SWNOVELXO Chapter 20
20th Chapter.
It hurts.
It hurts, and it hurts again.
The female was shedding tears she had never shed before.
She felt as if she might die from the pain at any moment.
Groaning in agony, she had coughed up blood multiple times.
Even the blanket that should feel soft now prickled and felt hot against her skin.
Without even noticing the cold towel on her head, she reached out into the empty air.
Eventually, she thought that she would rather die.
Because it was too painful and exhausting.
Her mind was dazed, and at times, it felt like she was being torn apart.
From such pain, her emotions flared up.
She felt sad and wronged.
She felt hatred and cursed.
She thought several times that she wanted to die and ultimately realized something as ash gray.
She pondered death while feeling a slow fulfillment.
The children who threw stones at her.
The adults who looked at her with contempt.
This led her to think that it was not she who should die, but they.
The ash gray curse typically steers one in that direction.
Certainly, they were given a choice as humans to continue on, but it was merely a narrow and steep path along the side of a wide and comfortable road that could not be passed.
While it is presented as a choice, it cannot truly be called a choice for anyone.
No one would choose a path that seems like it could lead them to death if they were to step off the easy and comfortable road.
Thus, the ash gray people ultimately squirmed in pain before making a forced choice.
However, the female felt someone holding her hand even with such choices in front of her.
It was someone who, despite the pain and struggle, became a person she could think of with rising emotions.
“…Ain.”
She thought she might never see Ain again if she made the wrong choice.
She felt she might not be able to remain the good child he wanted her to be.
In the end, she felt she would be abandoned and disappear forever.
“Ain…”
The female muttered repeatedly like that.
She felt the cold towel.
There was someone gently holding her hand.
“Ain…”
“…Yes, I’m here.”
There was a familiar and kind voice responding to her call.
“I’ll… be a good child…”
“…Yes.”
So,
Ain.
“Don’t abandon me…”
“…”
After uttering those words, she lost consciousness again.
********
How many days had passed?
The female, lying on the cot, was still groaning.
Though every day her caretaker came early, changed the towel, washed her up, and looked after her, she felt anxious that she might die at any moment.
Even in this proper environment thanks to the uncle’s kindness, the fact that she couldn’t open her eyes for days sparked a subtle question in her mind.
If the story had followed its path, how had she survived? A curiosity about that unwritten part arose.
Had someone helped then too?
Was there someone who pitied her, just like I did?
If so, where had that person gone now?
As she cautiously pondered such trivial thoughts while changing the towel, a voice mixed with a sigh came from behind.
“You’re so dedicated, you poor thing. Putting in effort for others that you wouldn’t even give your own mother.”
“…Please be quiet.”
She wished he would hold back on the excessive speculation.
At least, she wasn’t a parricide. If anything happened to her mother, she’d act the same way.
“Ahh, tsk tsk. When you were crying and begging for help, where was this attitude? Now you just nag about everything.”
No.
“Uncle, I didn’t cry back then!”
“Oh really? You were crying like a little brat saying, ‘Uzu-ssi…, hunbun…, tahuhuk…’ I remember it clearly.”
It had been frantic and chaotic, but she remembered distinctly that it wasn’t like that.
So the uncle was distorting a scene that had shaken history for hundreds of years.
“No, when did I say that? If you keep talking nonsense, you should go sit at the counter!”
“It’s not even time for customers, what counter? You poor thing. Uzu-ssi… hunbun~”
“…”
Ah, please.
Stop.
She wished he would return to his serious scolding mode and just nag her then.
However, the uncle showed no sign of doing so.
“Geh geh, just a big body. What’s the use of being tall and muscular? You’ll be too busy crying later anyway!”
“Ah, it’s noisy. Could you please just go away…?”
“If you beg like you did back then, I’ll personally leave. Uzu-ssi, hunbun negeu~”
“…”
This was maddening, really.
Anyway.
To put it simply, the ash gray female had been staying in a small room of a grocery store, not the wooden shanty in an alley for several days.
Contrary to her worries, the uncle displayed no signs of hating or disliking her as much as she thought.
He did sigh many times, unsure if this was the right choice, but he still wets a new towel on seeing her groan.
Thus, when she cautiously asked if he was worried about the contagion of her curse like society believed, he replied,
“Ain, just look at this brat I’ve been taking care of for years—seeing him is proof enough that the curse doesn’t spread. Think a bit, you foolish child.”
“…”
The recollection of him treating her like a fool while changing her towel left her speechless even now.
So she was grateful for it.
It was a decision she had continued to think about but couldn’t easily make.
There were too many things that could be lost with just this one action.
When the uncle even turned down her decision, she was left with nothing but bad choices.
So, expressing gratitude to the uncle who had dismissed several hundred years of perception due to the cry of a boy she had only worked with for a few years would never feel insufficient.
With such thoughts, she gazed at the female.
Though days had passed and she still hadn’t regained consciousness, her groans had become much quieter.
Every once in a while, like last time, she would open her eyes momentarily and murmur her name while holding her hand tightly.
So soon enough, she would open her eyes.
She would no longer be the powerless girl sprawled in an alley but would wake up as an ash-gray witch who could perhaps become a disaster.
“…”
Honestly, that thought was a bit scary.
While thinking that she could change, the image of ash gray from the novel came to mind.
Like a dam bursting and waters pouring out, her dim emotions were spilling out intensely.
It had been written that the newly awakened powers could be recklessly manipulated according to those emotions.
Though she had helped and cared for her since childhood, it didn’t mean that would ensure she became an ordinary person.
Thinking that such choices might lead to the death of the empire’s citizens if things went wrong, she felt gradually consumed by that thought.
Yet, despite her stupidity, she was still holding onto hope.
“…I hope she’s good.”
She thought that when they faced each other again, she would still be the dazed and kind girl.
That if she enjoyed something, she would smile quietly, and if something displeased her, she would just pout her lips a little.
Not entirely ordinary, but living as someone close to that.
Breaking free, even just a little from the long-standing perception of ash gray.
Reassigned a different role instead of being a disaster for the empire.
Thus, she hoped for a story where she wouldn’t be killed by the hero and the holy girl.
And then.
“…Ain.”
She opened her eyes in response to my murmurs.
The trembling that had been tied to pain stopped.
What had once been cloudy and hazy, her eyes now held thick desires, capturing new light.
That was the mark of a sorceress.
It proved that her talent as an ash gray was awakening.
Her eyelids, which had been fluttering unsteadily, gradually opened wide, and she gazed at the air that was still not me.
“Ain.”
Her voice, which had only been suffering for several days, became clear, and her words gained strength.
“Ain.”
Her expression, which had always been faint, transformed, and the corners of her mouth rose excessively high.
As if her emotions were boiling over and were impossible to control, she trembled a bit with a somewhat strange expression.
The small girl had become a woman and was now turning into a witch.
However.
“…Ain.”
At the same time, a delicate finger was raised, holding something that flickered.
“Ain.”
In this world, the sorceresses are all called geniuses, yet they are said to have to study and work hard for a long time.
“Ain.”
However, the talent of ash gray bypasses all those processes.
“Ain.”
It is the ultimate absurdity, like being able to speak and walk as soon as one is born.
“Ain.”
The intangible power that flowed down her fingers had, before long, enveloped the entire room.
“Ain.”
A brilliant light spread.
It also bore a murky and thick ash-gray hue.
“Ain.”
Amidst the continual murmurs of my name, the small chant escaping her lips couldn’t be properly heard.
Perhaps it was her unique spell that even if one heard it clearly, one wouldn’t understand.
“Ain.”
So, while feeling that all of this was frightening, I managed to muster a response.
“…, Yes.”
I hope.
That my choices were not wrong.
That she does not become a disaster.
As at last, the ash-gray enveloped the room, even while feeling momentarily blinded and ears ringing, I thought so.
Thus.
“…Ain, I’m in pain.”
“Yeah, you’ve worked hard.”
Before long, I nodded as I faced her once again with her dazed eyes.
Honestly, I couldn’t tell what she had done.
But I believe it was for both her and me.
At least, I can go against the flow of the story.
That a new role could be assigned and take a step forward.
To become a traveler drifting through a world where nothing is more than an extra.
To live as a woman who should have been a disaster for the empire but is instead leading an ordinary life.
That she can choose and decide for herself.
********
She opens her eyes and calls his name.
“Ain.”
Unlike in the past, she calls his name with an overwhelming surge of emotion.
“Ain.”
Just calling his name makes her feel as if she is entering ecstasy, and her lips curve upward painfully.
If someone were to see, they would probably say the look on the woman’s face was bizarre, as if she was trying to unleash what had been suppressed.
Nevertheless, the woman thinks.
This isn’t normal; it can’t be a good sight.
Ain.
If he saw her like this, he would definitely dislike it.
She concludes that he would end up distancing himself from her.
So instinctively, she flails her hands.
Even without having learned, she instinctively manages something.
“Beyond the horizon.”
“The sea’s breath.”
“I will cover them.”
Even without knowing what she’s saying, she chants like that.
Hoping the raging emotions will settle down, she spreads ash to cover them.
Thus.
“…Ain, I’m in pain.”
“Yeah, you’ve worked hard.”
With her now-dazed eyes, she still meets him with intense yet somewhat faded emotions.