The Terminally-Ill Lord Desires Hospice Care

The Empress leisurely poured brandy into her tea as she observed the fidgeting Rizehl.
“My, for the lady of a lordly household to suddenly visit this crippled Empress like this, after saying she would not come.”

After chugging the concoction of one part tea and nine parts brandy, she examined Rizehl’s appearance.
Her skin seemed a bit rough, as if she had lost sleep overnight, and her eyes were slightly puffy.
Her somewhat disheveled hair made it clear she had come without properly combing it.

“I usually refuse visitors, but accepted due to the unexpectedness. I’m quite busy, you see.”
“…”
“Ah, that was me putting ‘Since I’m rather busy, if you’re just going to sit there silently, please leave’ in the most courteous way possible.”
“…..Your Majesty the Empress.”

Unlike her usual faint voice, this voice sounded somewhat hoarse, as if the events of last night still lingered.
It was not sorrow – she could not be certain of that yet.
It was not regret – she could not yet definitively conclude that everything had been the truth.
It was simply unease.

“What kind of person was Raul…no, my brother…?”
“A fool.”
The Empress answered without any hesitation.
“That man was a remarkably foolish fool.”
“Pardon?”
“It has been that way since long ago. When he first took a life, when he lost cherished subordinates, when he received news of his father’s passing, and even when he suffered an unspeakable plight.”

The Empress recalled Raul’s desolate appearance as he endured each of those situations alone.
“He would always close his eyes tightly with an expression of holding something back, clutching a worn handkerchief.”
“A handkerchief…?”

Rizehl seemed startled by the word ‘handkerchief’, accidentally dropping the teacup filled with tea.
For if it was a handkerchief Raul would have owned, there was one item she could surmise.

“Was that handkerchief a gift from you?”
“……”
“The sole reason I view you more favorably than others is because you allowed Raul to endure difficult times. It is also true that you existed for him.”

But such words could not reach Rizehl’s ears.
For the moment of gifting that handkerchief to her brother flashed so vividly in her mind that it overwhelmed all her senses.

Her brother, who had seemed somewhat fatigued, had been wearing something resembling a new cloak, so she had asked:

‘Brother! Is that new black cloak yours? It looks like a black bird, so it really suits you!’
‘…Thank you. Though there is someone else a black bird would suit better.’
‘Where did you buy it?’
‘Father gave it to me. He said he had this coat he cherished in his youth repaired. It cannot provide strength on the battlefield, but it will shield me from the cold, he said.’
‘The battlefield…?’
‘…Yes. I am due to depart for quite a distant place for some time. Perhaps I may not be able to return, so Father must have been worried, hence this gift of something he treasured.’

Upon hearing that story, the young Rizehl had immediately taken scissors, rushed up to her room dododododo, and soon returned holding a neatly cut square of white cloth.

‘What is this piece of cloth?’
‘A handkerchief!’
That handkerchief had been made by cutting a part of the dress Rizehl treasured most, for she had wished to gift something to Raul just as her father had, willingly cutting her precious dress.

‘…Thank you.’
Stroking Rizehl’s head, Raul had said:
‘I promise. When I return, I shall fight for you, not the nation.’

The Raul who had spoken those words had worn a warmth in his smile that was now unimaginable.

“…Ah.”

Raul was someone who kept his promises no matter what.
Rizehl herself knew this better than anyone. There was no way such a person would break his promise and kill her fiancé.

“But why…”
Rizehl began clutching at her own hair.
“If he had just told me…If he had simply said it was a misunderstanding…I would not have acted that way…Brother…”

“Well, that was that fool’s mistake…but even so.”
The Empress grasped Rizehl’s chin, meeting her gaze.
“After that, that fool tried to converse with you multiple times. Because being hated by you pained him more than expected. So he tried to apologize.”

But all Rizehl had were memories of coldly driving him away whenever he came knocking, saying he had something to say.
No matter how much vile language she hurled at him, telling him to leave, he had simply stood outside waiting for Rizehl.
He had always waited until daybreak before returning to his duties.

“I…why did I not know such things…How can I make up for this mistake…”
“Do not delude yourself, Rizehl.”
As the Empress poured more brandy into the remnants of tea in her cup, she spoke:
“That man’s…no, our teacher said it. Ignorance is the most foolish sin. But in my view, not knowing is not a sin. I do not intend to blame you for your misunderstanding either.”

“……”
“The greatest sin is not trying to understand. Not once did you try to face the truth that your brother could not have done such a thing.”
“……Yes.”
“Your brother cherished you so much. Yet you did not believe he could not have done it. And that.”

Rizehl wished to cover her ears, but could not.
For if she only listened to what she wished to hear now, it seemed she may never be able to turn back.

“Is your greatest mistake. Do you understand, you damn brat?”

Chicken-dropping-like tears began streaming from Rizehl’s eyes.
The Empress seemed a bit hurt, as if scolding a younger sister. Though when examined, Rizehl was indeed a friend’s younger sister, so her words were not incorrect.

“…I am truly sorry.”
“Oh my, Raul’s ears must be absurdly keen to hear an apology from this far away.”

The Empress was about to drain her tea heavily dosed with brandy once more.

“I am truly sorry to you, Your Majesty the Empress…and to my brother…Envious of Your Majesty the Empress’ happy life, I only saw what I wished to see and heard what I wished to hear…”
“Oh, why are you suddenly apologizing to me? Oh no, in the middle of the night too, even freckles have limits.”
“It is you two whom I have wronged most due to my unsightly heart…Truly…Truly…Huhuhuhu…!!!”
“Oh, why are you suddenly crying and carrying on? If your brother Raul hears you crying, a storm of blood will descend upon the imperial palace again!”

Of course, Rizehl was simply a child in an adult’s body.
A child who had rarely left the estate due to a sickly constitution in her youth.
For such a child, the pain she felt for the first time seemed almost not of this world.
It was an oppressive, suffocating pain as if her heart was being torn out. She could not breathe properly, nor speak coherently.
Rizehl did not understand what was happening. Only a damp agony existed, clearly pointing her towards the subject she should feel guilty towards.

“Alright, that’s enough, enough! Oh no, why is this situation suddenly becoming a mess again…! As they say, the mother-in-law comes the day after the wedding…! If that fool Raul were to unexpectedly return and see this, everything would truly be ruined!”

Though the Empress had the vulgar tongue of a dockworker, she did not wish to face an enraged Raul.

“Alright, enough, enough! Truly, before I pluck out your tear ducts!”

Straining her frail body, the Empress began wiping Rizehl’s face with her own handkerchief.

“Alright, take a deep breath, deep breath!”
“Brother…! Huhuaaaaah…!”
“Oh, I was prepared to slap you thinking you were whining like a shrew, but why are you suddenly like this! Suddenly your face is a mess and you’re suddenly asking about your brother too! Did you eat some poisonous mushrooms for a late night snack?”

As she patted Rizehl’s back, the Empress lamented how her ill fate had become so utterly twisted that she now had to console even a grown friend’s younger sister.

“Where is my brother…? I have to go apologize…!”
“Later! Later! I’ll let you know later after seeing how you act!”

Eventually, unable to overcome her guilt, Rizehl cried herself to exhaustion and collapsed.
The Empress had no choice but to personally lay the fallen Rizehl onto a bed with her frail body.

“Oh, it was your younger sister acting like a shrew, but why is my body struggling, Raul…?”

Like Rizehl, she began searching for Raul who was not even present.

“I wonder what happened last night for her to suddenly come and carry on like this.”

With a sigh, the Empress drained the remaining tea.
Then, gazing out the window, she envisioned Raul far beyond it.

“It would be nice if he could simply forget and live in peace from now on.”

As she was lost in reminiscence, a single black feather fell beside the window, catching her eye.

“A raven’s feather…”
Examining the feather from all angles, she seemed to sink even deeper into distant memories, her gaze becoming wistful.

“Haah…I’m still young, yet I’m only thinking of the past like an old woman. Anyone who sees me would think I’m seventy years old.”

After tossing the raven’s feather out the window, she quietly gazed at a painting depicting five young boys and girls.

“And yet, I do miss it. It may sound insane, but I miss the times of war. That era when I only needed to focus on the visible enemy.”

As she covered the exhausted Rizehl with a blanket, the Empress said:
“I could tell you where your brother resides…but I wonder if that would be the right thing…”

Raul’s current state was one of being mentally pushed to the limit.
No matter how much Rizehl was cherished by Raul, there was no reversing his heart.

“But Rizehl, I wish for your happiness as well. For you too are a victim raised under that woman. And for Raul’s treasure, you, to be happy…”

After a momentary pause, the Empress gave a bitter smile as she tidied Rizehl’s hair.

“Is that not why I fought, even discarding my chastity?”