Surviving Among the Entities

Yoo Seong-yeol (20), a resident of Chungju, was also in a foul mood today.

[Today’s dashcam traffic accident footage.avi]
└[Hah, they were trying to go just 10 seconds earlier and caused a huge nuisance.]
└[Those kinds of people should just go die.]

For him, who had decided not to attend university after graduating high school, all he had left was time. Until recently he had even worked part-time jobs, but quit those too in preparation for his military enlistment scheduled for next January, leaving him to currently laze around at home.

[Today’s US Mass Shooting Casualty Numbers]
└[Are Americans all out of their minds? If you don’t sell guns, mass shootings won’t happen.]
└[A country completely insane for lobbying. Thanks to the gun lobby they can’t ban guns.]

In a word, he was a NEET. Putting it nicely, a temporary home security guard or professional child.

[Disgusting Train Molestation Incident]
└[Do they still want to do that even at their age?]
└[Please just die gracefully when you get old.]

His daily routine was waking up late morning, eating the meal his mother had prepared by gulping it down, then spending all day on the computer – though he had long since become fed up with games and transitioned to being a haunting spectre frequenting online communities every day.

[Current State of Global Warming.jpg]
└[This is absolutely unsolvable. How greedy are humans, how could this ever be solved?]
└[Yeah I’ll keep blasting the AC and driving cars and flying abroad for vacations. Global warming? Whatever lmao, it’s not me who’ll be fucked but my descendants!]

Initially he would snicker while reading humorous posts. But as the community grew in numbers and he stayed up late into the night, eventually posts other than humor lingered in his mind longer.

[China and India Rank 1st and 2nd in Water and Air Pollution, Emitting More than All Other Countries Combined.]
[Why does China keep butting into the North-South Korea issue. So sad that we’re a powerless nation.]
[150 Billion Won Rental Scammer Sentenced to 7 Years, Victim Says “Republic of Fraud”]

The irrationalities of the world.

[Photos of Today’s Japanese Subway Accident]
[Stabbing Rampage on Treelined Street by Mental Patient, Can’t They Just Lock Up the Mentally Ill?]
[4 Pedestrians Killed by Vehicle That Suddenly Accelerated Into Crowd, Driver Claims Sudden Unintended Acceleration]

Misfortunes that could befall oneself without warning despite being cautious.

[Pedestrian Killed by Brick Thrown From Apartment Roof by Juvenile Delinquent, Unpunishable Due to Being a Minor]
[Gangnam Doctor Drug Dealer, Receives Suspended Sentence]

A world overrun by all sorts of criminals and their unfair treatment.

[Man in 40s Falls Drunk Into Ocean, Found Dead Next Day]
[Fisherman Falls to Death From Tetrapod]

Even those who died foolish deaths from foolish acts.

‘Why is the world so stupid?’

Originally inclined toward cynicism, Yoo Seong-yeol grew disillusioned with the world.

‘It’s just filled with irrational and stupid things.’

Drunk driving, mass shootings, environmental pollution, wars between nations, the hunger crisis in Africa, criminals living comfortably while good people died tragic deaths.

‘Everything is so stupid.’

As the youth recharged his contempt for the world through online communities today, he manned a stall in place of his mother.

‘Used goods? Why would anyone buy these?’

It was only something idiots would do, buying objects of unknown previous ownership that could be harboring germs or mites.

‘That thing……’

At that moment, something caught Yoo Seong-yeol’s eye. It was a monkey’s hand with only the thumb remaining, on display at the stall.

‘A souvenir dad bought on a business trip.’

Apparently a souvenir he bought for 100,000 won claiming it was a good luck charm from his business trip to Africa, but his mom disliked it so it ended up here.

‘Tsk, why did dad waste money buying something like that?’

This is why the 586 generation is hopeless. The generation that sucked all the honey and had easy employment now demands all sorts of ridiculous specs from us while believing every damned superstition.

‘Our dad is just a helpless 586er too.’

As expected, the monkey’s hand remained unsold until evening.

“Ugh, this is the only thing that didn’t sell. I need to get rid of this unsightly thing quickly.”

As if disgusted, his mother shoved the monkey’s hand into a drawer as if discarding it. She would have thrown it away entirely if not for the 100,000 won spent on it, so she could only wait for the next bazaar.

“Mom, food.”

The next day, Yoo Seong-yeol woke up with a rumbling stomach.

‘Ah right, I went hiking with dad yesterday.’

As he ate breakfast, he suddenly recalled the monkey’s hand he had seen yesterday.

‘Could that be the legendary Monkey’s Paw that grants wishes?’

He rummaged through the drawer and took out the monkey’s hand.

‘The Monkey’s Paw is said to grant wishes by distorting them.’

Yeah right, as if this was real? He didn’t actually believe it was, but since making a wish for fun wouldn’t hurt, he decided to try it out.

‘Make me rich? Make me a handsome man? No, not some one-dimensional wish like that.’

The NEET life itself was essentially boredom, so after serious contemplation Yoo Seong-yeol finally made his wish.

“Make everyone rational and intelligent.”

And his wish was granted 『exactly as spoken』.

It began with light snack foods.

“Alcohol? What’s the point of drinking, it just ruins your body? Not rational.”
“Cigarettes? What’s the point of relieving stress? It just rots your body with nicotine and tar. Not rational.”
“Sugar? What’s the point of eating it, causing momentary pleasure while overworking your pancreas and getting diabetes? Not rational.”

No one sought alcohol, cigarettes, or sugar any longer.

“Wingsuit flying? No thanks. Getting a momentary dopamine hit by risking your life isn’t rational.”
“Rock climbing? Are you insane? You die instantly if you slip and fall. No thanks.”
“Hah, skydiving, the epitome of irrationality! Only idiots do that kind of thing!”

No one engaged in extreme sports any longer.

“Fishing? Wasting money and time for a brief taste of satisfaction?”
“Bicycles? Slower than cars and higher fatality risk in accidents, what’s the point?”
“Hiking? What if you slip and tumble while hiking? Or suddenly get caught in rain and stranded? Why bother with such things?”

Even light hobbies disappeared.

“Fried foods are unhealthy. Overworking the body you’ll have for life just to enjoy one meal? Stupid and irrational.”
“Gukbap? Begone, carb lump! Only those with bird brains would eat that.”
“Ramen! Please remove that disgusting food from my presence!”
“Pizza!? Are you suicidal!? Or do you have an IQ lower than dolphins!?”

Various foods were thoroughly shunned.

“I won’t ride in cars. I don’t want to die or suffer major injuries in an accident just for momentary convenience.”

With vehicles disappearing, all work drastically slowed. Ordering delivery now required waiting half a year.

“Ha! The carbon dioxide from mass production systems accelerates global warming! Is there anything more stupid than that! Stop it!”

Even that slowed to a year’s wait as mass production halted, and with the inability to mass produce animal feed, livestock production also stopped, turning the once prosperous modern society into a thing of the past.

“One meal block, please.”

Instead, the government began producing meals suitable for rational and intelligent people.

“This is good. No taste but really a rational and intelligent meal!”

A block-shaped meal containing the daily required amounts of carbs, protein, and fat had a terrible taste, but no one complained.

“Not having taste won’t kill you, right? Is there any need to improve the taste? That would just be a waste of time and irrational.”ity’s rational and intelligent thinking continued advancing.

“I have genetic baldness. I cannot pass on these genes to future generations. Please castrate me.”

Those with genetic diseases requested removal of their reproductive functions, and the government obliged.

“For those with genetic diseases to leave descendants would be unfair to the descendants and irrational from the perspective of anthropology.”
“Right, passing bad genes to descendants just for personal lust? An extremely selfish and stupid act. We must eliminate those kinds of genes from the world.”

Next were those with mental illnesses.

“Mental illness has high recurrence rates and is costly for society to care for, so let’s just euthanize them.”
“That would be rational and good. Those with mental illness can’t even be part of the productive population.”

All those with mental illnesses were duly euthanized.

“You, aren’t you a bit too short?”
“Your face is a bit unsightly too.”
“And you have poor eyesight.”
“Right, let’s all remove our reproductive functions.”

Even those with minor physical shortcomings voluntarily removed their reproductive functions.

“This is rational. Passing an undesirable life to children is selfish and irrational.”
“Even if it’s just a possibility, as long as there’s a chance it could happen at any time.”

Everyone was rational, everyone was intelligent, but everyone was also poor, sluggish, and bored in this perfected society.

[I wish everyone was rational and intelligent.]

But the wish granted by the Remaining Monkey’s Paw was not over yet.
A single wish, but one that granted the wish nearly omnipotently, was the Remaining Monkey’s Paw.

[I wish 『everyone』 was rational and intelligent.]

The Remaining Monkey’s Paw granted Yoo Seong-yeol’s wish exactly as stated.
Even if that meant transcending space-time.

“∴∇∬≫⊃!”
“℉㏄㎚㎕￠!”

Those treated as people of other dimensions became rational and intelligent. Their lives too became little different from those of humans on Earth.

“It is finally the day of action!”

And soon after, it transcended time. The rational and intelligent future humans caused the power of the Remaining Monkey’s Paw to reach into the past.

“We will finally wage our struggle against the Japanese devils……”
“Wait, abort the struggle. Will the Japanese grant Joseon independence just because individuals fought hard? Don’t waste your lives foolishly, act rationally and intelligently. Let’s just live ordinary lives like everyone else.”

It passed the Japanese colonial era.

“Our ancestor has fled!”
“If even the King has fled, why bother fighting? Let us surrender.”
“Right, that’s rational. Let’s not foolishly fight and waste more lives.”

It passed Joseon.

“There is a plague.”
“Kill every last person in that village. If the remaining infected spread the plague, the damage will be immense. Treatment? Killing them all would be faster and more rational, so why bother?”

And it continued reaching back through humanity’s past.

“Airplanes? Why make such things? We can just walk, can’t we? To waste time and effort on such endeavors would be the most stupid and irrational thing in the world. I won’t do it.”
“Penicillin? Ugh, disgusting. What if I catch a disease from those molds? I won’t do it. Even if I don’t do it, someone else will.”
“First aid? Why create such things? Isn’t it enough to just be careful to avoid getting injured? Only stupid people get injured.”

Humanity’s progress vanished.

“Mathematics? What’s the point? A bit of inconvenience in daily life isn’t a big problem, is it? Wasting time on math is irrational.”
“Science? Ha! You want me to study chemicals? Bad for the body! I won’t do it!”
“Why bother with honor and glory when they don’t put food on the table?”

Scholarship disappeared.

“……”

And continuing to regress further and further back……

“Ooohh!”

It reached the period 70,000 years ago of the Toba volcanic eruption.

“Oooohhhh!”

The ancestors of modern humans looked up at the sky. The massive volcanic eruption had blanketed the entire globe in ash, ushering in an ice age that would last hundreds of years.

“Oooohh?”

The remaining number of humans was a mere 50,000.
Originally, the ancestors of modern humans would have fought desperately for survival, but they suddenly stopped.

“……Ooohhh!”

To make them rational and intelligent, the nearly omnipotent Remaining Monkey’s Paw instilled them with knowledge.

“Ooohh.”

Knowledge that their numbers had dwindled to a mere 50,000.
Knowledge that far greater numbers were needed for genetic diversity.
Knowledge that without genetic diversity, various genetic diseases would inevitably arise.
And the knowledge to comprehend all of this, as well as 『rational』 thinking, was etched into their minds.

“Oooohhhh!”

The ancestors of modern humans cried out.

“Ooooohhhhhh!”

We will not pass genetic diseases to our descendants. That would be too cruel an act, something we cannot do to our descendants! How troubled and difficult a life would descendants with genetic diseases live!

“Ooooohhhh!”

We will make the rational and intelligent choice!
The ancestors of modern humans who had survived all leapt off cliffs to their deaths.

The extinction of humanity.

‘Indeed befitting of the Remaining Monkey’s Paw.’

The Monkey’s Paw that granted wishes without distortion.
It even interpreted vague wishes according to 『the level the wish-maker envisioned』.

“How much is this?”
“Huh? Oh, 100,000 won?”

I took out two 50,000 won bills from my wallet.

“No, 200,000! 200,000 won!”
“Here you go.”

Taking out two more bills, I purchased the Remaining Monkey’s Paw.

“Thank you for your business.”
“Ah, farewell!”

Before leaving, I offered him one piece of advice.

“Humans are foolish.”
“Pardon?”
“But it’s thanks to that foolishness that humanity has been able to progress until now.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Just something to keep in mind.”

As I left the bazaar, I heard his mutterings near the apartment entrance.

“What’s with that, still having chuunibyou at that age? So cringey, what an idiot.”

The cost of preventing human extinction:

Four 50,000 won bills.
Enduring some minor insults.

“Rational indeed.”