SWNOVELXO Chapter 17
**Chapter 17**
There are wounds.
Although the children throwing stones as they move to a new place cannot find the girl.
On the girl’s concealed forearms and thighs, there are recent wounds.
“….”
Every day, traces that seem impossible for a boy named Ain to see have been increasing little by little, day by day.
If you ask whether it was someone’s bullying, that was not the case, but if you ask whether it was bullying, that would be the right answer.
“Ain.”
I want to see you.
“Ain.”
I hope a month passes quickly.
“Ain.”
I don’t want to be alone.
Ain.
There is a gray girl whispering to the sky like this.
The feelings of gray are always precarious and swell in an instant.
For a still young girl, it is overwhelmingly burdensome to bear alone.
As time goes by, her emotions intensify as she reaches a turning point in gray.
“Ain.”
A girl who presses her forearms and thighs with her nails to withstand the overflowing stream of emotions.
Then, only after blood has flowed and wounds have formed, does she breathe a sigh of relief as her emotions settle down.
She becomes flustered by the deepening color of her emotions and makes that choice.
Not knowing a proper way to suppress the pouring emotions, she deliberately feels pain and sinks them.
She told the boy that she was okay and could wait a little longer, but seeing the girl shaking and bleeding, it didn’t seem that way.
However, the girl thought.
I must be a good child.
To avoid being abandoned by him, the girl must face him as a kind and good child.
If she pours out these emotions that she has been bottling up inside, he would surely run away.
Rather, she thinks that the pain she has been accustomed to since childhood might be better.
“Ain.”
I’m still waiting.
“Ain.”
I can wait.
“…, Ain.”
So please don’t abandon me.
On a mildly cool autumn day.
That’s when another wound appears on the girl’s body.
Though it may not be someone’s bullying, it is certainly clear torment.
********
Autumn.
When the season of harvesting crops comes, the subjects of the empire bustle about.
For Thanksgiving.
Eager to enjoy that universally loved festival, they cannot hide their excitement, and everyone steps forward intoxicated by the atmosphere.
It is a feeling of happiness that continues from before I was five years old to every moment of facing the autumn at ten years old.
Although it is something I now say is very natural.
Everyone, except the gray girl, wore happy smiles.
And so did I.
The autumn festival that happened every year was quite enjoyable, and the atmosphere that continues for several days makes my heart flutter.
The scenery that I thought was beautiful even just by reading it in words seems to hold something even more ticklish when faced in reality.
Before I know it, I sneak in and enjoy it, soon lifting the corners of my mouth.
Perhaps it is only natural that such a process carries a strange bitterness.
The rationalization that the witch must be left alone in the alley.
The scene of her waving her hand, saying she was okay, while looking only at me.
From days with a blank expression, to days when she began to smile with emotion.
Those moments were certainly bitter enough to make my heart uncomfortably uneasy, but I brushed them all aside with the excuse that I could do nothing about it.
All the autumns before facing her have been like that.
“Ain.”
“….”
Only.
“Have fun.”
“….”
Human emotions are never constant.
There is a girl waving goodbye to me with a smile as if it were natural, shaking me.
While still looking at me, the way she raises her mouth again makes my heart flutter.
“…, let’s go together this time.”
“Uh…?”
I made an emotional choice that I myself could not understand.
“You must want to see the festival, too.”
“Can I go…?”
Saying this, I firmly grabbed the girl’s wrist and led her.
“You can go.”
“…, really?”
With a rising smile and trembling gaze, she looks confused about what expression to show and keeps asking, and I nod.
“You must want to see it too. Let’s go.”
“…, yeah.”
I suppress the growing anxiety created by this choice and, while saying this, raise the corners of my mouth.
“Thank you….”
So I hear a response of thanks.
A bright smile is directed at me.
So,
Even the gray, which everyone says is ominous, can also become a light that brightens the festival.
The girl, who has committed no sin yet, deserves to enjoy that happiness.
If it is to be named a joyful festival, then she, who smiles even brighter at just a simple invitation to go together, also has the right to step into the scenery of the festival and be happy.
Other characters may say otherwise.
But at least I, who has assigned myself the role of the witch’s guardian, want to say that it is so.
Thanksgiving begins at a time when the sun is slowly setting.
As the sky is dyed with purple and colorful hues, becoming darker while the colors of the landscape crafted by the subjects deepen.
“Make sure to wrap your robe well so it doesn’t come off, okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll wear it well.”
I tightly hold her hand as she wears the robe and step into the bustling festival streets.
The small footsteps step into the scenery I have always thought beautiful.
Boom—
At that moment, the fireworks launched into the sky announce that this year’s festival has finally begun.
“Ah….”
So there is a girl watching the spectacle blankly.
I wondered what emotions she would feel while watching sights she had never seen in her life, but I felt like I knew without having to ask.
As the colors gradually spread, it seems like I was momentarily distracted, and the hand holding hers loosens a little.
Until we arrived at the festival streets, her eyes that were solely fixed on me now alternate between the bursting fireworks in the sky and the long row of stalls.
So I grasp her hand tighter and spoke to her.
“Don’t let go of my hand.”
“Ah….”
While I want to let her enjoy the atmosphere, this world cruelly denies her happiness.
There are coercive forces leading toward unhappiness.
So while I think it’s good that she seems to like it, I always need to be careful about the situation where we might lose grip of each other in such a bustling place.
What if her robe comes off and people look at us with contempt?
Adults might stay distant but children will come close, throwing stones and laughing.
Then the empire’s guards come and take us both away.
That kind of idea, which seems like a common delusion but could truly become a reality, made me hold onto the slightly protruding hand at the end of the robe tightly.
Of course, while she wears the robe that can conceal her identity, without the perception-decreasing magic hiding her gray hair and eyes, it’s quite an ordinary robe.
So.
Feeling somewhat sorry, I hold down the hood of her robe and step in the direction where there are fewer crowds.
We can enjoy the festival without being detected by others.
At least today, I will make sure she can laugh and enjoy the atmosphere like everyone else.
With that thought, I began to move toward things that the girl might like.
The heat of the festival is beautifully intriguing when viewed from afar but becomes strangely disorienting as one gets closer.
“Here, skewered meat for just 20 deras! If you buy two, it’s 30 deras!!”
“Come eat fruit shaved ice!! Hey, pretty lady over there! If you come now, I’ll give you a discount!”
Voices of vendors shout from the long row of stalls.
“Mommmm! I want that! I want it!”
“I told you, no! Why buy again when we already have one at home?”
The whimper of children out with their mothers can be heard.
Waah—
Or the shouts that are no different from cheers for the nearby performance resound.
These scenes were quite familiar to me after several years of experience, but it seemed not so for her.
“Ah, Ain….”
Just a moment ago, she was curiously looking around, but now she seems startled by the heat emitted by the people and sticks closely behind me.
It’s almost like she’s hugging me from behind.
But I can feel the trembling of the hand that clutches my waist.
Instead of telling her to let go, I spoke words that might reassure her.
“Is there anything you want to eat? Let’s buy that first and then go to a place where there are fewer people.”
“Wh-what do I want to eat….”
Her half-bent head lifts up, quickly scanning her surroundings with a sniff.
It seemed a bit strange that she would turn her head around, relying solely on smell as if she were a dog, but soon she concentrated on one particular place.
“Can I try that?”
“Ah…, okay. Let’s eat that.”
Nodding, I walked toward the food she chose.
No.
It’s more accurate to say it is a snack than food.
“Uncle, just two cotton candies, please.”
“Ha ha! Alright, since it’s two, that’ll be 20 deras! Wait a moment, and I’ll make them right away!”
The gray girl was staring longingly at the cotton candy that looked like clouds, the soft-colored treat she wanted.
It had been on my mind for a while, but it seemed she really cherished sweet things, probably because I had been bringing her candies since she was little.
Each time I visited with food once a month, she would always look around in my basket to see if I had brought any candy.
And so she.
“Ah…!”
Was eagerly watching the process of the cotton candy being gradually formed from nothing in the air.
As the uncle waved the wooden stick around, her head swayed along.
The uncle laughed at her actions, which he couldn’t see due to the robe, but seemed very cute, waving the wooden stick even more energetically.
Following that, her head bobbing back and forth made her look a bit like a small animal.
When prey is waved in front of them, their focus on it and their displays of adorableness are quite similar.
“Ha ha ha! What a cute little girl! Here’s the cotton candy you ordered!”
Moreover, when the cotton candy was finally made and a large cloud was presented,
“Wow….”
She cherishes the cotton candy, looking back and forth between me and it with sparkling eyes.
“Let’s go.”
“Yeah….”
As I’ve said before, indeed, gray also has its own brilliant shine.
That light continues to sparkle and express emotions even while hidden under the robe.
I led the excited girl holding the cotton candy to the rooftop of a nearby building.
While she was following behind me, holding my hand, her gaze remained focused on the cotton candy. If I took my eyes off it for just a moment, the cloud mass slowly started to shrink.
By the time we finally reached the rooftop,
“….”
“Eat my share too.”
As there is only an empty stick left in her hand, I burst into a chuckle and handed over the cotton candy I had been holding.
“Uh, can I eat this…?”
“Yeah, it’s okay.”
Honestly, I never liked sticky and sweet treats like cotton candy, so I handed it to her, who was looking forward to it.
And naturally, her gaze follows it eagerly.
“…, thank you.”
The words of thanks that came with a smile were directed more at the cotton candy than at me.
While that sight was indeed cute, it also felt a bit strange, as though a person had been overshadowed by the cotton candy.
“Wow….”
In the end, because she was earnestly munching on the cotton candy that had nothing to chew, even those feelings got blurred with a faint smile.
Anyway.
Before I knew it, evening fell, and the sky darkened. From the rooftop, all I could see were the lights illuminating the streets, and the citizens still filling the streets, swaying.
And while we were momentarily taking a breather, I hoped that the witch and I would again enter into that scenery, to be used as part of a single scene.
I wanted to express that the little ones and the gray girl, only background characters, were shining in their own way even on a stage without a main character.
I don’t want a life as ordinary as that, ending with a miserable death.
I am determined to break away from the assigned roles and gain a new life.
I recall the vow I’ve made time and again.
However, such intentions were not revealed outwardly.
While treating her like an ordinary person, I asked the girl, who was staring blankly after finishing the cotton candy.
“Was the festival fun?”
“Yeah…, it was fun.”
Looking at her as she answered without any awkwardness now,
“Is there something else you want to do next?”
“I want to see that performance over there….”
Her eyes had filled with anticipation, and she was alternating her gaze between me and the scenery. I nodded.
“Sure. So let’s take a little break and then head over there.”
“Okay.”
Finally, as a smile bloomed on her face and she subtly approached me, I responded with a smile too.
The festival continues.
We weave through the moments in between.