Living With My Demon Stepsister

I just wanted a soda. That's all. A soda.

I was standing in front of the vending machine, minding my own business, when the fluorescent lights above flickered—and the air got weird, thicker and somewhat heavier.

Then a figure stepped into view.

Long cloak. Hood. Ancient-looking leather armor strapped across his chest, with way too many buckles. His boots looked like they came straight out of a museum and the sword—because yes, of course there was a sword—was almost the size of my entire body, hanging behind him like some cursed relic from a forgotten realm.

He stood still for a moment, dramatic as hell. Then he took one slow step toward me and spoke in a deep, theatrical voice that made my spine twitch.

} "I am Demetrius of the Thirteenth Veil, sworn blade of the Infernal Court, sentinel of shadowed bonds. If thou art to hold the heart of our Queen, thou must fir—"

I blinked. "Dude. Why are you talking like that?"

He paused mid-speech. "I... what?"

"That whole 'if thou art' thing. People don't talk like that anymore."

Demetrius blinked under his hood. "They don't?"

"Nope."

} "...Oh."

He cleared his throat, trying to recover. "Well... then prepare thyself, mortal, for a trial by—"

I nodded toward his outfit. "You also don't have to dress like that."

He looked down at himself, mouth open in visible pain. "Would you stop interrupting me?!" he whined. "This is literally my first solo appearance. You're killing the vibe."

I shrugged. "You're the one talking like a Shakespearean anime villain at a vending machine."

} "I practiced this speech all night…"

And it was a whine. Not a powerful growl or a menacing snarl. A whiny, frustrated kid-in-the-mall pitch that instantly killed whatever scary image he was going for.

I stepped back, awkward. "O...kay?"

He straightened again and cleared his throat.

} "Ahem. As I was saying. I, Demetrius—"

"—of the Thirteenth Velcro, yeah, got it," I cut in.

} "Veil," he snapped.

"Right. Sorry. Look, Demetrius, can we just—?"

He lifted a hand, and suddenly, the vending machine shut off. The hallway dimmed. Shadows coiled around his boots like snakes.

His voice dropped again, lower and more serious.

} "If you wish to keep her, you must bleed for her."

And then, in the middle of that tension, I just blurted out:

"Y'know she'll kill you if you touch me, right?"

Demetrius dropped the shadows instantly.

} "...Oh, come on!"

I raised my hands, shrugging. "Just saying. You try to stab me, and she's gonna rip out your spine and use it as a jump rope."

He hesitated.

} "She would," he admitted.

"Exactly."

We stared at each other for a moment. The demon assassin and me, in front of a broken vending machine.

"So what now?" I asked.

He sighed. "I don't know. I was supposed to make you bleed a little. Just... a tiny test."

"For what?"

} "Love, I guess?"

"Dude, you sound like a nerd trying to impress your crush."

He folded his arms and looked down. "...It's a sacred rite."

"Yeah. Still nerdy."

He kicked at the floor, sulking. "You ruined my dramatic entrance."

"Sorry."

} "No, you're not."

"Not even a little."

---

Then —

Fwip.

The air behind us split like paper tearing, and Lila stepped out of a shadow. Just like that. No dramatic lightning. No music. Just her, arms crossed, hair flawless, expression deadly.

Demetrius flinched. "Oh no."

Her eyes locked on him like he was dog poop on her favorite shoes. "Demetrius, what are you doing here?"

He straightened again, nervously adjusting his weird belt. "Your Highness. I was merely—"

> "Challenging my boyfriend to a trial by combat?" she asked, her tone like honey poured over razor blades.

Demetrius looked at me. I waved a little.

} "He has not yet proven he is worthy of—"

"Of what?" Lila took a slow step forward. "My time? My body? My love?"

Demetrius wisely stopped talking.

She exhaled. "You're adorable, Demetrius. Brave, stupid... very stupid. But adorable."

} "Th-thank you, Your Highness."

> "Now scram before I feed you your own ego."

He looked at me again, pleading. "Tell her I was only following protocol."

I raised both hands. "You're on your own, man."

He vanished into a puff of silver smoke with a muttered "This didn't go like the simulation…"

And just like that, it was over. I turned to Lila.

She smiled sweetly. "I let you handle that one because I wanted to see how long you'd last."

I blinked. "You were watching the whole time?"

> "Mmhm. You did okay. Could've used more snark."

She grabbed a snack from the vending machine. "Anyway, ready to go home, champion of my heart?"

"I don't think he was the last one," I muttered.

Her smirk widened. "Of course not. Word's gotten out."

"About what?"

> "That the Queen of Hell is in love with a human boy."

"…Great."

And I couldn't help but feel both safe and completely screwed.