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Month 4 - Chapter 10: A Midsummer Knight's Dweem

I pull out a collection of items to begin cooking a very improvised pizza in the Delivery's mess hall kitchen. Thankfully, most of the supplies I acquired over the past few months are close enough that I don't have to guess. I could also feel Yoda's displeased look boring through the back of my skull.

"So, lemme put it down to brass tacks, Yoda. Your order needs to get that fibrous rod out of its ass and make nice with the various splinter branches. I've been helping you get enough momentum for that by helping you track down missing masters such as Ood, who actually personally knew the guy that redesigned the Jedi code as you know it, Odan-Urr."

Master B'nar makes an affirmative noise, though wood crackling is actually pretty hard to discern the meaning of. "Odan-Urr was a good friend of mine."

"I should mention that Exar lied about Odan-Urr making him a master before he passed; the smug little shit assassinated him."

B'nar grumbles. "I had my suspicions, and while I am still curious how you know, the confirmation does explain a few things."

"Anyways, reconciling with the various splinter orders will be necessary. The Iron Knights are one of the first steps, and I plan to give those Shard knights chassis upgrades so they can have an easier time fighting the insanity to come. First, we got the current generation of idiot goddamned Sith making a mess of the Senate, and while I know their identities, I'd rather not share them until I know I can trust your order to play the long game against them until you have an opening that won't completely kill your order's reputation. Then, we got like five or six flavors of smaller messes, such as the Valley of the Jedi needing to be cleaned out, and I would also argue for Ruusan to be made to grow green again, and then what the Chiss refer to as the Far Outsiders, the Yuuzhan Vong as they call themselves, will be showing up in about seventy years to give the fucking Rakatans a run for their money. Certain Dark Side techniques will be necessary for fighting those goddamned murderhobos."

Yoda and Ikrit both make disconcerted cries at that, and Ikrit speaks first; "How can you be so sure?"

"Because, last I checked, this galaxy was a work of fiction by a certain George Lucas and his movie company back on my homeworld. Of course, the original timeline as he wrote it involved the near-extinction of the Jedi Order via a civil war that involved a clone army, an army of droids, sith manipulation, and treachery. I'd love to hammer out the rough gist of that, but I'd rather provide the briefing to you via Movie Night, once I get confirmation that you're willing to help me with this plan."

Master B'nar asks the hundred-dollar question. "Movie night?"

"Two trilogies of films, both being fairly old, that tell you fine folks how shit would have gone down had I not intervened. It's a marathon, and I'd prefer to have the Jedi councils, all of them, Green, Coruscanti, the lot of you, to sit down and watch these play out together, then help me plan out how the flying fuck to minimize the damages of the oncoming civil war."

Ood B'nar speaks up. "I would be willing to work with you in this endeavor."

Yoda responds after a few moments. "My tentative approval, you have."

Ikrit grunts an approval.

"Good. I'll provide the films on a holodisk once I figure out the software end of things, and I'll leave it in the care of master B'nar for when everyone's ready. However, since we've got nothing to do except enjoy pizza and wait, I'd like to introduce you all to a piece of fiction my people consider foundational."

I shove the now-assembled mega-pizza into an oven, and instruct the kitchen droid to have it delivered to recreation room Aurek.

"We will begin with Halo: Combat Evolved."

A little while later, with my Xbox setup all powered up, I introduce them to the glorious original Halo title. HK sits in for the experience.

- - - - Three Days Later (Halo playthrough segment moved to Sidestory for pacing reasons) - - - -

The ride to Dweem was broadly uneventful, aside from getting the Jedi aboard to play Halo, and itnroducing them to some culinary options from Earth. The Delivery transitions out of hyperspace, and we head up to the bridge, preparing to send a call down to the surface, when we start getting a call. I shoo Yoda and the rest out of the way, before answering. The bulbous head of a being that faintly resembles a Duros with a vertical brow-ridge appears on the terminal.

I speak; "This is David Hatton of the FSB Laxative Delivery. Do I have the pleasure of meeting Jedi Master Aqinos, teacher of the Iron Knights?"

The being responds. "I am Master Aqinos, though I no longer am allowed to associate with the Jedi order." He looks at me, scrutinizingly. "Why have you come looking for myself and my students?"

I grin. "Because I am in the process of bullying Master Yoda into making a formal apology to you, and your impromptu school needs to be made aware of certain coming threats."

For a few moments, only stunned silence comes, before Aqinos finally speaks. "I certainly hope this is not a prank, though having several warships in orbit does give your words some weight."

I turn to Yoda. "Come on, get on the horn so I don't have to carry this awkward conversation."

Yoda uses one of the seats to get high enough to speak face-to-face to Aqinos. 'Owe you a formal apology, master Aqinos, I do."

I politely step out of the room to let the conversation be conducted privately.

- - - - 20 awkward minutes later - - - -

I hear Ood B'nar speak up. "You may come back in, Hatton."

I open the door and see a very thoroughly embarrassed Yoda and Aqinos scowling down at him.

I chuckle. "Got that out of your system?"

Aqinos stiffly nods.

"Good. I have an offer for your school. My ships are equipped with manufacturing and refining facilities, which I am offering unrestricted access to your students for self-maintenance, as well as room and board on my ship. I am a noncitizen to the Republic and own all of these ships, so the legal repercussions will not bother you. I am also willing to pay you as employees of my business, Hatton Logistics, to help as much as you're willing. I have no qualms with the nature of your students, as I am also of the opinion that droids can be sapients in their own right."

Aqinos gives me a suspicious look. "What do you get out of this arrangement?"

I smirk. "Slapping some sense into the Jedi order's doctrine, some consultants on the Force, and some assistance in dealing with dark Force adepts or users that may attempt to assassinate me." The other three jedi give me looks for that one.

Aqinos blinks, surprised. "Businessmen are usually not this straightforward."

I chuckle. "You're correct. I run things a bit differently than other people. You do have your own means of transit, yes?"

"We do. We'll be up shortly." Aqinos immediately responded.

- - - - a half hour later - - - -

After some packing up, I assume, the Iron Knights packed up and began the short flight up to my flagship, in what appears to be a modified Ghtroc Class 720, what some fans lovingly referred to as the space turtle.

They landed in one of the unoccupied hangars, and I was waiting for them to make their grand entrance. When the hatch finally lowered, fourteen individuals marched down to meet us. Juggernaut droids, FLTCH battle droids, and Uulshos justice droids, all ancient models of machine being used as bodies for Shard Jedi accompany Aqinos onto the flight deck. Corrosion is apparent on some of their chassis, and some appear to be wearing robes.

"Welcome to the Laxative Delivery, one of the last few fully-militarized vessels in the known Galaxy. I hope the place is to your liking."