The Northern Duke’s Daughter Will Never Fall

Chapter 44. Doubt and Affection (2)

“Astrid, you’re late.”

“You never mentioned you’d be coming.”

“Where have you been?”

“The Imperial Library.”

Figuring that having something was better than nothing, Astrid had borrowed five books on summoning magic. 

She’d just returned home with the books when she was informed that Leopold had arrived and was having a private conversation with Ashray.

“The Imperial Library? You?”

Though she’d obtained permission, he hadn’t expected her to visit so quickly.

Leopold’s face showed clear surprise, causing Astrid’s lips to curl in slight annoyance.

“I do read books, you know. What on earth do you think of me?”

“Ashray, what do you think?”

“Well… People do change a little when they become adults, don’t they?”

Even Ashray found it hard to believe. Astrid, visiting a library of her own volition? It was almost unthinkable. The Astrid he knew had never been interested in libraries.

“Anyway, what’s this about?”

“Hmm… Ashray, could you step out for a moment?”

“Understood. Your Highness, shall I prepare a dinner of meat?”

“Do so.”

“Understood.”

Ashray bowed deeply and left the reception room. Leopold, seated in the host’s chair and sipping tea, seemed perfectly at ease. 

Meanwhile, Astrid, standing and watching him, felt like the roles of guest and master had been swapped.

“Take a seat, Astrid.”

“Alright.”

There’s nothing uncomfortable.

Nothing at all.

There shouldn’t be.

But after what had happened that morning, Leopold’s presence felt a little awkward.

“No reason for me to avoid him,” she told herself.

Come to think of it, the “real” Astrid had been strangely quiet.

She’d said she’d sleep, and it seemed she was actually doing so.

If the “real” Astrid had been awake during this private moment with Leopold…

【Wha… Wha?! Your Highness?!】

“So you’re just as bad as I thought,” she muttered internally.

【What nonsense are you talking about?!】

Despite claiming she’d be asleep, the “real” Astrid’s timing was impeccable. And now, her voice echoed in Astrid’s head, making it ache.

Astrid placated her as if she were dealing with a fussy toddler. “We’re on a time limit here, so I’ll let you take over when something important happens. Okay?”

She then sat at the table in front of Leopold.

“Have you been waiting long?”

“No, I’ve only just arrived.”

Astrid neatly folded her hands on her lap and gazed at Leopold.

“He really is handsome,” she thought.

【Of course he is! How many times do you need to state the obvious?!】

“So, you mentioned you had something to discuss with me.”

“I did. Astrid.”

“Yes?”

Leopold’s blue eyes met hers.

There was something in his gaze that Astrid couldn’t decipher. What was he thinking? He’d called her in for a talk but had yet to say anything. Instead, he simply stared at her in silence.

The long pause stretched on until Astrid was about to ask what was wrong.

“I heard you were gravely ill.”

“Oh…”

Judging from the context, he was clearly referring to the time she’d been unconscious for a month. 

But that wasn’t something “she” had experienced—it was something the “real” Astrid had gone through.

“I’m sorry I didn’t visit you while you were ill.”

【As expected… As expected, His Highness cares for me…!】

“I didn’t hear about it until much later. I’m sorry.”

“What is it you’re trying to say, Your Highness?”

“You’ve changed a lot since then.”

“Pardon?”

Changed? In what way?

What’s changed?

“Your ferocity, the sharp words you used to stab at the hearts of those around you. All of that has vanished from you.”

【Fe-Ferocity…?】

“Hold on,” Astrid said to the other Astrid in her mind.

“You used to go out of your way to hurt those around you. I hated that about you. I knew I should have visited you while you were ill, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

【W-What is His Highness saying right now?!】

“Y-Your Highness, please… What are you talking about?”

“When I saw you at the Academy leading your squad, I found myself thinking, ‘Maybe she’s a different person now.’ That thought crossed my mind.”

“I… I see.”

Leopold raised his teacup and took a sip.

It was the same tea that Astrid had once said tasted awful, but Leopold drank it with ease.

“So, I wondered if perhaps your illness had actually changed you for the better.”

The “real” Astrid’s voice grew quieter and quieter.

Leopold’s descriptions of her “former self” clearly referred to the “real” Astrid, while the “changed version” he described was the “fake” Astrid—the one currently in control.

In other words, Leopold was saying that he preferred this new version of Astrid over the original.

【W-What is His Highness… even saying right now…】

“No, there’s got to be some mistake,” Astrid told her. “Let’s hear him out a bit more, okay?”

But Astrid could feel the “real” Astrid’s emotions crashing into her like a wave. It was as if they were falling into a deep, endless abyss. 

It felt like the light of her life had just been snuffed out, like she’d followed a guide through the darkness only to find herself at the edge of a cliff.

A cold, damp, oppressive sensation filled the space where the other Astrid’s presence resided.

“But even so…” Leopold continued.

“At the ball, the way you acted toward Lady Uraid, Lady Jorgien, and Lady Autria—that was no different from how you’d been in the past. 

The Astrid from before your illness, the Astrid at the Academy, and the Astrid at the ball—it’s as if you’re three entirely different people.”

“And then, last night…”

Clatter.

He set his teacup down on its saucer with a small clink.

Leopold’s clear blue eyes stared directly at Astrid.

There was no emotion in them, no personal interest—just a quiet, calm gaze that seemed solely focused on seeking the truth.

Unable to meet that gaze, Astrid lowered her eyes.

“You said it yourself. You asked why you had to suffer because of ‘them.’ So, Astrid, tell me. What did you mean by ‘them’?”

Her memory was hazy.

She’d been drunk. The words she’d said only came back in bits and pieces. She couldn’t clearly recall if she’d actually said something like that.

“You’ve been like a completely different person at times. I want to know. I want to understand what happened to you during that time you were ill, and why you’ve changed so much.”

Leopold rose from his seat.

He walked over to where Astrid was sitting, slowly knelt on one knee before her, and took her hands in his own.

“I’m well aware that, as your fiancé, I should’ve visited you while you were sick. I’m also aware that questioning you like this is improper. But Astrid… no, Astie. Please, tell me what happened to you. I want to know.”

“…I should just tell him the truth,” she thought.

【…Yes. There’s no other choice now.】

Nothing else came to mind.

No matter what excuse she gave, it wouldn’t work on Leopold, not with how sharply he’d already seen through her. 

He’d figured out that she was like a different person at times. There was no point in lying anymore.

“The truth is, I…”

“Go on,” Leopold urged her.

Looking up at her from below, his gaze was gentle. That warmth made Astrid’s heart tighten.

“The truth is, I’m not…”

Her voice caught in her throat.

【What’s happening? Why did you stop?】

“I’m trying to tell him…”

“I’m not Astr…”

Her throat locked up again.

She tried to say it—the words, “I’m not Astrid,” were on the tip of her tongue. But just as she was about to speak, her throat constricted, and she couldn’t make a sound.

“Is your throat sore?” Leopold asked, his voice filled with concern.

“No, it’s not that… Actually, I’m not Astrid…”

Again.

She’d tried to say it, but her throat seized up once more, and she couldn’t get the words out.

【Maybe there’s some kind of restriction preventing you from speaking it aloud.”】

“A restriction?”

【Like a forbidden word spell. I’ve heard that certain barbarian shamans can place such curses.”】

“Why would there be something like that on me…”

There was no point in pushing it further.

“It’s… just drunk talk. It didn’t mean anything.”

“So you’re saying you’re not ready to talk about it. I see.”

Leopold slowly rose to his feet.

“I’ll figure it out eventually. I’ll leave it at that for now.”

“…”

It would have been better if she could have told him the truth.

Astrid bit her lip, her frustration bubbling up inside.

Although Leopold’s visit had been unexpected, it was fortunate that he’d arrived with enough time for the household to prepare a meal.

【Why is that lazy brat still here?! I thought I’d get to have a private dinner with His Highness!”】

“That’s your brother… Try to be more understanding.”

Despite having been troubled by Leopold’s earlier remarks, the “real” Astrid had already shifted gears, once again fixating on Leopold. It was as if she’d already forgotten everything he’d said.

…Although, it did feel like she was forcing herself to be upbeat.

Astrid’s temples throbbed. She pressed her fingers against them, trying to massage away the growing headache.

“Ah, it’s been ages since we’ve had a meal together like this, Your Highness,” Ashray said, grinning widely.

“Indeed, it’s been a while,” Leopold replied.

“The last time we met was over ten years ago, wasn’t it? I should have mentioned it earlier, but you’ve changed a lot since then.”

Ashray’s laugh echoed through the dining hall.

Astrid, being a woman, was the shortest of the three. Next was Leopold, and finally Ashray, who was taller than Leopold. 

None of them were small, and the three of them sitting at an 8-person table made it feel crowded.

【I was supposed to have a romantic dinner with His Highness! How could this happen?!】

“You’ll have plenty of meals with him in the future. Be kind to your brother,” Astrid chided.

She wondered what kind of treatment Ashray had been subjected to up until now. 

Regardless of blood ties, he was still her younger brother. Shouldn’t she show him some care and affection?

“Your Highness, you’ve only grown more handsome with time.”

“Thank you for the compliment, Ashray,” Leopold replied, glancing at him with a faint smirk.

Ashray had a rough but bold appearance, with a noticeable scar running across his face. Rather than a pretty boy, he had the rugged charm of a wild bear.

“You’re looking quite sturdy yourself—like a grizzly bear.”

【He’s definitely been eating well while I’ve been away…】

“He’s your brother!” Astrid’s mental voice rang out.

The silent war raged inside her head as Ashray—unaware of the battle taking place—smiled brightly at his sister and Leopold.

“Ashray, are you going to leave all your salad on your plate?” Astrid asked with a sharp glance.

“I’m saving it for you, Sister. Isn’t that thoughtful of me?” Ashray replied with a grin.

As if it were only natural, Astrid reached over with her fork and took the salad from his plate.

“Thank you kindly, Sister,” Ashray said with a mischievous grin.

In exchange, Astrid took the meat from her plate and placed it onto Ashray’s.

Watching this exchange, Leopold’s eyes narrowed.

So she didn’t just do it for him.

The scene he’d witnessed during the banquet—Astrid handing her meat to someone else—wasn’t something reserved for him alone.

She’d done it for Ashray too.