Storms Of Ataraxy

"I don't give a shit, Debra, why the fuck is he in MY HOUSE when I'm at wor-"

"Andrew, stop! I told you I needed a ride home!"

"Then CALL YOUR HUSBAND??"

"Fucking shut up, Andrew! Tom, Tom go to your room honey." Mom said, shuffling across the living, past my red-faced father.

"Can we see grandma?" I asked quietly as we paced down the narrow hallway. The walls have always been covered in happy photos of our family, though I could hardly ever remember what we were doing in most of them.

"We might. Just play in your room for a while, okay? Maybe we'll go out for dinner with Uncle Freddy, how's that?" Mom asked, smiling with streaks of dark makeup stained from her eyes to her dimpled cheeks.

"Can we do pizza?" I asked, hoping to get my hands on some stuffed crust and arcade game-change.

"Of course. I love you honey." She said with a smile, kissing my forehead before heading back out to the hall. Before I could power up my video games, their shouting match had already restarted. Something about trust, or, how they both messed up a long time ago. It's always something new, but it ends the same every time. Clicking on the boxy, old tv my grandad handed down to me, I fired up my console uncle Freddy bought for my birthday and started playing. I always loved this game, "Starlight Requiem."

You get to make your own character, who gets awesome abilities depending on what planet you start off at. I always liked the hardest one first, 'Aquaxia', because it always had the coolest enemies. Massive monsters that changed shape and form that emerge from the water-filled world. The bosses were always so cool, except for the ones that just threw a bunch of weak enemies at me instead of fighting themselves. Not to mention the moves you get, I always loved seeing my character slip past attacks like it was nothin', like he couldn't get hurt.

"-how many years, Debra?! HOW MANY before you were going to tell me?!" A glass shattered out in the hall, no doubt my parents just broke another picture frame. It's so annoying, especially when I accidentally step in some at night. They always fight right by my friggin' bathroom.

It's fine, I got a planet to save anyway.

The character I'm currently using's by far my favorite so far. I haven't left the first planet yet, but his build has made the first parts so easy, since I decided to lean into the agility stat this time around. Usually I try to spread it out, like the guys on the internet usually did. This time though, I wanted to try something new. Now, he's already level 15, and I haven't even fought the second bo-

*CRACK*

*THUMP*

Oh, that was really loud.

After a few silent seconds passed, my mother busted through the door with panic in her eyes.

"We have to go, right now Tom. Get your shoes on baby, come on." She urged me, pulling me up onto my feet from my bed nearly causing me to yank my controller cord from the console.

"Wait ma let me save firs-"

"You can play later honey, let's go." She said, scooping up my shoes and pulling me out of the room. As we stormed down the hall, my dads shoes pointing to the roof in the living room were all that were visible. As we turned the corner toward the front door however, his head lay surrounded in a pool of red liquid soaking the carpet. My heart sunk into my feet, as I felt myself going limp.

"Daddy?" I said, mom pulling my arm harder to get me out the door.

"We're just gonna go get pizza honey, let's call uncle Freddy." As she finished those words, my foot touched the cement pavement outside before sinking into the ground. As if I'd stepped onto a floor made of paper, my mother hovering above me as I plummeted.

This didn't happen…did it?

*THUD*

"Ah, fuck me." I said, clutching onto my elbow that cracked as I fell to the floor. Looking up, the all too recognizable glare of Calvin, the asshole who always waits for me by the bus stop, standing over me.

"Get up, short-stack. I'm not done trying to smash your face prettier." He snarled, his protruding belly peaking from under his food-stained t-shirt that just didn't fit.

"Kind of weird you want me to be prettier, you're supposed to get your crushes flowers, fatass." I said, my voice crackling under the throbbing pain in my elbow. Trying to sit up, my arm didn't even respond to my commands.

"Alright, let me give you a hand then." Calvin snarled with a devious grin, gripping my hand that was completely unmovable and yanking me up.

"AGHH fucke-" I yelled, getting my legs under me just in time to eat a second right hook. Stumbling back, I was just about to sprint the rest of the way home when I tripped over a crack in the cement.

Sonuva bitch.

"Where you goin' Tommy? In a rush to get home? I would be too, if I only saw my whore mother between 'shifts'." Calvin said, spitting on the ground next to me. In an instant, my belly was consumed by a burning rage, allowing me to push myself off the ground regardless of the pain. In one fluid motion, my good arm wrapped in front of me, aimed at Calvin's face. Every ounce of hatred I had bottled deep, hoping to one day be rid of this fucking prick naturally poured into my swing. Just as I felt satisfaction leaking into my chest, my arm continued over his ducking head.

*BAM*

My upper too rocketed out of my mouth under the weight of Calvin's fist blasting through my chin as he landed a killer uppercut. The force lifted me off my feet, throwing back down onto the hard, sun cracked pavement.

"Hahaha, oh my GOD you're worthless." Calvin said, stepping on my hand as he walked by.

"See you tomorrow, Tommy." He snickered before lifting his shoe off my good hand.

Holy fuck, I can't even fight back if I wanted to…

A wave of shame washed over me as I stared up at Calvin, his rolls folding around his jeans like the fat stack of melting ice cream he was, then back at my house. My mother was in there, no doubt busting her ass trying to finish college right now. Ever since her and dad split, she's been having to work double-time just to make the bills. My dads been way cooler, but it's hard to see him after he moved so far away. Which left me to defend my mothers honor and…well, 'a failure' was putting my performance mildly.

Why am I so fucking weak, so goddamn feeble?!

The badly bruised knuckles on my hands slammed into the pavement, sending a jolt of pain up my forearm that clenched like an anaconda slithered under my skin. How many years has it been since I didn't get my ass kicked at least once a week now? If my birthdays are next month then, I'd say we're approaching 3 years on the dot. How joyous, no matter where we move to, I somehow find myself shit-talking my way into another oversized rival to stomp me out at a whim.

For what? Why do I even bother standing up for myself any more?? Nothing helps, no one gives a shit what I have to say when they can just break my nose and call it a day. Not like my mom could afford the lawyers, or take the time to even pursue legal action. Besides, where we live now? If you're not bleeding out in the middle of a populated area, you might as well start building a splint out of sticks and neglect while you have the extra time. It wasn't always like this, her, my dad and I having lived in a nice neighborhood by the coast before they finally broke up, living there just long enough to finish 8th grade and make friends to miss. Second families go from having a stocking of my own to wrinkly Christmas cards. Friends turn into voices on a gaming headset, then to strangers. All the while I can't even get home without getting my fucking arm broken.

God, I'm…fucking worthle-…

*click*

"…wait a minute."

An oddly familiar man's voice that certainly wasn't my own echoed through my thoughts. So loudly in fact, the fear inspired my ab muscles to carry the team in allowing me to sit up and scan my surroundings.

"Calvin, come on man you don't want to be too winded for the walk home?" I called out, my hands shivering from both fear and aching pain. The pressure in my elbow has accrued to the point I'm genuinely considering ripping a pen from my backpack and jabbing it into my arm to relieve some.

Yeah, definitely broken.

"Really? This is ALL it takes, huh?" The voice snickered, the sound bouncing all around me as if the wind itself was speaking to me. Of course, Calvin left me with a subtle mild concussion on his way out.

"Here I thought it was something special about you. Maybe you just had the perfect circumstances…how interesting." The voice continued, growing louder by the word. His enthusiastic tone for some reason gnawing at me like an annoying little brother who won't stop asking to play your game.

"Will you shut up? It's bad enough I'm going to miss more school now, I really don't need whatever this is." I said, fully leaning into my head-trauma's delirium. Not like anyone else is going to hear about this anyhow, besides mom.

"You really felt for this creature didn't you? That's why…I see now. You're a bleeding heart, aren't you?"

"And you're a figment of my bleeding brains imagination, who frankly isn't making any fucking sense." I said, rolling onto a knee and shakily standing back up. My bag strap slipped down my narrow shoulder, forcing me to catch it with the same arm with a broken elbow.

"ARGH-fuck!" I yelled, letting the strap fall and clinching my teeth.

"I don't know if I should feel ashamed, or just silly for having given you so much credit. You truly are just a defiant little boy." The voice replied, sparking the flame in my gut once more.

"Defiance implies pushback. In case you haven't noticed, I don't push very fucking hard, do I? Fuck off you stu-" as I angrily berated the sky, two men in masks came sprinting out of my front door and down the block. One clutched a purse, while the other held my console under his arm. Both of which held guns in their other hands.

…oh fuck.

Ignoring the screaming pain in my arm, hands and face, I sprinted across the street and into my open front door. The living room was trashed, with my mother laying motionless under a bookshelf.

"MOM!" I yelled, sprinting over to pick it up off of her. Immediately, my arm went limp after trying to apply any kind of pressure on the bulky oak bookshelf.

"Mom, mom wake up! Wake up please!" I yelled, trying desperately to lift the bookshelf up with one hand.

*click-click*

"Drop the bag, and take a hike little dude." A man's voice said from behind me, following a rather metallic clacking that sounded awfully similar to a few of my video games. Slowly, I turned back to find a man with a beanie pulled over his face and frayed holes cut out for his eyes.

"O-okay. P-please just, just leave us alone." I said, sliding my bag off my good shoulder onto the ground in front of me.

"I don't think you're in any position to be making requests, champ." He said, snarling as he stared down at me. Every fiber in my being froze, as I stared down the barrel of his handgun. The bullet he had chambered looked exactly like the ones in my game, only it was way smaller than I thought it'd be.

"Move." He said, stepping even closer and pinning his barrel against my forehead. Tears began welling up in my eyes as I felt myself having to suddenly use the bathroom.

Just move, get out of his way Tom.

Slowly, my foot raised off the floor as I began shuffling to the side.

"So what? He can hurt your mom some more? Man, this guy has NO fucking pride, huh?" The voice snickered, the fire in my belly erupting as suddenly my arm jerked up and slapped away the barrel from my head. In one spinning motion, my heel flew into the man's ribcage, cracking under my sneaker. Lunging for his wrist, my palm smashed into his hand sending the weapon flying away. A single round fired after it clacked against the wall and fell amongst the rubble of broken glass and overturned furniture.

*BAM*

The world went black for a split second before my vision returned, albeit terribly blurry. Looking up, the man stood over me, grabbing at his side with his gun pointed down at me.

"I was going to let you live, you little shit." He snarled, pulling the hammer back on his weapon with his thumb. Suddenly, a book slapped off his nose causing him to jolt back. The gun fired again, only hitting the robber's foot as he flinched.

"AHH, you fucking bitch!" He screamed, grabbing at his toe and looking across the room.

"Leave my…son…alone." My mothers weak voice whimpered from out of view.

"Still can't even die without help, no wonder he was so alone. What a waste."

As the robber bounced on one leg, I extended my leg out and shut my eyes. His full weight stomped on my ankle, damn-near crushing it as he slipped and crashed to the ground beside me. Ignoring the pain, my eyes locked onto a shattered piece of glass beside me. Gripping the jagged shard, my arm thrusted down into the robber's neck with all of my remaining strength. Blood poured from his neck, mixing with my own from the blade digging into my hand. For a moment he squirmed, wearing a terrible fear in his eyes. For a moment, I wanted to hit him. And hit him. Again. And again. Calvin's face flashed in front of me, sending another rush of hatred surging through my veins. Before I could swing down however, the robber began laughing with blood still pouring from his throat. Then, dozens of voices spoke at once through his mouth.

"HAHAHA. No fair, you're cheating." The man said, before hugging me tightly and pulling me into the rug itself. Darkness enveloped my vision, as his arms suddenly released me into a free fall.

…wait, what the fuck is going on? This doesn't make se-

*THUD*

"AH, damnit." I said, rubbing my head and looking down at the cold, tile floor.

"You okay honey? I heard a loud bang." A woman's voice echoed from down the hallway. My hallway, this is…this is my house.

"Yeah I'm alright, I think Edward left his damn toy cars out again." I said, though through no volition of my own. As if the words just poured out from me, like I'd said that sentence hundreds of times.

"Sorry daddy." A tiny little voice squeaked from behind me, somehow immediately alleviating all the pain in my head as I spun around. A little dark haired boy with a comb over stood, his lower lip protruding and his chin low staring up at me with big, sad green eyes.

"Aw buddy, I'm not mad. Just try to put your toys away, okay? We don't want to break your favorite cars by accident, right?" I asked, grabbing Edward's little arms and giving him a light little shimmy. Immediately, his cute little giggle replaced his somber eyes.

"Okay daddy, I will!" He said.

"You promise?" I asked, extending a pinky out to him. His gap toothed grin doubled in size as he wrapped his tiny pinky around mine.

"Promise!" His high pitched little voice echoed around the room, as the walls began to melt all around me.

"What the-..honey?! Honey, we got to go!" I yelled, but as I went to scoop up Edward, he faded into a clear mist that dispersed in the air.

"Edward!?" Edward, where are you?!" I yelled, my feet sinking into the square, kitchen tile floor with every step. Through sheer will, I forced my knees high, up to my chest to continue marching through my melting home.

"Honey?! Edward!" I yelled out, sinking neck high into the floor. Then, as if something pulled my foot from below, I slipped through the floor. As quickly my vision was filled with darkness, bright white lights flashed my eyes as I felt my feet standing on firm ground.

"Please don't leave, daddy." Edward's voice rang out from below, his little arms wrapped around my leg. Looking around, Korbin's entire family was here, side-eying us as they clutched their tissues

"Oh buddy, I'm never going to leave you. I'll always be by your side." I said, pulling him off my leg and kneeling down in front of him.

"I heard mommy saying if uncle Korbin can stay, you have to go. I don't want you to go daddy." Edward pleaded with tears filling his big, green eyes.

"I told you bud, no matter what happens, I'll always be right here with you. You're stuck with me, buddy." I chuckled, giving his shoulders a little shake. He giggled, sniffling some loose snot and wiping it messily with his jacket sleeve. Then, his smile faded, as he extended his little pinky toward me.

"Promise?" He asked. The gesture cut through my chest cavity, piercing my heart like a dagger and twisting back and forth.

…what the fuck am I doing?

How could I just abandon my family like this? Sure, Korbin had done a lot for me, arguably saved my life all those years ago when my first wife dumped my ass and left me to rot in debt. He showed me how to defend myself, something I've unfortunately had to utilize early and Cere and I's relationship when we were still pretty poor and living in rough neighborhoods. But, we built a life from there together, she began a skin care business while I served as her back end coder, of all things. Now, 6 years later we have a family and beautiful home.

"Of course buddy, I promise." I said, but before I wrapped my pinky around his finger, a pulse searing hot rage jolted through my bloodstream. Looking over my shoulder, Korbin's dad locked eyes with me and, for just a second, I recognized them all too well.

…why the hell are these my options?

"Hold on." I said, immediately turning and walking over to Korbin's father.

"Hey, explain to me exactly how the accident went again? I'm feeling pretty foggy and, this may very well be my last day on earth. If I'm leaving my son, I need to know exactly why." I demanded. Korbin's father recoiled at my forwardness, nearly stepping backwards from how hard his head snapped back in surprise.

"Uhh, you guys were coming home from a trip to the mountains. Anna and Caitlyn were sick, so Cere and you decided you could drive for Korbin while he took care of them on the way back. That's when a drunk driver peeled over the center divider, smashing head first into you guys at 80 miles an hour. The car nearly fell off the mou-

"No way." I replied firmly. Korbin's father raised an eyebrow before furrowing both in anger.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"He'd never let me drive. Not with my kid in the back." I quickly replied.

"You, you mean his kid?" He clarified. Before I could respond, a doctor busted through the waiting room door.

"I'm sorry I have to be so crude about this but, it's now or never. Who will the donor be giving his heart to, we need to prep them now." The man said through his scrubs, holding his gloves up in the air in front of him.

"Please, don't let my boy go." Korbin's father begged, a tear rolling down his scruffily cheek.

"Honey? Please just let me talk to you for a second." Cere begged, but I didn't even turn back to address her pleas.

"No. None of this makes sense, why the hell would I help him take care of his kid? Why the fuck would I be driving, leaving my own wife and children behind?! Do you have any idea how badly I'd beat Tom's ass if I found out he-"

…no way. No fucking way,

As the words escaped my lips, a flood of memories poured into my brain like molten lava poured over dry ice doused in gas and gunpowder. Entire months playing instantly through my mind, memories of growing up by the ocean. Meeting my wife in middle school, not knowing she was the one for another 6 years. And training, I trained constantly for years after boot…then, I trained Tom.

"You, you're good. You almost got me there." I said with a chuckle, pointing at the simulation of my father while summoning my battle axe in my free hand. Immediately, my armor flew to my chest, as the hair hanging in my face returned from dirty blonde to its comfortable dark brown hue. My fake-fathers contorted face slowly relaxed into a smug grin as he crossed his arms. Looking around the room, every family member in the room shared the same, devious grin as they stared at me.

"Really? Do tell me where I slipped up, I'm so terribly curious." My fathers evil twin demanded through a blend of multiple voices. The people around us moved their lips at the same time, though the sound boomed only from his mouth.

"I'd never trust Tom to drive my kids home. Are you fucking stupid?" I replied, summoning a fireball in my palm.

"The…the top performer of the Quarterly's? How interesting…that won't be necessary, Korbin." He said, waving his hand at me. Immediately, the floor below me gave out, my axe phasing through the edge I tried to hook myself onto at the last second. No panic ran amuck through my thoughts, nor concern at whatever spiritual fuckery was bound to await me at the bottom of this endless pit. No, all I felt was rage. A burning hatred for this demon toying with my spirit so freely, throwing me false memories to watch me spiral. Tom has shared a few stories from his past, those fragments buried in the recesses of my subconscious no doubt the fuel for this perspective-switching nightmare. It's overpowered to the point of absurdity, how anything could even attempt this sort of ability is fucking unfair by all metrics. I hate it, there's no reason it should be permitted to even exist in concept.

Above all though, I'm pissed at myself, because it worked.

*THUD*

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