Hope born of solitus

*

10th August, Monday

The cool morning breezes feels frigid to the touch, chilling the exposed skin outside of my long sleeves. On the other hand, my face and neck feels warm to my fingers. I place my fingers on the back of my neck, enjoying the warmth, but it quickly dissipates and causes my neck to cool down instead!

I step into the classroom after a bit of walking, I couldn't get familiar with the roads after all. Putting in effort into memorising wasn't something I could relate to, so the concept of muscle memory was quite foreign to me. It was something I lacked, as such, the only reference I have to this place is the map in my closet. I was quite surprised to see a large map pasted on the inner side of the closet door, but it proved completely useful since I hadn't familiarised with the GPS yet.

... I wonder how the other 'Me's felt about this... That map is a reminder that we won't last past a single day. That much was made clear right after the diary' s cover. There's no sense in thinking about it too much, it would just eat away into my already short time on this earth. But... Sometimes, maybe it's just impossible not to think about undesirable things. It feels like my lungs are heavy, and my heart is a bottomless hole slowly dragging the rest of my body in. When I think of other more positive things, my body feels lighter and has an urge to skip gleefully.

I think I'm taking it quite well, my mortality. After all, the idea of Lastia will still persist even after the perishing of countless 'Me's. I... I just hope the other 'Me's won't ever feel this way... Enjoying our lives to the fullest, zero hesitation. That would surely be the ideal, but when I reached the classroom all of my courage died. I don't know any of these people, the diary only had 2 pictures, Arin and Sariel. Ahh... Why did this 'me' have to be shy...? Can I switch places...?

For now, I'll just keep quiet and slowly move to my seat. I'm glad a previous 'me' drew a detailed map of the classroom! The shame my predecessor must have went through while looking for my actual seat! Thankfully I arrived right on time, the classroom was still filled with the voice of chatter. It felt like the noise helped to mask my presence as I tried to navigate as inconspicuously as possible. Even knowing the position of my seat, I needed to make sure it was the right one by counting the number of seats to its left and right, then in front and behind...

At long last, I heaved a deep sigh as I rested my butt onto the chair, smoothing out my skirt underneath.

*BANG!! *

My body jolted like a spring unconsciously as a pair of hands fell onto my table. I hadn't sensed any presence coming close, the sudden shock sent my heart racing and my chest reverberating.

"YO! How's your morning?" (Arin)

Her short neck long hair was distinct from the rest, curling like sharp bristles with a dark grey hue, yet it had a bluish tint they gave it an overall dark silvery look. Her relatively short stature and big eyes brimming with vitality seemed to bring a storm wherever she went.

I can't let her get suspicious now...

"Ah! Uhmm...it's been fine! I think I'm just a little drowsy from lack of sleep, stayed up too late reading a book... Hahah... " (Lastia)

" Alright, if you need any help, feel free to look for me. Though you better be careful during the first lesson, it's math and miss Lin doesn't like to see dozing students.

She might freak out, so at least sit straight and don't lie on your table. Good luck. " (Arin)

She glossed over my response and excused herself with a wave. Maybe I was simply thinking too much. Relaxing and responding at a slow pace was also fine, I can't be so self conscious enough to the degree that I stammer or keep mum. History lesson went by in a blink and Arin was right. Miss Lin had a stern and scary face, but she answered the doubts of students with much enthusiasm. I could hardly say she was approachable with how afraid I was and how much I shifted around in my seat out of fear, but it seemed she could be reasoned with.

It was irrational to believe she would be a barbarian, a consequence of an imagination let loose from the dregs of Arin's descriptions. There was still a couple more lessons before break time, I was feeling a little impatient... The next lesson, math was suppose to start but the teacher was a little late. I noticed Sariel walking closer toward me.

If I wasn't wrong, Sariel knew about me being a magical girl, in fact she knew more about the arcane than I did. At least according to my diary.

"... There was an unidentified phenomenon yesterday, likely a Trace had deviated and became a unique instance. A new magic we couldn't make heads or tails about.

Be careful on your way home for the next few days. I'll try to take care of it. " (Sariel)

" That's dangerous. I won't approve of that " (Lastia)

I got strangely assertive, but as of this moment I felt a strange sense of confidence in my own actions. Values I hold dear to my heart, perhaps a remnant from the other 'me's and their past experiences. Or likely, just a delusion of my own making.

"Oh? Then what do you suggest? The General World Correction Theorem is swift at work, anyone who dies from that rampaging Trace... Everyone will be none the wiser about their deaths..." (Sariel)

An unconventional death... I see, then this is 'my' path. I can only retain small snippets of knowledge in my diary rather than any of my experiences, due to my daily dementia. A curse of some sorts. Even so, perhaps 'I' could discover the secret behind my curse if I continue to embark on this conquest against the Traces. An odd feeling, a gut instinct is reaching out to me like a withered hand stretching its fingers towards my neck. I feel like I will discover whatever I need here, if I dig into those deaths, the mysteries caused by the Traces. An answer to my curse, a diagnosis no professional would acknowledge.

"I'm coming with you." (Lastia)

The next 'me' might be lazy or intimidated by this daunting ambition. So I will allow it to begin, I will ignite the embers until 'Lastia' is so deep into the abyss, the next 'me' will have no choice but to continue wading deeper.