Naruto: Uchiha’s Unserious Saga

"All right," Funan said. "Once you've gathered enough strength, come find me."

He looked into the distance, toward the direction Madara had fled.

"I'm going after him first."

[Swish!]

He used the Body Flicker Technique and vanished from the scene.

"Quick! Gather all the top-tier forces we can mobilize!"

"All explosive tags and other offensive tools—bring them all together. Don't leave any with the jōnin; hand them all over to the Kage-level shinobi!"

"All jōnin are to return to the village immediately and set up the barrier. Until we get results on our end, maintain it at all costs!"

…

One order after another was relayed swiftly between the Kage-level shinobi.

Everyone on site began to move in a flurry of activity.

Suddenly, Fugaku exclaimed, "Sasuke? Where's Sasuke?!"

Everyone froze for a moment.

Yako murmured, "He didn't go after Uchiha Madara, did he…?"

"Absurd!" Fugaku immediately turned pale with worry.

Even though Sasuke had grown powerful, there was still a significant gap between him and Uchiha Madara.

To seek out Madara now would be nothing short of suicide!

And in truth, that's exactly what was happening.

As Madara began absorbing the Ten-Tails, preparing to become its jinchūriki, Sasuke—who had been hiding in the shadows, quietly waiting for an opening—believed the moment had come.

Blood trickled from his eyes.

Amaterasu!

Kagutsuchi!

Instantly, black flames ignited around Uchiha Madara.

"Hmph."

With a snort of disdain, Madara vanished from sight.

"Genjutsu?" Sasuke's pupils shrank. He instinctively stepped back—but a hand seized him by the collar and hoisted him off the ground.

"Brat, you've got guts—coming here all by yourself. What, did you think you were Uchiha Funan?"

Madara glared at him coldly. In his other hand, a black rod had already begun to take shape.

"Kh…" Sasuke coughed twice and forced out, "If it were Funan-aniki, you'd already be running, wouldn't you?"

"Heh." Madara sneered. "Such a cheap provocation. Worthless. But your eyes…"

He studied Sasuke's eyes thoughtfully, then gave a small nod. "Brat, how about this—why don't you come over to my side? Together, we can create a new world."

Sasuke chuckled coldly, not even bothering to reply.

You nearly killed my Naruto, and you expect me to help you?

"Forget it."

With that, Madara lightly shook his head and casually plunged the black rod into Sasuke's body.

"Ugh—!"

Sasuke's eyes widened in disbelief.

That's it?

I'm this talented and all I get is one line?

You couldn't even sweeten the deal a little?

Just one offer—and then you stab me?

You really don't know how to win people over…

I was just being a little stubborn!

If Madara could hear Sasuke's inner thoughts, he'd probably snort.

Brat, this is the world of adults.

"Stop, Madara!" Funan's furious shout rang out.

"Funan?" Madara glanced over and sneered. "You got here fast."

Funan's eyes were fixed on Sasuke, his expression grim.

A critical injury!

Unlike with Naruto, this one—he wasn't even sure if he could save him.

"What's the matter? You want him?" Madara gave the limp Sasuke a little shake before tossing him aside like a ragdoll.

"Then take him."

Funan caught him midair, already starting treatment as he glared at Madara.

"No need to look at me like that, Funan," Madara said with a faint smile. "It's done."

As he spoke, a strange aura began to envelop him.

"I'm about to become the second Sage of Six Paths."

"Uchiha Funan…"

"Senju Hashirama…"

Madara turned to face the newly-arrived Hashirama and called out loudly, "Once again, I sincerely invite both of you to join my plan. Let's create a new world together."

Hashirama stared at Madara silently.

But Funan… was lost in thought.

"Madara!"

Suddenly, Funan spoke. "I sincerely invite you… to join my plan."

"…What?"

Both Madara and Hashirama were stunned.

Funan spoke in a deep voice.

"Madara, the shinobi world already belongs to Konoha. And the Hokage of Konoha… is a Uchiha. There's no need for us to fight anymore. The three of us—together—we can build a perfect shinobi world. Isn't that a good thing?"

Madara looked momentarily dazed.

This… wasn't something he had expected.

So, without even realizing it, he had become the greatest obstacle to the peace of the shinobi world.

"Madara, the Eye of the Moon Plan, using Infinite Tsukuyomi to blanket the entire world—that's just forcing everyone to live in a dream. What kind of world is that? It's meaningless!" Funan said firmly. "Even if you saw Izuna again in that world, even if you and Hashirama lived out some happy life there…"

At this point, he paused.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute!

They didn't deny it?!

Oh hell no!

What the actual f—!

Did I just confirm something incredible?

This world really does need to change.

This is terrifying. Seriously!

Madara, sure, he's an old bachelor—whatever, he can live however he wants.

But Mito… you have my deepest sympathies.

"Infinite Tsukuyomi might be perfect on the surface," Funan continued, "but no matter how beautiful that world is, it's still fake."

"And no matter how deep the dream, one day… people wake up."

"Madara."

"It's time you woke up too."

"Hmph."

Madara finally broke his silence with a cold sneer.

"You make it sound so easy, Funan. Are you sure you can create the world you want?"

"Don't forget—Hashirama and I believed in each other too. We tried to create a world where everyone could be happy. And what happened?"

"We still ended up at odds."

"We couldn't even build one ideal village."

Hearing that, Hashirama's face grew heavy.

Uchiha Madara continued icily, "Even if you manage to do it—how long can you keep it going?"

"After your death, what about your successor? Are you sure they'll be like you? That they'll carry on what you built?"

One sharp question after another came crashing down.

Funan sighed.

"Madara, all of that… is just an excuse. You still want to cast Infinite Tsukuyomi."

"You're right."

Madara stood tall, looking down coldly at him.

"Funan, if you want to stop me—go ahead and try."

"Madara!" Hashirama snapped, voice rising. "Don't do this. Stop—now!"

"Heh." Madara responded with utter disdain.

"First Hokage!" Funan turned to Hashirama. "There's no reasoning with him anymore."

"…I understand." Hashirama let out a sigh and clapped his hands together.

"Wood Release: Wood Golem Technique!"

[Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack!]

Massive trees erupted and rapidly formed into a towering wooden golem.

"Susanoo!"

Funan's eyes morphed into Mangekyō Sharingan.

He summoned his own majestic Susanoo—and it merged seamlessly with the Wood Golem.

"Hehehe…"

Madara laughed wildly, unleashing his own Susanoo over his Wood Golem as well.

"Funan," Hashirama said in a low voice, "what about that child?"

Funan glanced at Sasuke lying unconscious on the ground. "Don't worry. He's not dead. In fact… this might end up benefiting him."

As he spoke, he summoned a slug to carry Sasuke to a safe location.

Hashirama let out a breath of relief. "That's good to hear."

But deep down, Funan was sneering coldly.

The Sage of Six Paths—this bastard—he was interfering again.

'My power... is still growing!'

'Hagoromo, by the time you show up, I'll have a big surprise waiting for you.'

'Hopefully, you'll know what's good for you.'

'If not, damn it, I'll beat your dog-ass to death.'

Under Funan's control, the Susanoo-armored giant Golem charged straight at Uchiha Madara.

Madara also charged forward.

[Boom!]

Their fists slammed into each other with a thunderous clash.

From the sheer force of that collision, Madara was sent stumbling backward. Cracks spread all across the arms of his massive Susanoo, like a spiderweb fracturing glass.

It looked like it could shatter at any moment.

"Impossible..." Madara growled through gritted teeth.

"Are you f*cking kidding me?!"

With a furious roar, Madara charged once more.

He flew forward fast—but was sent flying back even faster.

Funan caught him mid-charge with a brutal kick, launching him through the air.

His Susanoo armor shattered on impact, and the wooden humanoid within took a devastating blow to the waist—so hard, it looked like one of his kidneys got kicked clean out.

"Tch... Fine!"

Madara gritted his teeth and brought his hands together in a seal.

The wooden humanoid began to regenerate.

Susanoo once again wrapped itself around the giant Golem.

"Sage Art Wood Release: True Several Thousand Hands!"

Suddenly, the wooden humanoid sprouted thousands of arms!

Its size began to grow rapidly again.

At the same time, strands of natural energy surged across its body, saturating it entirely.

"Hmph, like I'd be afraid of you!" Funan snorted coldly, waving a hand. "First Hokage—go!"

Hashirama gave Funan a sideways glance—then unleashed his own True Thousand Hands.

Funan enlarged his own Susanoo to match, and together, both of them released natural energy simultaneously.

"Let's go, Madara!"

"Hashirama!"

With twin roars, they lunged at each other again.

Funan: "..."

Why did it suddenly turn into a passionate shōnen moment?

Also...

What about me?

But neither Hashirama nor Madara paid him the slightest attention. In their eyes, only each other existed—as they collided in a violent clash once more.

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