Hope born of solitus

*

For a bit now, I saw many buildings in different shapes passed by. So it was quite a big surprise to see a big mass of trees, was it some sort of national park? The local park near my home passed by in an instant, but the trees seemed to follow the train tracks here...

I'm glad the windows lining the side of this train are humongous, I feel like a little kid at an aquarium. I nearly clambered over the windows like a lizard, it was because the seats were in rows that faced the inner side of the train instead of facing the front of the vehicle. However I restrained myself with self control and peacefully looked across my shoulder. It was right after rush hours, so the train wasn't too congested. In fact, it was empty enough for me to enjoy myself in admiring.

I wonder if the other Lastias paid this much attention to their surroundings... Before when I first woke up in that bedroom, it felt like the world was... Lacking. It either lacked colour or was too empty. It was only when I stopped reading my diary and slowed down to observe my surroundings, paid attention to the material and physical texture of the furniture and carpet... That colour began to fill my world. Even now, looking outside the train felt like colour was seeping into my mind, painting over my soul and giving it something new to chew on.

The living room... Now that I think about it, it wasn't empty right? I remember the texture of dust under my bare feet, but surely there were other furniture there that were similarly covered in dust... Such as a set of couches, coffee tables and a television. Maybe even a dining table made of tempered glass and metal chairs covered in fabric and soft padding.

I have a feeling... That the other Lastias felt the same. That their world was confined to the bedroom, and that everything outside looked grey or didn't even appear in their eyes. The next best location was probably the school, the classroom and roof area surely appeared in their eyes, giving their life colour. In a sense, I'm the only one 'expanding' our world beyond the bedroom. From what I read in the entries, most of the Lastias were hyperfocused on their missions and the grand pursuit of the secrets behind our memory wiping curse.

Maybe I'm the weird one for taking it easy, maybe I'm just running away from my 'responsibility'...

"... What's wrong, lass?" (?)

A middle to old aged looking man with a mustache and head full of grey spoke out to me. His skin still seemed supple enough to be young, but the creases over his wrinkles betray the passage of time. He wore a two piece, with a white long sleeved shirt and a sleeveless tan vest over it. His dark grey trousers and white shoes were nothing to write home about, was he on his way home? Or was he also 'exploring', like me?

"... I don't know how to explain... I'm not running away from home right now, since I'll be returning perhaps tomorrow. But I thought, if what I was doing was right...?" (Lastia)

"Hmm... Are your parents aware or okay with this?" (Old man)

I looked straight into his black eyes, my cheeks flushed a little as I brought a finger to my cheek.

"They... They don't know. Well, they're working somewhere far away, so I've been taking care of myself for a while." (Lastia)

He let out a little belly chuckle and returned his gaze to scenery outside. He sat on my left and was always there, I hadn't noticed because I turned to my right to look out the window.

" Hehehah! Then there's nothing wrong with it, is there? You'll be going back right away anyway, right?" (Old man)

Right away... Did he believe I was too cowardly to stay outside for too long? Well, it certainly is scary. However I'm ready to fight Traces if necessary, I don't think there is much to worry about.

"... Safety wasn't my concern." (Lastia)

"Hmpf... Then you have some unresolved matters left at home? Responsibilities, perhaps household chores or homework...? Whatever it was, if a good kid like you finds the need to go out and enjoy herself, maybe you deserve a break." (Old man)

" Fufu... You think so? " (Lastia)

Ah... It was too obvious. I let the happiness get to my head and let slip my giggle. At the same time my whole face grew red, it felt like my cheeks were burning up. I looked towards the window, we were out of that big park and back in the centre of urban civilisation once more. Our conversation abruptly stopped as he also grew silent until his stop.

"I'll be getting off here now. Make sure to get back home safely, lass." (Old man)

"Alright. Bye bye." (Lastia)

I waved him off with a smile, he turned around and headed out of the train, continuously walking to wherever his destination was. The doors closed with a hum, it was amazing that there were doors that could open and close by themselves. Even if I had the common sense equipped to know that it was just technology, it doesn't make it any less impressive.

Turning back to the windows, it seemed that she was now out of the residential areas and were in what could be described as a commercial district. Large tall buildings block the sky while being absolutely cluttered with neon signboards plastering their walls. The roads were filled with more people than there were vehicles, each individual adding up into a swarm of big wriggling masses like ants.

Her thoughts left her mind as many advertising brands embraced her eyes from their high perches. A sea of products presented in banners, animation on television screens, flashing lights, each with their own colour and greed, yet they merge into one congruous mass. How to best describe it? Ah... Culture. This was the centralisation of culture, of flourishing human ideas and identities, stewing into a deep pot of soup. It felt like her mind was getting overloaded from all the information...

Photographic memory was something Lastia would boast any day, but she still got a headache, likely due to all the useless information that she's absorbing. Maybe her mind was rightfully rejecting the information... In any case, this was the next stop, she stepped off the train and scanned her card at the gantry. With each step feeling slightly heavy, it felt like the environment was communicating her unfamiliarity through her feet.