Passion (BL Novel)

It happened when Jeong Tae-yi briefly left his seat.

In reality, Jeong Tae-yi couldn't be considered a full member of the UNHRDO. Most of all, it was his mindset. He faithfully carried out his duties, but deep down, he always saw himself as an outsider within the organization. Both the Asian and European branches felt the same to him in this context.
Because of this, Jeong Tae-yi could observe the subtle currents of the organization from a distance. Even when power struggles occurred among the deputy directors, he didn't emotionally lean toward either side. When the real powers of the Asian and European branches clashed, he found himself involved on the Asian side, but his heart remained neutral, standing at the center. After all, he hadn’t chosen to be there, and his term was always limited from the start.
However, despite this, Jeong Tae-yi understood his colleagues' feelings very well. He was well aware of how his colleagues hated a man named Ilay Regrow. He knew that they couldn’t stand him. A man who killed their colleague. A man without a shred of guilt. A man who could harm them at any time. And yet, this man sat in a position of authority over them.

It would be unnatural not to hate him. Had Jeong Tae-yi felt a sense of belonging to the Asian branch, he would have hated that man too. Jeong Tae-yi had lost a colleague before. It had been an accident. The guy was a couple of years younger than Jeong Tae-yi, still young and innocent.
Every year, there are young lives lost in accidents in the military. One of those deaths came from Jeong Tae-yi's own unit. He wasn’t particularly close to the young man. They saw each other daily, exchanged greetings, and occasionally, Jeong Tae-yi had given him a highball while he was on watch. But still, when that young man died in an accident, Jeong Tae-yi could clearly remember the atmosphere in the unit and how he felt.
Here, at the Asian branch, Ilay Regrow had killed several of the branch members. Jeong Tae-yi had heard that even before he joined. Whether it was self-defense or not according to regulations, that man killed his targets by his own will. If he had wanted to, he could have spared them, but he chose not to.

"Anyone would hate it. If a man like that was your superior. Even without any personal grudges, it would be awful, but when a man who you hate to the bone is sitting in that position, it's really disgusting, right?"
Jeong Tae-yi muttered under his breath, barely loud enough for the man walking ahead to hear. This morning, once again, another one was sent to the medical ward. It was obvious they couldn’t stand a chance, yet those who rushed into the fight knew this and still did it. But honestly, Jeong Tae-yi couldn’t even curse them for that, understanding their feelings.
"Why? Did you want to step in and work it off yourself?"

Jeong Tae-yi muttered to himself, but Ilay, who was walking ahead, turned and spoke over his shoulder. Jeong Tae-yi kept quiet. That monster had sharp ears, so he couldn’t say anything recklessly.
"Not at all. I’m just grateful that you handled it yourself, Instructor."
Except for the usual complaints from the medical ward, of course. Ilay always faced anyone who charged at him head-on. If Jeong Tae-yi dared to interfere, Ilay would look at him with an obvious intent to strike him down first. So, despite hearing the complaints from the medical ward, Jeong Tae-yi decided it was better to assist the wounded rather than meet them as a patient.

...However, thinking about it now, when Shin-ru had tried to charge at him recently, Ilay had surprisingly kept calm. Normally, he would have shown his teeth, charging right in. What a fickle person, Jeong Tae-yi thought as he stopped walking. A few steps ahead, Ilay stopped as well. When Jeong Tae-yi stood still, staring at him blankly, Ilay gestured for him to come closer.
Why was he acting like this? Jeong Tae-yi approached cautiously, giving him a suspicious look. Ilay smiled faintly and then resumed walking, as if nothing had happened. After taking a step or two, Jeong Tae-yi continued to follow, tilting his head.
It had been a while since the weather was this good. Since the moment he woke up, he had felt down. Of course, the reason was not only the events of the previous night. That too was a major factor. Yesterday, that damn bastard must have taken some kind of aphrodisiac before he came. He had kept saying he had too much to do, but then came late at night, woke Jeong Tae-yi up from a sound sleep, and climbed on top of him. Today was a weekday, and tomorrow would be too. He had just finished a mountain of work after midnight, and he’d have to wake up early again to start another pile. He had said all this, but it was useless.

'It’s because I’ve been sitting at my desk all day. My body’s stiff. Come to think of it, I didn’t exercise today. A person needs to move once in a while, right? I can skip one day of sleep.'
Despite feeling sleepiness stick to his eyelids, ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) Jeong Tae-yi tried to turn his body, but Ilay didn’t respond. 'If you’re sleepy, sleep more. —If you can,' Jeong Tae-yi murmured to himself as Ilay easily pulled his pajamas off and spread his legs. Jeong Tae-yi tried to ignore whatever Ilay was doing, but it was impossible. The constant stimulation forced him to remain awake, trying to convince himself that if he didn’t get proper sleep, he would collapse from exhaustion.
Ilay pinched his chest hard, and Jeong Tae-yi suddenly sat up in shock, only to collapse back down, defeated.

"Hey, that hurts! If you want to do this, do it somewhere else, don’t just force me awake!"
"Wasn’t there a meeting at 6? Five hours left. You can sleep. I’ll stretch out for a while."
Ilay said it casually, then grabbed Jeong Tae-yi’s limp penis. It wasn’t painful, but his grip was strong enough to make Jeong Tae-yi flinch and shrink back. Sleepiness was slipping away from him more and more.
Dammit.
Muttering curses in his mind, Jeong Tae-yi let out a long sigh. Then, feeling drained, he mumbled to himself, "I remember you just confirmed you wouldn’t mess with Shin-ru or me."

When Jeong Tae-yi muttered to himself, Ilay responded with the expected answer: ‘Isn’t this too mild for you to call it messing with us?’ He said it with such sincerity, but Jeong Tae-yi felt a headache coming on, pressing his forehead and groaning.
"Don’t tell me you did this to Shin-ru too?"
"Shin-ru? Well, if I did that now, he might bite something off. Plus, I don’t really feel like it."

Ilay chuckled, continuing to move his hand up Jeong Tae-yi’s body. With a disgusted look, Jeong Tae-yi watched Ilay, letting out another sigh and closing his eyes, hoping to save some energy. He knew sleep was off the table now, but maybe he could conserve some strength.
 
After a while, Jeong Tae-yi finally sighed deeply, feeling like the situation was hopeless. His thoughts were clouded by a mix of emotions: frustration, confusion, and a creeping sense of helplessness. He didn’t want to be in this position, but somehow, here he was, stuck with Ilay’s unpredictable whims.

Ilay, seemingly unaffected, moved with a calm that only irritated Jeong Tae-yi more. Even when he tried to resist or say something, Ilay always seemed to outmaneuver him, pushing the limits in subtle ways that made Jeong Tae-yi feel even more trapped.
"Do you ever stop?" Jeong Tae-yi muttered bitterly, though he knew the answer already. Ilay’s eyes glinted with amusement as he responded with a small, almost mocking smile.
"Stop? Why would I? You’re not going anywhere."

Jeong Tae-yi’s jaw clenched. There was nothing more infuriating than that certainty in Ilay's voice. It was as if he knew he held the power, and Jeong Tae-yi had no choice but to accept it.
Just then, Jeong Tae-yi heard the sound of distant footsteps approaching. It was a familiar sound—the footsteps of someone who had just entered the hallway, unaware of what was happening just a few steps away. Instinctively, he stiffened, suddenly aware of how exposed he felt in this moment. He needed to regain control, but everything felt like it was slipping through his fingers.
Before he could react, Ilay shot him a look, almost as if reading his mind. "Relax, no one’s going to interfere. Not today."

Jeong Tae-yi’s thoughts raced. He had learned long ago that trying to resist Ilay’s methods only made things worse. But the feeling of being manipulated, used as a pawn in someone else’s game, gnawed at him. He hated the helplessness. More than anything, he hated how Ilay made him feel like he had no escape.
"You're sick," Jeong Tae-yi finally muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.
Ilay chuckled softly, the sound dark and filled with an unsettling amusement. "Maybe. But you’re still here, aren’t you?"

The words stung more than Jeong Tae-yi would care to admit. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be stuck in this cycle, where every day felt like a fight against his own emotions. But as much as he hated it, he couldn’t walk away. Not yet.
With a deep breath, Jeong Tae-yi closed his eyes for a moment, trying to block out the feelings of frustration and anger that threatened to overwhelm him. He didn’t want to give Ilay the satisfaction of seeing him break down, but the weight of everything was starting to feel unbearable.
"Just don’t come near me again," Jeong Tae-yi muttered under his breath, his eyes still closed, as if shutting out the world could make everything go away.

Ilay’s voice was soft but cutting when he responded. "You know you don’t mean that."
Jeong Tae-yi didn’t reply. There was nothing left to say.
As the moments passed in uncomfortable silence, Jeong Tae-yi couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread settling in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what the future held—whether he would eventually break free of this twisted dynamic or if he would continue to be a puppet in Ilay’s hands. But in that moment, he knew one thing for certain: whatever came next, he couldn’t stay like this forever.

 
The silence between them stretched, thick and oppressive. Jeong Tae-yi could feel the weight of Ilay’s gaze, the constant reminder that he was under scrutiny. He wanted to escape, to run far away from this suffocating presence, but there was no place to hide, no escape from the reality of his situation.
Ilay finally broke the silence with a soft chuckle, one that sent a chill down Jeong Tae-yi’s spine. "You know, Tae-yi," Ilay’s voice was low, almost teasing, "you could make things easier for yourself. I could make it easier for you."

Jeong Tae-yi clenched his fists, trying to keep the tremor of anger out of his hands. "Don’t talk to me like that," he said, his voice colder than he intended. "I don’t need your help."
Ilay raised an eyebrow, his smile widening. "Really? You don’t need help? You’re just fine on your own? Struggling through every day, every night, with no one but me to keep you company?" His words were a mockery, a reminder of everything that had brought Jeong Tae-yi to this point.
Jeong Tae-yi turned his face away, but not before he saw the look of triumph in Ilay’s eyes. There it was again—control. Ilay’s ability to manipulate, to twist things around, to make Jeong Tae-yi feel small and insignificant.

He couldn’t let this go on any longer. The thought of being trapped in this cycle, forever at Ilay’s mercy, made his skin crawl. But what could he do? He had no leverage, no power. Ilay had too much control over him, and it seemed like every time Jeong Tae-yi tried to assert himself, it only made things worse.
"You think I don’t see what you’re doing?" Jeong Tae-yi finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper, thick with frustration. "You think I don’t see how you manipulate everything, how you twist it all to your advantage? How you make it seem like I have a choice when I don’t?"
Ilay didn’t respond immediately. For a brief moment, Jeong Tae-yi thought he might have hit a nerve. But then Ilay leaned in, his face close, his breath warm against Jeong Tae-yi’s ear.

"Of course you have a choice," Ilay whispered, his voice dripping with dark amusement. "You always have a choice. You just haven’t realized it yet."
Jeong Tae-yi shivered at the words, feeling them sink deep into his chest, gnawing at him. The truth was, he didn’t know what to do anymore. Every time he thought he could break free, Ilay’s presence, his manipulation, his control, pulled him right back in.
He had once believed that there was always a way out—that there would always be something he could do, some decision he could make to free himself from this nightmare. But now, in this moment, Jeong Tae-yi wasn’t so sure.

"Maybe I don’t want to make a choice," Jeong Tae-yi muttered bitterly, the words slipping out before he could stop them. "Maybe I just want it to stop."
Ilay’s chuckle was soft but dark, and it made Jeong Tae-yi’s blood run cold. "Oh, Tae-yi. That’s the problem, isn’t it? You’re so used to being in control, to thinking you have the upper hand. But you never really did, did you? You never had control."
Jeong Tae-yi flinched at the words, his heart pounding in his chest. It was true, he had always thought he was in control, that he could manage his situation, that he could fight back. But now, looking at Ilay, he realized how wrong he had been.

Ilay had always been in control.
The thought was suffocating.
At this point, Jeong Tae-yi is starting to acknowledge the true depth of his situation, and the hopelessness begins to set in. The psychological and emotional manipulation from Ilay is becoming more apparent to him, leaving him to question his own sense of control.

"…Did it leave a mark?"
"It’s there."
"…It’s very noticeable, isn’t it?"

"Right on the third joint of your middle finger."
Damn it. Even from the front, it was in a very obvious spot. If it were just a small mark visible from the outside, it might not be a big deal, but in here, where it’s just men everywhere, if you showed up with that mark one morning... that would definitely not be ideal. And more than that, there was someone who absolutely could never hear about it.
"Did you run into Shin-ru today?"

Jeong Tae-yi, with a pale face, tried to remember. It felt like he was acting like a cheating husband—though, thinking about it, it wasn’t all that different. But still, for some reason, the thought of showing something like this to Shin-ru made him feel like something terrible and unknown might happen. Ilay, watching Jeong Tae-yi’s face change colors from red to pale, seemed to be either amused or pondering something, and then casually asked.
"Are you that scared of him finding out?"
"Of course."

If it were even my uncle hearing about it, I’d probably want to dig a hole and hide in it, Jeong Tae-yi muttered to himself as he grabbed at his hair in frustration. With this kind of positioning, anyone who wasn’t completely oblivious would have seen it. Great. He stared at the floor, his face burning red, before turning his fierce gaze on Ilay.
"When did you see this?"
"This morning, when you came to the instructor’s office."

Ilay answered nonchalantly, meaning he had already seen it before the regular workday even started.
"Then you should have said something then!" Jeong Tae-yi snapped.
"You didn’t seem to care, so I just let it slide," Ilay responded, almost dismissively.

It seemed like he had already decided that today was just going to be a disaster. At least if his uncle had seen it, he would have told him, but his uncle had already left the instructor’s office earlier that morning.
Jeong Tae-yi grabbed his hair as if he were about to pull it out and groaned in frustration, then quickly started walking away. He roughly shoved Ilay, who was standing in his way. He just wanted to get back to his room as quickly as possible.
Then it happened.

Splash—
"…Huh?"
He hadn’t even taken more than a couple of steps. Jeong Tae-yi blinked a few times, frozen in place for a few seconds. A droplet of water ran down his eyelashes, and he wiped it away with the back of his hand. His hand wasn’t the only thing wet—his hair, his face, his clothes, everything was soaked. He looked up. From the top of the railing, a man clicked his tongue and tossed an empty bucket at Ilay. Ilay stepped back a pace to avoid it, looking up at the man.

Jeong Tae-yi, wiping the water from his hair that kept dripping down, glared at the man.
"Must be nice to be an instructor. You’ve got a lackey to take the splash for you."
Damn it. Is today going to be a two-fer? It seemed like he had decided from the morning that he was going to have bad luck. If it had been his uncle, at least he would have warned him, but his uncle had already left for the day.

"Why do you always pick such classic and unproductive ways to start fights?" Jeong Tae-yi muttered with a sigh. Then he thought about it. The one starting the fight was probably Ilay, but in the end, it was him who got drenched. So, in this case, who should be answering to that fight? Probably me. How annoying. But I guess I’ll have to throw him a punch before this gets any worse.
The man was someone he’d seen a few times before. He wasn’t from the same team, but Jeong Tae-yi had gotten used to the faces of the branch members as he followed Ilay to various lectures. The man, standing on the railing far above him, jumped down effortlessly. And like most people who started trouble, he glared at Ilay with a dangerous, almost predatory look.
"Hey, shouldn’t you be looking at me first, not Ilay? You drenched someone with water and now you’re ignoring it?"

Jeong Tae-yi wiped the droplets from his arms and stepped toward the man. Even though he was frustrated and annoyed, part of him was relieved. At least now, he had a reason to step in before Ilay turned this guy into pulp. Watching someone collapse in front of you without lifting a finger felt disgusting.
"You stay out of this. If you want to fight, we’ll deal with it later. I’ve got business with this guy first."
The man glared fiercely at Jeong Tae-yi, then gestured toward Ilay. Jeong Tae-yi sighed inwardly. Why did people always have to throw their lives away so recklessly?

He hesitated for a moment, debating whether to leave the man to his fate, but then decided it was more humane to try to stop him.
Just then.
"Tae-yi. Go change your clothes and do some knee stretches. I would’ve come with you, but it seems like I’ve got something to take care of."

A voice interrupted, blocking Jeong Tae-yi’s path. It was Ilay.
Jeong Tae-yi knew that Ilay couldn’t stand anyone interfering when it came to his own affairs, but in this situation, he had something to say. He pointed at himself, soaked from head to toe, and frowned.
"I was the one who got hit with the water. Don’t you think you should step in now?"

"Shut up and go."
Ilay didn’t even hesitate as he dismissed Jeong Tae-yi, ignoring his complaint completely.
Jeong Tae-yi clicked his tongue. This bastard. Looks like he plans on taking out another one before the afternoon is over. He glanced at the man.

The man was staring at him. With his rough expression, he was looking at Jeong Tae-yi as if he were seeing something utterly surprising. His gaze traveled slowly from Jeong Tae-yi’s head down to his feet, lingering just a little longer before slowly climbing back up his body. That wet, clinging stare was as unsettling as the water that still dripped off Jeong Tae-yi.
"Jeong Tae-yi. Not going? Are you planning on walking around like that all afternoon?"
"Even if this guy—"

Jeong Tae-yi tried to cling to whatever dignity he had left, but Ilay clicked his tongue, and Jeong Tae-yi immediately closed his mouth. This was dangerous. If he kept talking, Ilay would probably knock him out first and then deal with the man afterward.
Damn it. This bastard. Fine, do whatever you want. I’ve done enough for today.
Jeong Tae-yi clicked his tongue in frustration, turning around. Then he threw one last glance at the man who would soon be sent to the medical ward. What would break first—his arm? His leg? Maybe his ribs. If he were unlucky, a broken bone might puncture an organ. But at least the water splash was on him, so this would be over relatively harmlessly.

Jeong Tae-yi tugged at the damp edge of his shirt, shaking it off. Something was bothering him, though. The eyes that flicked from his face to his neck, chest, and waist felt uncomfortably lingering.
"...?"
 

Jeong Tae-yi tilted his head slightly. He figured this guy must have some grievances against him as well, then turned around. When his eyes met Ilay’s, the latter simply nodded toward the corridor without a word, silently signaling him to get lost. Jeong Tae-yi muttered, “Yes, yes, I’m going,” and moved on.
Behind him, his wet footprints left damp marks along the hallway. There was a sour smell lingering, as if some kind of foul liquid had been spilled somewhere.
“Damn it. I think a few drops got into my mouth earlier. Ugh...”

He grimaced, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, but his hand was wet anyway. Jeong Tae-yi considered himself lucky to have a strong stomach and headed down to the sixth floor. By now, that guy was probably rolling around on the floor in a sorry state. Or maybe, surprisingly, he had managed to get his arm broken cleanly and was being carried into the medical ward.
At this hour, the medics were probably eating lunch, and the medical officers likely weren’t participating. If anything serious happened in one of the wards, they’d have to be summoned immediately. Thinking this, Jeong Tae-yi dragged his legs gloomily. After getting drenched in cold water, his knees seemed to ache even more. Or maybe it was because that damned guy had been pressing his knees randomly just a moment ago, Jeong Tae-yi muttered grumpily.
Still, it was unexpected. He hadn’t made much of a fuss, so it wouldn’t have been easy for anyone to notice his bad knee. Moreover, given how sharp Ilay was, it made sense he noticed, but Jeong Tae-yi never imagined Ilay would just sit on the floor and inspect his leg like that. He had always thought Ilay wouldn’t even kneel down or bow his head in front of others. (In fact, Jeong Tae-yi had never once seen him bow his head.)

“Maybe, in his own way, he cares about the health of his comrades... …No, that can’t be.”
Jeong Tae-yi voiced a faint hope aloud, then immediately shook his head. Saying that only made him feel more empty. If Ilay were a considerate person, the medical officers wouldn’t have stared at Jeong Tae-yi like ghosts.
Dragging his aching knee, soaked with cold water, Jeong Tae-yi finally arrived at his room and sighed, “Ugh.” Naturally, no one else was there, as it was still a single room. As soon as he entered, he kicked off his shoes. They weren’t soaking wet, but his socks were damp and uncomfortable.

“An elite group? Don’t believe it. It’s all bullshit. There’s all kinds of scumbags here—murderers, reckless idiots...”
While tossing his socks into the basket, Jeong Tae-yi grumbled aloud. To reduce the number of innocent victims tricked into coming here, he thought he should document all this and submit a report to an investigative news program. As he headed to the communal bathroom, his muttering didn’t stop. Opening the door to find the place empty, a musty smell hit his nose sharply, making him frown and wave his hand to disperse it.
Then his eyes fell on the large half-body mirror opposite the door. In it reflected a man soaked like a drowned rat. His scalp and the top of his head were somewhat dry, but his collar and sleeve cuffs still glistened with moisture.

“...”
Unconsciously, Jeong Tae-yi stared into the mirror, mouth closed. A groan escaped his lips.
“So this is what I look like walking around... today’s a real mixed bag, Jeong Tae-yi.”

He rubbed his reddening neck and sighed again. His uniform shirt clung wetly to his bare skin. Usually, he only wore a single dress shirt with a simple emblem, but formally he was supposed to wear a jacket on top, so the shirt’s fabric wasn’t very thick—only a bit thicker than a normal dress shirt.
The soaked shirt stuck to his body embarrassingly, revealing everything from his collarbone to chest and abs. The thin layer clinging to him only made it look more obscene.
“Damn... it’s not like I just stepped out of some gay porn magazine. Still, it’s lucky this place is full of men.”

Jeong Tae-yi hurriedly unbuttoned the shirt and shook his head. He was almost grateful to Ilay for telling him to get lost. Maybe in some strange way, Ilay was considerate. He peeled off the sticky shirt and headed to the shower, glancing at the clock.
If he took a shower now, he probably wouldn’t have time to eat. Even if there was time, as a medical officer, he had to at least check in with the medical ward. He needed to see how badly that guy was hurt and report on it.
He was going to get scolded heavily by the medical officers again.

By now, their curses weren’t only directed at Ilay and Jeong Tae-yi. The medics had started complaining about the endless fools who recklessly charged monsters without knowing their limits or abilities. Even after throwing clusters, or several at once, or charging barehanded against people wielding weapons, those fools kept getting their asses handed to them. The medics shook Jeong Tae-yi’s collar and scolded him, saying they should take care of themselves, but Jeong Tae-yi, muttering “yeah, that’s right,” didn’t really feel like blaming them. He understood their frustration—charging into danger knowing you couldn’t win, but still unable to stay still.
In most cases, tracing back the cause, it was Ilay who was the one to blame. Still, Jeong Tae-yi covered for Ilay not just because it was his duty, but because human feelings aren’t moved by objective judgment alone. Though Jeong Tae-yi often thought that Ilay should just quietly die for the world’s sake, he had never seriously wished for Ilay Regrow’s death.
“He doesn’t seem to hate that guy much, either... hmm. Well, Ilay’s shown me some mercy in his own way.”

Even though Ilay stuck around, Jeong Tae-yi had never ended up beaten to a pulp or lying in the medical ward thanks to him. His uncle once joked half-seriously, patting Jeong Tae-yi’s shoulder to comfort him.
“Looks like Rick still steps back for you sometimes. Whatever his scheme is, that’s something to be thankful for.”
Jeong Tae-yi still remembered his uncle mumbling that, adding that even though Gilsangcheon was tough, it wasn’t all bad.

“I wasn’t really happy about it, though, uncle,” he had replied.
Although it wasn’t something to be truly glad about, it was true that Ilay was at least more lenient to him than the guy he’d started a fight with earlier. Considering Ilay’s utterly inhuman attitude that demanded no kindness for anyone, that was surprisingly humane. Jeong Tae-yi sighed deeply as he washed off the soap bubbles.
Looking through the glass door, he saw the clock. Even if he couldn’t have a proper meal, he thought he should at least grab a piece of bread, stop by the medical ward, and then head to the cafeteria. That would fit perfectly before afternoon duty.

But soon he would realize an unexpected disruption in this plan.
No one had anticipated what happened next. Perhaps not even the person who started it.
When Jeong Tae-yi reached the cafeteria, a subtle tension hung in the air. Not complete silence, but faint, ominous whispers. It wasn’t the usual noisy lunchtime chatter, so it felt like silence.

Without being told, he knew something had happened. Jeong Tae-yi frowned and slowed down. The only thing he could guess was Ilay and that man.
They must be seriously injured... Jeong Tae-yi clicked his tongue. Everyone knew how mercilessly that cruel bastard tore apart anyone who dared challenge Ilay. People kept coming like this, day after day, and now even serious injuries barely warranted a mention.