Between Your Letter and My Reply

Chapter 140

Lilliana shrugged, and Damian’s expression faltered for a moment. But it was just a fleeting moment, and he quickly regained his composure, so Lilliana didn’t notice.

She laughed, teasing Damian, “You’re not the type to two-time anyone. With ‘Lady Lintray’ around, how could I dare to have my eyes on you?”

It was a clear joke, but Damian couldn’t genuinely laugh. He pretended to agree, forcing out a few chuckles, and then looked up at the sun, still high in the sky due to the summer season, and thought,

Ah… how long do I have to keep this up?

Damian wanted to cry.

He looked down at Lilliana’s small head as she walked ahead with light steps, her gaze fixed forward, and a strong urge overcame him.

He wanted to tell her.

He wanted to tell her that ‘Lady Lintray’ was Lilliana.

Hearing those words from Lilliana sparked a somewhat impulsive desire within him.

He wished Lilliana would write him another letter as ‘Lady Lintray.’ He wanted to tell her that if she wrote to him again, he would definitely reply this time.

And these feelings he wanted to confirm in person.

So these feelings.

This thing he couldn’t define…

Damian looked at Lilliana’s slender arms and legs, exposed due to her light clothing, and the nape of her neck, visible beneath her hair tied up high because of the heat, and thought,

Why can’t I hold her when she’s right next to me?

When he hugged her the other day, she was so small, slender, soft, and warm, and she smelled nice because of her body wash and shampoo… It felt good…

Thinking that far, Damian was suddenly overcome with self-loathing.

What was he thinking, with Lilliana right next to him? He felt his face flush without realizing it.

What was he thinking?!

He ruffled his hair roughly.

While Damian was lost in his thoughts, Lilliana, oblivious to his inner turmoil, was walking and lost in her own thoughts.

He didn’t know what she was thinking about, but Lilliana’s expression didn’t look very cheerful. Noticing this, Damian called out to her cautiously.

“Lilliana?”

“Yes, what is it?”

Her response was quicker than he expected.

“Is something bothering you?”

“No, I just have something to think about.”

“Is that… so?”

Lilliana gave a faint smile. For some reason, Damian felt a sense of discomfort from that smile. Something was different, but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

However, Lilliana started walking with her usual cheerful gait. Damian couldn’t bring himself to say anything and had to return home.

***

Under the warm sunlight, Lilliana ran through a field of daisies and cosmos. When she ran out of breath and collapsed, the soft soil and wildflowers cushioned her fall.

It was one of the few ways she could escape.

“Ahahaha!”

Lilliana laughed, looking up at the clear blue sky. Then, acrid smoke enveloped her. She jumped up and looked around. A mansion engulfed in flames stood before her eyes.

“Ah… Ah…”

Lilliana screamed. Her chest felt hot. She was resistant to fire and didn’t usually feel heat, but her chest felt as if it were turning to ash, burning with pain.

She clutched her chest and cried like an animal.

What was this? Sadness? Anger? No, it didn’t matter what it was. Right now, it was just…

***

“Gasp… Gasp…”

Lilliana opened her eyes, gasping for breath as if she had just been pulled out of the water. She was drenched in cold sweat.

She turned her head and saw the sun rising faintly outside the window.

“Ha…”

She let out a deep breath and brushed away the hair stuck to her forehead. Lilliana noticed that her eyes were wet.

Was it sweat? Or tears? It didn’t matter. Her eyes stung, so she rubbed them with the back of her hand.

She had a dream… What kind of dream was it?

Lilliana got up from her bed, her hair disheveled. It was an excessively vivid dream. She pressed her hand against her chest.

Thump, thump, thump.

Her heart was beating with its usual steady rhythm. But the feeling of her heart burning was still vivid. Lilliana shuddered.

It was summer, but the cold sweat made her body feel cold and clammy, so she headed to the bathroom.

Listening to the sound of water droplets falling on the bathroom tiles, she thought,

I was trying to forget this pain.

She didn’t know exactly what kind of pain it was, but Lilliana was certain. She was running away from this pain.

“Ha… Lilliana Carnell, who neither runs away nor hides.”

Lilliana mocked herself. But then she plunged her head under the running water and scrubbed her face. When she turned off the faucet, her expression had improved.

“Let’s not run away or hide.”

She lightly patted her cheeks. Suddenly, she wanted to see Damian, who was in the next room.

***

“…So I had this dream.”

Damian and Casey froze mid-motion, their toast with jam halfway to their mouths, at Lilliana’s story about her dream.

“What do you think, brother?” Lilliana asked.

Casey was unusually flustered.

“Do you think it was a dream about the memories I lost?”

“…Yes.”

Casey realized that even staying silent would be an answer, so he obediently agreed.

“There was a fire?”

“Yes.”

“At the house we lived in?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“…”

This time, Casey truly clammed up. Lilliana sighed deeply and then chuckled.

“Ah, actually, I’ve been thinking for a while that there must have been a fire at the house.”

“What made you think that?” Damian asked.

Lilliana shrugged.

“The wooden box Aunt Pascal sent me was a bit burnt. I figured there must have been a fire since I didn’t throw it in the fireplace as kindling.”

Damian was still suspicious of the contents of the wooden box that Lilliana wouldn’t let him see. It was definitely a handkerchief, wasn’t it? Then why hide it?

“By the way, weren’t there any beautiful memories? I feel uneasy after having such a disturbing dream in the morning.”

“What kind of beautiful memories?”

“A romance with a handsome man.”

“Oh my.”

Annette, bringing over the fried eggs, interjected playfully.

“I told you, I definitely had someone I liked.”

At those words, Annette smiled but started glancing at Damian with pity in her eyes. Damian pretended not to notice and sipped his coffee.

But Lilliana continued speaking.

“If my memories are going to return, I wish it were those first. Honestly, I already know the gist of my lost memories, right? I was living in hiding, then my father passed away, and in the meantime, we were attacked by golems. So we fled to Nichio. Is anything wrong in that?”

“No, that’s right,” Casey replied, dipping his bread in the runny yolk of a soft-boiled egg.

Lilliana rested her chin on her hand and grumbled, “So what I’m most curious about is the face of the person I liked! The face!”

Damian’s blood boiled, but he feigned composure and popped a cherry tomato into his mouth. He burst the plump fruit in his mouth and chewed with a vengeance.

“If that’s all you want, isn’t there no need to regain your memories?” Damian muttered without thinking, and everyone’s attention turned to him. He inwardly cringed.

He had meant to keep that thought to himself…

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