The Reincarnated Lizardman Wants a Hamburger

A peaceful little path in the forest, so serene it’s almost boring.

Creak creak

There, a Golem in armor was dragging its feet, looking utterly exhausted.

The reason? It had been pointlessly following a cat on its adventure, suffering absurdly unreasonable hardships along the way.

From throwing itself into a river to crossing a rotten log bridge, to spotting the cat from the sky and fending off swooping hawks, to carelessly poking a beehive, throwing pebbles, and single-handedly blocking an angry swarm of bees while getting drenched in sticky honey.

For some reason, every time it followed the cat, bizarrely dangerous situations unfolded, and each time, the Golem, named Charles, had no choice but to throw itself into harm’s way to protect the cat.

With each ordeal, Charles’ armor collected more dirt and dust, but the cat remained unharmed, casually continuing its stroll.

‘In the midst of this endless suffering, this Golem cautiously forms a hypothesis. Could it be that the entity known as “Cat” has been aware of my stalking from the beginning and is deliberately tormenting me?’

Charles, despite thinking it was ridiculous, had reached a point where such a hypothesis seemed plausible.

The cat, oblivious to Charles’ suffering, seemed completely unfazed, as if it still had plenty of stamina left from charging up on photosynthesis during the day.

‘Why, of all things, am I, a former Dragnity Imperial Guard tasked with protecting royalty, now stuck babysitting this small, foolish creature?’

In the midst of it all, Charles pondered a fundamental question.

‘At first, I followed the cat to expose its hidden ferocious nature, but judging by how things have gone so far, the chances of uncovering any evil tendencies are slim. Even if I did catch a glimpse of its terrifying nature, I have no plan on how to report it to my master. This is a problem.’

Was there even any meaning to this stalking mission anymore?

Perhaps realizing it was too late, Charles felt his motivation to follow the cat dwindling.

‘Thinking about it, my actions from the start might have been slightly irrational and illogical. Sure, the entity known as “Cat” is a mutant creature unlike anything I’ve seen before, but my level of vigilance toward it has been excessively overestimated. This line of thinking is clearly irrational and illogical. This behavior pattern resembles the dictionary definition of jealousy.’

But that was strange.

Charles possessed a higher level of cognitive ability compared to other Golems, but that was simply how it was designed. At its core, Charles was still a Golem.

A Golem created to actively gather information in its environment and solve problems on its own.

Though it resembled a human in form, there was an unbridgeable gap between Golems and humans.

So, what was this behavior?

It was as if Charles was jealous of the cat, trying to find its weaknesses to impress its master… as if it had a “heart.”

‘I must indeed be broken. I revise my previous assessment of my damage level. Not only is my combat functionality impaired, but my cognitive abilities are also engaging in irrational and illogical thinking. The danger level of accumulated errors is indeterminable. This is all because of that Lizardman. A chimera combining amphibian, reptilian, and human genes—why is it so strong?’

Finally awakening to its “self,” Charles quietly reflected on its condition.

Its mental state, which it had either not recognized or deliberately ignored until now.

The cause was crystal clear.

If Charles was broken, there was only one reason: the Ancient Ruins. The damage sustained during the battle with the Lizardman, Kurt, in the old Dragnity Imperial Palace.

Despite the fierce battle, Charles remained the last active unit of the Andellia Divine Soldiers, but its condition was far from perfect.

The shield, once a semi-national treasure artifact, was completely destroyed beyond repair. While Charles’ exterior appeared intact, its internals were a mess, and its combat capabilities were less than half of what they once were.

The errors in its thought circuits were likely also a result of the battle with that Lizardman.

Even after awakening to its “self,” or perhaps because of it, Charles’ most important goal was to perfectly fulfill its duties.

‘Perhaps I should have undergone more repairs,’ Charles judged its own condition.

Though left without maintenance for many years, the ruins of the Ancient Empire were once one of the most advanced buildings of the world-dominating superpower.

While not all functions were perfect, Charles, with its vast knowledge of the Dragnity Imperial Palace, could somehow operate the ancient facilities.

So, upon awakening, the first thing Charles did was repair the damage sustained from Kurt’s blows and restore the other inactive Andellia Divine Soldiers…

‘But even so, it would take years to complete the self-repair. For the old me, years would have been no issue, but now, with a new master to serve, I can’t afford to spend years on self-repair.’

Yet, even if it was an unavoidable choice, the fact that Charles couldn’t complete its self-repair was deeply painful.

Even if the result of that self-repair meant losing its “self” again.

The first thought Charles had upon self-awareness was denial.

Having a “self” led to irrational and illogical thoughts and actions, which in turn caused disruptions in its duties. Perhaps it was better to not have a “self” at all.

Even if it had a “self,” Charles was, after all, still a Golem.

“Meow~!”

Just as Charles was deep in thought, having just become aware of its “self,” the cat’s voice rang out, sounding excited as if it had found something interesting.

The old Charles would have immediately reacted to the cat’s voice, wondering what to do, but the newly self-aware Charles paid little attention.

‘In the end, my hypersensitivity to the entity known as “Cat” stems from my own “self.” Such irrational and illogical thinking is unnecessary for a Golem like me. I shall return. Guarding my master is more important than stalking a cat.’

With a calm demeanor, Charles thought coldly.

Now that it knew it had a “self,” Charles no longer acted on emotions.

“Meow! Meeow!”

Unaware of Charles’ mood, the cat continued to meow excitedly.

‘No matter how excited you sound, I won’t pay attention to you anymore…’

Ignoring the cat’s high-pitched meows, Charles decided to turn back, but it glanced at the cat to see what trivial thing had it so excited this time.

However, what entered Charles’ vision was no trivial matter.

It was a massive, 2-meter-tall wooden humanoid.

To be precise, it was a treant-type monster with a skeletal structure eerily similar to a human’s. A Trent.

But unlike ordinary Trents, which could only slightly move their roots and swing their branches, this Trent had a distinctly human-like silhouette.

And where a human’s head would be, there was a knothole twisted into a sinister, ghostly face.

‘That’s…!’

“Meow~♪ Meeow~♪”

Charles immediately went on guard, but the cat, right next to the ominous Trent, was excited as if it had just met a fellow moving plant for the first time.

Well, technically, they were of different species, but as moving plants, they could be considered kin.

The problem was, while the cat thought so, the grotesque Trent didn’t seem to agree.

“Grrrk…grrk…”

“Meow?”

As the grotesque Trent raised its arm with a zombie-like groan, Charles leapt forward.

‘Risking danger to save the cat here is utterly irrational and illogical. This is all because of that Lizardman monster’s errors!’

Clang!

A metallic clash, unbelievable for a collision between a plant’s stem and an alloy shield, echoed through the forest.

“Grrrk…”

The grotesque Trent glared at Charles as if questioning why it had intervened.

But Charles itself couldn’t understand why it was fighting this bizarre Trent to protect the cat.

‘I must indeed be broken.’

Charles, shielding the frightened cat behind it, thought as the sudden battle began.

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