Between Your Letter and My Reply

Chapter 139

He was the one who promised to protect her, yet he kept worrying Lilliana, making her fuss over him, and causing her unnecessary concern…

He wanted to appear flawless in front of Lilliana, but it wasn’t working out. He felt endlessly inadequate in front of her.

He didn’t want to show this side of himself either…

With that thought, Damian subtly pulled his head away from Lilliana’s. Lilliana awkwardly placed her hand on her lap and sat facing forward.

“Damian, you know, I wish you would tell me when you’re struggling.”

Damian stared at Lilliana. She smiled, meeting his gaze.

“That way, we can quickly treat what’s hurting you.”

Damian wanted to shake his head. This feeling would probably be difficult to heal, even in a lifetime.

No matter how much medication he took or how much he rested, the scars of war had already been etched, and they had become a burden he had to carry for life. He knew this not from any concrete evidence, but from an instinctive realization.

It felt like covering up his wounds would be disrespectful to what he had experienced and witnessed in the war.

To realize the will to change the world for the better, wise and intelligent people had to survive. So he, who was less wise, just had to become their tool and fight. He wanted to survive and see the end of the war.

But what was left for him, who had fallen behind on the journey to that end…?

Damian, deliberately stopping his train of thought, gave a wry smile and replied, “Okay.”

At Damian’s response, Lilliana, for some reason, looked troubled and turned to face forward again.

Damian was about to ask why, but the nurse called his name. Lilliana smiled brightly as if nothing had happened and waved her hand.

“Take care and come back soon.”

Damian nodded at Lilliana and entered the examination room.

***

Since it was his first visit, it took quite a while for the various tests and interviews. Damian was finally released from the hospital around dinner time and walked home with Lilliana.

Damian had been observing Lilliana’s behavior. She had made a strange expression just before he entered the examination room, and since then, she had become unusually quiet.

Lilliana, sensing Damian’s gaze, glanced at him. But she soon lowered her head again.

“D-do you have something to say?”

“The doctor said the insomnia will improve if I take the medicine consistently, so you don’t have to worry too much. I also got a prescription for medicine to calm me down when I have flashbacks of traumatic memories, so it’ll be fine.”

“Yes. I hope it gets better.”

Lilliana gave a weak smile and lowered her gaze again.

“Is that… all you have to say?”

Damian tilted his head and replied, “It seems like you’re the one who has something to say, Lilliana.”

Lilliana looked defeated. She opened and closed her mouth as if choosing her words, then asked in a dejected voice, “Hey, Damian…”

“Yes?”

“Am I… a bother to you?”

“What?!” Damian’s voice cracked in surprise.

“I don’t understand what you mean, but I’ve never thought that.”

Lilliana fidgeted with her interlaced fingers and began, “But… I want to be helpful to you… I thought you needed someone’s help, so I thought hard about what I could do to help… and this was all I could come up with.”

Lilliana glanced at Damian and then lowered her gaze again.

“But it seems like you don’t like it…”

Damian was confused about how to respond.

“Lilliana, it’s not that I dislike it… but…”

He scratched his head and continued, “To be honest, there are parts I dislike, but it’s not that I dislike you or find you bothersome. What I dislike is…”

“You dislike my actions.”

“No! No! That’s…!”

Damian was about to say that he wished Lilliana wouldn’t worry about him so much. But at the same time, an unexpected thought crossed his mind.

He wished Lilliana would watch over him, observing everything he did. He wanted to run to her and demand her attention even if he just got a paper cut on his finger.

Damian couldn’t understand why he was having these thoughts. He brushed his bangs aside and stared into the empty air.

“I’ve never once disliked you or found you bothersome. How could I? I actually like…”

Damian barely managed to stop himself from revealing his true feelings. He swallowed hard and continued, “…I think you’re a good person.”

Always warm, kind, and lovely… how could I not like you?

“My feelings are… a bit complicated and twisted, so I don’t know how to explain them to others. That’s why you seem to misunderstand when you look at me.”

Damian said, gazing into Lilliana’s blue eyes as she walked, looking up at him with an anxious expression.

“As I said, I think you’re a good person, and as it has been so far, I won’t ever dislike you.”

“How can you guarantee that?” Lilliana said with a hollow laugh.

“People can change… and so can your feelings, Damian.”

“No. That will never happen.”

It was the most resolute answer Lilliana had ever heard from him. It sounded like a solemn declaration.

Damian believed that he owed his life to Lilliana. If it weren’t for ‘Lady Lintray’s’ letters, his will to live and his desire for life wouldn’t have ignited so strongly in that moment.

So this life practically belonged to Lilliana.

His life was Lilliana’s, so even if Lilliana changed, the owner of the hand holding his life wouldn’t change.

“If Lilliana changes, I’ll come to like her as she is,” Damian said with a sigh.

Lilliana suddenly stopped in her tracks. Damian, not noticing, took a few more steps, then turned around with a puzzled look when he realized Lilliana wasn’t following him.

“Hmm… I see. Thank you.”

Lilliana started walking again with her usual expression.

Damian, walking beside her, realized a beat too late what he had just said.

He almost jumped in surprise.

“L-Lilliana! Just in case you misunderstood, there are many meanings to the word ‘like,’ and what I meant just now was simply in terms of like and dislike! There’s also the meaning between a man and a woman, but?! But I meant it in the sense of ‘I like dogs,’ ‘I like cats’! That’s how I meant it when I said I like you…!”

Damian babbled out a long, incoherent excuse. He had been careless, thinking he had successfully defended against revealing his true feelings earlier, but this time it just slipped out naturally.

Damian couldn’t see his own face, but he would have bet his entire fortune that it was probably as red as a ripe tomato.

Lilliana burst out laughing at his flustered excuse.

“A-ahahaha! Why are you suddenly panicking? Of course I know that! What are you trying to explain?”

Seeing Lilliana laughing naturally calmed Damian down.

“Did you think I would misunderstand that? You have someone you like.”

“Someone I like?”

“Yes. You like ‘Lady Lintray.'”

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