When Shadows Fall in Love

She didn't hear the alarm this time. She woke up because of the ache in her wrist. It pulsed beneath the bandage like a memory that refused to fade. She stared at the ceiling again, but this time her eyes didn't wander to the crack. They remained blank, like the time when she tried suiciding.

Her limbs felt heavier than yesterday and lighter than tomorrow.

She got up, slowly, careful not to pull her sleeve back too far. The blade was still there, in the drawer, sleeping under her sketchbook. She didn't touch it today. She wasn't angry enough—just empty.

Routine followed. Brush. Wash. Uniform. Tie. Mirror.

She skipped the part where she judged herself. There was no point today.

Downstairs, the same theatre played on repeat. Junior Z with his childish laughter. Junior S correcting the news anchor's statistics out loud. Her parents sitting at the table, smiling at a breakfast that never had her in mind.

Her plate was still plain toast, though this time grandma was kind enough to add some peanut butter.

"We signed you up for that biology crash course," her father said, not looking up. "It's expensive, so don't waste it."

She opened her mouth to speak. Closed it. Nodded.

"Say thank you," her mother snapped.

"Thank you," she whispered.

For the thing I never asked for, I am forced to thank. But what I want is a disgrace for them.

Her grandmother looked up from her beads. Their eyes met. A little longer this time. She didn't smile. Just watched her, as if she already knew.

She entered the school gate with her hands on either sides of her bags straps and she looked down.

Amelia was waiting by the gate. But what caught her attention was for the first time not her best friend but the person behind her. An eerie black hooded guy with scars all over his face locking a death glare at her.

Amelia rushed to her. "Hi there" She was instantly distracted as she replied, "Hi"

"Girl, you look like a Monday that never ended," said Amelia, gently nudging her shoulder, while she searched for the hooded guy who was nowhere to be found.

Amelia chuckled, softly and caught her friend's hand, in the same process touching her wrist. It hurt her wrist, but she didn't show it.

"Guess what?" Amelia said. "I smuggled chocolate. Dark. Fancy. From dad's drawer."

She smiled fully this time. The kind that touched her eyes, just a little.

"I'll give it during ICT. If we don't die of boredom first."

Amelia walked beside her, talking about nonsense, laughter in her voice. She never asked too much. Never stared too long. Just existed beside her, and somehow that was enough to keep the day from drowning. But this time even Amelia noticed that her friend looked darker than before.

One hour later…

Physics class dragged. The formulas blurred. Her wrist throbbed beneath the sleeve.

She scribbled the notes neatly anyway, each heading underlined in soft lavender. Her handwriting looked like it belonged to someone else—someone who didn't carry storms in their chest, so unlike her.

At break, she found a spot beneath the staircase with Amelia. They ate quietly.

"You sure you're okay?" Amelia asked, finally.

She hesitated.

"Yeah. Just stuff at home."

Amelia passed her a chocolate square. "Take this. It's clinically proven to make girls 14% less sad."

"Really?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Totally made-up. But it works."

They both laughed. She tucked the chocolate in her mouth and chewed slowly. It tasted warm. Not because of cocoa. But because someone cared; the one and only person who was sitting in front of her.

A few hours later…

During ICT, she sketched a layout for a dream library on the back of her worksheet. Spiral staircases, glass domes, reading pods hanging from the ceiling like bubbles.

The teacher passed by, didn't notice.

But Amelia peeked.

"You're magic," she whispered.

She just shook her head with a mocking smile.

No, I'm just trying not to disappear or die; same thing anyway.