I Became the Childhood Friend Who Commits Suicide

Chapter 84

Tears rolled down the girl’s cheeks.

She stared blankly at Si woo as he approached her, then belatedly regained her senses, shaking her head violently and shouting.

“Don’t come any closer!”

No.

She didn’t want to accept Yoo Hana’s life.

She liked her current life. She had already decided to live as White Sheep.

Why?

Why did her heart race and her emotions waver for someone she had only encountered briefly?

If these feelings weren’t White Sheep’s but Yoo Hana’s will instead…

She would ignore and deny them with all her might.

If returning meant reclaiming those memories, she would rather leave them lost.

There was nothing but pain and despair in those days—nothing she missed at all.

“I finally found you again.”

“Can’t you hear me? I said don’t come any closer…!”

“I won’t lose you again.”

Despite her desperate pleas, Si woo didn’t falter.

He kept walking toward her, his gaze fixed only on her.

In the end, she stumbled backward, her eyes filled with fear.

Despite possessing overwhelming power, she couldn’t muster the will to resist.

“Yoo Hana.”

“No! I’m White Sheep! I’m an apostle, humanity’s enemy! Kill me!”

Her futile cries echoed through the cathedral, dissipating into the air.

She covered her face with her hands and murmured weakly.

“…Don’t look at me with such sad eyes. Please, just kill me.”

Si woo’s expression twisted in pain.

Her plea to be killed overlapped with the last words he’d heard from his childhood friend at their final parting.

The friend who had chosen death, worn out and terrified of living.

Here she was again, the one he had desperately longed for. Yet, her wounds hadn’t healed.

She had merely ignored them, pretending they didn’t exist, letting them fester and rot even further.

How much had she suffered? He couldn’t begin to imagine.

He couldn’t even be sure her scars would ever heal.

All he could do was stay by her side.

But perhaps that was enough—something she had been denied all this time.

Finally, Si woo stood before her.

The girl he had searched for so desperately was now within arm’s reach.

He reached out and embraced her tightly, holding her so close that she could barely breathe.

“Ah…”

The girl let out a faint sigh but didn’t react further.

She simply accepted the warmth enveloping her, letting herself be consumed by the flood of emotions radiating from him.

The feeling of someone looking at her with such intensity was foreign to her.

Even though she knew she shouldn’t, she found herself succumbing to the warmth.

Despite knowing he was her enemy, she couldn’t push him away.

She couldn’t understand.

“Why…? Why are you doing this?”

She couldn’t comprehend why he would go so far for her.

She was already a traitor to humanity, a being who had sided with the apostles.

Why wasn’t he trying to kill her? Why was he willing to sacrifice himself to bring her back?

Was it because of her abilities?

No, at least Si woo didn’t seem to have such intentions.

He focused solely on her, approaching her with genuine care.

Why?

Si woo’s answer was simple.

“Because I love you.”

The unexpected response left her stunned.

Was it love between a man and a woman?

Or the affection of a childhood friend?

In her current state, with her memories lost, there was no way for her to fully grasp the emotions Si woo harbored.

No matter how earnest or heart-wrenching his feelings were, she couldn’t empathize. She was simply confused and overwhelmed.

Regaining her composure in his embrace, she realized she couldn’t stay like this.

She pushed him away with all her strength and steadied herself before speaking.

“It’s too late, no matter what you say. I’ve decided to live as White Sheep. So please…”

“Is that really what you think?”

“What?”

Confused by his question, she asked him to clarify.

Si woo stared at her intently and repeated his question.

“Is what you’re saying just White Sheep’s answer, the response of someone who’s lost her original memories?”

Her expression hardened, and she retorted sharply.

“Are you saying you’re not looking at me as I am now, but at someone else in your memories?”

“I’ll ask you back. Right now, aren’t you rejecting Yoo Hana’s life entirely and only accepting yourself as White Sheep?”

She couldn’t deny his words.

He was absolutely right.

Though she claimed to want to recover her memories, every time an opportunity arose, she turned away and ran.

If she couldn’t even accept it herself, how could others reconcile the two versions of her and embrace both?

But recognizing the problem and fixing it were two different things.

She wasn’t ready to acknowledge her mistakes or accept Yoo Hana’s existence.

“…Then what am I supposed to do?”

“Get your memories back. Accept who you were as Yoo Hana. And then decide for yourself how you want to live.”

Easier said than done.

She couldn’t even get past the first step.

How was she supposed to recover her memories? The fragments that had just swirled through her mind were disjointed and incomplete, far from a full picture.

“How am I supposed to find my memories? Are you going to recover them for me?”

“I will.”

“…How?”

Instead of answering, Si woo extended his hand.

A soft light spread throughout the cathedral.

The moment she saw the light, she understood its nature.

It was a power similar to her own—a power unlike any ordinary ability.

It was the power of the Holy Grail.

She realized that with this, it might be possible.

But she hesitated even more.

What would happen to her if she regained her memories?

Si woo spoke softly.

“You can do it.”

“…”

She stared at the light in his hand, paralyzed with indecision.

Her life, short as it was, flashed before her eyes like a panorama.

The moment she met her teacher.

The days spent training under the crimson sky of the Gate.

Peaceful lunches in a nearby rural village.

Her comrades at the shrine.

The coastal view through the window overlooking the crashing waves.

A quiet but content life.

She had thought she would live like this forever—until she met this boy at the shrine in Japan.

Since then, her world has completely changed.

War with humanity broke out, and internally, she had been plagued by lingering doubts about her past.

All because of Kim Si woo.

The boy standing in front of her.

And yet, he didn’t resent her. He loved her.

She found herself wondering—had Yoo Hana loved him as well?

If she had…

If she hadn’t lost her memories…

Would they have lived happily ever after?

Just as she was about to voice her decision—

Crash!

The cathedral’s roof collapsed, and a massive hand emerged.

The sudden turn of events caused both of them to freeze and stare at the hand.

Through the broken roof, crimson eyes glowed menacingly against the sky.

A towering demon, as if straight from myth, loomed over them, exuding a chilling sense of dread.

Atop the demon’s hand stood a familiar figure.

“Finally, I’ve found you.”

At the sight of Black Goat, Si woo clenched his teeth.

To him, this man was nothing more than the one who had corrupted Hana.

An enemy he could never forgive.

Meanwhile, the girl’s expression wavered.

She seemed unsettled by the sight of Black Goat, but her emotions were hard to read.

“You’re not taking Hana!”

Si woo’s defiant declaration drew only a scoff from Black Goat.

“Do you think I’ve been forcing her to stay with me?”

“Is that even a question? You erased her memories and made her your pawn!”

“You’re gravely mistaken, deceiver. First, her memory loss wasn’t my doing but a side effect of her power. Second, I treated her not as a pawn but as a comrade.”

Black Goat refuted each point calmly before adding,

“And for the record, White Sheep came to our shrine of her own volition.”

“Do you think I’d believe such lies?!”

“You’re free to doubt me, but it’s the truth. Six months ago, Yoo Hana chose to leave the academy and head to the shrine. It was you humans who stopped her and drove her to her death.”

Si woo refused to believe him.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Do you think I’d trust anything you say without proof?”

“Then I have no choice.”

Black Goat’s crimson eyes gleamed.

“I’ll show you the proof myself.”

“…What?”

“White Sheep.”

At his call, the girl responded.

“Yes, teacher.”

“Continue what you were about to do.”

“What…?”

“Use the Holy Grail to recover your memories.”