Hope born of solitus

*

I felt cold sweat as the air behind me shifted. I was too slow to react, I swung my fist at the back while rotating my waist as much as possible. I don't think it's gonna reach...

The air shifted even more. Sariel appeared out of nowhere, rather it looked like she teleported right in front of me. Her fist crashed into the enemy before the two vanished. The next second, the two returned, the goblin turned into a pile of dust as Sariel extended her fingers and scattered the force of her punch. We often forget when we have super strength, the very real possibility of causing environmental damage. If the school suffered as a result, that would be a shame.

"Remember. These things... They operate on rules too. They have their own rules, and the key to defeating them is to solve these rules.

For this Trace, it's {Shame}. Cognitive aversion. Other than the layer of reality that blocks the cognition of the common masses, this extra layer is meant to camouflage and ambush magical girls. The coat of black over the air was a result of blocking your perception of air, affecting the amount of light passing through it as a medium subsequently. It was meant to catch the attention of 'prey' like us.

The solution to this rule is simple, cognitive aversion meant that it's steering your attention away from its presence. 'steering' has a direction, whether it'd be a physical or an abstract direction, it's still an indicator that 'something is there'. When you've finally seen one, the aversion also loses almost all effectiveness.

In a battle against a horde of these things, it's a fight of attrition that works best. The longer you survive, the less its {Shame} works at all. It also gets slightly weaker when you stare directly at them. " (Sariel)

She spoke casually as she trusted her limbs into the air, obliterating individual after individual. Crushing one into paste under her foot before taking a wide leg swing that plunged a few of them into the wall. The figures of the thrown goblins vanished and reappeared in the air front of her, her knuckles smash through their cloudy visages, turning their skulls and brains into pulp. Of course, there was no blood or any ruined flesh left around, as do all other traces end, they turned into ash and flowed into a single spot like snow getting sucked into a black hole.

This feeling... It might sound weird, but it felt like I was looking at a hero in the middle of their journey. An inexplicable sensation wound up my heart, like a softly burning ember. I... I want to be that strong. I want to remember this feeling. I... I want to grow as a person. I want to remember this wish.

At the same time, I know. The world isn't so kind, none of it would come true. I don't know if I was born with this daily memory deficiency and ultra fast memorisation traits. It has barely kept me going thus far, it helped me to blend in with my 'friends' in school and draw zero suspicion. That's why... I won't write this in my diary. This feelings of mine... They stay with me and die with me. The next me will pick up the baton from my corpse.

The memory deficiency is like a curse. Every morning my entire life is wiped from existence. Not a single Trace is left of the 'me' of the past. I am technically the same person, yet I could only glean what I supposedly went through... On some scraps of memos I wrote down in my diary. That is why... For the sake of the future 'me's, I will not record this envy. The envy of growth is best reserved as a punishment just for this 'me'. For deceiving everyone in my life, for lying to the nice people that cherish this incomplete existence. At the same time, it will also be my most cherished memory.

At last, the day ended without much trouble. Other than the goblins, which were easy Traces to defeat, the lessons came and went, the dismissal bell rang true. I shouldn't disrupt and waste the time of these nice people anymore than I have. I walk home, looking up the gps app on my phone. I made sure no one was around and only opened the app in discreet places. I reached home safely, my back ached in exhaustion as heavy steps carried me to the bedroom. I layed down and gave in to fatigue, landing on the bedsheets like a fallen tree.

... I... I don't want to die. Yet surprisingly, I am at peace. Maybe it's because I have hope, I trust the next 'me' to live a good life and pick up the mantle if necessary. Fighting the Traces isn't exactly a part of normal life, and due my inherent nature... I couldn't exactly be ambitious in life. Because I knew, I wouldn't be the person who had those same dreams. An inability to have dreams... It's not as sad as it sounds. Because it allows me to focus on others and help other people without prioritising myself.

Ah... Maybe a simple wish would be easier. I want to... Live a normal life. That is the most achievable yet ambitious goal I could have. I hope to commute safely everyday and stay friends with those who cherish 'me'. All good things come to an end. Good luck, 'me'.

***

8th August

My ears felt like they were ringing painfully as I pulled myself off the bedsheets. Who... Who am I? What is this place? I gaze around the room until I spot a diary on the other side of the room. I open to the latest entry. It was placed so conspicuously, almost as if it was attracting my gaze and asking me to read it.

'Entry on the 7th August year **** : Good morning, Lastia. I've completed the weekend homework, so there isn't much for you to do.

The important entries have small stars next to them, please flip through and get yourself acquainted. I... Wouldn't know how to deal with a weekend, it's very much unlike a school and work routine. Even if I tell you that you're free, you wouldn't know what you personally want to do.

I can only suggest. Eat out at a good place. Hang out with friends. Pick up a hobby. There's an almost filled bookshelf right outside this room... I've never touched any of them and I don't expect a lot of 'me's ever did. You're welcome to try them out.

Don't worry, if you get lost you can use the GPS app in our phone. The password is ******. If anything happened, hopefully nice people will show up to help you out. Remember, love yourself.'