SWNOVELXO Chapter 37
**The Tale of Ain at Thirteen**
It was around the time Ain turned thirteen.
The woman at the grocery store was a bit more curt and mechanical than usual on the days Ain wasn’t around.
“…, Welcome. Thank you for visiting the Ireina Grocery Store.”
However, she greeted customers in a markedly different manner at the counter, with a polite demeanor that had become quite familiar over time.
Her previously chubby face had slimmed down as time went on, revealing more delicate features.
Yet, her feminine curves had become more pronounced, not concealed even by her modest clothing.
“Thank you. Please visit us again at Ireina Grocery Store.”
After handing over the groceries, she slightly bowed her head toward the departing customer, which gave off a certain gracefulness.
Then, when a customer would start to act inappropriately towards her, just like in the past, she firmly stated,
“I’m sorry, but unnecessary conversations are not permitted inside the grocery store.”
Despite her rejections, there were those who disregarded her. In those cases, she would directly ask for help.
And these changes were certainly noticeable.
The woman had grown up, becoming gradually more accustomed to managing her emotions among people.
She held an inner desire not to trouble Ain or the uncle.
There was a wish to be helpful to those who kindly offered assistance without expecting anything in return.
She hoped not to make mistakes again and worked hard to become accustomed to polite speech.
To avoid her emotions being shaken among people, she endured and held on.
“Next customer.”
When night fell and her tensions relaxed, she had to inflict wounds on her arms and thighs to keep herself in check. Still, she found satisfaction in this part of herself.
Because of these experiences, she thought that she had become somewhat ordinary.
She believed she was becoming someone who could stand by Ain’s side.
She believed that as long as she stayed by his side, she could live like a person.
After noon.
Once the peak time had passed, she got up from the counter to tidy her clothes.
She gathered her money pouch and lifted a large shopping basket, turning to speak to the uncle.
“Uncle, I’ll be back soon.”
“…, are you really sure it’s alright?”
She nodded as if it were natural, feeling his worry in his words.
Although it was her first time going out alone, she thought it would be simple enough since she had wandered through the market streets several times with Ain.
“I’ll be fine. I can find my way.”
“Alright, I’m sorry for sending you on unnecessary errands. Be careful out there. Always watch for people.”
“Yes, don’t worry.”
With that, she left the grocery store, carrying the basket.
On the day Ain was not present.
The woman headed to the market street to buy what the uncle needed.
—
Market Street.
Contrary to the uncle’s concerns, the errand entrusted to the woman was quite simple.
The grocery store was already located on the market street, eliminating the need to wander long for the errand.
“I’ve bought the urgently needed tissues…, and the broken food containers….”
Having followed Ain, she was familiar with the stores, so all she had to do was approach and buy the items she needed from those shops.
“You said you needed about three bags of candy, so… that should be at the store just beyond that alley…”
Still unable to read, she murmured the contents she had heard only from the uncle while passing through the crowd.
“Three bags of candy…, three bags of candy.”
As she mumbled while walking down the street, she felt concentrated stares, just like in the grocery store.
It was the attention of people drawn to her attractive appearance.
“…, three bags of candy.”
In the past, such gazes would have made her stomach churn, causing her to clench her fists and barely hold on, but the woman today took a moment to breathe and moved forward.
Though her steps quickened and her hands became clammy with cold sweat, just being able to manage that was a great development for her.
Arriving at the candy store.
She entered and was about to ask for three bags of candy right away when,
“Welcome! Hmm? Oh, you’re that young lady from the grocery store! Come for some candy?”
“….”
She swallowed hard at the surprisingly vast selection of candies available.
Shouldn’t she buy the tastiest candies to bring back, her mind rationalized oddly.
This impulsive act stemmed from the absence of Ain to prevent her.
“…Please give me ten of the most delicious and popular candies of every type.”
“Ha ha! Just a moment.”
Before long, she found herself chewing on the candies the shopkeeper handed over one by one.
Time passed.
Having indulged in a brief diversion, the woman chose three types of candies, putting one bag each aside, with a strangely satisfied expression.
“How much is it?”
“Since you often come with Ain, I’ll deduct the cost of the last candy you ate! For three bags, that’ll be 120 derails.”
Nodding at the shopkeeper’s words, she handed over 120 derails.
The shopkeeper accepted the money and placed the three bags of candy into her shopping basket.
“Thank you. Goodbye.”
Thus, the woman greeted the shopkeeper and was about to leave the store.
After this, she only needed to pick up one more item to complete her errand and thought she’d quickly buy the remaining goods and return to the grocery store.
However.
“Oh, right. Miss.”
“Yes?”
The owner of the candy store called her back.
“Do you happen to read the newspaper…?”
“Ah, um. No.”
Not understanding why she was asked about reading newspapers, she shook her head.
“I noticed that things have been a bit rough in the world lately. It might be better not to wander around alone and to stick with that Ain kid, so I felt a bit protective.”
“…I will.”
She thought it was just simple concern, so she replied suitably and moved on.
—
So, the woman headed to the last store.
The last stop was not for items needed for the grocery store but for a dish that the uncle had expressed a desire to eat.
After all, he had suggested she buy a lot while she was out running errands.
She entered the bustling restaurant and ordered two takeout meals, sitting quietly.
In truth, she still disliked crowded places.
The noise, the attention drawn toward her.
It felt like they were trying hard to unsettle her feelings, forcing her to take deep breaths more than once.
Yet, integrating herself among everyone was an effort to stay by Ain’s side.
To become somewhat more ordinary, she was diving into the fire.
Thus, she waited, making a point to appear unaffected despite being the center of attention.
And.
As she sat patiently waiting for her food to come out, a sound reached her ears.
Ash gray.
The very word made her slightly tremble and come to a halt.
That singular word sank into her ears more clearly than any other noise, causing her previously calm emotions to begin to stir.
“I heard in the newspaper that some ash gray beings were discovered and exterminated in the neighboring kingdom.”
“Just how did they find those who have been hiding so tight?”
Upon reflecting, this was probably what the candy store owner had wanted to discuss.
“I heard that the kingdom’s sword users conducted a large-scale cleaning operation. They must have discovered it during the search. The higher-ups can identify ash gray, they say.”
“I see. Hmm, then the Holy Country will send someone.”
“I suspect the news will be in the papers soon. The areas that were exterminated need purification as well.”
They must have thought to keep certain details from her to avoid revealing the more gruesome realities, but some people, being less considerate, freely spoke of them.
Such rumors circulate easily, having spread widely, originating from a piece of newspaper.
In other words, this kind of news doesn’t have to be recent; it often drifts about the market street.
Because there had always been a man watching over her so she wouldn’t hear, she had never confronted such topics until now.
“I don’t know why they keep being born, but they need to be eradicated quickly.”
“Tsk, it must be rare to be so unlucky. What on earth is the Deity doing…?”
“Oh, come now. You should remember to speak respectfully. The Deity allows so few of those cursed ones to be born in a way.”
Thanks to Ain, the blatant hatred and contempt she had lived obliviously from for quite some time now.
Without Ain beside her, those stories flowed directly into her ears.
Ash gray.
Ash gray hair.
Ash gray eyes.
In reality.
When she was young, the woman didn’t quite understand that they were targets of hatred.
After all, no one told her, casting stones at her, that this was her fault.
Even when people would glance at her with disdain and walk away, they had not hurled insults at her.
She merely understood herself to be a pitiful child, abandoned like a stray in the alley, without parents who would even look her way.
Thus, her realization of this harsh truth began after meeting Ain.
As they accompanied him to the hero’s departure ceremony or enjoyed festivities together.
It was only when Ain, with his robe pulled over his head to hide his identity, took her along that she began to find it strange.
She no longer wore tattered rags and was clean, revealing her white skin, yet people no longer thought of her as an abandoned child, yet Ain still cautioned her.
Never take off your robe.
Never let go of my hand.
At that time, while she tilted her head in confusion, she followed his words. However, as they walked among people, there were things she encountered.
Black hair and brown eyes.
Gold hair and blue eyes.
Red hair and black eyes.
Amidst the many common hues, she stood out alone in ash gray.
She wasn’t dull-witted; she gradually realized this truth as she followed Ain.
Thus.
When she received a necklace from Ain.
When she put it around her neck, hiding her hair and eye colors, and for the first time stepped into the world without her robe.
She felt it was quite unfair and sorrowful that such a trivial change meant that nobody regarded her with hatred anymore.
Although only two colors had changed, it felt deeply sad to be able to step into the ordinary landscape.
Glances filled with disdain had disappeared, replaced by more faces blushing and casting shy glances.
It didn’t make sense, as nothing else about her changed.
It is only the colors of her hair and eyes that changed; nothing else was different from before.
“Well, at least there hasn’t been much trouble in the Empire lately, so that’s a relief.”
“Who knows? Who could say if there might be any lurking near us? After all, unless they’re higher-ups, it’s unlikely to even notice if someone is trying to hide their identity.”
Even though she had been working much harder to be a good child.
Just stepping outside, raw and blatant hatred seeped back into her life.
The world still labeled her an evildoer.
She whispered that if she bore ash gray, she must pay the price.
No matter how much she tried to hide, it would eventually be discovered.
And in return, Ain would be implicated alongside her.
It seemed better to simply vanish somewhere distant and die alone, voices incessantly murmured in her ears.
Why.
Why.
Even though she committed no wrongdoing, must she run away?
Must she hide her identity, bow her head like a sinner when she’s done nothing wrong?
Why is the world so cruel to her alone?
Such thoughts kindled all of her emotions.
Being among people was disgusting and made her nauseous.
Falling into self-hatred, carrying frustration and despair.
Yet still hoping Ain will not hate her, clenching her fists so tightly that her nails dug into her flesh, causing blood to drip.
Knowing that the moment ash gray dust is scattered among people, everything Ain had done thus far would come to nothing.
Knowing that her actions would betray the expectations of the kind uncle who watches over her.
Her red blood began to drip—slowly soaking the floor.
The woman had changed, yet she remained unchanged.
She certainly worked hard to become different, but her essence did not shift at all.
Even if concealed by the necklace, her core still consisted of ash gray.
She remained a beast whose emotions could endanger everything simply by getting stirred.
No matter how much she resisted, the voices of people kept resonating in her ears.
Ash gray.
Ash gray.
Ash gray hair.
Monsters.
All must be killed.
Good riddance, damned things.
Was that perhaps an auditory hallucination, or were they indeed words spat out by others?
Did the hatred voiced by people turn into her own self-loathing manifesting a delusion?
Or perhaps, was it truly mere truth baselessly deriding her, stemming from the headlines?
The woman could not know.
—
And.
As she barely endured it, just when people began to notice her oddness, a hand gently covered her ears.
“Oh, those old men have a child here! Out of respect, doesn’t one have to say something? If you came to eat something delicious, then stop spouting nonsense and stuff your face with that!”
Even though her ears were blocked, the clear shout still rang in.
It was undoubtedly directed at her, though the voice belonged to someone she didn’t recognize, yet it was unfamiliar.
Being embraced from behind, she could not see the face.
Yet she could clearly feel the kindness and warmth seeping from that embrace, gradually calming the emotion that had been pounding within her.
Soon, soft words reached her ear.
“Are you okay?”
“….”
“Don’t listen to anything.”
She recognized that voice.
It was not a recent voice but one from several years ago, embedded deep within her memory.
Once upon a winter.
When Ain was still just a small boy, he had thrown a warm garment to the trembling ash gray girl and had left.
“Let’s return, son.”
It was the voice of a mother worrying about her son.
“Son, listen to your mother…! That’s not okay at all!”
It was a voice filled with anxiety as it tried to approach the girl in the alley.
“Son, don’t get too close!”
It was a voice that had to verbally express disdain, just like the others.
The woman distinctly remembered that scene, realizing now that the voice of the past and the one of the present belonged to the same person.
As soon as this realization hit her, her body trembled all over.
She was Ain’s mother.
“It’s okay.”
She was undoubtedly someone who had once viewed the ash gray woman with disdain and anxiety.
“Such talk is no longer necessary.”
She was someone who once disliked her, just like other adults.
“Let’s go. Follow me.”
And thus, she was trembling from the fear that was born the moment their hands touched.
As she turned to look aside, unlike before, she saw someone smiling kindly at her.
Yet, even though it was undoubtedly kindness.
It approached her not with relief, but with fear.
Maybe because they did not know she was ash gray, they were extending purely compassionate help.
But the moment they realized she was ash gray, they would likely show the same disdain as before.
She hoped that even Ain’s parents wouldn’t come to dislike her.
A different feeling crawled up her simply worrying about something other than anger or sorrow.
Facing someone dearly important to Ain.
Knowing she definitely was someone far closer to him than the woman herself.
Before the figure of a mother—a presence she longed for desperately in childhood—she could only bow her head without saying anything.
—
After a moment, finally, a voice came through.
“Um, shall we introduce ourselves first? My name is Rain.”
“….”
The ordinary, light tone broke through all her anticipated insecurities.
“What’s your name?”
Those were common greetings exchanged between two individuals encountering each other for the first time.
Though for her, it wasn’t as if she had a name yet.
“I, don’t have a name…”
“…, Ah. I, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Yes, you work with our Ain at the grocery store, right…?”
“Yes….”
She responded, unexpectedly making the other person flustered, and the scene grew awkward with a peculiar air as it enveloped only the two of them.
Yet, Rain, having introduced herself, shattered that awkward flow and continued speaking.
“Uh, um. So, are your hands okay? I saw you were bleeding quite a bit earlier.”
“…I’m, fine.”
Thus the woman replied, even though in reality she was not okay.
The nail that had dug in deep had lacerated her skin quite thoroughly, and the blood was still dripping.
This kind of wound would disappear in one instant with magic, but she didn’t want to cast magic in front of Ain’s mother.
Looking at the landscape where ash gray dust blew, it felt certain that she would staunchly recoil in fear.
While still bleeding, she simply hid her hands behind her back, saying she was fine.
Thinking that would make her appear a good child.
This resulted in another silence lingering between them, and she eagerly wished for this moment to end.
If she were to hear things laden with contempt, she felt she might completely shatter, so she did not dare to look up, staring down instead.
—
And at that moment, seeing the woman’s state, Ain’s mother, Rain, smiled sadly.
It was surely a smile born from observing the fear-filled eyes of the woman.
“…, Alright. Hurry back to the grocery store and get that treated. I’m sorry for holding you like this.”
“Yes….”
It had a hesitant tone, as if more was meant to be said.
Yet that was the finally uttered farewell, causing the woman to quickly turn her body and try to escape the situation.
For her sake, she desperately hoped nothing would be said in pursuit of her escape.
—
She distanced herself.
“Make sure to get close to Ain.”
“….”
And then it came again.
“I hope you can help him, as he’s quite lacking, this lady here.”
“…, Ah.”
But, the kinds of words she had been concerned about were not said.
“…, I’m sorry for what happened before.”
“….”
Even from afar, her words came clearly.
After briefly looking back, Rain still bore a bittersweet smile, full of apology.
—
So.
The woman.
“…”
No.
—
I will respond.
“Yes.”
“…”
“I’m not foolish enough to not recognize the one who saved me.”
While treating her still bleeding hand as ash gray, she looked up at his mother and bowed her head.
—
She always thought.
I want to be someone who can help Ain.
I don’t want to become useless to him, the one who assists me.
If I can’t change and it means causing him harm by staying close.
Then it would be better to rather die alone.
Such feelings swirled within her.