SWNOVELXO Chapter 105
Episode 4-b. Dark and Damp, Pure and Chaste.
The expressions emitted by the ash-gray are undoubtedly sinister.
From the very atmosphere it exudes, it creates a dark and gloomy ambiance that sends shivers down people’s spines.
The emotions held by the ash-gray are certainly morose.
Damp and sweltering, thick and sticky, causing people to panic and flee.
No matter how you look at it, it is entirely unlike normality.
It lays bare the cautious innermost thoughts that anyone would not reveal on the surface.
Of course, among those who are not ash-gray, there are also those who harbor emotions akin to ash-gray.
However, their emotions will lack the intense power contained within ash-gray.
There will be no ash particles that flutter as if dancing along with the ripples of emotion, taking lives away.
Thus, ash-gray has always been dark and damp.
Yet.
The emotions that ash-gray carries are undoubtedly more chaste than anything else.
A straight and sincere heart is something that even untainted children cannot possess, making it invaluable.
The words conveyed by the ash-gray are undoubtedly pure.
They are imbued with a purity that is neither mixed with anything else nor trivial or selfish.
While it is certainly vastly different from ordinary, it is a heart that cherishes only one person, is drawn to them, and yearns for them.
A heart that nostalgically recalls and painfully reconsiders, ultimately fixating solely on that person—a heart that is utterly devoted.
A sticky and tenacious love that never changes and lasts a lifetime.
A bizarre and desperate complex of emotions that can never be severed except by death.
Thus, ash-gray has always been chaste and pure.
To put it another way, the love that ash-gray has for one person is like that.
It is akin to a gigantic wave that ordinary people can never endure, forcing them to flee far away to survive.
It is undoubtedly a beautiful emotion that is pure, chaste, and even heart-wrenching.
Yet, it is dark and damp, sticky, and maddeningly grotesque, instilling a chilling insanity.
No matter how much one tries to hide it, it ultimately bursts forth.
So then.
If ash-gray, who is cast away, rejected, and hated, was first approached lovingly.
If hands were extended, and held, embraced, and nestled against each other.
If words were exchanged, heads were patted, and smiles were given.
If the ash-gray, who continues to endure and ponder, was told that it was okay to do as they pleased.
It is undoubtedly your fault.
It would be your fault for kicking away the opportunities that were given multiple times by sheer luck.
********
The carriage has stopped by the roadside.
As heavy snow begins to fall and night approaches, I prepared to set up camp.
I brushed the moisture off the soaked wood with mana before drying it and then ignited it once more with mana to create a large campfire.
Eileen was struggling to pull a pot from the carriage, so I sighed and lifted the pot with mana, placing it over the campfire.
Repeatedly amazed by these scenes, Eileen exclaimed.
“Wow, indeed magic… I want to be a magician too.”
With eyes full of longing, she gazed at me and the sight of the rippling mana, speaking those dreamy words.
However, that seems quite impossible.
“It’s futile.”
“No, you’re being too blunt… Hmm, I guess there’s no way to become a magician without innate talent, right?”
“From what I know, that’s correct.”
Mana is an intangible power that can only be acquired by innate talent, so those who never had it will never find a way to attain it.
“What a pity… Well, if I stay close to Asha, wouldn’t I be half a magician? If I beg for my life, I am saved, and if I ask to be scolded, I get scolded, so magic is flying around, right?”
“…”
“Hehe, I’m already a magician! Ah, it’s warm~.”
As I watched Eileen’s cheerful remarks in disbelief, she kept poking around me with a giggle.
It was somewhat bothersome.
“Stop loafing around and bring the tracking device from the carriage. I’ll be cooking stew.”
“Ah, right! I’ll get it!”
She was struggling with the pot, so I helped her, and her natural inclination to play around was a bit annoying.
So, I instructed her to retrieve the items obtained from Tevrise while camping, and she dashed off to the back of the carriage, returning with a box containing the device.
With a crackling sound, the campfire blazed, and while I was pouring various ingredients into the pot, Eileen sat close to the campfire, opening the box and taking out the device and manual.
As I watched the stew simmer with a bubbling sound, Eileen’s voice began to whisper.
“Um, the usage manual… If what you want to find is a person, please provide hair, fur, or fingernails, or flesh, or if that isn’t available, bodily fluids or blood.”
“…”
“Thus if what you want to find isn’t a person, put in a piece of that object…? It says that, you know?”
“Since it’s likely an ancient item, it probably requires a bit primitive material.”
The technique to locate a person was quite amazing, but the materials required were a bit bizarre and primitive.
Eileen seemed to think the same way, tilting her head slightly as she looked at me.
“I guess so. Um…, and after putting that in, if you inject mana for about five minutes, the location information will appear. But what if you don’t have hair, fingernails, or flesh in the first place?”
“…”
There’s no way I would have body parts of a person I haven’t seen in over three years.
Ordinary people wouldn’t keep body parts of others regardless of the three-year gap.
“Dang, this is frustrating! It feels like I shouldn’t have brought this, Asha!”
“…”
Eileen, being a sensible person, plopped the now-useless manual down by the campfire and dramatically fell back.
However.
“…, I do have them.”
“What? What do you have?”
“Hair or fingernails… or flesh-like things. I possess them.”
In truth, there was a pouch in the carriage containing Ain’s hair and nails.
I, not being an ordinary person, had kept such things treasured.
“….”
“No… um, I kept them just in case such a situation arose.”
“Your lies should be appropriate, Asha. That’s just outright morbid, you creep.”
“….”
Well, yes.
To put it simply, thinking of those discarded things as parts of Ain was oddly endearing, so I treasured them.
I vaguely recognized that such behavior wasn’t normal or ordinary, which is why I had hidden them safely from Rendo and Rain, taking them with me when I left on my journey.
As I found it hard to explain to the disgusted Eileen and was left dumbfounded, she cautiously asked again.
“Please don’t tell me you took them out while I was gone and laughed or something. You’re not that weird, are you?”
“No, um, it’s not like I do that every time….”
“…Ugh.”
“….”
I really have done it only a few times.
It can only be counted on one hand.
Though even that would be entirely abnormal from an ordinary person’s perspective, Eileen, unexpectedly, kept a two-step distance from me.
“It feels like each time this happens, a little of my respect and admiration for you shatters, Asha….”
“Um. Yes, well… so what? You wouldn’t understand since you’ve never truly experienced love with your little chest.”
“Ahhhh, using a personal attack since you can’t win the argument is really cruel…!”
I thought so as I cruelly criticized Eileen’s barely visible chest, bringing out the pouch I had hidden in the carriage and gradually placing Ain’s hair and nails into the device.
It didn’t seem to react on its own, so I continued to inject mana.
After about five minutes, I wondered if something would happen.
Tick-
“Ah, Asha! Asha!! Words are appearing, you know…?”
Tick-
“…, oh.”
Tick-
“No way….”
“…”
Letters began to inscribe themselves on the device that had previously shown nothing.
Of course, it was in an ancient language.
“Well, there was an ancient dictionary alongside the usage manual….”
“…, then let’s interpret it tonight.”
“Ahaha… that sounds good…. Wow, I’m so excited….”
So there we sat in the forest as snow fell, by the campfire, listening to the bubbling sound while engaging in unexpected study.
“Asha, this word seems to be a location name, but it’s a place from the ancient times so I don’t quite know what it is….”
“…, then let’s move on to the next word.”
“Yeeess….”
Scooping stew into bowls and taking bites whenever we had the chance, we browsed through the thick dictionary.
“Eileen, what does this word mean?”
“Just wait a moment. Let me have a spoonful of stew… yum. Um, it seems to be time…? space…? Something like that? I’m not sure though!”
“…Eileen, the interpretation is still ongoing.”
It’s alright.
There is plenty of time.