SWNOVELXO Chapter 104
– 1 –
Though I cannot be certain as this is merely a theory, I can expect that the body of a Dungeon Lord who has reached at least the peak of the high rank or Lord rank would suffice as a sacrifice for a large-scale magic spell.
If that Dungeon Lord was precious to the sorcerer, the power of that sacrifice would be amplified even more.
Moreover, while using my body was at my command, I couldn’t possibly have directed my own regression.
Therefore.
“I’m dead.”
‘Probably for sure.’
I felt my lips seal tightly shut.
Perhaps my last words were…
“Use my body in a way that provides you with the utmost benefit.”
… This must have been it. No, I can’t think of anything else.
‘So, I kept my mouth shut. Of course, “loyalty” might be one reason, but this must be the more important one.’
If I asked the question during our earlier conversation, they surely would not have given me this answer.
Or they might have told outright lies.
‘It’s a bit embarrassing to voice it, but they surely harbor respect and affection for me.’
Thus, I suspect that they had solidified their mental preparations to keep quiet about my death.
From the start, they likely made a strong determination not to answer any questions that would lead to this topic.
In order not to lie as much as possible and because they wouldn’t know how I might react if they did, they would have aimed to prevent any anxiety about that uncertain future.
“So then…”
‘Now I can guess the reason they could consume my body in some way.’
To them, I would be irreplaceable. Even my corpse.
Therefore.
‘The only person who could command them to do something with my corpse would be none other than me.’
For whatever reason, I’ve likely asked or instructed them to use my body.
To use my body.
However, there remained one last thing I couldn’t comprehend.
‘I would never be a person who would direct them to regress.’
“Absolutely not.”
I believed I could never become such an entity.
Someone who instructs their precious ones to hurt themselves.
It was impossible for me to become such a monster.
‘Even if it benefits both me and them in the end, how much suffering would there be until that point? And if that attempt fails again… Regress again? That’s nonsensical.’
Even though I now know about my imminent death, I felt confusion but not fear; there was no way I would grant them such a future.
Pursuing my own benefits at the expense of those I cherish.
That is the most detestable form of ownership my late father had shown our family.
Yeah… This has parallels to what I’ve done to Sonia or Maria…
“No.”
I shook my head, scattering the torn and twisted thoughts caused by trauma, covering up the wounds that had been forced upon me by obligation.
My PTSD or guilt were not what mattered right now.
At the same time, I didn’t want to be an immortal or perfect being.
‘Unless I recognize it as the evil of this world.’
At that moment, did the lives and souls they possessed hold a different value from those of goblins or orcs?
No. They didn’t differ.
There was no reason to feel guilt over what I did to her when she was an enemy back then.
What happened afterward was my own choice, and while it’s correct that I should carry forward the guilt and self-hatred without needing to make excuses…
‘The same goes for the Arachne King.’
If I were to execute a decision concerning him while still harboring doubts.
The anger and disgust would quickly cool due to those doubts, and it’s likely I would spare him to a certain degree, only to show him an example.
That’s how the two would have stepped forward.
Though my judgment was impulsive, they understood well that killing Tigris was the right thing to do.
“So for now…”
My self-reflection on whether I truly directed them to regress was more pressing than that.
‘Can I truly become a monster of victory?’ That was the more important question.
This was far weightier for me than killing or sparing an enemy.
Snap!
I promptly ‘recorded’ my silhouette in the mirror before my vanity, then flicked my finger against my ear while gazing into it.
The me beyond the glass appeared to radiate brightness as he looked at me.
My mind felt hazy.
“It’s comforting…”
“Speak the truth of your heart that you think about.”
My unfocused and somewhat relaxed self and my straightened posture appeared simultaneously in the mirror.
The hypnosis spell released all my magical ‘resistance.’
It instantly and firmly seeped into my heart, tearing down all the psychological barriers.
“Are you afraid of your observed death?”
“When you confirm your death, will you order them to ‘restart everything’?”
The figure beyond the glass asked me.
An unbelievable question from my conscious mind.
“No… that will never happen. I just want to live to the best of my ability. I was always ready to accept the results…”
“Never. However, I understand well you cannot predict what will happen in the future…”
The me on this side replied.
I pulled forth even what lay deep within my heart.
“Wake up.”
After blinking a couple of times, I emerged from the hypnosis.
The quick descent made the recovery equally fast. The body of a Dungeon Lord was just like that.
Since I hadn’t placed any conditions that would cause memory loss, everything I had answered came flooding back to my mind.
‘If that’s the case…’
Along with that answer, I now make an assumption.
It’s clear I don’t know how my future self will transform.
It’s not unusual for someone to change significantly after experiencing shocking events.
However, I could never be that kind of person right now, so if I reflect on the meaning of the word ‘never,’ the likelihood of changing that way in the future is still low.
Furthermore, there was ‘nobility’ as well.
Thus, I assumed under the premise of a high chance I wouldn’t change like that.
I quickly reached this conclusion.
“Then should you not have done that?”
The answer being that my death would occur in an incomprehensible manner, both for their past and my future.
Of course, I tried not to forget this was all hypothetical…
‘But this is the truth.’
From a corner of my mind, my intuition, which has always supported me, screamed unwelcome words at me.
‘Why would they do that to me?’
Questions emerged.
Denying everything I’ve walked until now, to restart from the beginning is a painful path for me, even to consider.
Of course, I might erase old wounds, and through that, heal myself with more pleasing results.
‘But as I feel the presence of that time when I failed once, the pressure and fear they would feel…’
Who would compensate for that?
It might be comforting to think the current situation is better. However, they might also feel terrified that such a future could happen again.
I could easily guess this despite not being the type to empathize greatly with others.
I already had countless ‘prior learning materials’ about regression.
“You must not do that…”
I raised my hand and covered my face.
I felt a gloomy and melancholic mood, but fortunately, nothing flowed from my eyes.
‘Nobility’ would not permit me to fall.
And I too, could never allow myself to fall.
“I must…”
I must become their hero and the god of this world.
I concluded this way…
– 2 –
Libertus’s determination was soon conveyed to them. As resolute as it was established, it was conveyed swiftly.
‘This…’
‘They figured it out.’
‘You’ve accepted your determination.’
She hadn’t specifically informed them or showed any signs, but the three simply picked up on it.
“What have you all brought back so much of? At this hour.”
“Today alone, there are two occasions worth celebrating, and many more to come, Master.”
At that moment, when Libertus smiled upon seeing the three returning with food.
Though the smile she wore was the same gentle one as usual, the trio, despite the momentary delay, realized one thing almost simultaneously.
She had discovered something, and there was only one thing worth knowing at this point.
“I didn’t expect you to remain oblivious until the end…”
“You’re too quick.”
“…”
This was the intuition of her loyal servants who had overcome many hardships with her, more than Libertus had imagined.
Normally, it’s the lord with intuition toward their servants, but here, it was the servants who grasped the lord’s intent more.
Of course, they were not simply silent about their assessment of the situation.
“What do we do…”
“We must speak properly. To the best of our ability.”
They genuinely hoped that Libertus remained unaware of their return.
This was merely an instance where Libertus’s powers of observation, which were far superior to their memories, came into play.
“You three, right now…”
Libertus quickly realized, after overhearing their conversation.
That the three women had noticed her thoughts.
This was an experience she had hardly encountered before.
She had no way of knowing that until now, others like Evangeline had been feigning ignorance of what she wished to keep concealed.
“I think we need to talk again, Master.”
If the person they served had resolved her determination, they would have no choice but to follow.
However, if the lord has misinterpreted or made mistakes, the servant must right it.
They began their conversation again.
“Please tell me what you were thinking, my Master.”
“That’s…”
This time, the servants asked firmly and, with effort to hide her embarrassment from unfamiliar circumstances, Libertus confessed, one by one.
Her misjudgment.
“The Master has told us countless times not to do this… but we all joyfully decided on our own to start this. It is true we couldn’t accept the Death of our Master…”
Though they didn’t share everything, they clarified any excessive misunderstandings.
“We have faith that we can overcome anything alongside you, my lord. At times, even anguish and sorrow can fade before reliance.”
They delivered their determination properly.
“Please do not think of shouldering this alone, dear Master. That was our biggest regret.”
They also shared their deepest desire.
“Regardless, the tasks at hand have not changed all that much.”
Libertus’s expression did not change significantly from earlier, but they sensed immediately.
The weight and power atop their master’s shoulders had dispersed considerably.
‘Did it work?’
‘Who can say? But…’
‘In the future…’
What they desired was not to monopolize all mistakes, but rather, to fill that last missing piece for Libertus.
“Then, do not worry too much, my Master.”
That small yet significant piece.
That was the reason they had turned back time and returned here.
“Right… I must remember. While telling you to take it easy, I ended up making a hasty judgment.”
Finally, a second smile adorned Libertus’s lips, holding two emotions.
The embarrassment of impulsively making a decision alone and the resolution that had not changed in intensity.
“That is exactly it, my lord.”
Seeing that smile, the three could now smile joyfully.
“By the way, I don’t like it that you call only me ‘my lord’…”
“Then how about you call me that too?”
“Ha… you look like you won’t take your hat off in front of the lord.”
The food was still warm.
Thanks to Lan’s prior arrangements before starting the conversation.
The four raised a glass of wine while lifting a hand simultaneously.
“Let us toast, then…”
“To our hero and future god, Master Libertus.”
Evangeline dared interrupt the master’s words with a playful remark, causing Libertus to flush slightly and turn away, taking a sip of her wine.
This was the first time she had blushed since arriving in this world.
However, it was rare for the servants in this place to experience such a thing.
Swoosh.
A moment later, Libertus turned to look at the three. She found them quietly smiling.
“Haah…”
A natural sigh escaped her lips, completing her wine glass.
“If I had known you were this kind of child, I probably wouldn’t have named you Evangeline.”
A gentle smile crept onto Evangeline’s lips. Such words felt nostalgic to her, having heard them only years later.
However, while doing so, she realized anew.
‘How much…’
How much more rapidly and easily she had grown closer to her master.
And at the same time.
‘What should not become close had also gotten too close.’
The unease still lurking within.
As she recalled the faces of those she needed to sort out, Evangeline’s gaze gradually calmed.
They would do nothing. They would be filtered out in times when they knew nothing.
[Wait, wait, wait! Why, why are you trying to kill me…! Save me! I’m begging you!]
[That matter back then, I’m grateful for it. So you stayed quiet for a while.]
[Sorry! Huh? Haven’t you already done it like this! So, save me! Libertus! No, Master!]
[Wouldn’t it have been better to kill you back then? Huh? This is your choice!]
Just like the original “second” who lost her life at her hand not long ago, or the Spider King Tigris…
– 3 –
“Master.”
After the small banquet, once the three had departed.
A door thought would never open again swung ajar.
Beyond it was she, now in the guise of the black knight acquired anew.
“Evangeline? Didn’t you return?”
“I still… have something to say.”
“Alright. Come in.”
She closed the door behind her as she stepped inside, removing her hood and reverting to her beautiful knightly form.
Was she wearing that guise to avoid drawing attention outside?
‘From whose gaze?’
But such questions disappeared quickly as Evangeline approached me.
“Master.”
“What is the meaning of this…?”
She knelt and pulled me into a hug from in front, sitting beside the bed.
It should have felt normal to be displeased about being embraced without consent, but surprisingly, it didn’t feel as unpleasant as I’d expected.
I only had a question of why she was behaving this way, which vanished the moment she spoke to me.
“The reward you promised after our duel. I haven’t mentioned it yet.”
“… You want me to accept your demands, don’t you?”
“Please understand that I have endured a lot for this too.”
“Very well.”
I reached out to wrap my arms around her waist, to soothe the anxiety radiating from her.
This was the second time I had ever embraced her.
Ironically, both were to encourage each other but were of entirely different natures.
“It’s okay. I don’t feel bad about it. What causes you such anxiety?”
“Master… Master…”
Fortunately, as I held her, her anxiety quickly subsided.
In its place were fragments of a massive emotion filling that space.
When I tried to discern what it was, she released my embrace and knelt down fully, looking up at me as she spoke.
“You have no idea how happy I am to meet you like this again, my Master.”
“Perhaps. There are many in this world who cannot even recognize their own feelings.”
“So… I wish to show you the emotions I hold now.”
“What?”
Evangeline smiled and closed her eyes.
From her heart, something gradually approached me, ‘blooming’ as it came.
Visually speaking, it was as though individual seeds, each bearing different lights, transformed into Achilles flowers, and the sunflower that held them unfurled its buds toward me.
In olfactory and auditory terms, it felt like a kind of emotion that should draw expressions of all kinds of beauty.
However, there was no proper way to convey that through any description.
Even so, one single word that could be used as a metaphor for it was…
“Do you feel it?”
“Yes. It’s exceedingly… difficult to describe.”
Gently, knowing everything, she smiled at me, laying her head on my thigh as she continued speaking.
I naturally placed my hand to stroke her blonde hair while her other hand found its way onto mine.
Her voice resonated through my legs.
“You will. You’ve had difficulty describing this before.”
“… There’s a desire to properly relay an answer someday.”
“Even that sentiment.”
“Ah, I see.”
My future self must have received similar feelings from her.
These… feelings seemed far too inadequate to even be called ‘love.’
“Do you understand?”
“What do you mean?”
“The emotions you were sending us also held this sentiment, differing in direction. When aiming for others, jealousy would spring forth in those moments as well.”
“… I see.”
“Yes.”
That I would harbor such feelings for others.
That my emotions were this beautiful and fantastic.
It was something unimaginable.
“So please do not carry guilt about others. Even if the method was a bit flawed… my Master will undoubtedly be someone who loves and cherishes them. Enough to cover every sin committed against them.”
“I knew it.”
“I was told.”
Evangeline flashed a somewhat mischievous smile, clearly wishing to tease her master even in the midst of all this.
I couldn’t resist pulling her cheeks as I conveyed all my discontent.
“Why do I express everything so freely to you? It’s rather frustrating.”
“… Without a doubt.”
Hearing my playful complaint, she raised her head to gather my hand with both of hers, staring directly into my eyes as she spoke.
“I’ll make you so happy you forget both that frustration and guilt, my Master.”
That was a profound confession of emotion that blushed my cheeks for the second time.
“Are you confessing to me right now?”
“Eh?”
But at my words, Evangeline’s face instantly crumpled, all playfulness and gentleness evaporating.
What filled that space was the chaotic embarrassment of the world.
A look akin to that of some lonely character from an anime I had seen before.
“No… N-no, that’s not it! How could I… No, I mean, if I did, I’d do it properly, not in a situation like this… I’m saying too much!”
“Thank you, Evangeline.”
What was clear was that she was becoming a greater source of support for me.
That was undeniably cozy yet simultaneously something I ought to remain cautious about as a master.
‘Nevertheless…’
Just for this moment, it should be okay.
“Come here.”
“Master?”
I drew her flustered face closer, pressing my cheek against her forehead.
The warmth of her physical touch was sufficient to cast away all worries from the world.
From the beginning until now, she had always been my hero.