SWNOVELXO Chapter 183
“Is that really enough?”
That evening, I asked Sara, whom I met in the dream realm.
“Is it enough? Are you saying it was too weak? Should I have hugged Yang Hye-in and patted her head or something?”
As Sara jokingly responded like that, I slightly furrowed my brow.
“I’m not asking about that.”
“I know.”
With a pout as if she couldn’t take a joke, Sara muttered.
“You’re saying you can’t forgive me for what I did?”
“… Yes.”
When I nodded, Sara shrugged her shoulders and spoke.
“Well, I don’t really have strong feelings left anyway. And you said it yourself. If it was wrong to me, naturally I should forgive you.”
“… You’re right.”
That’s why I’m still uneasy. I wonder if Sara truly forgives me or if she’s just pretending because of my thoughts.
At least it seems like Yang Hye-in took Sara’s words to heart.
“… That’s why I said that.”
Perhaps noticing that I couldn’t trust her, Sara let out a sigh and plopped down beside me.
“To be honest, I don’t really know how to truly forgive. It’s a fact that they were in cahoots with those who ostracized me, but back then, I didn’t care much about anyone except Choi Na-kyung. So even if they apologize, it… Hmm.”
Sara rested her chin on her hand and tilted her head.
“And you know, I talked a little with Yang Hye-in, but… if I had needs or something, I would just call her. Back then, I wasn’t as articulate as I am now, so I don’t know if that counts as a conversation.”
“… ”
“… So, I guess I have less strong feelings towards Yang Hye-in than I do towards others? My anger and desire for revenge are much less than what I have for Choi Na-kyung. So, just being apologized to by someone like that is just disorienting.”
“I see…”
That’s why Sara said that. It must be the result of considering Yang Hye-in as much as possible.
“Yeah. So I said that. Help me until she feels better. And as long as she thinks she did her part and leaves, that’s fine. And if we become friends in the meantime, great. Right?”
When Sara said that, I could only nod in agreement.
No matter what I think, only Sara has the right to forgive Yang Hye-in. Whether she forgives or not, or in whatever form that forgiveness takes, I have no right to oppose her choice.
“… ”
Besides, I also had an apology I needed to make to Sara.
“Why, did you forget something again?”
“No, it’s just…”
Looking at Sara, who was leaning closer to me with a bright expression, I momentarily hesitated but eventually sighed and said.
“Uh, I’m sorry.”
“Huh?”
“I’m sorry.”
Sara, who had been leaning in, wore a puzzled expression. Then she pulled back and asked again.
“What do you mean, sorry?”
“Actually, I… I’ve thought something similar to Yang Hye-in.”
“Something similar?”
Hesitating, I began to explain.
“You have a lot of money… so I thought that eventually you’d be okay, and that there was no reason to give up on life.”
“Ah…”
Sara’s face momentarily went blank. Then, the next second, her eyebrows knitted together, and she tilted her head as if confused about why I was apologizing.
“No, I mean… I’m sorry for thinking that…”
“So you’re saying you’re sorry for having that ‘thought’? You didn’t outright say it to me or gossip about it, right? Just because you ‘thought’ about it?”
“Uh…”
Listening to what Sara said, I realized that was indeed the case.
“Do you stop someone and say, ‘Excuse me, I just had an inappropriate thought about you’ whenever you see someone?”
“Uh…”
My words got tangled, and I couldn’t find a way out.
“No, that would be sexual harassment.”
Finally, the words I managed to think of were just picking at straws.
“Besides, there are many times when you have unpleasant thoughts about others. Do you go and apologize to everyone for that?”
“… ”
Of course, I don’t.
Nothing gets exposed as long as it’s just a thought.
Of course, if such thoughts become prolonged and ingrained, eventually, they will manifest in actions.
“Still, since we share memories… I thought it would be right to apologize in advance.”
It’s better to sincerely apologize and move on than to be caught later.
“… ”
Sara squinted her eyes at me and stared for a long moment before sighing deeply.
“Well, fine. Since you sincerely want to apologize, I’ll accept it.”
“Thank you…”
Before I could even finish my sentence, Sara plopped back down in front of me.
That’s right. It was in front of me, not beside me.
Just for reference, I was sitting on the bed, as usual. So for Sara to sit ‘in front’ of me, her only option was on my lap.
… This must be how Ha Neul felt at that moment.
Now, Sara looked a bit strangely taller than before.
Originally, she had a slightly smaller frame than mine, but at some point, she started appearing just a bit bigger than me.
I really don’t know why.
I think it was after that first kiss with Sara… but what does that mean? Did she mature mentally?
If that’s the case, my mental age is definitely much higher than Sara’s.
“… Hey, Sara.”
“Yeah?”
Responding to my call, Sara looked down at me from her now slightly taller stature.
I swallowed dryly and said, “But, don’t we really not have to act this way every time we switch our consciousness?”
“Not have to act this way?”
… Her eyes are scary.
Her lips are smiling, but strangely, her eyes seem emotionless.
No, it’s not that they’re emotionless…
Perhaps it’s because Sara’s gaze is sharp, and she’s looking down at me from her slightly larger frame that she oddly resembles a feline predator looking at its prey.
“Um… since we can see each other’s memories now, we can switch consciousness just by reaching an agreement in our minds…”
The last time Sara and Yang Hye-in talked alone was because Sara suddenly switched our consciousness saying, “I’ll help you!”
There was no need for that, and she didn’t even have to recall any stimulating memories.
Of course, because of that, it was Sara who kept moving until we could face each other while we slept.
“Ah, that.”
Maybe Sara thought about the same thing as me, because she pondered for a moment before replying.
“That was a coincidence.”
“… A coincidence?”
“Yeah, a coincidence. It was completely coincidental. There might be some method, but it just happened that way that time. It’s not stable. Yeah, that’s right. It was a coincidence.”
The way Sara mumbled the word ‘coincidence’ several times was, indeed, a bit unsettling.
“Um, well…”
Trying to muster up some courage again to approach her, but I was cut off by Sara.
“By the way.”
Sara looked down at me as she spoke.
“Right now I’m taller than you.”
“Huh?”
“Right now I’m taller than you.”
It feels like she just repeated the same thing.
“If I wanted to, I could lay you down right here, but I’m holding back right now. After all, this is basically my consciousness.”
“… ”
It seems that those eyes were indeed the eyes of a predator.
“But what did you say last time?”
When I had fallen asleep, there was that time when Sara confidently sat on top of me.
What did I say back then…
“… You’re still a minor…”
“Right, because you’re still a minor, I’m holding back.”
Saying that, Sara flashed a bright smile.
That smile carried weight.
A very heavy weight.
“Didn’t I tell you? I really, really like you. I want to just bite down on your neck and ‘nom!’”
You were the one who called me a vampire! If you bite me, won’t you become a vampire too?
… Of course, I couldn’t say that.
Because the current Sara was a bit scary.
“… Alright.”
I swallowed hard once again.
Well, it’s better than getting eaten.
Thinking like that, I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.
What kind of thoughts am I having about a girl who’s a few years younger than me?
“Yeah, I got it.”
Before I could finish my words, Sara grabbed my cheeks.
I must have looked like a puffer fish again.
“Right? You got my permission, right?”
… Let’s consider that as permission.
As I watched Sara’s face getting closer and closer, I shut my eyes.