SWNOVELXO Chapter 60
Seo-A opened her arms.
Her fingertips trembled.
It seemed like a decision made after much hesitation.
Yet, she smiled brightly.
“Let’s make up.”
Make up?
What kind of make up?
Did we fight?
Did we?
If so, it must have been my fault.
Is Seo-A going to forgive me?
I paused for a moment, thoughts racing through my mind.
I will hug her.
That’s the conclusion I reached.
How should I hug Seo-A?
I can’t delay any longer.
I’d rather die than see Seo-A disappointed again.
I don’t want to let her down or hurt her.
With a gentle squeeze,
I stepped closer and embraced her.
But not too roughly.
I need to be careful not to hurt her, yet still let her feel my warmth.
“Are we friends again?”
Seo-A asked.
In a small voice.
Like a child whispering before sleep.
“We’ve always been friends.”
I held Seo-A without saying anything.
I could feel the warmth fading, neglected for far too long.
“Now we’re going home, right?” she asked.
We need to go home.
“Yeah, let’s go home.”
“But you know…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not a monster, right? Do I look like one?”
Is she worried about what Chun Yu-Hwa said?
Admittedly, if one only saw the magical power leaking out, I might seem like a rather strong monster.
But I’m not a monster.
“Of course you’re not a monster.”
“Right? Right?”
Her voice sounded desperate.
I suddenly wondered what Chun Yu-Hwa was doing.
I’m grateful she’s not interfering.
Glancing to the side, I saw her merely watching us.
It seemed she was still on guard.
“Is it okay for me to go home? I won’t suddenly turn into a monster, right?”
“Yeah, that won’t happen.”
“Aha, that’s a relief. I don’t want to become a monster. I won’t use any medicine, because I’m still a person…”
“Let’s go home.”
Seo-A smiled.
Very slowly.
Brightly.
I had to protect that smile.
I had to.
The smell of medicine lingered.
***
Seo-A and I walked side by side.
One of her hands was clasped in mine.
It felt slightly cold. No, very cold.
I wondered if I should hold her hand tighter.
But what if that would hurt her?
So I just tightened my grip slightly.
Seo-A walked silently, holding my hand.
Chun Yu-Hwa had quietly stepped aside.
She seemed to understand the situation to some extent.
The car broke down, and I pondered how we would get home.
The street was quiet.
Too quiet.
It was so noisy before.
It seemed the monsters had mostly been dealt with.
Well, Chun Yu-Hwa coming towards me meant that things must have been settled at a level that only Lena and Chun Yu-Seong could manage.
I walked.
Crumpled leaves scattered on the cracked asphalt.
The only sound was the rustling when the wind blew.
Seo-A kept her head slightly down.
She didn’t look at the sky once during our walk.
“You know…”
Seo-A suddenly spoke up.
“Yeah?”
“Then…”
She kicked the asphalt with her toes as she spoke.
“We eat together, play together… Yeah. We live like we did before?”
“Yes. Let’s do that.”
“Really?”
Seo-A stopped and looked up at my face.
“Really. It’s a promise.”
Seo-A resumed walking.
Every time she wobbled as if about to fall, I steadied her with my hand.
I wasn’t in perfect condition either.
Still, I was managing to stay upright.
It was a tiring day, but I didn’t feel tired.
Because Seo-A was by my side.
We were holding hands.
The smell of medicine still faintly lingered.
A scent that seeped into Seo-A’s clothes.
Medicine.
The medicine was still a problem.
With Purification skills and other new skills I had recently acquired, I might be able to heal it.
Maybe.
Using the Saint could be a way too.
Anyway, it was a happy day.
Though so many things still didn’t make sense, I hoped it wasn’t a dream.
Because Seo-A was right there with me.
Yeah.
Since Seo-A was here.
Thump.
“Uh?”
Seo-A pushed me away.
Was she telling me to let go?
Why?
“Seo-A? What’s wrong?”
“Ah… Well, that’s… I just remembered I have something to do.”
“Uh?”
Seo-A’s condition had turned strange again.
Hadn’t managed to reassure her completely?
Still, I didn’t let go of her hand.
“I need to repay my debt. That’s how I can return to being normal.”
“…Debt?”
What on earth is she talking about?
Seo-A was smiling, but she looked anxious.
“I had too much fun all by myself. While you were struggling and suffering, I was having a blast thanks to the medicine! That shouldn’t be the case.”
You had fun?
No way.
“I was happy alone. For so long. So that means I owe you. You were covered in blood, and I…”
Happiness is something worth celebrating.
Generally, it is.
But something seemed twisted in Seo-A’s case.
She tried to pull her hand away, but I wouldn’t let go.
“So to put it metaphorically, there’s a spider in my head. But it’s a happy spider, and it raises more spiders. So there’s a happy farm of spiders. But I didn’t feed them.”
It was hard to comprehend.
I found it difficult to understand the concept of having debt.
Even if Seo-A felt joy, how could that be?
Is she feeling guilt for pleasure that was forcibly injected?
“I don’t have debt.”
“I accrued debt. I haven’t endured the pain I should have felt…”
I endured overwhelming pain.
I’ve long surpassed a normal person’s worth of suffering.
“So I… have to suffer…”
“No.”
“But, but, I have to pay this back to become a normal person. You prefer me in a normal state, right?”
I wanted to say that it was fine as I was, but it was clear Seo-A didn’t think that way.
She twisted her hand again to pull away, but I stopped her.
“It’s supposed to be normal! I can’t go on like this with this garbage body and this garbage mind, moving around like a dead thing… Ugh… It’s disgusting.”
“No…”
“I’ve seen myself in the mirror, so I know. I’m a monster, but you’re too kind to treat me like a person.”
“It’s not true.”
You’re not a monster.
“I am a monster! Something keeps wailing in my head. It’s probably my brain.”
She wouldn’t stop talking.
“But, but, my brain should be rotting by now, right? Can something rotten wail? Has it only rotted 10 percent? If so, what am I? Something rotten? A wail? Or am I just tuna? Haha.”
Her words were hard to follow.
Madness was seeping through her speech.
It was clear she had mentally cracked.
She laughed like she was happy, but the content was disturbing.
No, she might not have broken.
Yet I can’t deny the reality no matter how much I mutter.
“Ah, ah. Sorry, sorry. I blurted out something weird. You won’t hate me, right?”
Seo-A said with a worried expression.
“I don’t hate you.”
I don’t hate her.
It’s the opposite.
I like her; I’ve rarely said it out loud.
Maybe I was too embarrassed.
Upon reflection, I think Seo-A and I have never openly confessed our feelings for each other.
Unless it was written in a diary.
-Si-Hoo is really liked.
Ah.
Every time I remember that, I feel guilty enough to die.
“Right? Right? But are you not going to let go of my hand? I have things to do, you know?”
“I’m sorry…”
I’ll keep holding on.
Please don’t go anywhere.
“…Oh! By the way, I also owe you something. I borrowed money for the medicine and never paid you back. Sorry about that.”
Money for the medicine?
She must be talking about the money borrowed at the Academy.
“It’s fine. You can forget about it.”
“Ah…”
She seemed like she was still worried about it, fidgeting her feet.
There’s no need for that.
What can I do to reassure Seo-A?
Why does she feel guilty?
I don’t understand.
She’s the greatest victim here.
Why?
Why does the victim feel guilt?
Despite asking multiple times, there was no answer.
“It’s okay. Everything is going to be alright.”
That’s all I could say.
Is it alright to hug her?
Now Seo-A isn’t trying to pull her hand away anymore.
Can I hug her?
Really.
I just want to do that.
The moment I leaned towards Seo-A, I noticed something on the back of her neck.
I hadn’t noticed it during the earlier embrace.
There’s something there.
Something that seems alien for a scar, letters?
“This…”
As I reached out to check, Seo-A immediately turned and pulled away.
“Ah, ah.”
I panicked.
“Ahhhhh, did you see? Did you see? Did you? You saw it, didn’t you? Ah, I don’t want that.”
There’s something.
Something that feels like I have to confirm.
But Seo-A doesn’t want to.
“Ah, I didn’t see.”
“Liar, liar, liar. I won’t show you. You don’t have to see. Not you. Know that. Got it?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what it is, but I won’t do what you don’t want.”
“Ah… No… This is nothing! It’s not! It’ll disappear if I wash it. It will, it will.”
Seo-A was in half-panic.
What on earth does she not want to show me?
What could it be?
I had no clue.
It’ll disappear once washed, huh?
“I’m normal. I’m just an ordinary person, so you don’t have to worry about me. Got it? Got it? Answer me!”
“Yeah, got it.”
If Seo-A is reacting this sensitively, I won’t bring it up.
I’m scared too.
What could it be?
I don’t want to ruin the relationship that is barely salvaged.
Seo-A’s breathing was heavy.
I waited until she calmed down.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Ahhh, Seo-A was bright and normal and happy and pure, but I—”
“There’s nothing wrong. Even if there is something wrong, I won’t care. So don’t worry.”
It’s impossible to expect Seo-A to be the same as before.
And I don’t mind how Seo-A is.
She just has to stay by my side.
That’s all.
“Are you really okay?”
“Yeah. Just stay by my side.”
It doesn’t matter.
It’s fine if she’s a bit different.
I’m just glad Seo-A is by my side.
We walk while holding hands.
We’re holding hands, but the distance has slightly widened.
Seo-A pulled up her collar, showing her determination not to let anything be seen.
If we keep going in this direction, the atmosphere will turn too dark.
I decided to break the silence first.
“…Hey, Seo-A, do you want to go star-gazing? Before we go home.”
The car is broken, and it’ll take a while to get home.
A quick glance at the sky might be okay, right?
“Stars…”
Seo-A’s expression lit up; she seemed to like the idea.
It was a request I should have heeded much sooner.
As I hesitated, I remembered Seo-A asking if we would go to see stars at night.
I had turned her down.
Why did I do that?
Why did I go back to the Academy?
Wouldn’t it have been better if we had been together from beginning to end?
So now, even if it’s late…