Hazbin Hotel: Another Adam

Somewhere in Heaven. The Seraphim Council Hall.

"How can you be so calm, Sera?! How?!" Archangel Michael's voice thundered under the high arches of the Council Hall, reflecting off the shining walls and making the very air, no, reality itself, vibrate. He himself paced back and forth, the six dazzling white wings behind his back twitching nervously. "He's only been studying this damn conceptual magic for a short while, and he's already mastered TWO! TWO, Sera! Purity and Cosmos! Even for us, opening just one would take years, if not decades! And the more concepts you want to 'open,' the more time it takes! Do you even realize how dangerous this is?! Do you even know exactly how these concepts affect him?! Like us or… or like ordinary angels?! And what if he decides to master something truly destructive?! Death?! Hatred?! Pain?! What then?!"

"And what do you suggest, Michael?" The voice of Sera, Head of the Seraphim, was surprisingly calm, but an old weariness flickered in her eyes. She sat in her high chair, her thin fingers gripping the armrests. "Get rid of him? Exile him to Hell, like Lucifer once was? Lock him in some 'cage' on the outskirts of Heaven? Michael, he is our son! Our creation! And he is our only hope! Temper your fervor!"

For almost twenty minutes now, her "younger brother" (although the concept of "age" for Seraphim was very relative) had been pestering her with his panicked concerns about Adam. And Sera, deep down, understood him. Adam was indeed changing. Becoming stronger, more unpredictable. His altered behavior, experiments with conceptual magic, his ever-increasing power – all this caused anxiety. But Sera, as a being of Light, as the embodiment of order and harmony, completely devoid of even a hint of Darkness in her soul, did not accept violence in any form. Yes, for the protection of Heaven, she could step over herself, give the order for an Extermination, resort to cruel but necessary measures. But Adam… No, she couldn't do that. Whatever the risk. He was their last hope.

"Are you kidding?! He's a ticking time bomb!" Michael exploded, his voice rising to a shout again. He was always distinguished by a hot, unrestrained temper. And to some extent, he was right, but… "To hell with that idiot Lucifer, who can only make his rubber ducks! To hell with Eve and Lilith, those two bitches who brought so much grief! But if HE falls into Darkness… if he unites with Eve… or, even worse, decides to take her place… Then this world, Sera, ALL THREE WORLDS, will face a complete, unconditional fucking disaster! How can you not understand that?!"

"And who will protect us, Michael, if not him?" Sera's voice was quiet, but it held such a deep, cosmic sorrow and fear that even Michael faltered for a moment. "You? Me? The other Seraphim? We are not warriors. Eve's Darkness, her primordial power… it consumes us at the first touch. You know this perfectly well yourself. Even God…" she hesitated for a second; this name always evoked mixed feelings in her, "even He, when His power over this world was practically absolute, could only banish Eve and integrate part of her Darkness into Lucifer to create some balance, thereby protecting his mind, but He could not purify him completely. He could not destroy Darkness. We, if we try to fight her directly, won't even have such a chance. We will simply turn into mindless, possessed monsters, craving only destruction and evil. And just one touch of her concentrated Darkness will be enough for that. You understand this perfectly well yourself. Adam is different. He… he can resist her. He must."

"Sera…" Michael lowered his gaze, his wings drooping. He sighed heavily. "But such a risk… It's too great. We cannot gamble the fate of all Heaven because of… because of simple faith."

"I am ready to accept it," Sera said firmly, raising her clear, resolute gaze to him. "He will make his choice. We already know that Darkness will not consume him from a simple touch. He was able to defeat it. He must cope." A hidden sadness sounded in her voice. "Adam, after all… he is the only being in this world created in God's image and likeness… If even he cannot resist, then who can?.."

An oppressive silence fell in the Council Hall…

POV Adam

"Do I really look okay? Are the horns not too big? Maybe a different color tie? Isn't red too aggressive for such a… hmm… delicate mission?"

I was asking Lute for the tenth time, spinning in front of the huge mirror in our bedroom. With angelic patience (a pun, however!), she was helping me choose an outfit for today's visit to the "esteemed gentlemen" from Hell's high society. Today is Friday, which means – that very Goetia Ball at the von Eldritches' place, which Octavia mentioned. And I, naturally, decided to somehow cunningly infiltrate it and get a little look at all this aristocratic riffraff. And at the same time – check them all with my "Eye of Adam" for "infection" by Eve's Darkness. Identifying potential traitors and idiots dancing to her tune – that would be very useful right now.

Yes, I've thought about all this many times, planned, considered options… But who's to stop me from running the same plan through my head for the hundred-thousandth time, trying to find flaws in it? Exactly! Nobody! Especially when my ass and the safety of Heaven are on the line.

"Adam, I'm starting to worry," Lute came up behind me, adjusting the slightly askew crimson tie. She looked me up and down with her attentive, appraising gaze. "You're worrying far too much about what some demon aristocrats will think of you…"

Now that familiar suspicious expression appeared in her golden eyes.

"Well, firstly, my dear," I theatrically raised my index finger, "I must always, under all circumstances, look fucking stylish and impeccable! I am an Archangel, the First (in every sense) Man, a style icon, and the ultimate role model!" I winked at her in the mirror. "And secondly," I turned to her and took her hands in mine, "I just don't want to blow my cover in the first few seconds because of some stupid little thing. To hell with that!"

"I still don't understand why you're playing all these spy games with them…" Lute sighed heavily, but there was no longer feigned suspicion in her eyes, only a slight sadness and concern. She gently kissed my cheek. "You should have just wiped out all of Hell, to hell with it, and there would be no problems… Not with Eve, not with the Sins, not with these 'contractors' of yours."

"Violence only begets more violence, my dear," I gently placed my hand on the crown of her head and ruffled her light, silky hair, immediately hearing a quiet, indignant hiss in response. "Lute, understand, killing is not the only way out. Moreover, it should be left only for the most extreme, most hopeless case. When all other methods have been tried and yielded no results. We are angels, not butchers."

"Yes, yes, you don't have to continue, I've already learned your lecture by heart," she theatrically rolled her eyes, but I saw that she was smiling. "'We must bring Light and Goodness, not Death and Destruction… We must give a chance for redemption even to the most fallen souls… Blah-blah-blah…'" She kissed me again, this time – on the lips. "Good luck out there, my overly kind and naive Archangel. Just be careful."

"Thank you, my love," I hugged her tightly. "I definitely will be. And don't you get bored here without me." I really lucked out with this woman. Incredibly loving, understanding, faithful. Even though we don't agree on many issues, especially when it comes to methods of fighting evil, she is always ready to accept any of my decisions and support me. I think any man (and woman too) in this world is wildly envious of me right now. Heh. "I'll be back soon."

I disappeared from our bedroom in a flash of golden Light, reappearing on one of Heaven's secluded streets, not far from my home. No, theoretically, I could have opened a portal to Hell right from the living room. But that would have been… not as epic! And style – that's everything to us! Especially when you're about to go on a secret mission into the very heart of enemy territory.

One last critical look at myself in the reflection of a nearby shop window (I think they sold some heavenly sweets there). So… Small, neat black horns look quite harmonious with a strict black three-piece suit, and bright red eyes and a matching crimson tie definitely attract attention and add a certain… demonic piquancy to the image. Handsome, in short. What else can you say. The "Eye of Adam" is already hanging on a chain around my neck, under my shirt, and activated in advance. So I should immediately sense anyone "infected" with Eve's Darkness. Well, as they say, break a leg…

Off to Hell we go, gentlemen…

The Sloth Ring, paradoxically, turned out to be a surprisingly… lively place. Though, perhaps, "bustling" would be a more accurate term. I expected to see sleepy, apathetic demons here, lazily moving through the streets or just lying around wherever. But no. Instead, I found myself in some giant anthill where everyone was rushing somewhere, carrying something, talking to each other…

The architecture here was… specific. Lots of small, one- or two-story houses made of purple stone, with sloping brown tiled roofs and narrow, tall windows. Between them – countless stalls, shops, pharmacies, clinics, hospitals, and some laboratories. All this was connected by a network of narrow, cobblestone streets, through which a continuous stream of demons of all shapes and sizes moved. The sky above the Sloth Ring was covered with a dense purple haze, through which a dim, muted light barely penetrated. This created a strange, somewhat sleepy, oppressive feeling. As if you were underwater or in some kind of dream.

I teleported here, as usual, using a spy drone's camera. It was an excellent idea after all – to stuff all seven Circles of Hell with these small, invisible little bastards and begin systematically combing through them in search of any traces of Eve's activity or her minions. Right now, the process of mass-producing the "Eye of Adam" (or rather, its simplified version) is underway for further integration of this detection system into every drone. Saraqael promised that he would set it all up in a couple of months, so by the beginning of the next Extermination, we would have a whole network of "eyes" throughout Hell, capable of tracking and identifying all of Eve's contractors.

By the way, about the Mistress of this Circle – Belphegor. Here, in this universe, she was a girl. With features of… a sheep. Yes, yes, you heard right. A cute, curly sheep with a long neck, on which strange decorative eyes and small, neat horns were located. True, judging by rumors and information from the Exorcist database, a very cunning mind was hidden behind this cute appearance. Belphegor was responsible not only for the Sin of Sloth but also for all of hellish medicine, pharmaceuticals, and, strangely enough, drug trafficking. Her entire Circle, in essence, was one giant pharmaceutical plant and hospital at the same time, where any drugs, poisons, stimulants, narcotics were produced and sold – from harmless painkillers to combat poisons and the most powerful hallucinogens. And the entire population of the Sloth Ring – mostly small imps and baphomets, half-asleep creatures with features of various rams or something similar – somehow worked for this giant corporation of hers.

And so now, before heading to the "party of the year" at the von Eldritches', I was going to pay this cute little sheep a visit. Incognito, of course. Why expose myself unnecessarily to a possible servant of Eve? And I was simply curious to see her up close (with my own eyes, not as "fragments" from Adam's memory).

In the very center of this anthill-city, towering over the other buildings, stood a giant multi-story tower of dark glass and metal, crowned with a huge purple crystal, dimly pulsating in the twilight. This was the home, office, and, concurrently, the main factory and laboratory of Belphegor herself.

Actually, the Goetia "meeting" itself was supposed to take place not here, but outside the city, in one of Paimon's numerous country estates. Yes, this proud bird, as it turned out, had a lot of real estate all over Hell, literally in every Circle, including the Pride Ring and even in Pentagram City itself! A very enterprising type.

A few words must be said about the Goetia. Unlike the Deadly Sins, who by law were tied to their Circles, representatives of the aristocratic Goetial families were scattered throughout Hell. They performed the role of some kind of… managers? Governors? They maintained order (relative, of course), collected tribute, resolved conflicts between minor demons. And also, strangely enough, they really helped the common population of Hell – protected them from attacks by wild hellish beasts (and there were plenty of those here too, especially in the Wrath Ring), helped with the harvest (in those rare places where anything could grow at all), eliminated the consequences of natural disasters (yes, Hell had earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and acid rain, and I've already said this, you could have remembered) and engaged in other "socially useful" bullshit.

Stolas himself, for example, as I remembered, once a year performed some complex and very energy-consuming ritual in the Wrath Ring, which ensured the stable growth of some hellish grains and vegetables, which then fed a good half of the population of all seven Circles. So, one could say, the Goetia literally fed all of Hell. That's why they were allowed a lot – free movement between Circles, and residence in the Pride Ring (though not for everyone – Paimon himself, as head of the Goetia, personally controlled this process, deciding which of his "kids" was worthy of being right under Lucifer's nose, and whom it was better to push somewhere further away, so they wouldn't stand out and create unnecessary problems). That's more or less how things were in this complex hellish hierarchy.

I activate invisibility and, easily vaulting over a low fence, fly up to Belphegor's tower. I begin to methodically scan floor by floor, trying to find her personal apartments. Yes, yes, as usual, I didn't prepare a damn thing in advance and didn't bother to find out where exactly this damn sheep sleeps! And no, I'm not trying to insult her now, it just… happened that way, she's literally a sheep!

After almost half an hour of agonizing searching (I started from the lowest, production floors, and by Murphy's Law, Belphegor's apartment turned out to be on the very top one!) and checking several dozen of her baphomet workers (who, by the way, all turned out to be "clean" of Eve's influence), I finally found her room. For fuck's sake! May I never again go on such an outing unprepared! No, well, logically, one could assume that her factories and laboratories would be at the bottom, and her living quarters at the top. But for some reason, I bet on the fact that she, as the Mistress of Sloth, would be too damn lazy to take the elevator to the very top every day, and therefore her bedroom would be somewhere near her workplace. But no such luck! I was wrong. Damn it!

Belphegor's room was… surprisingly cute. Dark and entirely purple. Everything here was done in pastel, soft-purple tones, just like the entire Sloth Ring. A large, soft carpet on the floor, heavy velvet curtains on the windows, elegant furniture made of light purple wood (interesting, paint or did she really find such wood somewhere?). The room had a huge bookcase crammed with books in beautiful bindings, a dressing table with an oval mirror and a bunch of various vials and jars, and a gigantic, incredibly huge round bed with a high canopy of translucent lilac fabric, which was literally piled high with soft pillows of all shapes and sizes.

Carefully, I let a little Light into the room, creating an "anchor." A second – and I'm already standing in the middle of her bedroom, still under the cloak of invisibility. I approach the bed, carefully pull back the edge of the canopy, and look at the sleeping Belphegor.

Well, yes. A sheep. A real one. With a long, elegant neck covered in soft white wool. Small, neat black horns, long, fluffy ears poking out amusingly from under a shock of ash-white curls. She was asleep, curled up in a ball and tightly hugging a large plush pillow shaped like a bright pink heart. And even snuffling softly in her sleep. Indescribable cuteness. It's hard to believe that this charming sleeping sheep is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, the Mistress of an entire Circle of Hell, and the head of a giant narco-empire. Although I heard she's not thrilled with drug trafficking…

I listen to the sensations from the "Eye of Adam." The artifact on my neck is silent. Not the slightest vibration – the crystal in the center remains calm, meaning she's clean. Well, that's for the best. One less problem.

I was just about to leave as quietly and unnoticed as I came, when suddenly…

"And why did you even come if you're leaving right away?" a sleepy, slightly capricious girlish voice sounded behind me.

I spun around sharply. Belphegor was sitting up in bed, stretching sweetly and yawning with her small mouth wide open. Her eyes looked at me sleepily. "You just disturbed my sleep… Fool…"

She yawned again, fell back onto the pillows, and, it seemed, immediately fell asleep again, muttering something unintelligible about "uncomfortable beds" and "too bright light."

Fuck. Busted like a complete idiot.