Past the Mountains, Among the Clouds

Gods. Dieties. Ghouls. Spirits. Their very concept seemed hypocritical to me. It's biased in a flawed manner. Biased. Flawed. Her very existence seemed like it.

I remembered the words my mom used to say. Back then, the idea of monsters terrified me. The creatures of night. Ghosts. Demons. Spirits. The very thought of sleeping with the lights out was frightening. I couldn't go to the washroom alone. I was what many would call a coward. A scaredy-cat. Yet, my mom, although I have great respect for her, would mouth these flawed words. She was very religious. 

"There are no such things like ghosts." She'd say.

It was a flawed way to think. Biased too. If Gods exist, so do demons then. They were halves of the same coin. Such was their concept. If good exists, so does evil. Where there's light, there's shadow to be found. If ghosts don't exist, then gods share the same fate. 

"Gods did share the same fate." She said in a nonchalant manner.

"What do you mean?"

"Gods exist no more."

It was hypocritical. It felt flawed. Nonsensical, in fact. It sounded nonsensical. She was one, yet she said she wasn't. Is this what enlightenment feels like? Her words seemed to defy human sense. 

"Aren't you a one?" I asked. My mind filled with more questions than answers.

"I am."

A puzzling expression, I must say.

Has she lost her sanity? Is this what they call a mad god to be in folklore?

"I'm sorry, but your words don't seem to make sense."

"What is there to not make sense?"

"You are a god. Yet, you also claim you are not." 

"Yes, I am a god. But, to you, I am not."

"What are you?! A sphinx!" I retorted back. 

She seems to speak in the language of enigmas. The answers she gave puzzled me even further. This might just be a prank. I doubted, wondering if I've fallen for some elaborate prank by the seniors. Hallucinogenics could explain some experiences, such as the frostbite. But no. Her answers, although enigmatic, were sincere. That was one conclusive thing I could tell.

"Gods are gods." She said.

Nigh omnipotent. Omniscient. These are the traits of a god. They exist everywhere and nowhere. She was deterministic. The gods, on the other end, are uncertain. Yes. It was a mockery. A mockery of a god. The supernatural was a much more fitting word. An anomaly would describe it the best.

"It appears you finally understand."

"Weak." I murmured out. It wasn't intentional, it just spilled out.

"The words you speak are cold, even though I'm the embodiment of cold."

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Not that words of a mortal could affect me."

I clenched my fist. I felt nervous. Hesitant even. I had questions, but I was hesitant. She may be a god, or maybe not, but it still didn't explain how I ended up in this dilapidated hall. I couldn't bear the confusion. I gave in.

"You look different." Yes. Of all the questions I could ask.

I was more fixated on her appearance.

No one is to be blamed but myself for what this cruel world had in for me.

If she was cold, through and through, I was superficial, through and through.

"You really are a rare specimen." She chuckled. A laugh. The very first I had seen. So different from her icy personality. It was black and white. It didn't suit her. No. It suited her too well.

"What do you mean?"

"Of all there is to ask, you remark I look different."

"Because you do."

"Of course. Having eyelashes of snow isn't quite the norm, is it?"

"Not just your eyelashes. Your hair too. It's black. I remember it being white as the same snow your eyelashes were made of."

"Mortals truly are an interesting bunch." She said with a soft smile.

"I don't understand."

"Aren't you the same people who preach about individuality? Accepting our differences and such. Let the people know that they aren't so different after all. Yet, you didn't take as much as one second to bring up my appearance."

"It has change-"

"Does the change in one's appearance need to have an explanation behind it?"

"The change being taken into consideration is a drastic one here."

"If it's so drastic, how could you recognise me?"

I was defeated. Not that I couldn't come up with another answer or two. I just couldn't see an end to it. Appearance caused her great concern, I seemed. I must've touched the wrong string. But why are we discussing all this? Why am I discussing human morality with a god?!

"How did I end up here?" I asked.

"Haw, answering a question with a question. Ever heard about manners? Why did I even expect some etiquette from you? The person who uses the bare abdomen of a maiden like me without her permission. Oh, well." She said. It was not the words, but the tone. She seemed disappointed in me. What have I done?!

I was doomed. Stuck in this endless spiral with no help. I had once again allowed myself to fall for a trap of my own doing. It was the end. I couldn't do anything. I was helpless.

She glanced at me. Bringing the back of her hand close to her mouth, she started to laugh. This person. She's getting on my nerves. Was she mimicking the bourgeoisie?

"How did I end up here?" I tried for one final time.

"Brought by an ant. What do you think, dumbo?" 

Huh? Now she's straight up being mean. What's her issue with me?

"I guess you brought me here."

"What a deduction, Sherlock! Let me give you an ovation!" She sat up from a chair. The one placed near the chalkboard and started clapping.

"Hey, I don't know what's your problem, but that's not cool."

All her godly aura seemed to have been swept away by a hurricane. In its place, what was left was this bitchy attitude.

"My problem."

She pointed at me. It didn't take a genius to understand; I was her problem. Just like a switch, she suddenly flipped.

"My problem is that how stupid and ignorant you are. To think I mistook you for something interesting has been the biggest mistake in my entire billions of years of existence. I mean, look at how ungrateful you are. First you interrupt me, then you face the consequence, but even after I have helped you, I haven't her a single thank you. You human are an ignorant, stupid, piece of shi-"

"Bitch!"

Wrong words. I had let my intrusive thoughts win. She shot me a sharp glance. The temperature in the room dropped in an instant. The air was freezing.

Her hair. It was white now.

Her eyelashes. Snow.

Yes. A perfect match. She was the girl at the park. I could notice the vapours of my breath. The supernatural. A sharp glare. A sharp pain. My throat. I couldn't speak. My vocal chords; just like last time. I looked at my arm. There was none. It was gone. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The pain hit me like a truck. I collapsed to the ground. Blood. I coughed it out. The pain was too much to handle. I couldn't. My vocal chords. Shards of freezing air penetrating my throat and lungs. Tears froze as soon as they form in my eyes. My vision was no more. The shards punctured through my eyes. I was blinded. With every passing moment, I could fill the blood in my veins freeze, my capillaries bursting to the pressure. My heart trying its best to keep me alive. Yet, I too saw the vanity of it. It was gonna happen any second now. It hurt like hell. Like broken shards of glass stabbing you from the inside in the worst way possible. I squirmed on the ground. Tossing around helplessly. I was gonna die. Again. I died. Again.

Before I knew it, everything was normal. My vision was back. I was standing at the end of the hallway. She was caressing her now once again black hair. I could still feel the adrenaline in my body. Every neuron of my body was signaling me to run. I knew I couldn't. I didn't dare to run. It was pointless. Even if she was a weaker god, I was no match for her. I was human!

"Am I dead?" I asked. 

"Are you?" she replied back, her voice sharp as ever.

"No."

"Then why ask?"

"I don't know. In fact, I know nothing. I'm sorry. I have barely any clue about the situation I'm in. I'm confused. I don't know what to ask you. I don't know who are you or what are you. You speak in enigmas. I can't make sense out of you. My brain tells me to run, but I know I can't. I can't beat you. You are far stronger than me. You are better than me. I am at your mercy. I need your help. Please tell me. Give me a straight answer. One which I could comprehend. One which I could understand. I beg of you. Please tell me! Please don't hurt me!" I cried out. I knew well enough these could be my last words before another session of that hellish torture began.

"It seems you've come back to your senses. You know your place now."

I kept mum.

"Oh, don't be afraid. I wouldn't do that again. Unless you misbehaved, of course. You know pets need to be kept in check. I don't like dogs that bite or cats that scratch, you know."

A pet. That's what I was to her. A weaker being. A being at her mercy. Yes. She saw me in a way, that I'd see a dog or a cat. A cute but futile existence. And feral pets need to be punished. That's what it was. A punishment. 

"What am I then?" I asked.

"A human. What else did you think?" she replied. Her tone had shifted to a much more polite one. I could tell she saw my puzzling expression.

"Well, there are some after effects of reconstruction, of course."

"Reconstruction?"

"Remember losing your body to the frostbite? Or perhaps, a more recent one. I froze your arm and shattered it. Where do you think you got the new one?"

"You mean you made my body from scratch?"

"Not exactly scratch. I am a god, but consciousness isn't under my jurisdiction. I just gave you the flesh and blood." 

A false god. A god who isn't one. It was a mockery. A mockery of one. A weak one. She could make my body from absolute nothingness, but yet without consciousness, it was nothing more than a rag doll. Such was her powers. Such was the Goddess of Winter, the one who's cold through and through. It might sound like I'm undermining her powers, but no, the fact she created my body back through flesh and blood is a feat of its own. However, if I had truly died, my recreated boy would have been nothing but a lifeless chunk of flesh and bones.

"I know a lot of questions must linger in your mind. Come a little closer. Have a seat."

A maternal tone seemed to have developed in her voice. It wasn't as cold. It had warmth. 

I walked to the other end of the hall, still putting up my futile guard, near the chalkboard where she sat. I sat on the floor. She was on the chair. I was a pet. She was my master. I wouldn't want to anger her anymore. I looked at her and then she began.

"Allow me to tell you a tale. A tale of gods and the world beyond. A world beyond your perception. You don't see it, you don't smell it yet its effects you could feel. For thousands of generation you've worshipped us, feared us and sacrificed in the name of us. Some call us calamities, other call us gods. We had existed alongside you. Driving away what you deemed harmful for yourself. Alas!"

"Why the remorse?"

"You see. Godkind is no more...."