LOVING A SUNFLOWER

After hearing what Matthew had said about me, I knew I never had a chance at love. It wasn't just a fleeting thought; it was a certainty that wrapped itself around my heart like chains. I decided then and there that love was not meant for me, and I vowed never to fall in love again.

With that decision, I poured myself into my studies. It became my sole focus, my sanctuary. I avoided people, avoided their gazes, and if anyone came too close, my chest tightened with panic, and I'd find an excuse to leave. It wasn't easy at first, but over time, I grew used to it. It was a quiet, lonely way to live, but it was without stress, and that was all I cared about.

But then there was MJ.

One day, out of the blue, she burst into my room, frustration etched into her face. "Sarah, what's your deal? We've had dinner nights, drinking nights, game nights, and you've never shown up to any of them!"

I looked up from my desk, surprised by her outburst. "They don't want me there, MJ," I said calmly. "They want you. You're the social butterfly, the one everyone loves. I'm not like you."

Her eyes widened, and for a moment, she just stared at me. "That's not true, and you know it," she said, her voice rising. "You can't just shut yourself away like this. People want to know you, Sarah. You just don't give them a chance."

I shook my head, unwilling to argue. "I'm just being honest," I said simply, turning back to my notes.

MJ stood there, fuming, but when it became clear I wasn't going to budge, she stormed out of the room.

When she left, the silence that followed was almost a relief. I picked up my phone, glanced at my textbooks, and began to study again. The equations and formulas were comforting in their certainty, their lack of emotion.

After a while, though, my mind wandered. I picked up my phone again, searching for something to distract me. That's when I stumbled upon a web novel. Before I knew it, I was lost in someone else's world, escaping my own.

Reading web novels became my sanctuary. They were the only way I could keep my mind intact, the only escape from a reality I couldn't face. Through those stories, I could live out my love fantasies—safe in the knowledge that they would remain fantasies, because I knew they'd never come true.

Fast forward to the day of the class outing. MJ, ever the persistent friend, tried to drag me along. She practically begged, insisting it would be good for me, but I stood my ground. At the last minute, I backed out, determined to avoid the crowd and their judgment.

But fate had other plans.

While leaving the building, clutching my coffee drink like a lifeline, I collided with someone. The cup slipped from my hand, spilling its contents all over the front of his shirt. Mortified, I froze, my face flushing crimson as I looked up—and there he was.

Isaac

He was a fourth-year in our major, someone I'd barely heard of until that day. He had recently returned after taking a year off traveling around the world conducting scientific research or so MJ had told me. And now, here he was, coffee-stained and staring at me.

"I—I'm so sorry," I stammered, fumbling for my handkerchief. In my panic, I used it to dab at his shirt, but the stain wouldn't budge. It only spread, and my mortification deepened.

He just smiled. A small, easy smile that somehow made everything worse. "Don't worry about it," he said, his voice calm and reassuring.

Before I could respond, he turned and walked toward the table where everyone had gathered. The room fell silent as he spoke, announcing that he couldn't attend the outing because of the coffee incident.

"I'll catch up with you all later," he said smoothly, his tone casual but final.

The others exchanged looks, disappointment clear in their expressions. I could almost feel their collective despair as they watched him leave.

It was then that MJ pulled me aside, her voice low but excited. "Do you even know who that was?"

I shook my head, still reeling.

"That's Isaac Brown," she said, her eyes wide. "He's practically a legend. The king of the hot boys."

My stomach sank.

If Matthew—the guy who used me—was the prince of the science faculty and our major, then Isaac was undeniably its king. He was everything every girl dreamed of and everything every guy wanted to be. A girl's first love or fantasy, and a guy's ultimate role model.

At that moment, I felt stupid. Stupid for spilling coffee on someone so revered. Stupid for ever trusting MJ to take me there. And most of all, stupid for feeling like I could avoid attention in a world that constantly thrust me into its spotlight, even when I didn't want to be seen.

The moment Isaac announced he wasn't going to the outing, I could feel the daggers in everyone's stares. Their eyes burned holes into me, as if my mere existence had ruined their day. Adding what MJ just told me, it's really understandable as I struggled to avoid those piercing gaze my chest tightened, and I decided I couldn't stay there a second longer.

as I turned to dash out of the room, I ran past Isaac who was waiting just right outside the door. Isaac called after me.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

I froze mid-step, my heart pounding. Turning slowly, I saw him jogging toward me, his expression unreadable. My panic doubled. Was he coming to demand money for his dry cleaning?

Before he could say another word, I rushed out, "I'm so sorry! I'll pay for the dry cleaning, I swear!"

Without waiting for a response, I bolted toward the nearest supermarket. My mind raced as I grabbed the first t-shirt I could find. It wasn't anything special—just a plain black tee—but it was all I could think to do.

When I returned, Isaac was still standing there, looking thoroughly confused. I thrust the shirt toward him, my words tumbling out in a nervous rush. "Here. Change into this. I'll take your clothes and get them dry-cleaned. I promise."

He blinked at me, dazed. "Wait, what?"

"Please, just change," I insisted, shoving the t-shirt into his hands.

Still baffled, he glanced at the shirt, then back at me, before shrugging and heading to a nearby restroom. Moments later, he returned, wearing the plain t-shirt. As he gave me his clothes, I thanked him for not making a big deal out of the stain, I could hear him say something but I wasn't ready to wait around and find out, for all I know he might have a change of heart I thanked him once again as I bolted out of site with lightning speed.