The Salted Fish Cultivator: My Pet System Awakens

''Brother Lu, wake up! I've missed you so much, and the first thing I see is you dying on the ground! What's going on here?!''

Lu Tian opened his eyes to find a round face hovering inches above his own. His old friend, Zhang Wei—the childhood terror, resident foodie, and class clown—grinned down at him like he'd just found treasure.

"Fatty?" Lu Tian croaked, still lying flat on the grass.

"Fatty, my butt!" Zhang Wei huffed, patting his round belly with pride. "This is called cultivated mass. A foundation of stability, Brother Lu!"

Lu Tian blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"Transferring in, obviously!" Zhang Wei said, pulling Lu Tian into a sitting position with surprising strength. "When I heard you were at this academy, I thought, why should Brother Lu suffer alone? So I begged my dad to transfer me!"

Lu Tian stared blankly. "Suffer?"

"Of course! Look at you—lying there, sweating like you ran a marathon. What happened? Did the school finally force you to exercise?" Zhang Wei snorted, clearly amused.

"More like I was forced by…" Lu Tian's eye twitched as he remembered the smug robotic voice echoing in his head. "…nothing. I was exercising voluntarily."

[Host, lying to your friend is unbecoming.]

Lu Tian shot a glare at the sky. "Shut up, you cursed machine!"

Zhang Wei tilted his head. "Brother Lu, who are you talking to?"

"No one," Lu Tian muttered.

At that moment, Zhang Wei noticed the growing crowd of students still staring at Lu Tian with undisguised amusement. Whispers could be heard.

"Is that guy insane?"

"Talking to the air? Maybe he's possessed."

"Lu Tian's always been lazy, but this is next level…"

Zhang Wei puffed up his chest, standing tall—well, as tall as someone of his "cultivated mass" could manage. "What are you all looking at? Haven't you seen a genius in training before?"

The students stared, stunned by the audacity.

"Genius?"

"Training?"

Zhang Wei ignored them all, slapping Lu Tian on the back with enough force to make him cough. "Don't mind them, Brother Lu. They're just jealous of your peaceful life!"

Lu Tian wanted to cry. Peaceful? He was being tortured by a sadistic system no one else could hear.

---

In the classroom, Zhang Wei slumped into the seat next to Lu Tian, still grinning ear to ear.

"So tell me, Brother Lu, what's the story here? You're at the bottom of the class?" Zhang Wei teased, reaching for the snacks stuffed into his bag.

Lu Tian snorted. "It's called conserving energy."

[Correction: It's called laziness, Host.]

Lu Tian twitched. He jabbed his desk with his pen and whispered under his breath, "Don't you have anything better to do?"

[I'm here to ensure your success. Be grateful.]

"Grateful? You electrocuted me earlier!"

Zhang Wei stopped munching mid-bite, looking confused. "Who electrocuted you?"

"No one."

Zhang Wei shrugged. "Alright then. By the way, I heard this academy has some crazy cultivation geniuses. Have you seen them? They're supposed to be gods on the battlefield!"

Lu Tian waved him off. "Cultivation's too much work. I'd rather sleep."

Zhang Wei gasped dramatically, clutching his chest like he'd been struck. "Brother Lu! What kind of nonsense is this? You're insulting the path to greatness!"

Before Lu Tian could respond, the system chimed in.

[Host has shown resistance to improvement. Issuing second mission.]

"Not again…" Lu Tian groaned, sensing a headache coming.

[New Mission: Run 10 laps around the academy within 15 minutes. Reward: 20 experience points. Penalty: Pain Calibration Level 2.]

Lu Tian froze. "Wait, Level 2?!"

"Who are you yelling at?" Zhang Wei asked, munching loudly.

The classroom went silent as all heads turned toward Lu Tian. The teacher at the front of the room, Instructor Zhao—a stern middle-aged man—frowned. "Lu Tian, care to share what's so interesting?"

Lu Tian stiffened, sweat trickling down his neck.

"Nothing, sir!"

The system didn't care about his embarrassment.

[Timer starts now. 15 minutes remaining.]

Lu Tian shot to his feet so suddenly that his desk scraped loudly across the floor. "Excuse me! I—I need to go!"

The class erupted into laughter.

"Skipping class again, Lu Tian?"

"Lazy Tian strikes again!"

Zhang Wei blinked, mouth full of snacks. "Brother Lu? Where are you going?"

Lu Tian didn't answer. He bolted out the door like a rabbit being chased by wolves.

---

The academy courtyard was huge, surrounded by training grounds, meditation gardens, and towering cultivation halls. Lu Tian staggered forward, already gasping for breath after his first lap.

"This is… insane…"

[13 minutes remaining, Host. You're slower than expected.]

Lu Tian shot a glare at the sky. "I'm human! Not a racing horse!"

[Your complaints have been noted. Keep running.]

Suddenly, a loud crack sounded in the air.

BOOM!

A bolt of lightning struck just inches from Lu Tian's foot, leaving a smoking crater in the grass.

Lu Tian froze mid-stride. "What the—?!"

[Failure to comply will result in increased motivation.]

"Motivation? You call lightning strikes motivation?!" Lu Tian roared, his face pale.

From a distance, students stared in horror.

"Did… did lightning just strike the ground?"

"Is Lu Tian cursed or something?"

"Why is he running like his life depends on it?"

Lu Tian shot forward at double speed, arms flailing as he screamed. "I'm running! I'm running! Don't strike me again!"

By the time he hit his fifth lap, Zhang Wei had appeared, waving a giant drumstick in the air. "Brother Lu! Why are you running like the heavens are punishing you?!"

"They are!" Lu Tian howled back.

Zhang Wei watched in disbelief as Lu Tian completed lap after lap, a lightning bolt striking dangerously close every time he slowed down. By the time he collapsed on the tenth lap, panting like a dying fish, the courtyard was silent.

Students whispered.

"Incredible…"

"He's actually alive?"

"Lu Tian—our academy's number one slacker—just ran ten laps?!"

Zhang Wei ran over, shaking him by the shoulders. "Brother Lu! You've ascended to the heavens! Tell me, what's your secret?"

Lu Tian twitched weakly, groaning. "My secret? I'm being tortured…"

The system chimed in cheerfully.

[Mission complete. Reward: 20 experience points. Good job, Host!]

"Good job, my foot…" Lu Tian muttered, face pressed into the grass.