Harry Potter: F*ck Off

Harry stepped away from the staff table and headed towards the Hufflepuffs. On the way he noticed that Snape was still standing between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor house tables.

He called out "Was there something else you wanted, Professor?"

In response Snape gave Harry his trademark sneer before turning and sweeping out of the hall, robes billowing around him once again.

Harry shook his head and continued to the Hufflepuff table. Every eye followed him.

Hannah shoved Megan Jones to get the girl to budge over before patting the now vacated spot next to her.

"Thanks Hannah" said Harry before sitting down "Good morning, Hufflepuffs."

"Good morning Harry," chirped Hannah brightly "So, care to tell me what the show at lunch will be?"

"Show?" questioned Harry "What show?"

"Well, last night there was the big "I'm here to help you" monologue, and this morning you and Snape gave us double-act performance following by some award-winning performances by the Slytherins, seriously, Pansy ought to win a BAFTA for how well she acted the part of "sad-looking witch." And after all that, I want to know what kind of act we can be seeing at lunch."

"Hate to tell you this, but none of that this morning was planned," replied Harry "And how to do know about the BAFTA's, anyway?"

"Oh, so that was all improv, nice," said Hannah "And just because I'm from a Noble and Ancient House does not mean I am a pleb. Muggleborn mother, remember?"

"Right, gotcha." said Harry before looking across the table "Morning Susan, how are you?"

Susan glared right back at him, though the effect was dampened by the fact that she was obviously sulking about something.

"Oh, don't be like that Sue, Harry doesn't know yet." said Hannah.

"What don't I know?" asked Harry.

Hannah leaned in and said in a staged whisper so that everyone within twenty feet heard her "Eddie Carmichael went and got himself a girlfriend during the summer."

Harry turned to look over his shoulder to look at the Ravenclaw table. He had to raise himself out of his seat a little in order to look over the heads of the Gryffindors seated at their table.

Sure enough, Eddie Carmichael was sitting there, trying to remove some girl's appendix via her mouth with his tongue. Cho Chang and her friend Marietta Edgecombe seemed to be trying to give the amorous pair as much room as possible.

"Oh yeah," he mumbled, feeling more than a little bit grossed out by the overly public display of affection.

"Stupid trollop," growled Susan.

"Oh, come on Susan," said Hannah "In all the years you've fancied him, how many times have you actually talked to him?"

"I was gonna let him know that I liked him eventually," grumbled Susan "Stupid prat could've waited until I was ready."

"Yeah, well you'll just have to find someone else to pine after," said Hannah "How about Harry?"

Susan flushed scarlet, but Harry didn't notice as he was paying attention to the results of the spells he was using to test the food around him. He did, however, register Hannah's comment and replied with an absent minded "She can't. I'm taken too."

Around him several conversations stopped, causing him to look up and glance around. Then he leaned towards Hannah and asked "I said that too loud, didn't I?"

"Yup," she replied with a grin "Now spill it, Potter."

Harry was saved from further embarrassment by the arrival of Professor McGonagall, who asked "Mr Potter, why are you not seated with the Gryffindors?"

"Seriously?" Harry asked "After that performance with Snape just now I have to explain it again?"

McGonagall's lips thinned and her nostrils flared, two major signs that she was angry. However she refrained from commenting and instead said "No, Mr Potter, you have made yourself quite clear. I just came over to deliver your weekly timetable. As we were unaware of your change in plans you are still down for taking all of your classes with Gryffindor students. I have, however, taken the liberty of removing Divination from your timetable. I expect you to use those vacant periods wisely."

"Thank you, Professor," Harry replied, taking the timetable from her "And don't worry. I plan on using those free periods to do as much of my homework as possible, therefore allowing me more time after classes and on weekends to do my duties as Student Advisor."

"Very well," she said "Let me know if you require any assistance in your duties."

With that she turned and headed back to the Gryffindor table.

"I'll keep that in mind," muttered Harry as he tried to remember McGonagall ever offering him assistance in anything before.

.....

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