Chapter 211: Roasting the Hokage
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"Hey, hey! Are you trying to kill me with that punch?"
Anko's punch had landed square on Uchiha Kitaro's chest, and she didn't exactly hold back. If it weren't for his tough physique, anyone else might've been flattened.
"Serves you right for disappearing without a word! Not even a single message this whole time!"
Kitaro shrugged helplessly. "I had no choice! Things were out of control back then. The Uchiha clan was about to stage a coup, and the only way to stop it was for me to lead them away."
"Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" Anko looked puzzled.
"Let's grab some food, and I'll fill you in," Kitaro suggested.
He led the group to the most popular barbecue joint in the village and booked a private room. Over plates of grilled meat, he laid everything out for Anko and Kurenai.
"I didn't realize things had gotten that bad," Anko said, frowning.
"The tensions between the Uchiha and the village elders have been brewing for ages," Kitaro explained. "It started after the First Hokage passed away. The Second Hokage blatantly monitored the Uchiha, treating them like criminals in waiting.
"That kind of treatment obviously didn't sit well with the clan. But back then, the Uchiha were still a prestigious family, so they put up with it.
"Then came the Nine-Tails incident. The villagers' hatred and suspicion toward us exploded. The higher-ups used the opportunity to suppress the Uchiha even further, cutting off resources and giving them the worst assignments."
"They were overworked, underpaid, and slandered nonstop. You tell me, who wouldn't snap under that pressure?
"So, the clan started planning a coup. I'm an Uchiha—this clan raised me, protected me. Of course, I stood with them. But I also loved the village and its people. The elders' mistakes shouldn't cost innocent lives.
"My solution? I led the Uchiha out of the village. And, looking back, it was the right move. Both sides needed space to cool down.
"Now, they can negotiate properly. If not now, then later. If this generation fails, the next one can try again. There's no rush."
Kitaro leaned back casually, looking completely unbothered.
"So, why are you back now?" Anko asked.
"Mainly to test the waters and see where the village elders stand," he replied.
"Did it go south?"
"Not exactly. The Third Hokage is still as slippery as ever. He gave me all the usual sweet talk—'The doors of Konoha are always open to the Uchiha,' 'The Uchiha are part of the village,' and so on. All bark, no bite. He didn't offer anything concrete."
Kitaro chuckled. "Honestly, he's like a master-level Politician—Sweet words, empty promises, zero accountability."
"The old guy's a genius at manipulation—hell, he practically brainwashed the entire village with his 'Will of Fire' spiel. But when's the last time he saw actual combat?"
His impersonation of the Third Hokage's smooth-talking ways had everyone at the table cracking up.
They were no longer kids, blindly believing everything they were told. Spending time with Kitaro, who could break things down so clearly, had taught them to think critically about their world.
"Oh, right!" Anko suddenly remembered. "About that time the entire village passed out…"
"Yeah, that was me," Kitaro said nonchalantly.
"You?! What the hell?!" Anko and Kurenai stared at him, wide-eyed.
"The old man wanted to see what kind of power we'd gained since leaving. So, I gave him a little demonstration. A reminder not to underestimate me—or us. Gotta show him I'm not some house cat he can cage. After that, his tone became a lot more… respectful." Kitaro grinned. "Worked like a charm."
The group burst into laughter again. Being around Kitaro always seemed to lift the mood.
Suddenly, a cold voice cut through their laughter. "Uchiha Kitaro! How dare you insult the Third Hokage behind his back! You're nothing but a traitorous dog!"
A man with black hair and a scruffy beard stormed into their private room, glaring at Kitaro with fiery eyes.
"Uh, old man, who are you supposed to be?" Kitaro asked, raising an eyebrow.
That question hit the newcomer like a gut punch. "I'm not an old man! I'm only 24!"
"Wait, 24?!" Kitaro's eyes widened in mock surprise. "Man, I thought you were pushing 42 with that look. Stress isn't doing you any favors, huh?"
"You bastard!" The man's face turned red with anger. "Get outside! I'll teach you some respect!"
"But seriously, who even are you?" Kitaro asked again, genuinely confused.
Anko snickered. "That's Sarutobi Asuma, the Third Hokage's son. He's always sniffing around Kurenai like a stray dog."
Kitaro glanced at Kurenai, who quickly waved her hands. "We're not involved! He keeps following me no matter how many times I turn him down. Kitaro, don't get the wrong idea!"
Kitaro turned back to Asuma. "Listen, uh… big guy. Chasing someone who's not interested? That's not cool. You're acting like a total creep. Just because you're the Hokage's kid doesn't mean you get to harass people."
Asuma's face went from red to purple. "I'm not a creep! I just like Kurenai! Is that a crime?!"
"But I don't like you," Kurenai said firmly.
Asuma froze, his heart clearly breaking.
"You heard her," Kitaro said with a shrug. "She doesn't like you, and neither do I. Now, kindly see yourself out. Don't forget to close the door on your way."
Anko doubled over laughing. Watching Kitaro verbally dismantle Asuma was pure gold. This so-called protector of Kurenai had been causing her nothing but trouble, and now he was finally getting what he deserved.
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