SWNOVELXO Chapter 47 - About Me in the Future
The day after I consulted with Mr. Morishima…
After finishing my lunch, I was deep in thought in the living room.
“First, let’s organize.”
I open my computer and create a new file.
“What do I want to happen between Ms. Reina and me, and what should I do for that…”
I tried typing it, but… even for me, it’s a baffling title.
But, this should be good.
Being an awkward person, I have to make plans and set goals like this…
As Mr. Morishima said yesterday, I shouldn’t let it affect my work.
“First, what do I want to happen…”
There’s no doubt that I like her… I think.
But, when asked about marriage… I’m still not sure.
“Marriage… I don’t have a very good image of it…”
It’s my father’s fault… and there’s something else I occasionally think about.
Could I, who has never felt paternal, raise a child?
Maybe… I’ll end up like my father?
“I plan to use him as a negative example, but… they often say you can’t fight blood…”
But… hypothetically, if I could date Ms. Reina…
“I’d have to consider marriage…”
Considering Ms. Reina’s age…
I’m likely to reach thirty in the blink of an eye too.
“In that case…”
What if I proposed dating with marriage in mind?
That might be good, right?
“So when I ask her out, should I communicate this?”
I said it out loud, organizing my thoughts as I contemplated.
Then, I began to input it.
“Please date me with marriage in mind… Now, what should I do for that?”
First, get along.
Then, understand each other.
Especially if considering marriage.
“Just because you like someone doesn’t mean it will work out… I know that all too well.”
Well, if I think about it calmly… it’s probably all my fault.
I went along with what was told to me, I’m just indecisive…
“That’s right… I have no successful experiences. And I have no confidence in myself.”
Never confessed, never dumped someone.
I can do the jobs I’m told to do, but I don’t initiate anything myself.
“That’s… because I’m scared.”
Confessing requires courage, and breaking up hurts the other person.
If I stick my hands into extra work and fail, I worry about what will happen.
“…So, the next step is to build confidence.”
This could come from accomplishing new tasks at work.
And maybe… getting some qualifications?
Something that would give me confidence… and be beneficial in the future.
“After all, the current me… has no way of matching someone like Ms. Reina.”
In that sense, promotions, and gaining confidence shouldn’t be a bad thing.
“Yeah… It’s little by little, but I’m starting to see.”
I type up a summary on my computer.
“Get to know about Ms. Reina, and have her know about me → If she still likes me, propose dating with marriage in mind → Build confidence beforehand and become a man who is worthy of Ms. Reina → To do this, first engage seriously in the work in front of me.”
Is this the way to go?
Well… after all, if Ms. Reina doesn’t think anything of me, it won’t work.
“…I have to fix this negative thinking too…”
Thinking too positively can be problematic…
But a little bit of it should be good.
Later in the evening, I head out and drive.
“It’s been a while since I went to my sister’s house…”
I brought some leftover curry and yesterday’s cake as gifts…
And I’ve also prepared a salad box…
“This should be a good thank-you for borrowing her car.”
I arrive safely and enter the room.
“Thank you, sister, for the car. It helped me a lot.”
“Well, come on in. I do have the right to hear the story behind this, don’t I?”
“Haha…please go easy on me.”
After sitting down at the table and finishing the meal, I began to talk about the incidents with Reina. Of course, I didn’t mention anything about Reina’s family situation. It’s a private matter and I don’t even know the details. It’s not right to make judgments based on speculation.
“I see…so in essence, you like her?”
“Yeah, I think so…though I’m not sure since I’ve never experienced this before.”
“Well, it sounds like you’re in love, right? Your heart flutters and you can’t get her out of your head…it feels like a late-coming adolescence.”
“Give me a break.”
“You had a lot on your plate, didn’t you… Ever since you were little, you’ve been busy helping out and never had time to play. Then in high school, you were heavily trained by our father, followed by days immersed in studying. Even in college, you were always working part-time, leading a life that was either working or sleeping. Rather, it’s great that you managed to find a girlfriend in the midst of all this.”
“I don’t want to remember those days…but I think I’ll have to come to terms with them gradually. And…although they’re bitter memories, when I think about it positively, it might be true.”
“Oh, that’s a good sign?”
“Actually, in order to date Reina…”
I told her about the plan I had made.
“Hahaha!”
“Don’t laugh…I know it’s strange myself.”
“I’m sorry… Ah, this is funny. But it’s very like you.”
“Is…is that so…”
“Why not? If you’re not satisfied with yourself, it won’t work out anyway. Even if you started dating as you are now, you might end up taking a step back because you lack confidence, right?”
“…I think so.”
“In the end…just getting into a relationship and breaking up would be a hassle… I don’t think it’s a bad idea to consider marriage.”
“Thank you, sis. I feel a little relieved… By the way, I called mom.”
“Oh–I heard. You’re going to talk to our father?”
“Well…eventually. That’s also a reason why I lack confidence, so I think I’ll have to overcome it eventually.”
“That’s right… Good! When the time comes–let me know!”
“Eh?… I can’t involve you…”
After all, I’ve already caused her enough trouble…
“I’m family, too, right? I hope everyone can get along…well, not necessarily, but at least we can meet and chat once in a while.”
“I see… Okay, I’ll consult you when the time comes.”
“Yes, that’s good. Oh–it’s already this late.”
I arrived just before 7 p.m., but it was already past 9 p.m… Even though we ate curry and dessert, the time flew by.
“Well, I should go.”
“Right, I’ll come visit again.”
“…Please do so in moderation.”
“Yes, yes, I understand.”
As I was on my way home in a taxi, I remembered.
“Oh–I forgot to mention about Mr. Morishima…”
…Well, it’s okay.
It’s not something I need to mention every time.