Separation Anxiety

4.

#Discomfort

“You’re… struggling too, hyung. You can’t even sleep properly…”

His concern for me at a time like this was both beautiful and pitiful. If only he had been thoughtless and selfish, as befitting his age… If he had been, then I too…

Suppressing the emotions trying to surface, I once again composed my expression.

“I’m just doing what I have to do.”

Fortunately, Hayun was on break. Dawoon was also on summer break but had signed up for special supplementary classes at school. It was true that I hadn’t slept properly for a few days, but I could still manage. I was more worried about what was to come than what had happened so far. With father’s absence, there were too many people ready to pounce like hyenas. To protect Dawoon and Haram from them, I had to keep my wits about me.

There was no time to grieve over our parents’ death. I had immediately ordered a DNA test, not knowing how the relatives, especially grandfather, would react to Dawoon.

Father’s absence was almost a relief. At least for this matter.

Hayun’s eyes sank deeply as he recalled the paternal lineage test results he had handed to his grandfather. But Dawoon, sitting next to him, couldn’t see his eyes. It was fortunate. If Dawoon saw the expression on his face right now, he might get scared and run away.

“Maybe…”

Dawoon, who had been resting his head quietly on Hayun’s shoulder, hesitantly spoke up. Hayun turned his head to look down at him. From above, he could clearly see Dawoon’s long eyelashes trembling.

“It might be because of me.”

Dawoon’s voice shook. Not understanding what he meant, Hayun remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“If only I… hadn’t told mother…”

Dawoon’s voice became increasingly tearful. However, tears had not yet fallen from his eyes.

“If only I hadn’t told her that father was with a secretary… a woman I hadn’t seen before…”

Overwhelmed with emotion, Dawoon bit his lower lip hard. From just hearing that much, Hayun understood everything Dawoon was trying to say.

On the day of the accident, the police who came to see Hayun handed over the dashcam footage from the car.

‘We don’t plan to release this to the media. But we thought the family should know.’

The police officer looked very uncomfortable. Just from his expression, Hayun could roughly guess what the content would be.

‘Calm down! Don’t just get angry, listen to me!’

‘Do I look calm to you? Since when? Even last week when you said you were going on a business trip, you were with her, weren’t you?’

‘It’s not like that…!’

‘What do you mean it’s not? Didn’t you notice her deliberately leaving her perfume scent on you? It’s been over a month already! Are you really that oblivious? She’s openly declaring war on me!’

‘Don’t say such nonsense. No matter what, she’s just my secretary!’

‘I was your secretary too. Have you forgotten?’

The dashcam file alternated between the voices of his agitated mother and father. The woman Dawoon had seen was his father’s secretary and the object of his affair. And it seemed his mother had suspected this fact for quite some time. She had just pretended not to notice in front of others, maintaining her dignified appearance.

‘This isn’t the first time. You did this when I was pregnant with Haram too.’

Anger could be heard in his mother’s voice. Then came a loud screeching sound of tires slipping on the wet road.

‘Calm down! At least pull over before we talk. Something terrible might happen!’

His father shouted, seemingly panicked.

‘Why? Afraid of dying? Because you won’t be able to play around with other women? Just die with me. Then I won’t have to see you cheating anymore.’

‘Haram’s mom, Min-seo! Kim Min-seo!’

There was an even longer and more eerie sound of tires screeching, followed by a loud bang. Then the file ended.

Was it an accident or a joint suicide?

The police seemed to lean towards the latter. But because he was the vice chairman of the Haedo Group, they couldn’t reveal the truth and announced it as an accidental death. However, there were people who had heard Jeong Seo-hoo and Kim Min-seo arguing in the vice chairman’s office that day. They had seen the agitated Kim Min-seo and thus whispered that it might have been a joint suicide.

Most rumors were baseless, but this time they were right. Jeong Tae-seong must have received this file too. It was the reason why grandfather was being even harsher towards Dawoon than usual. Because he thought Kim Min-seo, Dawoon’s mother, had killed his son.

But it wasn’t Dawoon’s fault. Before Dawoon saw his father with the secretary, before he told his mother about it, she had already noticed everything. It was just that on that particular day, when his father was using a business trip as an excuse to go on a trip with that woman, she went to the company, and this disaster occurred.

“The people who came to the funeral… said that day… mother went to the company and had a severe argument with father… Maybe mother was so angry at father that she committed joint suicide…”

Having said that much, Dawoon tightly clenched his fists resting on his knees. His voice choked up and he couldn’t continue speaking. Finally, thick teardrops fell onto his thighs. Once the tears started, they didn’t stop easily, as if making up for all the times he had held them back. Hayun silently put his arm around Dawoon’s shoulder and patted his forearm. The sobbing grew stronger. He couldn’t even cry out loudly. He only made suppressed, pained sounds while holding his breath.

It’s not your fault. Mother already knew everything before you told her.

It would have been easy to say those words. If he told Dawoon the truth about the conversation recorded on the dashcam, it might alleviate his guilt.

But Hayun didn’t say anything. He just stayed by Dawoon’s side throughout his crying.

“It’s okay.”

Only after a long time had passed and Dawoon’s sobbing had somewhat subsided did Hayun speak in a gentle voice.

“I won’t abandon you.”

Only then did Dawoon lift his head to look up at him. His eyes, filled with tears, were red. Hayun rubbed his reddened eyelids with his thumb. A clear teardrop rolled down Hayun’s finger.

“You and Haram are all I have left now. I’ll protect you two no matter what. Whatever it takes.”

Dawoon blinked, and the tears that had welled up fell again.

“I’m sorry… *sob*… I’m sorry, hyung. Because of me…”

Dawoon’s eyes, which had been fixed on Hayun’s face, dropped down again. Hayun felt disappointed by the gaze moving away from him. He felt an urge to hold Dawoon’s chin, lift his face, and kiss his tear-stained cheeks and his lips reddened by heat.

What an absurd desire during their parents’ funeral.

To hide his bitter thoughts, he embraced Dawoon’s shoulders even more affectionately and gently patted his back. In his arms, Dawoon burst into tears as if wailing. At just sixteen, he was still too young. Being so young, he was easily hurt and easily deceived by adults’ words.

“It’s okay, Dawoon. I’ll protect everything. You just need to stay by my side. That’s all you need to do.”

It was unclear whether Dawoon heard his quiet voice or not. He might not have heard anything due to his crying. But that didn’t matter.

Looking up, Hayun saw the pitch-black night sky. Not even the usual stars or moon were visible. Although the pouring rain had stopped, it was still the rainy season. Perhaps tomorrow, or even in a few hours, it might rain again.

But soon the rainy season will end. After this noisy period passes, everything will return to normal. As if nothing had happened.

***

As Hayun carried the limp Dawoon inside, the butler approached with wide eyes.

“Why is young master Dawoon…?”

“He’s just asleep.”

At Hayun’s answer, the butler let out a long sigh of relief.

“What about Haram?”

“He’s over there.”

The butler pointed to Haram sleeping in a bed on one side of the room. Hayun thought for a moment, then laid Dawoon on the opposite bed, not next to Haram. Putting him next to Haram might prevent Haram from waking up if he tossed and turned, but Hayun wanted to let Dawoon sleep soundly.

“When Haram wakes up, have someone take him home. It’s not good to keep a young child at the funeral home for too long.”

“I’d like to, but the youngest master keeps crying and asking for madam.”

“We have no choice but to let him get used to her absence.”

The butler smiled bitterly at the rather cold words suggesting that they make a three-year-old child accept that his mother was dead.

“At least young master Dawoon cries less when he’s around.”

Hayun’s eyebrows furrowed unusually at the butler’s response. He looked back and forth between Haram and Dawoon, then exhaled deeply.

“Then have Dawoon go home too.”

Since their father had been the vice chairman of the Haedo Group, there were many visitors coming to pay their respects. Jeong Tae-seong had instructed for a five-day funeral, and there were still two days left.

“He only needs to come on the day of the funeral procession.”

If it were up to him, he wouldn’t want to call Dawoon even on the day of the funeral procession. But it was also Dawoon’s mother’s funeral. If Dawoon didn’t attend, unnecessary rumors would spread again.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Hayun stroked Dawoon’s hair. His touch was so affectionate and careful that the watching butler felt strange. It had always been like this. Jeong Hayun, the eldest son of the Haedo Group, was exceptionally fond of his much younger stepbrother, whom his stepmother had brought. Sometimes to a degree that seemed odd.