SWNOVELXO Chapter 179
When I think about it, Yang Hye-in’s attitude was subtly different from when she was in the mansion.
In the mansion, just seeing me would make her get up and bow, but here, even after I called her once, she didn’t rise or bow.
It seems like Yang Hye-in herself doesn’t quite realize it.
So… what I’m saying is that my coming over here wasn’t completely pointless. That was one thing I was thankful for.
“……”
“……”
Neither of us said anything.
And probably, Yang Hye-in, like me, was having trouble falling asleep.
“Just call me by my name.”
I said that.
“……”
Yang Hye-in silently turned her head to look down at me. I couldn’t quite see her expression since I wasn’t looking at her directly. It just seemed that way out of the corner of my eye.
“I’ll call you unnie when I’m here… like Ha Neul.”
Honestly, the term “unnie” felt too cringy for me to use.
It wasn’t just because she was Yang Hye-in.
Going a bit more fundamentally, I didn’t want to use that kind of title because I was a man. Sure, in the Joseon era, men used the term “unnie,” but this isn’t Joseon, and if a man called a woman or another man “unnie,” people would think he was a bit strange.
If Sara used such a word, people wouldn’t bat an eye, but… that doesn’t mean I consider myself a complete woman.
Unnie!
…At the very least, I wish you wouldn’t call me that.
Hearing Sara playfully call me that made me chuckle to myself for no reason. Well, I was in Sara’s form, after all.
“Understood.”
After a brief pause to think, Yang Hye-in replied like that.
“At least in front of Grandma, use informal language.”
“Yes, understood.”
Yang Hye-in replied once more.
And then silence fell again.
Ironically, I felt less awkward with Yang Hye-in’s silence than the bewilderment and awkwardness I felt in front of Grandma. Of course, it’s not that it didn’t bother me. I was the child of commoners who had never dealt with a maid before.
However, Yang Hye-in’s silence didn’t stem from discomfort or reluctance to speak.
It was the attitude of someone trying their best not to disturb their employer, waiting quietly for requests to be made, as though they were present and not present at all.
That kind of silence was a type I found quite comforting, whether it stemmed from Yang Hye-in’s nature or something learned over the past few months.
Even at this moment.
“……”
But,
Still.
I don’t know much about Yang Hye-in. And that’s understandable since I’ve hardly had any human conversations with her.
I could recognize Ha Neul, Sohee, and Sua as heroines since I actively tried to get close to them from the very start, but it wasn’t so easy with Yang Hye-in. It wasn’t about her silence but due to the impact she had on Sara’s life.
After all, accomplices are still accomplices.
No matter how nonchalant Sara might seem, whenever I looked at Yang Hye-in, that thought continuously lingered.
And because of that, I was a bit confused.
Why did the usually silent Yang Hye-in suddenly show human concern for Sara and even attempt to apologize? What was the reason behind her telling the police about her actions?
When I was kidnapped, she rushed over and smashed the car window without considering the misunderstandings from others.
If she was just continuing her duties as a maid, I don’t understand why she would take such risks.
It’s not like she had a setting of ‘the only maid devoted to the young lady’ like in other manga or games.
“……sigh.”
Well, I’m not sleepy yet.
“I have something I want to ask.”
“……Yes.”
Yang Hye-in replied with a polite voice. I could feel her professionalism, not caring about the age gap between us.
“I once asked why you didn’t report to the Chairwoman.”
Back when I was drifting far from my everyday life as Sara, I had asked Yang Hye-in if she reported to the Chairwoman.
I didn’t have any real expectations when I asked, but Yang Hye-in’s answer of ‘I didn’t report’ surprised me a bit.
“Yes, that’s correct.”
It seemed Yang Hye-in remembered that time, nodding in response.
Well, I suppose someone with a memory like theirs would definitely remember more than I could.
“That was when you started helping me little by little.”
At first, she didn’t openly help. She would indirectly assist by skipping reports or not contacting the Chairwoman… until one day she began to support me actively.
It felt sudden, and it wasn’t easy to accept.
…Thinking back on the incident where I showed Sara’s will to friends still sends a chill down my spine.
“At that time, you said you felt like you simply had to do it. If I ask again now, will I get a proper answer?”
Sara said she forgave Yang Hye-in.
While I didn’t have much chance to look at Sara’s memories talking with her in dreams, I still heard it while conversing.
An endlessly light, simple forgiveness that even the person being forgiven couldn’t truly understand.
Because those were memories from a time when Sara had no passion for her life, she simply brushed past that one line.
And probably, Yang Hye-in thought that she was ‘unforgiven’ because of that.
So she must have exerted herself to help me, trying to save me from Choi Na-kyung.
Most people would generally just give up and let it go.
And that wasn’t an action a person who would respond with “I just felt it was right” would do.
“Well….”
Yang Hye-in took quite a while to think before finally speaking up.
“It’s because I saw you smile.”
“……Huh?”
What on earth is this all about?
“Could you explain that a bit more clearly?”
“……”
It seemed Yang Hye-in didn’t fully understand what she meant either, as she fell silent again for some time.
“I just thought after seeing the young lady smile, that I wanted to protect it.”
“……”
This time, it was my turn to be silent.
I didn’t fully grasp this statement either. It seemed Yang Hye-in noticed that as well; she continued speaking slowly, as if unraveling a difficult problem to make it more comprehensible.
“When I first began my job, I thought I was lucky.”
Yang Hye-in confessed her true feelings like a confession.
“I received a lot of money, and the work was easy. The reason it was easy was that the young lady had a calm personality.”
“……”
Indeed, Sara was calm.
Of course, that didn’t mean she was ‘normally calm.’
It was like a time bomb that could explode at any moment, filled with pent-up feelings but unsure how to express them.
“And….”
Yang Hye-in’s usually stiff tone softened a bit.
“And, I didn’t think the young lady would be having those thoughts.”
“……Even though you were watching from the side?”
“……”
Perhaps Yang Hye-in bit her lip.
“I think I rationalized it to myself.”
Yang Hye-in squeezed out her reply.
“I thought that since the young lady was wealthy, even if this moment was a bit painful, a few years later, she would become an adult and be able to live freely with that fortune.”
“……”
I couldn’t find a response to that.
What did I initially think of Sara?
“I probably thought that because… I wanted to rationalize my job. The thought that I wanted to keep doing this easy work while earning so much money.”
“……”
“When you screamed that night, honestly, I thought about my work before you. I couldn’t imagine the kind of disadvantages that could come to me if something happened to you.”
…….
“But seeing you awake again… and watching you change afterward, I began to think differently. Ah, the young lady was a normal kid after all.”
“……”
No.
No, that’s not it.
Sara was a normal girl from the start.
The reason Sara didn’t have a normal personality was solely due to the abnormal circumstances surrounding her.
The abusive stepmother and the people around her who didn’t treat Sara as a human being.
In an effort to turn her into just a puppet, Choi Na-kyung cornered Sara into such extreme situations.
For years.
“And because of that, I wanted to protect that smile, knowing she wouldn’t be able to bear this situation as a normal child.”
“……But, that wasn’t Sara. It was me.”
“……”
I could hear Yang Hye-in take a deep breath.
That breath was trembling terribly.
“……Yes, that’s correct.”