Chapter 166
The attack on Dedorant’s secret supply depot went on throughout the night.
Choosing surprise attacks and arson, it naturally turned nocturnal.
Thanks to that, all of our Imperial Army had to keep moving without a single wink of sleep.
“Hmm.”
What a satisfying night shift. Yeah. This is more energizing than working late.
Though I’m not flying around wielding a spear like Kaya, I’m still a member of the Clausewitz Family.
Sometimes it feels refreshing to hit the field and see the situation firsthand to clear my head.
“Thank you for your hard work, Legion Commander. What about the damage to our troops?”
“We have some casualties. Despite being advantageous with the surprise and arson tactics, the damage occurred, so if any problems arise, I should take responsibility—”
“It’s stranger if we engage in battle without any casualties. Send the injured to the rear immediately, and make sure to accurately document those who lost their lives.”
Soldiers mourn and remember the death of their comrades right next to them.
But while the commander can feel sorrow, they cannot be lost in it.
Whether they like it or not, they must view human lives as numbers.
One must be dulled to withstand, but should never become numb. It’s a constant struggle, truly difficult.
“Aide.”
“Yes, Chief of Staff.”
“When we return, get in touch with the staff and submit the next assault plan against Dedorant’s defense stronghold. With the supply depot blown up, we should see results within a few days.”
Even now, they’re barely holding on, and let’s think about how they won’t even be able to eat.
The ones in charge will die themselves if they lose, so they’ll probably dive into chaos.
But the soldiers and the people of the kingdom below won’t change even if the higher-ups do.
I hope those fellows come to their senses before the Manhattan Project is completed.
It would be nice to wipe them all out, but I wouldn’t mind just wrapping things up normally either.
After all, if our Empire is labeled as having created a monster, it might just ruin our reputation.
“Um, about that. Chief of Staff, there was a message just now.”
“From where? Was it from the system?”
“No, it’s about Your Highness the Second Princess looking for you…”
Stop right there. That’s enough. I don’t want to worry about a beating I’ll get ahead of time.
Isn’t it typical for a man to have to bear the nagging of a woman?
Thinking back, I remember my father had his own struggles with my mother too.
…Uh. To be honest, I’m a bit scared. What will she unleash on me this time?
But it’s fine! I haven’t done anything weird. I didn’t even meet a woman.
I just went out to boost our morale and keep my field instincts sharp!
I am resolute! No matter what the princess says, I can brush it off!
If I respond with confidence, maybe she’ll back down!
*
Or at least that’s what I thought earlier. What a naive thought.
“I’m sorry. I made a mistake, Your Highness.”
“You said it was too dangerous for me! And here you are, attacking a supply depot right in front of Dedorant’s troops?! And you expect us to believe this from the Chief of Staff leading the Imperial Army?!”
“Well, you see, I thought I should act as the one leading the Imperial Army… Yes, I’m sorry. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
As soon as I returned, the princess followed me directly to my office.
No matter how others looked at us or what they thought, it seemed she couldn’t care less.
And as soon as she entered, she didn’t grab me by the collar this time—
Instead, she held my wrist and started lamenting why I’d done this.
“Do you think becoming Chief of Staff means you can just disregard my words?”
“Absolutely not! That’s not what I meant at all. How could I be such a person?”
“Then what is it!”
“Even if one commands from the back, one must not lose their touch with the field.”
So then, what exactly does this field instinct mean!
Under the princess’s pressing inquiry, I began to lay bare the hidden feelings I’d held since the start of this war.
“In the beginning, I thought I would be lucky to lead a squad.”
“Kael, you?”
“I really thought so. At first. Then, before I even realized it, my position rose unexpectedly, and eventually led me here.”
This was a product of my past life’s memories, the advantages of my birth, and sheer luck.
While some may argue it’s my skill that got me here, for me, those three factors are paramount.
“Thanks to that, I’ve been able to use my skills, albeit insufficiently. However, my inner self isn’t as inflexible as steel. Your Highness.”
As I mentioned earlier, a commander inevitably must see lives as numbers.
From those who lead the troops on the field to the Legion Commander, ultimately leading up to me.
When a hundred die on the battlefield, soldiers will mourn that a hundred have died.
Yet for us, that would seem like a small enough number to feel relieved.
We have no time to mourn for a hundred deaths. If a hundred died, then surely that ship must have been damaged.
If that’s the case, how do we transport and treat the hundreds of casualties? How will we fill the gaps they leave behind?
We must contemplate how those who dealt us such damage have fared in return.
Think and think again, adjusting our future battlefield plans as we move forward.
One must be dulled. If not, the battlefield becomes unbearable.
But one must not become numb. Otherwise, one could become a monster that wastes lives indiscriminately.
One must find that balance and remain there, even while war rages on.
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. While so many continue to die at this very moment.
“My father once told me: those who are far removed from the field will not understand its troubles. Conversely, those who stay only on the frontlines are oblivious to the difficulties at the table. Thus, the best method is for each to exchange places for a day to observe the situation.”
“…Duke of Bertier Empire’s words are indeed correct.”
“And that’s why I sometimes do this. To ensure I don’t get too caught up in my current position to forget the feel of the field and their struggles.”
As I say this, I realize it’s indeed frightening. What if I end up becoming a monster?
Could I really be someone who, no matter how many people die, just thinks, ‘Oh. They died. I need to fill those positions quickly. When will we send more soldiers?’
How much military equipment would be required to compensate for those who lost their sons, husbands, or fathers? How would I gather that?
“…If it’s too burdensome, what about finding another Chief of Staff now? You wouldn’t be entirely removed from the frontline, but moving somewhat to the rear could work—”
“I think I must bring this to a closure. I’ve brought this thus far, and it’s on me to take it back.”
This too might be the fate of those who lead many soldiers.
If I’ve led the precious sons of others to the battlefield, then I must return them home.
This doesn’t change whether it’s a democratic nation in a past life or the monarchic state of this life.
It’s always borrowed, and the principle of returning them safely must be upheld.
Rather than treating them like items and saying they were defective from the start if they broke.
“Well. I had my reasons for going, but Your Highness is not wrong either. I do have an obligation to rise to a higher position and send soldiers home. It would have caused chaos in the command of the empire for charging into a dangerous battlefield.”
“Sigh. What difference does confessing now make?”
The princess stepped over and leaned lightly against the table.
“I know. Although I seem unconcerned on the outside, Kael, you’re probably burning up on the inside. It’s useless to show it, so you’re not, and even if it were useful, you still shouldn’t.”
Maybe this is why my sister and brother sent me to Kael’s side.
She reached out and picked up a piece of paper, glancing at the content.
As far as I know, it’s the casualty figures from the siege a few days ago.
A simple record of lives written down as mere numbers.
“If you look at this every day, you might grow somewhat accustomed. But the Kael who does not is a truly good person.”
“Or someone who doesn’t suit this position.”
“You can’t say that! You’ve done so well until now.”
I’ll say it again. Kael, you are a good person.
At those words from the princess, a smile unexpectedly popped on my face.
It feels comforting in a way. It’s almost like a boost to my courage.
It’s strange. Just a single phrase like that brings such peace to my heart.
“When this war is over, let’s think together about what we can do for those who have been injured or fallen along the way.”
“Having the support of the princess would be a great strength.”
“Because you’ll receive support from the imperial family?”
“No. Because I have you by my side, Your Highness.”
Just like now. When things get tough and I want to lean somewhere.
Then the princess beckoned me closer and smiled.
“Do you remember what I said before? To call me by my name?”
“I remember.”
“Call me. My name. Isabelle.”
“…Isabelle.”
“One more time. This time as a nickname. Bel.”
Reason is screaming no, but my mouth is acting on its own.
Then reason just throws its hands up in despair.
“Bel.”
“When it’s just the two of us, call me like that. Understood?”
“I will. Your Highness… Bel. That’s how I’ll do it.”
As soon as my words ended, the distance between me and the princess—Bel—closed suddenly.
I couldn’t tell if I stepped closer, or if she did.
But one thing was certain, her lips were incredibly warm and soft.