Troublemaker’s Guide to Immortality

For a moment, all was quiet.

Ling Fei walked over to the Iron-Eating Beast with a few disciples trailing behind him.

The beast was quite attached to its caretaker. The moment it saw him, it let out a few pitiful whimpers, sniffling in grievance.

Ling Fei gently stroked its head, his gaze soft, then began examining its body.

"The Iron-Eating Beast has always been a bit excitable. When it goes berserk, it doesn't know how to hold back. It's hurt itself again. We'll need to treat it immediately. Bring me my silver needles, I need to begin the healing." Ling Fei's voice was calm and composed.

He had lived his whole life for these spirit beasts. Though he had cultivated all the way to the Divine Transformation stage, he had never sought out offensive secret arts. Instead, he had become proficient in spiritual pacification and physical healing techniques—solely to better care for his charges.

The Iron-Eating Beast nodded obediently at first.

But then—

The surrounding spirit beasts began to chatter with wicked delight.

"Heehee, I want to watch it get stuck with needles!"

"Same here! Finally, it's not just me getting poked."

"But the caretaker's needles don't really hurt. I've had it before."

"Doesn't matter. I want to see the show!"

The Iron-Eating Beast's expression visibly changed.

Hell no! It refused to be their entertainment!

It grabbed the hem of Ling Fei's robe and whined even more pitifully.

Ling Fei paused, trying to sense its emotions.

He had been able to communicate with beasts since he was young, but spirit beasts were a different matter entirely. Their language was too complex, and it seemed as if the Heavenly Dao itself had erected a barrier between human and beast speech. A spirit beast needed to reach the Unity stage before it could assume human form and speak human language. Before that, no matter how hard one studied, the two tongues simply could not connect.

This could only be explained as a restriction imposed by the Heavenly Dao.

Though Ling Fei could communicate simply with spirit beasts, he didn't truly understand their speech. Instead, he made reasonable guesses based on their expressions and emotions.

For example, with this Iron-Eating Beast, Ling Fei sensed fear and panic.

Assuming it was scared of the needles, he patted its head soothingly. "Don't worry, my needle technique is excellent. It won't hurt at all."

The Iron-Eating Beast grew even more frantic. "It's not about pain! I just don't wanna be laughed at!"

But to Ling Fei's ears, it was just meaningless noise.

All he sensed was the beast's escalating panic, so he continued patiently reassuring it.

Soon, the disciple returned with the silver needles.

The Iron-Eating Beast's protests grew even more desperate.

Ling Fei sighed. "Your injuries are serious. Without immediate treatment, there could be lasting effects. Be good—I'll be gentle. I promise it won't hurt."

Seeing that reasoning was futile, the little Iron-Eating Beast flopped onto the ground and rolled around.

Wuuuuu—

Even as a spirit beast, it had dignity!

It would rather die than let the others mock it!

The other spirit beasts, seeing its stubbornness, tried to console it.

"Iron-Eater, we were just joking. Get treated properly—we promise not to laugh."

"Yeah, injuries hurt bad."

A chorus of well-meaning reassurances rose from the spirit beasts.

But the Iron-Eating Beast only grew more defiant, squirming and refusing to comply.

It waved its little paws and roared dramatically:

"BEASTFOLK! NEVER SLAVES!"

"The glory of I, the Iron-Eating Beast, illuminates all!"

"I! THE IRON-EATER! WILL NEVER YIELD!"

Yun Jin, standing not far away, blinked at these melodramatic declarations.

She couldn't help laughing.

That was it. Decision made.

This beast was perfect.

It was practically tailored for her.

With a glint in her eyes, Yun Jin walked forward of her own accord.

"Junior Sister Yun!" the disciple beside her panicked. "Senior Ling doesn't like strangers approaching the spirit beasts!"

Even though Ling Fei had agreed to let her pick one, the normal process was slow and respectful. Charging in like this was absolutely not the norm.

Ling Fei, hearing the commotion, turned toward them.

When he saw it was Yun Jin, he paused, then said, "Wait a moment. I'll come speak to you after I finish tending to these beasts."

"Senior Ling," Yun Jin replied with a calm smile, "since I'll be forming a contract with a spirit beast soon, I thought I should learn more about caring for them first. May I assist you this time?"

Her willingness to learn demonstrated her sincerity and respect toward the spirit beast she was about to bond with. Whatever displeasure Ling Fei had felt at her sudden approach faded away.

He thought for a moment, then nodded. "Very well. I was just about to use acupuncture on this Iron-Eating Beast. You may observe."

But even as he agreed, a trace of concern lingered. If the beast kept throwing a tantrum, it would waste far too much time. The Iron-Eating Beast let out a grunt when it saw Yun Jin draw near.

"Hmph! Skinny human. I could smash ten of you with one paw."

Yun Jin pretended not to hear it. "Senior Ling, may I speak with it?"

Ling Fei hesitated. After all, she wasn't alone, and someone could intervene if needed. He nodded. Yun Jin smiled faintly. She crouched down and slowly approached the beast. For some reason, the Iron-Eating Beast stiffened up with nervous tension.

Leaning close, Yun Jin whispered in its ear:

"Beastfolk. Never slaves."

Iron-Eating Beast: "!!!!!!!!"

It froze mid-tantrum, staring at her in shock. Meeting her amused gaze, a wave of mortification crashed over it.

It wanted to cry!

How could this human understand spirit beast language?!

Spouting such nonsense to its fellow spirit beasts made it sound cool—

But being heard by a human?

So. Damn. Embarrassing.

It flipped over, faceplanting into the ground.

Fellow beasts, do you understand?

It, the mighty Iron-Eating Beast—

Wanted to vanish on the spot.

Ling Fei blinked at the sudden compliance. "What did you say to it?" He hadn't eavesdropped out of courtesy, but curiosity gnawed at him.

"Nothing much. It's just shy. When I got close, I… sensed its thoughts. It said, 'Beast—'"

Before she could finish—

The Iron-Eating Beast scrambled upright, urgently gesturing for Ling Fei to proceed.

Hurry up and needle it already!

It would rather endure the treatment than die of shame!

Ling Fei was genuinely stunned.

"What in the world had this disciple done to tame it so quickly?"

"Xiao Jin, what exactly did you sense?" he pressed.

Yun Jin's smile deepened. The Iron-Eating Beast looked utterly defeated.

It was over. Its dignity was doomed.

But then—

The human spoke again:

"It seems to prefer being treated in a private room. It's embarrassed in front of the others."

"Ah! That explains it!" Ling Fei exclaimed in realization.

The Iron-Eating Beast's head snapped up, staring at Yun Jin.

She met its gaze with a knowing smile.

Suddenly, the beast ducked its head, a flicker of gratitude in its eyes.

Maybe… this human wasn't so bad after all?