Just A Friend

#9

‘That’s right. Even you think it’s a bit much, don’t you, Kang Jihan?’

Suddenly, Nam Seonwoo thought that his feelings might have been burdensome even when they were dating. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. But the Kang Jihan beside him now was a different person. There was no need to dwell on unnecessary thoughts.

“Well…”

‘Because we’re classmates’? Or should he say ‘Because I’m the class president’ again? As he was pondering his answer like a game where the outcome changes based on choices, a plausible reason came to mind.

“Because I’m your secret santa.”

Mentally thanking the Korean teacher who proposed this childish performance evaluation, Nam Seonwoo looked straight at Kang Jihan.

“It’s a secret, why do you keep asking? Don’t be so tactless.”

If his memory was correct, the identity of the secret santa was never revealed. So he brazenly scolded Kang Jihan. Suddenly made out to be the tactless one, Kang Jihan’s expression turned strange, but he didn’t say anything.

Rummaging in his pocket, Kang Jihan put a cigarette in his mouth. Without his school uniform shirt, it didn’t seem out of place at all. As Nam Seonwoo stared blankly at the brazen behavior of this wet-behind-the-ears kid, Kang Jihan gestured to ask if he wanted to smoke too. Nam Seonwoo shook his head.

“I don’t like the smell of cigarettes.”

When he first found out about this guy’s smoking, it was the first time he understood why people said smoking looked cool. That’s why he even tried smoking that hated cigarette, just to follow Kang Jihan. No matter how much he tried, it only choked him and brought tears to his eyes, but he still liked the smell of Kang Jihan’s cigarettes.

He didn’t hear the sound of a lighter. Kang Jihan was just holding the unlit cigarette in his mouth. Nam Seonwoo wondered if he was being conscious of the fact that he was the class president.

“I’m not lighting it.”

“I know.”

With those words, the conversation stopped again. Kang Jihan and Nam Seonwoo leaned against the wall side by side, saying nothing and just looking straight ahead. The silence that used to feel heavy now felt natural. At some point, he even forgot Kang Jihan was beside him.

Nam Seonwoo checked the time. Since it was a pass to leave temporarily, not early dismissal, he thought they should probably head back soon. As he stood up with a grunt, placing both hands on his knees, the wind blew at that moment. It was a heavy summer wind. Like that wind, Kang Jihan’s presence, which had faded like air, made itself known again.

“What did they say at the hospital?”

“…Me?”

“The shuttlecock.”

There was no particular need to explain, so Nam Seonwoo just shrugged lightly. It meant he didn’t really want to talk about it. But today, Kang Jihan seemed unable to take the hint.

“I guess you’re naturally weak, huh?”

Nam Seonwoo let out a hollow laugh at the gaze scanning his body. It was even more so because there was no mockery mixed in. How on earth did this body look weak? Although he didn’t have muscles, he was quite tall, so he had never heard such comments before. Nam Seonwoo threw the question back at him.

“Are you usually this chatty?”

At these words, so unlike Kang Jihan today, something fell to the ground with a thud. It was the cigarette. When he looked up again, he saw Kang Jihan’s mouth slightly open.

“No, I’m not criticizing, just curious. You always keep your mouth shut tight, so I thought you might not be good at talking.”

“…”

“And it’s not because of you, so don’t worry about it.”

“Shuttlecock.” Nam Seonwoo added, tapping his temple.

Kang Jihan, as if deciding not to pry further, picked up the cigarette from the ground and threw it in the trash. He still held the lighter in one hand. The calluses on his hand from gripping handlebars showed Kang Jihan’s time after school. Nam Seonwoo, who had been quietly observing this, spoke up.

“What about you? What did they say at the hospital?”

It was a family matter, and unless he spoke about it first, Nam Seonwoo hadn’t planned to ask. But he wanted to know if his mother was okay, if the early discovery had improved her prognosis even a little.

Surprisingly, Kang Jihan shared the medical details without much fuss. He said they wouldn’t know the details until the MRI results came out, but it was fortunate that emergency treatment was administered quickly. Nam Seonwoo let out a genuinely relieved sigh when he heard that she was now conscious.

“That’s good.”

Nam Seonwoo said calmly. He had no justification to visit and pay his respects, so hearing this much news was enough. Anyway, the worrying part was resolved, so now it was time to return to school.

“I’ll explain things roughly to the homeroom teacher. Call him directly when you have time later. You’re not coming tomorrow, right?”

Remembering that Kang Jihan had been absent for a few days to take care of his mother, Nam Seonwoo asked, but Kang Jihan questioned back as if he didn’t understand.

“Tomorrow?”

“You need to take care of her, don’t you?”

“It’s not that serious.”

“Hey.”

Of course, even if her condition was fine right now, you never know when symptoms might occur. Considering how quickly his mother had passed away before, it would be safer to get a comprehensive check-up now and intervene with prevention or treatment.

“Listen to your hyung.”

Nam Seonwoo started listing common diseases that could affect middle-aged women, and then enumerated additional screening items that would be good to get. It felt a bit uncomfortable to be giving unsolicited advice, but at nineteen, Kang Jihan wouldn’t know these things, so he had to tell him.

Because Kang Jihan didn’t have a father.

“And what’s the point of coming to school? The mock exam? Do you think you’ll get good grades just by taking the mock exam now? Instead of that, stay by her side for a few days. That’s more filial than bringing her your grades.”

“…”

“You know the greatest filial piety for a student is studying, right? But you’re not good at studying. So you should at least be there for her, looking dependable.”

“You.”

It was Kang Jihan who cut off the sincere advice. Kang Jihan said expressionlessly.

“You’re annoying.”

“You just realized?”

As Nam Seonwoo shot back without changing his expression, Kang Jihan’s poker face crumbled. The corner of his mouth lifted on one side, and his furrowed eyebrows, as if he was seeing a strange fellow, drew out a hollow laugh. Nam Seonwoo put his hand on Kang Jihan’s shoulder and said,

“Be good to your mother. Don’t be shy. Peel fruits for her, take lots of photos, things like that. You won’t lose anything by listening to me.”

“Who are you to say that?”

“I’m your secret santa.”

Nam Seonwoo had dealt with back-talking high school students to the point of exhaustion. Compared to those orangutans, nineteen-year-old Kang Jihan was quite easy to handle. Once again having made Kang Jihan shut his mouth, Nam Seonwoo patted his shoulder, which was higher than his line of sight, a couple of times and said goodbye.

“I’m going.”

“…You should go to school.”

Kang Jihan didn’t push away the hand on his shoulder, nor did he react sharply like before. So Nam Seonwoo waited for his next words.

“She likes seeing me go to school.”

You know that, yet you’re doing dangerous delivery jobs. Your mother would be so pleased if she knew, you idiot. Those words rose to the tip of his tongue.

‘You should use that face and height to do modeling part-time or something instead.’

Nam Seonwoo didn’t know why Kang Jihan didn’t live with his father. Kang Jihan was extremely reluctant to talk about his father, and knowing this, Nam Seonwoo didn’t ask.

But he knew very well how much Kang Jihan cared for his mother. At his mother’s funeral, Kang Jihan, who had seemed as big as a mountain, looked infinitely small.

In that moment, he understood. Why this guy, who seemed to have no interest in studying, was stubbornly sticking to school. All of it – uncharacteristically glaring at textbooks, diligently taking tests, quietly completing trivial performance assessments. Probably, for Kang Jihan, smoothly getting through college admissions was what he thought was the way to do right by his mother.

“If you know that, why don’t you do evening self-study? You just sleep during class. Do you think you’ll get into college like that?”

The words came out harshly due to his upset feelings. But Kang Jihan no longer seemed to be offended by such words. Whether he had become self-aware or just used to it, he just stared blankly at Nam Seonwoo.

“Hah… You…”

For the Kang Jihan of his previous life, senior year must have been an incredibly difficult time. His mother suddenly collapsed and often lost consciousness afterward, plus she wanted to see her son studying at school rather than taking care of her. Thinking about that, Nam Seonwoo didn’t regret at all having taught Kang Jihan in his previous life.

“If you really want to be filial, start with evening self-study. Why do you think it’s called ‘self-study’? It’s there for you to work on content you can’t keep up with.”

If, in this life too, something bad happens to Kang Jihan’s mother…

Kang Jihan was a lover, but also a friend who shared half of his life, a partner, and family. Even if he tried not to be conscious of it, he couldn’t help but worry. Above all, he wasn’t worried about the Kang Jihan in a doctor’s gown, but he was worried about this nineteen-year-old Kang Jihan who might be left alone.

“If there’s something you don’t understand, just stay after school.”

Right. Let’s help a little with studying. Not like before, but just a little.

“And ask me.”

“Why?”

This question mark murderer, seriously. Nam Seonwoo swallowed his curse inwardly. But this ‘why’ had a slightly different intonation. It sounded like he was asking out of pure curiosity why Nam Seonwoo would help him. So this time too, he pulled out a plausible lie.

“Because I’m your secret santa.”