I Reincarnated as a Noble Bastard, So I'm Seducing All the Villainess

I'm seriously considering suicide. I went through all that trouble for nothing? Just for the entire court to explode into little pieces, for Ravenna to come to my ear, call me her love, and for us to just leave? Honestly, I don't even know if it was really the right thing to do, or if I actually got her attention this way.

I only know that, seeing this show unfold around me like a New Year's Eve gone horribly wrong, every plan on the list went down the drain.

The ground beneath me loses weight. Ravenna makes a series of strange gestures in the air, and for some reason, we both start floating upward at high speed.

Wait, this is where you die, you crazy woman! The protagonist is going to get you!

Huh? Why is the space around us distorting? Ravenna wraps her arms around me as if she's holding the most precious thing in the world, I can even hear her smacking her lips with delight, and to top it off, her nails snap with black lightning.

Did you want to kill me in the end, you lunatic?!?

The purple clouds gradually dissipate, finally revealing the somewhat-ruined hall, but the most important people are fine. My father's face, in particular, makes me feel pity. Now I really wish he would just punch me in the stomach and carry me away, so I wouldn't be in this situation.

The lightning in Ravenna's hands turns into flames, I can feel the heat almost burning my face. We pass through the hole up there and now we're floating in the air, spinning while clinging to each other.

"What are you doing, Ravenna? I thought we had a deal!"

"What deal? Oh, the favor? I can do it after we escape; your life is not dependent on the favor."

"What do you mean, not dependent? I need to be alive to ask for it!"

"Shhh..." she whispers, pressing her mouth to my ear. "Trust me, my little fig sweet. It's going to be beautiful."

I DON'T WANT BEAUTY, I WANT TO LIVE, DAMN IT!

We fly, cutting through the sky like two lovebirds, while below us, screams echo amid the rubble. The ceiling of the courtroom now has a hole so big you can see everything from up here. I can even make out the wide, enormous eyes of the king and Leliana, trying to understand how I got involved with such a dangerous person.

"STOP RIGHT NOW, VILLAIN!"

Of course, the Golden Retriever is coming. 

Leonhardt emerges from the smoke with his sword pointed upward, the white horse appearing beneath him like a lightning bolt from the gods. 

Magical wings sprout from the mount's hooves, and the two of them literally ride on nothing together! I swear the animal flies after us in a sequence that would make even old Western movie cinematographers choke with envy.

"Release the hostage!"

"Hostage? Kwahahahaha! No, no, dear inquisitor, this one is my love, the only one who listened to me. I'm not harming him... it's just a treat."

"JUST LET ME TOUCH THE FUCKING GROUND!" I scream, my face green from my stomach churning from all the turns and spins.

Ravenna pulls me tighter, almost crushing my face into her breasts with the way she squeezes me. The air pressure increases with our speed, but Leonhardt keeps chasing us with that "I'm the hero of this story and I won't give up on the kidnapped civilian" look.

Ravenna points a hand backward and snaps her fingers. A black lightning bolt crackles through the air and explodes towards Leonhardt, leaving a trail of sulfur and purple hues in its wake. 

The inquisitor pulls the reins of his improvised pegasus, forcing it to dive down and swerve. Yeah, maybe the attack was just to scare him, because right after, she tears a series of rips in space, unleashing a barrage of magic.

From an outsider's perspective, it looks like a super cool light show, but for me, it's like being constantly bombarded by flashes! Arghh, my eyes!

But it doesn't end there, because Ravenna starts murmuring some really weird words in my ear. I don't know if it's to set a mood or if... Oh, you idiot, of course not, it's an Elven enchantment! 

Witches have this obsession with the Elven tongue and constantly invoke their spirits, but being this woman of all people, I can only imagine one type of creature coming out: a dark spirit. And look, I couldn't be more right, because the light around us simply vanishes.

The form this thing takes is even worse, a black serpent with a layer of bones over its skin. I've never seen this in the novel, but what a hideous thing.

"It's our pet, my love."

Pet, my ass!

Finally, Leonhardt manages to catch up, but his beloved white horse had to be left behind. He's floating with a pair of glowing wings and... My eyes, goddammit! I can't see anything! 

The light emanating from Leonhardt's wings is so intense it seems designed to punish heretics with its sheer brightness. That damn thing shines like a carnival float on a festive day, melting my already damaged retinas with this light show, but the worst part is seeing him clear a path through the dark space like some kind of angel.

"IN THE NAME OF THE CROWN, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP NOW!"

"Is he still following us?" Ravenna asks, full of boredom. Only you could be bored by this, right!?

This time, instead of continuing like in an American music video, snapping her fingers, she just waves her hand in the air. The demonic serpent responds to the gesture immediately, writhing like a devil and shooting towards Leonhardt at an abnormal speed. 

The creature opens its mouth, a spear-shaped tongue protrudes, but Leonhardt dodges at the last second, spinning in the air and regaining his balance on his wings as he tries to adjust his posture to face the spirit.

The sword in his hands is coated in a golden flash, and he counterattacks with a slash. The blade releases an arc of light that tears through part of the serpent's flank, making it shriek with a sound that seems neither human nor animal, but something made just to disturb the soul.

Not bad, hero! Maybe you can get me out of here!

Ravenna bites her lower lip. That flushed face of hers is super creepy, honestly.

"It's good to see someone who matches my level... but not enough to make me give you up."

"I'M NOT A DAMN WAR PRIZE!"

"Oh, but I'm going to turn you into one, just trust me."

A kiss touches my forehead again, and she buries my head in her big breasts again. Okay, I'm not complaining now.

The problem is what appears in her outstretched hand: an orb made of dark matter, distorting everything around it. This wasn't in the original novel, I don't remember this!

The serpent flies in various directions at Leonhardt again, maintaining the pressure, but the most impressive thing is how this guy's body stays intact considering he seems to be made of porcelain.

A magic barrier rises, and the spirit plunges into the wall, finishing the job with a thrust, generating an energy explosion so intense it vibrates my large intestine... or makes breakfast want to come back up.

When Leonhardt sees us, he tries to shout something, but I can't quite make out what it is. I close my eyes, I can't take all these lights anymore, and the dizziness keeps hitting me from all sides.

Worst action scene of my life. All I wanted was to avoid a decapitation, and now I'm in an aerial chase with a crazy witch and a glowing knight who looks like he was rendered in a different engine.

Huh? What's that vibration? Ravenna's holding my chin, I can tell because this chase has more or less given me a sense of her touch, but I want to understand why she's being so clingy.

"Let's move on to the next act, my love."

She laughs. When I open my eyes again, I can only see cracked air where the dark matter orb should have been. Without any resistance, I'm dragged into this abyss, wherever we're going.

Ah, what a beautiful thing. The gothic witch used me as a guinea pig for some kind of terrorist attack and took advantage of the smoke screen to escape, carrying an "innocent" person after rubbing so many things in the Count's face.

Was this the plan all along? Anyway, from this angle, I can see Leonhardt one last time, with his hand outstretched. Hah, my Karma really sucks.

"MISSYEEE!!"