Solo For Two

Soon, the butler arrived with a bottle of Moscato d’Asti in a bucket, and Sasha happily drank it. While Sasha enjoyed one glass, Karel downed two, quickly emptying the bottle.The two went to bed early.Before falling asleep, Sasha sat on the edge of the bed with a glass of the cherished wine that Karel had allowed him. As Sasha sipped the wine slowly, like savoring a cookie, Karel lay beside him with his eyes closed.“If every day were like today, I’d have no more wishes. I really like this hotel. We can watch all the passing cars and people, but they can’t see me,” Sasha said.Karel shifted slightly. Thinking Karel was listening, Sasha continued talking.“I liked this in Paris too. I love bustling cities. Watching people while blending in. Karel?”Sasha looked down at Karel and soon realized he was talking to himself.“Are you asleep?”“……”“Are you really asleep?”Sasha lowered his head and placed his ear near Karel’s chest, which was warm. The scent of cologne from after his shower lingered. Karel preferred sleeping without clothes, so the warmth of his bare skin and the beating of his heart were transmitted through Sasha’s ear. His breathing was even and his heartbeat was slower than usual.Realizing that Karel was indeed asleep, Sasha felt a vague sense of emptiness. He reached out and gulped down the rest of the wine he had been sipping slowly.“How can you fall asleep so quickly?” Sasha asked with a hint of resentment.The truth was, Sasha had been expecting something tonight. Not just the deep hugs and kisses they often shared, but something more.Sasha’s heart began to beat with inexplicable anxiety.Since escaping and leaving France, Karel had not touched Sasha once. Over the past six weeks, Sasha had occasionally found this strange and unsettling. Of course, he didn’t doubt Karel’s love. The supportive hands, the long embraces, and the look in Karel’s eyes before a kiss conveyed deep love. Given their circumstances, Sasha had accepted that it was due to the ongoing situation.Since arriving at the port, Sasha had been busy with the asylum process and creating a new identity, while Karel had to deal with a trial after revealing his identity while bringing Sasha along.During this time, they had been living in the penthouse of this hotel without a fixed residence for over a month. Given the instability of the situation, Sasha thought Karel had been waiting for the trial to end and for things to settle down.So if something were to happen, Sasha had thought tonight would be the night.But Karel quickly fell asleep, disappointing Sasha.Sasha felt a pang of disappointment and quietly sighed, looking down at Karel. His relaxed face without a furrowed brow looked peaceful.‘He must be having a good dream.’Before he knew it, Sasha found himself staring at Karel’s body. His eyes traced the long scar on Karel’s cheek, the stab wound on his neck, and the scars on his chest that he rarely saw. Despite not taking much care of his skin, Karel had a naturally fine complexion that even noblewomen would envy. Sasha touched Karel’s chest and abs, then ran his fingers along the long scar. He imagined the pain Karel must have endured.The wound on Karel’s side was not just a cut but a deep, concave scar. It must have been inflicted with the intention to kill.Feeling sorrow, Sasha held Karel’s hand, imagining how long it must have taken for these wounds to heal.And he felt a sudden gratitude that Karel was alive and lying beside him.“Karel…”Karel’s eyelashes fluttered in response to Sasha’s call. His breathing remained unchanged. Perhaps he heard the voice in his dream, as Karel’s expression softened even more than when he was awake.Sasha decided not to wake him.But unexpectedly, Karel opened his eyes a moment later.At first, seeing Sasha’s face above him, Karel thought it was an extension of his dream. It took a while for his eyelids to fully open and for his eyes to focus. Sasha watched with fascination as Karel slowly emerged from sleep.“Did I wake you?”“Mm…”Karel reached out and pulled Sasha’s neck, hugging him tightly. Despite the awkward position, Sasha had no desire to push away. Lying on top of Karel, he felt his scent, the warmth of his skin, and heard his breathing in his ear, creating a peculiar feeling.Sasha squirmed and kissed Karel’s neck and chest multiple times. Karel only chuckled into his neck, showing no other reaction, and then pulled Sasha closer.“Go back to sleep…”Karel closed his eyes again. Whether or not he knew Sasha was full of expectation, his grip on Sasha loosened. Surprised, Sasha lifted his head. Karel’s breathing had returned to a steady, sleeping rhythm.Sasha felt bewildered.‘Why doesn’t he hold me?’An undefined anxiety began to grow in Sasha’s mind.Had Karel’s love for him already ended? Was he staying out of guilt?For someone as compassionate and responsible as Karel, it was plausible. Maybe Karel had saved him out of guilt for everything that happened in Paris and now didn’t have a reason to leave him.Sasha knew that Karel would be equally sincere to anyone else he met.‘So how can I become his only one?’Even though Sasha was already Karel’s only one, he fell into deep thought.Finally, Sasha reached the right conclusion. The future depended on his efforts. What mattered was handling things well from now on.What remained was for the two of them to fully claim their shared history.A while later, Karel woke up again to the sound of sobbing. When he fully awoke, he saw Sasha sniffling softly in front of him. The tears had already been wiped away. Karel realized that the time to comfort Sasha had passed and that he had woken up too late.At first, Karel thought Sasha was experiencing another hallucination from the past. He tried to figure out which moment Sasha had returned to.“Sorry… I made you sad again, didn’t I?”“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault, Karel.”Karel was surprised by Sasha’s words. Usually, during his hallucinations, Sasha would blame and resent Karel.“Karel, I want to hear your story.”“Huh…?”“A story you’ve never told anyone. When you got these scars, how much it hurt… I want to hear those stories. Stories from the war, your time as a spy, anything I don’t know.”“…”“I want to know what you were really thinking. I want to possess your past too.”Sasha said, holding Karel’s hand and kissing the scarred back of it.The reverent gesture left Karel breathless as he looked at Sasha. The lover he always thought needed comforting was now gently comforting him. The feeling of being loved penetrated deep into Karel’s heart and soothed the loneliness he had always felt despite being by his lover’s side.“Why are you crying, Karel?”Sasha’s hand caressed Karel’s cheek. The clumsy touch from someone who had never wiped away another’s tears made Karel cry even more.“Because I like you.”“Then why are you crying?”“Because I’m grateful you love someone like me.”“What do you mean… my treasure.”Sasha mumbled, repeating Karel’s usual endearment for him. Listening to the lovely whisper, Karel closed his eyes. The inner corners of his eyes stung as thick tears began to flow.Karel had always known his true nature: cunning, calculating, obsessive, and with dangerously high ambition. Yet, his lover, who had seen through to his core, still called him a ‘treasure.’Karel Clements, at twenty-one years old, the young man before meeting Sasha, was now finally being rewarded.It was the moment when the days of self-denial and guilt, despising his true self, came to an end.＊ ＊ ＊One month later.That day, Levin was to arrive in the U.S. with her family. It was also the day Karel had been acting a bit strange since morning.But Sasha, too excited to notice Karel’s odd behavior, bustled about from the morning, showing his excitement.“They said they’d arrive around 2 PM, so we should be there an hour early. I want to see the ship come in.”“Alright, but we need to eat lunch first. And the immigration area will be busy, so we probably won’t meet her until around 3 PM.”“Really? Can’t we wait at the dock instead of the immigration area? Should we eat lunch out? If we eat at the hotel, we might be late…”Karel picked up his clothes and, while Sasha babbled on, he turned him around to button his vest. When Sasha spoke quickly, his foreign accent would slip out, and Karel could tell just how excited he was.After fixing the buttons, Karel moved to adjust Sasha’s tie. Sasha always tied it in a way that it would end up slightly crooked to the right. Watching Karel meticulously straighten his tie, Sasha suddenly gave Karel’s nose a quick kiss. Karel’s lips parted slightly at the unexpected affection, and Sasha smiled quietly at his reaction.It was always easy to unsettle Karel, who prided himself on his calm demeanor. Sasha could make Karel’s heart race with just a sudden show of affection. Enjoying the subtle changes in Karel’s emotions, Sasha placed his hand on Karel’s chest. Through the thin, stiff fabric, he could feel the well-developed pectoral muscles and the steady, but not slow, heartbeat beneath them. Sasha knew over a hundred ways to make that heart beat faster.Simply staring at him for a long time…Karel’s eyelashes fluttered slightly, unable to meet Sasha’s gaze. Sasha dropped his hand from Karel’s chest and gently embraced his thick waist. As their bodies pressed closer, Karel let out a silent sigh.“Sasha, stop it.”“Why?”“…You said you wanted to leave early.”“We can still leave early.”After a long hesitation, Karel finally spoke his honest truth.“Yeah, but if you keep doing this… it will become very difficult.”“Difficult how?”“It’s hard enough standing still like a statue…”Sasha tenderly touched Karel’s cheek, noting how he seemed like the boy from a dream, with feverish eyes and a body he couldn’t hide. Despite being someone who struggled to express and receive love, Karel’s vulnerability made Sasha feel like he had complete control.Sasha tilted his head and lightly licked Karel’s plump lower lip with his tongue. He felt Karel’s entire body tense up from the small touch, making him feel like he had tamed a large beast.“Sasha?”Karel seemed to be expecting or perhaps fearing something. Sasha tightened his embrace, pressing their chests together. Karel’s ribcage expanded dramatically. Before Sasha could even blink, Karel almost lifted him, pushing him against the wall. He felt the dull thud against his back, but it didn’t hurt because Karel’s arm was there to cushion him.Karel was eagerly licking Sasha’s lips, pleading for him to open his mouth. Sasha kept his mouth tightly shut and smiled inwardly.“It… tickles…”As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, Karel’s tongue filled it. The sensation of the tongue brushing against the bottom of his mouth and the roof of his mouth made Sasha moan involuntarily.When he finally regained his composure after a while, Karel was licking Sasha’s neck and subtly loosening the tie he had just tied. He could feel Karel’s excitement through their pressed lower bodies. Sasha grabbed Karel’s wrist to stop him. Karel looked up, his eyes full of heat, and kissed Sasha’s eyes and cheeks.Sasha moved to the side, stepping away from Karel. Karel’s head followed. It wasn’t until Sasha took another step back that Karel realized Sasha wanted to stop here. Karel awkwardly stretched out his hand that had been holding Sasha’s shirt collar, but he didn’t let go, as if still reluctant.“I’ll stay still like a statue now. I really don’t want to be late today…”“Okay…”Karel finally let go of Sasha with one unsatisfactory kiss. However, Sasha knew that Karel couldn’t take his eyes off his back as he busily moved around the room. Was it because the brief kiss had ignited a flame? Sasha thought that there might be more complex emotions inside Karel.Since that night, Sasha no longer suffered from the anxiety that Karel had lost interest in him. Because when Sasha showed even a little bit of his heart, Karel made an effort to express his love sincerely, proving that his worries were unfounded.“The sea breeze can be chilly, so make sure to wear a scarf.”“Okay.”Not trusting that Sasha would stay quietly at the hotel, Karel ended up driving him directly to the harbor.Around the harbor, there were a range of establishments, from shabby restaurants set up by immigrants to upscale ones with a sea view. Since Sasha wanted to sit by the window and look at the harbor, Karel took him to a restaurant.Even during their meal, Sasha frequently paused to watch every ship coming in. Karel silently observed Sasha.Whenever Sasha sensed his gaze and turned to look, Karel would pretend to be reading a newspaper or examining the pattern on the tablecloth.“Karel, what’s wrong?”“What?”“Look at that ship over there. It looks different from the fishing boats. Oh, is that a warship?”“……”Sasha was certain that Karel was pretending not to care. He paused, trying to figure out the reason.But only for a moment, because when Sasha saw a large cruise ship approaching from a distance, he jumped up from his seat.“Karel! Do you remember that ship? It looks like the one we took…”“Yes, it’s a passenger ship crossing the Atlantic.”“Could Levin be on that ship?”Karel glanced at his watch. Then he nodded.“Possibly?”“When do you think Levin will disembark? Will it take some time? Can we go to the dock and wait?”“…If we get permission…”“Let’s go together, Karel.”Karel understood that Sasha’s “Let’s go together” meant “Please get permission.” He nodded, though his movements, as he paid the bill and stood up, were uncharacteristically slow.As they left the restaurant and walked past the parked car towards the harbor, Sasha had to suppress the urge to run. He wanted to stand at the front of the dock and wave to Levin and Charles. But Karel did not hurry; instead, he took Sasha’s hand, a rare gesture in crowded places, which Sasha found puzzling yet comforting.The front of the dock was bustling with immigrants waiting for temporarily separated family members and loved ones, attendants waiting for first-class passengers, and people waiting for sailors returning from their voyage. Karel approached a crew member holding a passenger list and spoke to him.“Can we go out there to greet someone? We’re waiting for someone on the ship.”“Of course. May I have the names of the people you’re waiting for?”“Levin Laurant, and…”“Charles Sedrin.”Sasha interjected. The crew member asked again.“And your relationship?”“We’re family.”Karel looked down at Sasha at this response, but Sasha didn’t notice.The two of them crossed the rope blocking the entrance and walked along the long pier. At the end, people were already lined up, waiting for those disembarking from the ship. Seeing this, Sasha almost ran ahead and took a place in line, waving at Karel from a distance.The massive ship finished docking, lowered its anchor, and, after a long wait, the metal stairs were finally set up. The crew members were unloading luggage in the meantime. Large bundles and expensive leather suitcases were carelessly tossed onto the sandy pier. Soon, people began pouring out of the entrance, and Sasha’s eyes frantically scanned the crowd.“Levin!”Sasha stretched out his arm, waving and shouting. Karel felt that the other hand, which he was holding, was also trying to move. If he hadn’t been holding Sasha’s hand, Sasha would have already run towards the metal stairs.“Levin! Charles!”At the sound of Sasha’s familiar voice, Levin, who had been looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings as she exited the ship, looked down at the dock. There, familiar faces were waiting to greet her.As Levin’s eyes met his, Sasha unconsciously tried to shake off Karel’s hand to wave, but Karel held onto it and instead placed his hands on Sasha’s shoulders from behind.“It’s crowded with so many people. If we wait here, they’ll come down soon.”Sasha nodded at Karel’s words, not noticing the nervousness in his voice, blinded by excitement.Soon, Levin carefully descended the metal stairs and quickly ran toward Sasha and Karel.“Sasha, have you been well? I was worried, but you look even better.”It had been almost two months since their last visit just before the execution. Levin, usually composed, had eyes brimming with emotion and joy.“I’ve been eating a lot lately. You haven’t changed at all, Levin. You look the same.”Levin also gave a tense nod of greeting to Karel, who stood behind Sasha. Karel returned the nod lightly.Just then, voices calling for Levin could be heard from behind. Her biological mother, adoptive father, and siblings, who had all come down the stairs in a row, were looking at this scene with curious eyes. They seemed amazed to finally see the ‘Sasha Sedrin’ who had employed Levin and helped with her immigration.“These are my family members. I’ll introduce you to them later.”“Thank you. But where’s Charles…?”At that moment, Levin’s younger brother, who had the same sandy hair as her, appeared holding Charles. In the meantime, Charles had grown about five centimeters in both arms and legs, and his hair had grown long enough to touch his eyes. His cheeks and the area around his eyes were wet with tears, as if he had been woken up from sleep while disembarking.“Charles can walk really well now. If you put him down, he walks away in the blink of an eye, so we can’t put him down.”“Oh… I can’t thank you enough, Levin.”Sasha, moved by Levin’s efforts, hugged her and kissed her cheek. It was because she had almost taken care of the young child Sasha had impulsively brought along, and had pledged to raise Charles instead of Sasha, who had once prepared to die, something Sasha couldn’t repay enough.“Sasha, how about we continue talking outside?”“Oh, shall we?”People were still disembarking from the ship and making their way through the narrow pier. Levin hastily nodded in agreement to Karel’s reasonable suggestion.“I need to take care of my family too. Sasha, can you wait until my parents get in the carriage after their immigration process?”“Of course.”Levin and her family were to stay at the hotel Sasha had reserved. Levin handed Charles to Sasha and ran back to her family.Following the large family, Sasha felt the joy of being part of that family. Levin’s siblings looked at Sasha with curiosity, and her parents smiled as they looked back. Sasha seemed overwhelmed with the fact that he could help others. Even Charles, still with tear-streaked cheeks, gave a baby smile, not forgetting Sasha.Meanwhile, Karel, who had been holding Sasha’s hand, was silent.Sasha waved to Levin and her family as they all entered the immigration hall, then went to a café not far from the harbor with Karel. The café was bustling with customers coming and going. Karel called Sasha over and seated him with Charles at a table when a suitable spot opened up. Karel soon returned with a hot café mocha and a glass of whiskey.“This is for you.”When Sasha reached for the whiskey, Karel gently stopped his hand and placed the café mocha in front of him. Sasha resigned himself with an ‘I figured’ and accepted the cup. The warm liquid going down his throat made him realize how cold he had been from the sea breeze. Sasha wrapped a scarf around Charles, who had started to get a runny nose.Watching this, Karel tapped the table rhythmically. At first, Sasha thought Karel was calling him and looked up, but Karel was deep in thought, eyes fixed on Sasha without seeming to notice.“Uh, Karel, can we have Charles sleep in our hotel room?”“Hmm… sure.”“Levin must be tired from looking after him, so I’d like to give her a break.”“Alright.”Even then, Sasha couldn’t quite figure out what Karel was thinking. Karel remained deep in his thoughts, watching Sasha, who was mesmerized by Charles’s antics.It wasn’t until Sasha had finished his café mocha that he noticed Karel hadn’t touched his drink.“Karel, aren’t you drinking? If you’re not, can I…?”Before Sasha could finish his sentence, Karel downed the whiskey. His manner suggested more than just a determination not to let Sasha drink.It was only then that Sasha began to wonder if there might be a problem he hadn’t noticed.“Karel?”“Yes?”Karel’s eyes were kind as he responded reflexively.“Shouldn’t we go out before Levin finishes the immigration process? She won’t know where we are…”“Should I go out and wait?”“No, I’ll go. Could you watch Charles in the meantime?”“Sasha.”Karel firmly held Sasha’s hand on the table. Sasha felt a sense of déjà vu, recalling how many times Karel had held his hand like this throughout the day. It was countless.“Could it be…?”At first, Sasha thought the idea that crossed his mind was a misunderstanding.“Karel, do you like Levin?”Sasha’s abrupt question slipped out without thought. Karel’s expression twisted slightly, as if he had heard something beyond his comprehension. Even the slightest arch of his eyebrows made Sasha realize he had started the conversation on the wrong foot.“How could you think that?”“It just seems like you care about her…”“It’s not like that.”Karel shook his head while still holding Sasha’s hand. Then he spoke with a sense of difficulty in explaining.“It’s true that I am concerned. But…”“…”“Sasha, is Levin perhaps Charles’s mother?”Sasha’s eyes widened in shock, his large eyes fully round with surprise.“No, Charles’s mother is dead. I told you before, we met at the border… Charles is an orphan.”“Then why is Levin taking care of Charles so diligently?”“Because I asked her to…”“Does she show that much devotion just because you asked?”“Well, I pay her a lot.”Even as he spoke, Sasha knew his explanation sounded weak. He also realized that Levin’s dedication went beyond that of a mere hired housekeeper.Sasha was aware of his own emotional dullness from numerous past events. The biggest mistake had been realizing his love for Karel too late. It might be the same with Levin. How could Karel be more perceptive about such things than he was? Sasha wondered as he stared at Karel’s face.“Oh, Sasha. Don’t look at me like that. I pushed you because I was about to go crazy with jealousy.”“What?”Sasha was bewildered as he looked at Karel, who had lowered his head. After a moment, Karel looked up and, stroking Sasha’s soft hand, spoke as if confessing.“Everyone loves you. It’s not strange to be captivated by you.”“Is that so?”“You can’t control people’s hearts… And it’s not your fault.”Karel then said something Sasha had never considered. According to Karel, there were always people around Sasha eager for his attention, who read much into his actions, even when they were insignificant. Karel, having experienced it himself, knew this well and often felt like he was constantly fighting these others for Sasha’s attention. He confessed that while it was not unusual for Levin to be interested in Sasha, it was difficult for him to tolerate the idea that Sasha might hold her in special regard.As Sasha listened to all this, his mouth fell open in silent astonishment. Karel noticed that Sasha was smiling.“Yes, laugh…”“…Karel.”“I feel relieved after saying it.”“You did well.”Anyone could love Sasha, but he didn’t easily give his heart to anyone. This fact had once been Karel’s greatest comfort.Karel had often thought it might be better if Sasha loved no one, as he had opened Sasha’s tightly locked heart and was distressed when Sasha didn’t look at him. The insecurity of having not naturally won Sasha’s love through fair competition but rather having tamed him remained. It was an anxiety that would likely never go away.“So, you’re saying you don’t like having Levin around?”Sasha asked as he cradled Charles, who was wriggling to get off the chair, wishing Karel were more open about his feelings.“No, don’t worry about it. Ignore me.”“How can I? I’m most afraid when you’re angry…”At those words, guilt flashed across Karel’s eyes. Sasha quickly added, “I don’t want to see you hurt.”Karel sighed briefly before continuing.“Well, the thing is… I was attracted to you from the moment I first saw you, and I know exactly what I desire… But you don’t, right?”“What do you mean?”“I mean, I am attracted to men, but you…”“Oh…”This, too, was something Sasha had never considered. It seemed Karel was anxious about the possibility that Sasha could be attracted to women.“Still, you once allowed me to live with Levin.”Sasha recalled Karel’s past actions as he asked.“At that time… I didn’t know how long I had to live, so I thought it would be good if there was someone who could support you instead of me. Levin is a wonderful woman. She clearly cares about you but never showed it recklessly. She understood that a confession could be a burden, especially for someone as lonely as you.”“…”“But now… the rest of my life seems too long. The many possibilities are suffocating.”“What possibilities?”“All kinds of possibilities that could happen in life…”“You mean like me falling in love with someone else, or Levin wanting more… those kinds of possibilities?”Karel didn’t answer. Perhaps he meant that even less dramatic, trivial things were difficult to bear. For example, the way Sasha seemed excited to greet Levin today.“Would you feel better if I turned into a statue?”“At one time…”As he spoke, Karel’s eyes filled with melancholy. Sasha felt goosebumps spread from the back of his hand, which Karel was gently stroking, throughout his body. He realized that if Karel wanted to, he might really try to do something like that.However, he didn’t understand why this obsession brings such a thrilling sensation.“But it’s a bit different now. If you were to stop breathing, I would happily shoot myself in the head.”“Karel…”“I sent a telegram to my colleagues when I returned to Paris to save you. I told them that if things went wrong, I would kill myself on the spot. I meant it. Everything only has meaning if we’re alive. Even if we hurt each other and get hurt in return…”