to the Ludwig estate, pedal across the silver lake from the Palatinate square to their home, the sandy beaches of Côte d’Azur where Sasha used to pick up pebbles, the heart of Paris where passersby recognized Sasha, and even cities they hadn’t yet visited.Filled with excitement about the long journey ahead, the two gazed into each other’s eyes. It was the moment when the paths of their separate lives finally merged into one.