On Verra : My Emotions

The moment we entered the room, my back was against the closed door, and she was on me. She wouldn't let go of my lips, and of course, I couldn't either.

With my hands on her hips, I pulled her closer. I wanted to feel her body, her warmth. Her lips were addictive, I didn't want to part with them. But we had to take off our clothes.

I tried to separate our lips, but she wouldn't let me, she wouldn't let go, as if she was addicted to mine too.

I pulled my lips away again and when she tried to put them back together, I turned my head away. Her lips landed on my cheek, but she didn't seem to mind as she gave me little kisses, working her way up to my neck, which had become her new addiction.

I bent my head to give her access, trying not to moan with pleasure. A gasp escaped me when she found my sweet spot.

I felt her smile on my neck, which brought me to my senses, "Take off your clothes," I whispered softly, not hiding my desire and need to have her on me.

She finally broke away from me, gave me a grin, grabbed me by the collar, and dragged me away.

'So bossy,' my eyes landed on her magnificent bottom again, "Damn!" I said under my breath, but the laughter I heard - which made me feel butterflies in my stomach - made me realize that today was not my day for discretion.

But that thought quickly disappeared as I watched her sway her hips a little more, hypnotizing me with every move.

We came to the edge of the bed, and she pushed me off, I fell onto my back on the bed, my eyes still glued to her.

She was o seductive, she let her hair down from its neat bun giving her a sexy yet wild side, this woman was full of surprises.

Her smile never left her lips as she saw the effect she had on me. And I knew she liked it with that grin that never left her face.

"What's your name?"

Wow, her voice, it was official, I was wet and needed her right away. I sat up and moved closer to the edge of the bed so that I could hold her, she was standing between my feet, one hand on my shoulder and the other caressing my face.

"Hayley," I replied, putting my hands on her hips. Her smile widened.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful person," she replied, and I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Thank you, and you, my goddess?"

She raised an eyebrow with a chuckle, "Goddess?"

I nodded quickly, "You are the goddess of my dreams," I whispered softly.

She smiled and leaned towards me, then whispered playfuly in my ear. "You'll find out if you make me scream your name."

That was the last straw, I snapped, I then straightened up and threw her on the bed intending to taste this wonderful creature from head to toe, not forgetting any nooks and crannies.

I needed her, I wanted her, and I'm going to make her mine.

...

If you're wondering if I got her first name, yes, I did, but not in the way you'd expect. Let's say I discovered it. During our "sports practice", she was quite vocal, but it had nothing to do with her first name.

Let's just say that after finding her flower, tasting its nectar, and lovingly devouring it, she fell asleep, snoring softly on the bed, obviously tired because she hadn't even woken up when I cleaned her up and dressed her in a clean bedclothes for a good night's sleep after asking for a change of sheets.

Her phone, after I'd put my lady on the bed and gotten her ready for bed, started ringing and then stopped, it was in her purse, and when I took it out to put it on silent mode, because before I'd done anything with my darling I'd noticed that she already looked tired - now she was worn out for sure - a card fell out.

It was her business card with her name on it, Veronica V. La Jolie, co-CEO of the luxury brand La Jolie "L&J".

I was astonished to learn her identity, but I didn't dwell on it.

Then I joined the beautiful woman on the bed. Not forgetting to put our phones in silent mode and on the charger so she could rest without interruption, I hoped she had nothing urgent. Fortunately, I didn't need her code to put the phone on silent.

I lay next to her and set the alarm to wake me up for the first day of my school year the next day.

She seemed to sense my presence and fell into my arms. I kissed her forehead, wrapped my arms around her, and closed my eyes.

Who would have thought that in just a couple of hours, everything would have changed so much?

The fact that I slept with someone else can be understood by some as a kind of revenge against my ex-boyfriend to finally make me feel better, but in reality, that wasn't the case.

Because during the two years of our relationship, I never wanted to have any kind of "night exercise" with Isaac, despite his insistence. It was strange, I felt like something was keeping me from "taking the plunge".

And I won't lie to myself, I didn't want to. I loved him, but I had trouble "giving" myself to him. 

In fact, I thought I was the problem.

After all, I wasn't that stiff sexually, I just needed a little boost, and that little boost was the magnificent creation in my arms.

It wasn't impulsive on my part because I don't regret giving myself to her. And I hope she doesn't either. I hope she doesn't regret this night.

I brought her closer to me. I needed her warmth because I was suddenly afraid. I was afraid that she'd regret everything the next day. And I hope that won't be the case.

I hope my heart will finally be at peace.

/// Flashback///

"Dad?"

"Hm?"

"You said trust is given, not earned," I began.

"Yes," he said, encouraging me to continue.

"Let's say someone I don't know - someone I've never spoken to, never even looked at - just started picking on me, for no reason at all," I said.

"Hm?" He wanted me to tell him what I was getting at.

"And after so much suffering on my part because of them, sometime later they come and ask me to forgive them and want to be my friend, how can I trust them? In this case, is trust given or earned?"

"I'll start by saying that it's very brave of you to forgive them," he took a sip of his drink, "then, regarding your questions, hm... from my point of view, the moment they messed with me, it's dead. I'm still of the opinion that trust is given, so whoever dares to hurt me, that's it. You know, I don't like to be bothered with stupid stories. And especially if someone dares to touch me, I'll beat them without mercy. Now it's my turn to ask you a question: has anyone dared to hurt you?" he asked me with a serious tone and face, like a real daddy hen.

I smiled, "No, I just saw in a book that the main character was bullied in her high school, she was pushed around, beaten until she bled and passed out, but then the bullies realized they loved her-"

" Ugh..." my father commented.

I shook my head, "So, one by one, each bully asks the character to forgive them. And the character comes out with the famous line, I forgive you, but I can't trust you, trust has to be earned."

My father raised his eyebrows, "This main character is quite fragile. If I were them, I'd either get rid of them. -Beaten until they fainted, can you imagine forgiving them? - Or give them a good beating. What kind of love? They destroyed me, and I'm having trouble rebuilding myself. As far as I'm concerned, you're dead.

"I swear, the worst thing would be for me to love one of the people who have become my bully. A slap would be my answer. No! Two! The other cheek would feel left out."

Then he sighed and added, "All of which is to say that it probably depends on the person. For me, trust is given, and once you've lost it, it's over. I'm not a fan of second chances, especially for those who don't deserve them. So if you still think you earn it, that's your choice."

"But we're not perfect beings, Dad, we can make mistakes that we regret later, and it's great to be able to get a second chance."

"I didn't say it wasn't, it's just that..." he paused for a moment as if to find the right words, "Hm... let's just say I get people when I meet them, so I'm not into the whole trust is earned thing. I give you my trust, you throw it away, and it's over. And I will never do to another person what I wouldn't want done to me.

"It's complicated... I don't understand."

He smiles, "You'll understand."

///End of flashback ///

I woke up with a start and turned off the alarm at its first tone. 

Fortunately, my goddess was not in my arms at the time. I turned my head to look at her and saw that she'd taken the whole sheet with her.

She looked so peaceful in her sleep, she's so beautiful. Something about her face caught my eye. Oh, she has freckles, I didn't notice last night. How sweet.

Her lips were... let's not get excited first thing in the morning, I have to go to school. 'Fuck, school...'

I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to freshen up before I left.

***

I'd finally finished getting dressed, and pulled a sticky note out of my bag and a pen.

"Hey Goddess!

It's the first day of school, so I have to go to class. But I'm leaving you this note to tell you that I have absolutely no regrets about yesterday, and I hope you don't either. So I'd like us to stay in touch if possible.

So I'll leave you my number: 0x xx xx xx x1 - Hayley Valdez

And I'd like to invite you to have dinner with me tonight at 7:00 at this address: 3 Sweet Harmony Boulevard, please. Dress comfortably.

And if you want to cancel, send a message, otherwise it means you're coming. ^_^

Bye, Goddess

PS: I really hope you'll be there. "

I photographed the note, then placed it on the pillow I'd used and took the photo with it slightly visible on the side. Then I had a sudden urge to take a picture of her. I know it's not proper, but I wanted a picture of her and a reminder of this day.

After being satisfied with my photos, making sure she was covered in all of them - her body only needed my eyes to capture it - and the fact that I would be late if I delayed any longer, I left without forgetting to kiss her on the forehead.

I made sure to close the door gently and turn off the silent mode on her phone.

***

Well, the day started well enough. I tried not to stress too much about the fact that I might be rejected by my goddess.

I was wearing a leather skirt with black knee-high boots with white laces in the front and a side buckle.

Not only that, but I also wore a white T-shirt with black stripes, a black leather jacket, my black hair in a ponytail and sunglasses.

Earlier

I tried to enter the house discreetly so as not to wake my father, but it was a lost cause as he was already awake and getting ready to leave.

"Are you leaving already?" I said surprised, he nodded and smiled.

"Hello darling," he then kissed me on the forehead, "how did it go?"

"I got bitch-slapped, so I went to the bar to join James."

He looked at me intently and smiled, "You don't look too sad about that."

"Yeah, I'm sad about the betrayal, but..." I stopped myself, my smile still there.

"You lost your V-card?" he asked me suddenly.

I suddenly felt the heat go to my head.

"No?! Seriously?!" he exclaimed when he saw my reaction, "You have to tell me everything later when I get back, okay?"

"Okay," I said, and went to my room to get ready for class.

I knew he didn't want the details of what actually happened between her and I, he wanted just the context in which it happened. What led me to make such a choices.

Present

I finally finished my second period, slung the strap of my bag - after stowing my computer - over my shoulder, and walked out the door.

It was time for lunch, and since I was lazy enough to cook something for myself, I decided to go to the cafeteria. I checked if I had my student card with me and how much I had in my student account before I went.

Since I had a scholarship, my meal cost only $1.

I stood in the line, phone in hand, reviewing the notes I'd taken from my photo as I was due to take an exam in a few hours.

When I got to the menu board, I looked at what I was going to eat.

'Okay, for starters, let's have the mille-feuille au fromage. As for the main course, let's have something I can take away without having to come back to return the used cutlery. Hm…'

I hesitated between a hamburger and a merguez sandwich. In the end, I decided on the sandwich and an ice cream bar for dessert instead of a slice of apple pie.

I turned my attention back to my phone and waited for the line to move forward.

After paying with my student card and putting my food in a paper bag, not forgetting my two small sauce packets, I left the cafeteria.

I saw a free table in front of me, sat down on the bench, put the bag on the table, and started to eat quietly.

...

I threw the bag into the trash can, which was only a few feet away, and then I opened my bag, which I'd placed on the concrete table. Then I took out my 50cl bottle of water.

I started to sip the water when I heard my cell phone vibrate on the table. I already knew who was calling me.

"Yes, Ren?" I said to my best friend Irene.

"Is that how you answer people who call you? Doesn't 'hello' mean anything anymore? I swear to God..." I rolled my eyes with a slight smile.

"Anyway, hi, how are you?" She said after she stopped rambling.

"Hi, I'm fine. You?"

"Bitch, I'm great! I could run a marathon right now! Well, not really, sports and I don't mix..."

"Yet you're the one who played soccer before quitting because of college."

"Don't talk about my dark days. Especially to a team of hypocrites and homophobes!" I managed to picture her with a grimace of disgust on her face.

"And I remind you, it's been over two years since I quit. My stamina is catastrophic, I climb stairs, and I'm already knackered."

"Well, I called to ask you how it went. Did you get engaged?" she asked me suddenly.

My eyebrows raised because I'd managed to forget them. 'Wow, I managed to forget them so fast!'

"No, not really."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say it didn't go as planned."

"Explain," she said with a serious tone in her voice, she had probably guessed that what I was about to say wouldn't please her.

"Actually, I went to his place yesterday, and the moment I opened his apartment to surprise him. I noticed clothes scattered all over the floor. And..." I stopped when I heard the sound of something falling from his side.

"Go on," she said, still in her serious tone.

"Well, I went in and stood in front of the bedroom door, and you could hear the moaning."

"You didn't open the door, I hope?" she asked me suddenly.

"No, I sat down on the sofa."

"Good, I don't want your eyes sullied by such trash," she said, and I knew she was trying to stop herself from insulting him further.

I continued, "I sent him a message that I was in front of his apartment and I heard them trying to hurry up so the girl could get out quickly, and they saw me. Oddly enough, I felt nothing at the time, just disgust, and left."

"They were probably surprised that you didn't snap, considering your explosive nature. And tell me, did you at least block them out, Isaac and Rose?"

"Yes, and how do you know it's Rose?" I asked in astonishment. And I heard her sigh.

"You just confirmed it for me, I was hoping I was wrong. I, who thought she wouldn't fuck around since she finally became our friend."

"I'm not following you."

"Hayley, you, you always see the good in people like me, but here it was as obvious as a neon sign at night. She loves Isaac, and Isaac hasn't set any limits on her, so I'm not surprised, but I would have hoped they'd be better as people."

"Why didn't you stop me?"

"We talked about it and told each other to trust them."

"Ah yes!"

"And by the way, we're going to see a sad movie tonight."

"What do you mean, you're coming back today?" I said smiling.

"Yes, and you have to cry, hence the sad movie."

"Why is that?"

"You knew Isaac most of your life before he was your boyfriend - he was your childhood friend who then took it into his head to pursue you until you accepted him despite your initial refusal. And Rose was our friend, your support, your help throughout our high school years. So if you don't feel anything now, I'm going to make you feel it so you don't bottle up all your emotions, and then tomorrow we're going to break a car for a cousin of mine."

"Ah okay," I knew she was right, but I didn't really want to feel the pain of betrayal, "And break a car?"

"Yes, it's a car that's going to be destroyed, and he told me that I could go and blow off steam if I wanted to since I've been complaining about my studies. So you're going to follow me, okay?" I knew that even though it sounded like a question, she didn't give me the choice to refuse.

"Okay. Besides, I have to tell you something. Well, I have to go, I have to study again. Bye."

"Bye."