Harry Potter: F*ck Off

After realising that she had not done such a thing before, and therefore coming to the conclusion that she must have offered on Dumbledore's orders, Harry glanced down at the timetable in his hand.

He had a day that was mostly double periods ahead of him. Double History of Magic, followed by break, then double Potions, lunch, a homework period due to his dropping of Divination, and then to round the day off nicely, he had a double period of Defence Against the Dark Arts before dinner.

Both of the new teachers plus the greasy git all on the first day back at school. What joy.

Hannah leaned in over his shoulder and let out a whistle before commenting "Wow. Don't you have a fun day ahead of you?"

"Someone out there must hate me," he replied "I always seem to end up with at least one potions lesson on the first day back. What have you got?"

"Dunno," replied Hannah "Professor Sprout hasn't been along with our timetables yet. Anyway, that's enough talk about lessons. Before McGonagall rudely interrupted us, you let slip a juicy bit of information about being "taken." Now explain."

Harry sighed and replied "Alright, well I guess I'm not really "taken" so much as, well… look, I just arranged to meet up with Padma after dinner, that's all."

"As in a date?" asked Susan.

"Yes, Susan," replied Harry "a date. Padma and I are going on a date."

"A date where?" asked Hannah.

"I don't know yet. I have to plan that part, but so far the best that I have been able to come up with has been a stroll around the lake."

"That's actually not a bad way to go if you two are just testing the waters, so to speak," commented Hannah "Just don't get so tongue-tied around her that you can't talk to her. That'll make things go really slowly."

"I don't normally get tongue tied around Padma," replied Harry "And I don't plan on starting now. But is taking her on a walk around the lake good enough for a first date?"

Susan leaned across the table and said in a low voice "You could always call on Tippy and ask if she'll sort you out with a picnic basket."

Harry nodded his head thoughtfully, a walk around the lake in the evening sun with a break part of the way around for a little picnic sounded like an acceptable first date, especially given his limited options inside the castle and its grounds.

If only there was a magical room that could transform itself into anything you wanted…

All conversation about Harry's upcoming date came to a stop when, with a screech, the first of the many owls that brought the morning's post flew into the Great Hall, followed by whole parliament of others.

The owls swooped down low over the five long tables and began landing in front of the intended recipients of their deliveries.

A Tawny Owl landed in front of Harry and held out its leg to him in order to allow him to untie the day's copy of The Daily Prophet from it.

Harry took the paper and deposited a single bronze Knut coin into the pouch on the owl's other leg. The bird then flew off as Harry unfurled the newspaper.

There on the front page, staring back at him was Harry himself. He was standing to the immediate left of the Minister for Magic, with both Dolores Umbridge and Griselda Marchbanks standing on the Minister's right hand side.

The headline read "Education Reform Latest" and below that a subheading read "Ministry has full support and cooperation of Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived."

"Well would you look at that?" asked Hannah "And there was me thinking that the show for breakfast was over, now it turns out that your little sparring session with Snape was just the opening act."

"What can I say?" joked Harry "I like to keep my fans entertained."

"Don't look now, but Dumbledore seems a little pissed," said Susan.

"I'm not surprised," commented Ernie Macmillan from her left before quoting aloud from the text "During my time at Hogwarts I have been assured that the castle is a safe place to be. Unfortunately I myself have had several experiences that have shown that to not be the case, not least of which was my name ending up in the Goblet of Fire at the start of the Tri Wizard Tournament last year."

"How about this?" asked Megan Jones, and she quoted "The staff at Hogwarts do not seem to be subjected to any form of review, and this, in my experience, seems to have led to some of the staff behaving in an unprofessional manner. This attitude has, of course, let to a certain degree of distrust amongst the students for the staff."

"Tell me if you find something that isn't true," said Harry.

"I agree with every word, Harry." said Ernie.

"Same here," agreed Megan.

"Mr Potter!"

He hadn't even had his first class yet, and that was the third time that morning that a teacher had come over and addressed him.

"Yes, Professor McGonagall?" asked Harry, turning in his seat to face her.

"The Headmaster would like to see you in his office," she answered "Now."

Harry gave a weary sigh before getting to his feet "Fine, but this had better not make me late for class."

The stony-faced Transfiguration Professor said nothing in reply. Instead she turned with a swish of tartan and led the way out of the Great Hall, Harry following along behind after telling the Hufflepuffs that he would see them later.

"Summoned to the Headmaster's office twice before the first class starts," commented Susan as she and the others watched him go "That boy must have just set a new record."

.....

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