I Start with a Bad Hand!

‘Why is this here…?’

My heart started pounding violently. This bundle of long, shiny, soft black hair. The kind that made the wig shop owner rush out to solicit when I walked by. Hair that was unmistakably Dietrich’s, but now it gave me chills for some reason.

I quickly gathered the hair, shoving it back into the paper bag before anyone could see.

‘Let’s just go inside.’

As I placed my hand on the doorknob, I found it hard to breathe. This was my room; I just had to turn the knob and enter. But the thought of who or what might be inside made me tense up.

‘I can’t bring myself to turn the handle.’

“What are you doing?”

A familiar voice came from behind.

“What’s wrong? Why are you just standing there?”

Agnes stood there, looking puzzled, with scripts and reference books she had brought for this semester’s play preparation.

“Going in first?”

Before I could stop her, Agnes walked in. I quickly followed her into my dorm room. Everything was just as it had been. Even the inkwell on my desk was untouched. When Agnes wasn’t looking, I quickly shoved the hair-filled bag into a drawer.

“Ugh, why are the scripts for the drama club getting worse and worse?”

Agnes lay on my bed, grumbling while reading the script, casually munching on snacks she had brought out.

Everything was as it should be.

Finally, I relaxed my tense back. I told myself not to imagine misfortune before it happened. Don’t let fear take over before facing the monster. I tried to think lightly to shake off this feeling.

‘Wait a minute, if this hair is back, can’t I sell it again?’

Oh… double the profit. Yes, let’s think positively.

“Ha-ha!”

I tried to laugh cheerfully like a character from a sitcom set in the American West. I sang songs I never sang and threw open the windows, dancing to my own tune. Agnes looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care.

Despite my efforts, one thought kept gnawing at me. I had sold my hair to the wig merchant on Laimas Street late Friday afternoon. The fire happened the following Saturday when I was in Heylem.

If someone had bought this hair and then brought it to the academy to leave it outside my door…

‘Where have you been watching me from?’

Unlike the mysterious clump of hair incident that caused intense stress in such a short time and left, there was another problem that subtly and persistently bothered me.

“Why am I not getting my period?”

I hadn’t done anything to strain my body, so what was going on? The monthly event that annoyed me whether it happened or not showed no signs of starting. It wasn’t just the period. I had felt my condition subtly deteriorating even before then.

“Is it because my stamina dropped during the exam period? Stress? Or is this… burnout?”

Nosebleeds had become frequent. There was a limit to letting it flow into the water until it stopped, so I eventually reached the point where I had to carry a handkerchief.

“I’m tired.”

It had only been a few days since I returned from Heylem, but it felt distant. Moreover, today’s nosebleed showed no sign of stopping. As I squatted and blocked my nose to stop the bleeding, a shadow loomed over me.

“Evan says he owes you.”

I hated myself for recognizing who it was the moment they spoke. I stood up from my squatting position.

“It’s Aiden who owes Evan.”

My voice sounded nasal, muffled by the handkerchief blocking my nose. Cedric watched me with an indifferent face.

“The family wants to offer a reward.”

“It’s fine. I would’ve helped even if it wasn’t Evan, and I didn’t do it to receive a reward.”

Getting more involved with Elexion for some trivial reward would bring more mental stress, making it not worth it. I was about to give Cedric a perfunctory greeting and pass by.

“…Then what did you hope to gain by helping Evan?”

“Excuse me?”

I didn’t even bother to hide my frown. Regardless of how he interpreted my expression, Cedric asked a question that made me want to scream.

“…Did you want to reestablish a connection with Elexion, even if it meant doing so?”

I lowered the hand that had been stopping the bleeding. I didn’t want to have this kind of conversation with a nasal voice. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, so I quickly wiped my face with the handkerchief.

“Please stop, Young Duke.”

Despite my rising irritation, I was genuinely exhausted. I could have raised my voice and argued, but I was really tired today.

“What makes you think that everything I do, every action I take, is all with the Elexion Ducal House and you in mind?”

“Then how do you explain your recent behavior? Not only are you getting close to the second prince, but now you’re approaching the crown prince too?”

“How could I possibly approach His Highness the Crown Prince? Is he someone I can meet just because I want to?”

Today, I will end this tiresome argument once and for all. I hope he never speaks to me again.

“As you said, I can never become a part of Elexion. Never again. So why do you keep associating me with Elexion? I’m seventeen now, and it’s been five years since I left that house. Have you ever once thought of me as someone living outside the ducal house, as an independent being from the ducal house?”

Just then, my nose started bleeding again. Was my blood pressure rising without me noticing? How unlucky, for this to happen now of all times.

“So please, just stop. I’ve never wanted to be part of the ducal house, and I still don’t. I didn’t enter the ducal house by my own will back then either.”

“Stop it. Right now, you…”

Cedric was quickly approaching with his hand inside his coat, but strangely, the closer he got, the more my vision blurred. By the time I realized that what he took out of his coat was a handkerchief, my vision had completely darkened.

It’s the first time I’ve collapsed like this.

As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw the bright window. It hadn’t been too long. The place I woke up in was the infirmary. And it was quiet.

‘Looks like I’m alone.’

Did Cedric bring me here? That’s unexpected. I thought he’d just leave me. As I slipped my feet into the shoes neatly placed under the bed, I heard the rustling sound of a blanket from the next bed.

“If you keep studying like that, your bones will ache. People need to rest and take breaks too.”

You should go outside and get some sunlight.

“…!”

It was Icarus. He was sitting, leaning against the head of the bed. Despite his old man’s talk, his worried expression was so funny that I couldn’t help but laugh.

“…Ridiculous.”

“Aren’t you overworking yourself lately?” Icarus handed me a damp handkerchief. “Here, wipe your face.” The handkerchief he handed me was lukewarm at just the right temperature. As I carefully wiped my face, I replied.

“I’m not overworking myself. Although, I did strain myself trying to hold back my anger when I encountered someone I hate so much I’d rather die.”

“…Someone you hate so much you’d rather die?”

Icarus’s gaze flickered somewhere. Following his eyes, I looked down and saw my uniform shirt stained red with blood. Just looking at it made me upset. Would buttoning up my uniform jacket hide it?

“There’s someone I’d rather jump off a cliff than talk to face-to-face… Oh, is that why? Maybe my body decided that talking to that person is worse than suicide…”

I was trying to clean up my face roughly when I pulled aside the half-drawn curtain of the bed. The words I was about to say died on my lips.

Cedric was sitting on a chair set up in one corner of the infirmary.

“…I just thought you might feel uncomfortable being left alone in a remote infirmary with a man.”

Why would being alone with one man be more uncomfortable than being alone with two? They’re both men, after all.

“You look fine, so I’ll be going now.”

Cedric stood up without hesitation. I was too surprised to say anything.

“And today… I came to thank you. If I troubled you… I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t because Cedric was there, nor because I heard unexpected words…

‘I thought you would know that already.’

For some reason, Cedric looked hurt. It seemed a bit shameless of him to think I wouldn’t mind after all the trouble he caused me.

***

Cedric’s emotions had been tangled up for a long time, filled with feelings he couldn’t even understand. But there were moments when those chaotic feelings seemed to align. Like when he entered the academy as the top student, when the real Roxanne appeared.

And when his mother’s sister, his aunt Godwin, whom he didn’t even know existed, visited. Just knowing she existed brought Cedric a strange sense of calm.

‘Lady’ Godwin had refused the ducal house’s invitation despite visiting her sister’s grave after all those years. Yet, Cedric persistently found out the hotel where Godwin was staying and kept sending invitations. He knew it wasn’t polite, but he did it anyway.

There were few connections to his mother left in this world. Cedric was determined not to let this one slip away.

And finally, Godwin responded, agreeing to meet him in the lobby of her hotel.