SWNOVELXO Side Story 9
Side Story 9
Side Story 3. Preparation (2)
“Well, I think my thoughts might have gone too far. Just…”
“No, I understand what you mean. Hearing it like that… I think I really was.”
Seung-hyun nodded and spoke. He hadn’t thought he was worrying about it, but hearing those words made him realize it.
The uneasiness hadn’t completely disappeared yet. Although he had grown closer to Jae-young’s family and was getting used to this daily life, the more he knew how good the people around him were, the more he had a certain thought.
Was it okay for him to receive the love of such good people? Maybe because it was the first time he was experiencing the warmth of family, it felt good but also made him anxious. It seems that feeling had shown without him realizing it.
“…Thank you for telling me. I might have kept on like this.”
“……”
“About the name, I think it’s better to go with your idea.”
Maybe it would have been fine if he had just gotten used to it, did he say unnecessary things? Jae-young, regretting a bit late, watched Seung-hyun’s reaction. Seung-hyun said he was a bit tired and went to the room alone.
The name didn’t really matter. Realizing why he had insisted on that name, he thought it was fortunate that he had noticed it in advance. The name Jae-young chose was also pretty and good. But clearly, becoming this depressed was…
‘Can I take good care of Mallang in this state? I don’t feel properly prepared. I can’t ask the baby in the womb to wait, so I need to do well…’
He felt pathetic and worried that he couldn’t fully rejoice about having a family and was anxious instead. What if this anxiety, this impatience, reached the child? There really wasn’t much time left now.
He thought he had made many preparations, but it also felt like he hadn’t prepared anything. Seung-hyun sighed and burrowed into the blanket.
After some time had passed, Jae-young carefully opened the door and came in. Seeing that he was carrying something to drink, it seemed he had thought about an excuse to enter the room and brought that at least.
Jae-young put the tray down on the bedside table and sat down next to Seung-hyun, who was lying with the blanket over his head.
“I know you’re not sleeping.”
“……”
“It’s not that I disliked that name. It’s just…”
“I know. And I understand what you meant… so don’t worry about it anymore. It’s okay.”
Seung-hyun said this and pulled the blanket more towards his body. He understood why Jae-young had said that. If he hadn’t thought that was the reason for insisting on that name in the first place, he wouldn’t have pushed his own opinion.
So now, the pathetic one was himself. Not knowing why he had insisted on that name, and Jae-young figuring it out, it was all embarrassing and pitiful.
“It’s not okay. We made a promise, remember?”
“……”
“To talk without hiding anything. We’ve seen enough of what happens when we lie and beat around the bush, so we promised to speak honestly even if it’s a bit embarrassing or silly.”
Jae-young spoke deliberately lightly and poked at Seung-hyun curled up under the blanket. As he said, they had made a promise.
They both knew well that lying for each other’s sake only leaves regrets, so they agreed not to tell even well-intentioned lies and to say everything.
“I spoke up, but you’re hiding. That’s not fair.”
“…I’m not angry at you. It’s just… I feel stupid.”
Seung-hyun squirmed and came out from under the blanket. He wasn’t going to hide forever, and this feeling didn’t seem like it would be hidden even if he tried.
“I feel stupid… and it’s really soon now, I wonder if this is okay. Actually, I’ve never even imagined this, so I wasn’t prepared…”
Seung-hyun mumbled in a small voice. Although he was trying his best to prepare, Seung-hyun was someone who had never thought he would have a child in his life.
It had only been about three months since he found out he was having a child, and it still felt surreal that he would give birth next month, but it was also a problem whether he, who had never even imagined this, could take good care of a child.
“…Even if it’s not okay, the baby will be born anyway. I…”
“Suddenly receiving a terminal diagnosis, meeting me, living with me. Was there anything among the recent events that you had imagined before?”
“That’s… true, but.”
“They were all things you had never imagined, but they all worked out well and here we are together. This is the same. No one is good at it from the start. Well, even if you prepare, taking care of a baby can’t be perfect. But you have the desire to do well, and you’ll try, right?”
Jae-young calmed Seung-hyun with a steady voice. For him too, this situation was something he had never imagined, and he was equally worried about childcare that was approaching in just a month, but he wasn’t afraid.
“You’re not alone anymore, so if you really can’t handle it, you can leave it to me and take a break. Our families will all help too.”
“…Then I’m not doing anything.”
“What do you mean you’re not doing anything? Just being by my side is good enough for me.”
Jae-young said playfully, pulling Seung-hyun’s cheek. Perhaps because he had become more dependent, seeing him show weakness occasionally was both upsetting and joyful that he was showing this side to him.
At least he wouldn’t suffer alone. Jae-young hugged Seung-hyun, blanket and all.
“Even if we can’t be perfect, we’ll do our best, so even if we’re a bit clumsy at first, it’ll get better little by little. There are many people who will help, so just focus on being healthy.”
“…I’m sorry for making you worry.”
“What you should be sorry for is making me worry and not saying anything. You’re only lovely for telling me everything.”
Jae-young said with a smile. At first, such expressions of affection had startled him, but now he had become so used to them that he liked them. Yes, this too was something he had never even imagined before, wasn’t it?
“…Let’s name her Raon.”
“Are you really okay with that? Or if you want to think of another name you’d like…”
“As I kept hearing it, I think I’ve already gotten used to it, and we should properly decide now. Like you said… it’s a name that seems like it’ll make us happy just by calling it.”
Seung-hyun said, stroking his quite swollen belly. He still had some worries, but talking with Jae-young had made him feel a bit more at ease.
“And besides deciding on the name, there’s still a mountain of things we need to do. We should prepare other things too.”
“Are you really sure you don’t need an aunt?”
“For now, I want to try it just the two of us. It’ll be tough, but… that means we’ll have more time to see her, right?”
Seung-hyun had suggested that after the baby is born, they take care of her directly without a helper. He felt that if they got used to leaving her with someone else, they would endlessly settle for comfort.
Even if it was a bit hard, he wanted to interact directly with the child in close proximity. For that, there was a mountain of things they needed to prepare.
“Still, plan on resting for about a month. Your health isn’t good as it is, so you shouldn’t strain yourself.”
They had just been to the hospital yesterday, where they heard that while the baby was growing well, they were worried about Seung-hyun’s condition. Jae-young had looked more serious than Seung-hyun at the words that his already weakened body, which wasn’t originally meant to bear children, would have a harder time.
“That’ll be fine. Well, just… I feel like it will be. My physical condition isn’t bad, and I’ve endured even more serious conditions than this. Right?”
This time, it was Seung-hyun who comforted Jae-young. It was fortunate that they each feared different things. That way, they could embrace each other’s fears.
“My sister-in-law said she found the parenting diary she used when her niece was young, and she’s coming to our family home today to give it to us. It would be nice to go there, eat something delicious, and hear advice from someone with experience. Right?”
There were still many things that made him anxious and scared, but if they were together, they could somehow get better. Seung-hyun thought this as he spoke.
“I wonder if they’ll be disappointed when we tell them we’ve decided on a name.”
“Well… honestly, I don’t think they won’t be, but what can we do? They’ll get used to it quickly.”
Jae-young grinned mischievously, saying something that would make his parents click their tongues and say he was still immature if they heard it. His back view, casually preparing Seung-hyun’s clothes while suggesting they go for a walk to get some fresh air, looked happy as if nothing had happened.
“It’s starting to be autumn now, so we should bring a cardigan. Tell me right away if you’re cold.”
They probably couldn’t prepare perfectly. But because they were two, not alone, because they could embrace each other’s anxieties, it seemed like they could somehow manage.
To make sure the child becomes as joyful as the name Raon suggests, to be comfortable parents even if they can’t be perfect parents. They would have to prepare and keep trying.
“I’ll choose. The clothes you pick are terrible. It’s not the middle of winter, it’s hot.”
Seung-hyun said, following behind Jae-young as he came out from under the blanket. He hoped the day when they could call the name Raon would come soon. His steps thinking this felt lighter than when he had come in.