I Start with a Bad Hand!

After climbing over several walls and sneaking into the garden while the staff of the Baron’s castle pretended not to notice, Icarus finally had the chance to speak to the girl.

“You’re the lady of Elexion, right?”

However, despite his efforts, the girl sitting there in her overly puffed dress kept her lips tightly sealed and said nothing.

“Why are you here?”

She looked terrified, even though he hadn’t done anything yet. Would it ease his frustration if he genuinely scared her? Ten-year-old Icarus thought so.

“I’ve never heard that the lady of Elexion is an idiot.”

“……”

“You don’t seem like a lady. If you’re lying to these people in this rural territory, I won’t stay quiet.”

She didn’t respond to anything he said, and he began to think she might be deaf. But as soon as he made that threat, her eyes welled up with tears. Even though he hadn’t revealed his true identity, the girl seemed terrified of his empty threats, which made Icarus find her even more amusing. She could just say something to deny it, but she stayed silent until the end.

Icarus intended to apologize if she eventually cried. After all, he didn’t really want to make her cry. However, the tears that seemed about to fall never did. The girl stubbornly held them back, sniffled once, and then ran into the Baron’s castle as if fleeing.

From that day on, Icarus began visiting her daily.

The first time the girl spoke was when Icarus finally pulled her black hair.

“I’ve seen people from the Elexion Ducal House in the capital.”

“……”

“The people of Elexion have hair as white as snow, from the Duke to his second son. Why do you look like this?”

He directed his question to the girl who stubbornly ignored him and kept staring at her book.

“Is that why you’re here alone, abandoned?”

“……”

“Because the people of the Ducal House are ashamed of you.”

“……”

“I know your mother died giving birth to you.”

At that, her hands, which had been gripping the book tightly, began to tremble. Feeling slightly satisfied, Icarus leaned in to see her expression.

‘Finally, a reaction.’

But when the girl stubbornly refused to show her face, and he saw her hands gripping the book turn pale, Icarus felt a strange sensation. He had started this quarrel just to hear the girl’s voice.

‘This is why your family doesn’t like you.’

However, that particular line stuck in his throat and wouldn’t come out. A family outcast, alone and abandoned, a source of shame. Though Icarus didn’t immediately realize it, at some point, those words felt like they were directed at himself. Every harsh word he threw at her seemed to pierce his own heart.

He felt pathetic but couldn’t stop. Treating the girl harshly felt like mistreating himself, someone in a similar situation. Overwhelmed by sudden frustration, Icarus did something he normally wouldn’t have.

“Didn’t they teach you manners at Elexion?”

Her black, soft hair, so different from his father’s and brother’s, was a sign of her alienation from the Elexion family. Finding it repulsive, Icarus yanked it hard.

“That’s why your family doesn’t like you.”

“…Ah!”

The girl finally spoke, looking at him with wide, astonished eyes. They weren’t filled with fear, indifference, or tears.

‘Those eyes…’

Before he could think further, the girl threw her book and charged at him, shoving him to the ground. Reflexively, he took a defensive stance but realized there was almost no pain in his chest.

‘What is this?’

The light, tapping punches felt more like a child’s than a real fight. The weightlessness of it made Icarus feel so empty that he couldn’t stop her and just let her continue hitting him.

“And you? Didn’t your family teach you how to treat a lady?”

The ornate lace and jewels on her dress glittered as they cascaded over him.

“So what? My hair, my mother dying while giving birth to me, the Duke’s family…”

The curtain of black hair blocked his vision. All he could see was her tearful face. Her eyes, like the night sea, filled his entire view.

For the first time, Icarus learned what color truly was. Her eyes, now welling up with tears, shimmered like the ebbing tide.

“Even if they don’t like me… that has nothing to do with me being a lady.”

Even so, being a lady doesn’t change. She spoke in a nasal, muffled voice. Her tears, dripping onto Icarus’s cheeks, fell one by one.

“Miss!”

As Icarus opened his mouth to say something, attendants from the Ducal House and a knight from the royal family came rushing over. The attendant gently lifted the girl off Icarus, bowing repeatedly and apologizing.

The girl looked briefly confused, then startled as she noticed the knight’s royal emblem. Her already pale face turned even whiter with shock.

‘I didn’t know a person’s face could turn so white.’

Her face, already devoid of color, now looked completely bloodless. Seeing this, a strange pain washed over Icarus’s chest. As he watched her trembling and bowing with the servant, his mood further soured.

“Enough. Let’s leave it for today.”

Icarus knew that the royal family wouldn’t care if the girl had slapped him.

‘The royal family would probably think it pathetic that I got bested by such a small girl.’

The only silver lining might be that he could leverage the Ducal House’s involvement.

Despite making the girl cry so terribly, why did he feel even more miserable? He started to think that all the reasons he had for mocking her might mean nothing to her. Maybe it was because he lacked the confidence to dismiss everything as nothing, unlike her.

***

“I’m sorry.”

For days, Icarus lingered in the back courtyard of the Baron’s castle, but the lady of Elexion did not appear. As the week passed, she finally stepped cautiously into the yard, her face still pale.

Icarus hesitated for a moment before climbing over the wall. She looked slightly at peace, resting with her eyes closed, which made him pause again. When she flinched at the sound of his approach, he hesitated even more.

“I came to apologize, not to torment you.”

The girl accepted the carefully chosen flowers he offered, staring at him blankly. Then, she simply nodded in silence.

The fragile impression of the girl began to change as they conversed. When Icarus mentioned that he thought they were similar, the lady of Elexion looked puzzled. But soon, with her usual clear face and slow speech, she spoke quietly.

“I hope so.”

It was an unexpected response.

“Because I will definitely be happy, if you feel you are like me…”

Then you will surely be happy too, Your Highness. The eyes that he thought were wavering had, at some point, become steadfast. Could there be such a clear gaze?

But that was the last time. After that, Icarus received orders from the royal family and had to return to the capital without even a farewell. Nevertheless, the last conversation and the final gaze they shared would pop up in Icarus’s mind during the challenging moments in his life.

When he heard that his mother’s health had significantly improved while he was away from the capital. And later, when he couldn’t return to the empire and had to study abroad, which reinforced his belief that his mother’s misfortunes were truly because of him. During those moments when he didn’t even know how to properly hold a sword yet jumped into battle, those memories would surface unexpectedly.

Then, one day, he heard that Elius was engaged to the lady of Elexion. From that moment on, Icarus dismissed all messengers bringing news from the empire.

And then came the day of the academy’s freshman ball.

It was a ball he had no reason to attend. The news that his brother’s fiancée would be there made it even more uncomfortable. So, Icarus planned to make a brief appearance and then disappear.

That was until he saw her standing with the eldest son of Elexion.

“……!”

There was no longer a girl buried in a ridiculous dress. She now wore a dress that fit perfectly, simple but well-suited to her eyes, which resembled the night sea.

Her lips were still tightly shut, but the vivid gaze with which she glared at the eldest son of Elexion remained the same. Icarus felt a thrill in his chest. He should have just turned and left, but his feet carried him toward the eldest son of Elexion—or rather, toward her.

He wanted to ask if she had been well, if she had found happiness, if she remembered him.

The girl he met again seemed a bit different.