Hope born of solitus

*

"Hnng~" (Lastia)

My voice slipped out as an explosion of thick broth aroma engulfed me. I picked up my chopstick and pressed it gently into the soup, wetting the tip. Stirring the contents slowly, a wisp of smoke floated out of the bowl and I began to get ready for the first bite. I gave it a cautionary blow after scooping some noodles up and stuck it into my mouth.

My tongue was instantly assaulted by a range of flavours, each complementing one another to form a complex palette that tickled my conscious. It was savoury with a hint of refreshing subtle sweetness, the densely flavoured and moistening soup kept my tongue wanting more, while the abrupt and heavy texture of meat served to pace my meal.

I stopped for a moment, gazing at my bowl with a slight smile. Surely... Surely I had eaten such a thing before. More accurately "I" did... My heart rate went down, rather than composure it's almost more like a frigid indifference wrapped around my heart and cooled it down. My thoughts almost slow to a halt, slipping into a state of self reflection... No, there isn't much of a self to reflect on here. I've only experienced less than 24 hours of being alive. It's a state of inquisition, at the world around me, and at "myself".

I... I can't be the only to have eaten this. What about the others? All of them... They only had less than a day's worth of time being awake and 'living'. Was it really right, to enjoy myself this much? I looked at the bowl hesitantly. Due to my rampage, most of the noodles and all of the sides were now gone. I could leave, or I could indulge myself and finish the soup.

"... What's wrong?" (Mr. Alan)

Juggling multiple tasks, the middle aged man handling the entire restaurant asks. Whether Lastia chose to answer was of no concern, either way he could simply end the conversation here, after all he was incredibly busy. What counted was that he tried, she recognised that. Even if superficial, he still put more effort than anyone realistically would. Normally people would simply leave her alone, making this interaction an oddity in itself.

"... I can't discern... If I deserve this happiness." (Lastia)

" That is hard to answer. I believe that people decide that for themselves. If you can't decide, then let those around you decide for you.

I'm sure someone as sweet as you... Must have people who are close to you and care for you. That affection is enough of an answer. " (Mr. Alan)

He calmly spoke while wiping the residual grease off the counter, working on cleaning up before the next big order arrives. His rhythmic movements swiftly and professionally wiped up any substance, revealing his experienced hand. His voice naturally resonated as he moved, showing that it didn't strain him to continue the conversation at all.

Nevermind about Traces, Remnants and magical girls. There were people like him out here who have cultivated talents of their own, brandishing their skills for all to see, steadily chasing their dreams. There was so much more to the world besides magic and curses. It was a given that everyone led their own unique lives, but it was also natural that Lastia found it hard to focus or connect to such a concept. It was so abstract, the feeling of being in someone else's shoes.

At the same time, it was also exceedingly human, whether to ignore the lived experiences of someone else or to empathise with it herself. She could only draw on this less than 24 hours worth of experience to make judgements after all. Decision making will be something she was naturally weak at, she might seem decisive at times, but those instances were when she didn't have much of a choice. With an actual opportunity to make a choice, with plenty of time and leeway, she would easily falter.

She admired this humble old man's way of life, pouring in ounce after ounce of effort to keep the shop running, making sure to be considerate and amiable to every customer so they would feel welcomed. She certainly would not be able to handle such things.

"How do you decide for yourself?" (Lastia)

She gently probed, eager to comprehend his thoughts. He put his finger under his chin, stroking his thin beard in thought.

"Hmm... If I want to decide whether I deserve happiness, perhaps I'd see if I worked hard enough to earn it? Or question if it's something everyone should have?

I don't really think about such things at all... People just swim through life, often times making such decisions on a whim. " (Mr. Alan)

It was hard to tangibly relate the act of 'deserving happiness', the first thought that the middle aged man came up with was rewarding himself for a bit after a good day's worth of hard work. Such as getting some ice cream or some hot dessert and enjoying it in the leisure of his home. The little lady was likely thinking about something else entirely, but it didn't matter much to him. It was the simplest way to convey his thoughts and that was sufficient for both parties.

A whim... It's just like this trip. She decided to go on one on a whim, consulting her friends at the last second... They still indulged in her while knowing about her curse... From their perspective, it seems they've long agreed that Lastia deserved a good trip, at least the current one sitting here right now... She had already been acknowledged for quite a while.... Her tears didn't explode out of her eyes or anything, these thoughts and opinions on her friends... They might never be recorded, once she's gone they will never be recovered.

All of her memories from today will vanish. However, that's fine. She enjoyed herself plenty. Moisture sitting at the bottom of her eyelids naturally slid out, coating her cheeks gradually. She wiped them away, leaving her skin slightly red, but the tears promtly stopped. None of it was in vain, even if there was no proof of her existence. The experience itself was a gift from her friends and the previous Lastias who had saved the funds needed.

She looked at the bowl and realised it was empty. She must have drank it to wet her throat while talking to the old man. She hadn't even realised it, but she yearned and indulged in it already. How silly. She left the restaurant with a smile, thanking the old man. Her eyes and skin reveled in the cold night air, her flush skin at the edge of her eyes emitted the built up heat in response, flushing out a thin wave of cold vapour from her dried tears.

"Alright, let's visit a few more places." (Lastia)