The lycan queen

Recap;:-

The blue light from the screen illuminates the skin the color of the California sand dunes they explored when Amara was a kid.

Crya holds back a sigh and returns to observing the blurring landscape. It had always been them, a tight couple.

Unfortunately, life is ever-changing, and apparently, it is their turn to begin. Every one of them and I'll be in the shadows watching.

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Crya's pov:-

"It's been exactly 2 days 5 hours and 38 minutes since I heard Sarah's voice or laughter". I sighed 

"I hate to have to console you" Aurora said. 

"Then don't" I said back harshly. I felt pain from talking to her that way, so I immediately apologized. "I am sorry". 

"No problem love, I understand what you're going through. Remember I am also part of you." She sighed.

"Am just concerned about you, you've been in this form for the past 2 days and I know you're not changing anything soon". She continued.

"Yes I will" I argued.

"You know am you right? Plus, I know everything you know too?"

I just sighed, remembering everything we've been through together. 

One of the memories that struck out the most was when we first met. I was crying in my usual corner under the staircase of the football field because I got a beating from my bullies and at the time I was 12 years old, the only place they wouldn't think there would find me would be there. I remember how she gave me a book that her dad gave her for inspiration, and she says the words in the book would help me if I could just read it.

"We're perfect because we're not. Not at all. To the rest of the world, it could look like we're falling apart, and we won't care. To us, it's just going through life.

What you're in school for, is to solve equations, pronounce words, spell, read, know who sailed the ocean in 1492, and know the formula for water.

What you learn yourself, is dependent on you alone. I have learned, no one defines you. As long as you're honest and hold yourself accountable, no one can define you. You can only define yourself. I choose to embrace the good, so I define myself as a brave person.

If that makes me a bad person for defining myself so boldly, so be it.

Being brave takes more than being fearless. In fact, it's natural to have fears, so therefore, you can never be fearless exactly, you can accept them and move on. I fear not being able to stand up for myself. I fear being remembered as one, or not being remembered at all.

But I don't want to be remembered as someone's sister, or a loser.

I'm not just weak, or a loser. I'm someone more, and I won't".

That's what Sarah taught me. So it hurts to see her like this and trust me, her mate ain't seen anything yet.

"We've got a lot in store for him, so just don't worry, but remember, we have school to go to."

"She is not up yet, Aurora, plus the final exams ain't starting until next week Friday" 

"Sure, but is our plan still on?" 

" You bet, of course it is."

"Good", that's all she said before going quiet again.

Left with nothing else to do, I started taking notes of little things I didn't know were there before, not because I didn't notice because I was too absent-minded to care.

I was covered with a thick full, magnificently glossy coat, midnight black, with a hint of blue in the right light. I watch from afar the little animals of the forest squirrel away from the big animals. They make the cutest noise when being hunted for sports. For the past few days, I've been behaving like a female wolf guarding her pup. Also on alert, those that get too close will suffer my mighty bite and fall for their treachery. And funnily enough, I like it that way. Likes that everyone keeps their distance and only observes, because they understand that I am like a wounded lioness or, in this case, a wounded wolf. 

I am also aware that Alpha Nolan gave Jordan permission to enter his boarder because he claims that I am his mate. I scoffed, the guy does not know when to give up. 

Day three:- 

Sitting on this side of the pack house has been a habit for the past few days, but that doesn't mean I don't know my environment, because I do take notice, and today a poor unfortunate soul made his way into my space. He reaches out his hand to touch the beast that appears soft and tame as i watch silently. His fingertips within reach, i pulled away. He tries again when I am distracted by an animal that's too close to me. He wants me, he wants to own and control me. I feel his hand sinking into my fur and around my neck. Hackles raised, and enormous teeth bared, i grabbed him by his throat. He flails trying to breathe but only produces a sputtering sound as he falls limply to his knees with her, still attached.

I hear nothing, only see a slight movement from the corner of my eye. What i see has me loosening my grip just ever so slightly. The thing that brought me back to myself and, ever so slightly, loosened my grasp on my victim, Alec. The brightness i see angers me immensely. The more I release the fool that tried to control me, the more angry and more enraged i become. Finally, removing my mouth fully and taking a step back, i saw a look of utter bewilderment in his eyes. I looked more closely into his eyes and saw my reflection... I am all bone white. Just as glorious as my black self. He asks "why?" I point with my nose to the mahogany brindle creature that stands three feet behind him. As he turned and looked at the other creature, i walked past him. I snarled at the creature. He watches as we walk away from him.

Raindrops falls upon the window panes, leaving trails down the foggy glass.

The day is dark and humid, leaving a heaviness that you can almost feel cloaking everything, leaving melancholy in its wake. It is as sad as it is beautiful, and I look upon the mist-filled grounds as i walk by the windows.

Images drift into my mind's eye, blurring with the present. It doubled my vision and I struggled to decipher where I was walking, through half-formed visions of glowing hands and snapping teeth. The disorientation is so powerful that i nearly collapse, but I am jolted into the present when i collide with something or, more specifically, someone.

Apologies flew out of her mouth before i even looked up to see who i had bumped into. "I'm very sorry, I was a bit distracted". Distracted is the understatement of the century, but i can't dwell on the strangeness just now.

There will be more than enough time to over-analyze the incident once I am in bed tonight, unable to sleep.

It got me thinking about what I and Alec talked about. 

I snapped at him when we got to an open space just to show my displeasure with him.

"Here me out before you crucify me" he said, but "before that let me tell you a story. It may not be true, but just listen" i snarled again.

 "Please," he begged.

 "You will understand better when you hear this." 

The story begins like this:

An old Cherokee Indian chief was teaching his grandson about life.

He said, "A fight is going on inside me," he told the young boy, "a fight between two wolves.

The Dark one is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The Light Wolf is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you, grandson...and inside every other person on the face of this earth."

The grandson pondered this for a moment and then asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee smiled and simply said, "The one you feed".

Every day we make choices, important choices that could be overlooked as being trivial – but these choices define us. They are a statement of whom we choose to be in this life, and what impact we will have on the world around us.

It's obviously so much easier to feed the Dark Wolf — the Dark Wolf is there to encourage the easier options in life. It's easier to procrastinate, complain, dismiss, ignore, and give up.

There is almost no effort required to do those things, and you're getting the reward with the sensation of relieving and instant gratification without much action.

The Light Wolf is very different; it's harder to feed. It's challenging, tiring and time-consuming to do things like learning, teaching, inspiring, sharing or simply sticking to new behaviors. These things take energy, effort, vulnerability, momentum, and bravery. They take more time, and you don't usually see immediate results.

Which wolf you choose to feed will define who you are, and we all know we should feed the Light Wolf — even if it's harder. Feeding the Light Wolf is how we end up feeling a sense of accomplishment and success at the end of the day.

The story continues...

However, it doesn't end there. In the Cherokee world, however, there's another version of the story.

The old Cherokee simply replied, "If you feed them right, they both win." and the story goes on:

"You see, if I only choose to feed the Light Wolf, the Dark Wolf will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and will always fight the Light Wolf."

"But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the light wolf is happy, and we all win. For the dark wolf has many qualities — tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking–that I have need of at times. These are the very things the light wolf lacks. But the light wolf has compassion, care, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all."

"You see, son, the light wolf needs the dark wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they would become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life."

"Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowledge that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance."

"Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing."

"How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both."

"I think this through, the bottom line is I am fighting a battle, and it's within me. I know you care so much for your friend. I just want to be able to think clearly rather than having the mate bond cloud my sense of judgement. This story may not be true, but it is true for me because that's what I am passing through. Please try to understand because I know that if you understand Sarah will too." he says and left, leaving me mouth agape and thinking.

Due to thinking too much, I ended up changing back to my human form and went straight to the room Alpha Nolan had allowed me to stay in since being here.

One thing is for sure, there's more to Alec than meets the eye.