Genshin Impact: I Made the Entire Playerbase Cry

Childe hadn't expected Lumine to be so direct.

His expression darkened.

"Fine! Since you're so eager to play, don't let me down."

The space here was too cramped to fight properly.

Both of them leaped onto the central platform, ready to battle.

——————

Guinaifen's Livestream

The players had finally entered combat.

Guinaifen's team consisted of Diluc, Barbara, Qiqi, and Venti.

Honestly, her gacha luck was pretty good.

But her skills? Hard to judge.

Her only redeeming quality was that she listened to advice—whatever characters her chat told her to build, she did.

Mu Yang took one look at her team comp and thought, This is stable as hell.

Might not get to see her seethe in frustration. A bit disappointing.

"The moment we've all been waiting for, folks! The show's about to begin."

[Let the feast commence!]

[Just reaching Phase 2 would be a success.]

[Can she even clear it in ten tries?]

Childe paced across the battlefield. "This is a rare opportunity. Show me everything you've got."

"A chance to fight a Fatui Harbinger doesn't come often. Make it count—don't disappoint me, alright?"

As it turned out, Mu Yang had overestimated things.

Guinaifen was way too overconfident. She charged in recklessly, thinking she could brute-force her way through with healing.

Diluc got instantly sniped by two hydro arrows.

And just like that, her damage output was gutted.

As everyone knew, the longer a fight dragged on, the more mistakes piled up.

Guinaifen, already not the most skilled, soon watched her remaining three characters get crushed under the weight of the giant whale.

Guinaifen froze awkwardly.

Scratching her head, she muttered, "Just some comedic effect, y'know? Surely no one actually thinks Little Gui here is bad, right?"

After a few more resets and wipes...

"Ah, minos, my internet's lagging."

"Holy ****, this mouse—y'all, never buy wireless..."

...

[Warning! Warning!]

[LMAO, she can't even clear Phase 1. I'm dying.]

[All those 5-stars, wasted.]

[Trash. Trash. Trash.]

'Thanks to "Divine Might Can't Hide Tears" for the superchat:' So spicy, so satisfying (1000 yuan).

'Thanks to "He Loves Rin More Than Obito" for the superchat:' A national banquet—I devoured three whole bowls of rice (1000 yuan).

'Thanks to "Hannibal, Your Uncle Pulls" for the superchat:' Let me teach her how it's done (5000 yuan).

'Thanks to "Mu Yang" for the superchat:' Starts with bold declarations, mid-game silence, ends with delirious rambling (10,000 yuan).

...

[She's cracked the code of streaming.]

[Lost the game, won at life—gifts rolling in like crazy.]

After thanking her donors, Guinaifen got back to "serious" gameplay.

This time, though, she'd learned her lesson.

She turned Genshin Impact into a Souls-like.

One slash, then run.

She painstakingly whittled down Childe's first phase...

——————

Teyvat

Our Lumine was far more skilled than the players.

She'd already exchanged multiple rounds with Delusion Childe.

But the sudden switch to Electro caught her off guard.

Lightning was fast—Lumine could only defend and wait for openings.

Under Childe's relentless assault, she finally slipped up.

A single strike sent her stumbling back.

Clutching her throbbing left arm, Lumine forced herself up.

Paimon, shocked to see Lumine pushed back, panicked, unsure what to do.

Childe merged his Electro daggers into a polearm.

"Not bad. Your swordsmanship is interesting."

"But this is where it ends."

With practiced ease, Childe swung his blade straight for Lumine's heart.

But Lumine had already prepared a counter.

She'd been using only Anemo so far, saving her trump card for the perfect moment.

Gathering wind in her right hand, she blocked Childe's strike with a makeshift Rasengan (not really).

As their powers clashed, Lumine secretly channeled Geo into her left foot—

And kicked out the entire summer of Teyvat!

Childe, ever the battle-hardened Harbinger, took the hit but used the resulting Geo construct's force to backflip away.

He landed atop the Exuvia's claw.

Lumine hadn't expected this. In her plan, that sneak attack should've taken half his HP.

Childe steadied himself with one hand on the Exuvia.

"Hmph... didn't think you had that in you."

Lumine gritted her teeth. "Using the disadvantage to get closer to the Exuvia..."

"Don't act so shocked, rookie. For veterans, this is child's play!"

With that, he summoned Electro in his palm—

And went straight for the Exuvia's heart.

"Then, Morax's Gnosis... is mine—"

Mine, my ass. There's nothing here.

Childe froze mid-sentence, awkwardly filling in the blanks himself.

"I see... how unexpected."

"So you were the one who got here first?"

Even Paimon shook her head at that logic.

Bruh, you literally stormed in, knocked out all the Millelith, and we showed up after.

Delusion Childe lunged at Lumine like a bolt of lightning.

Lumine rolled away with Anemo-enhanced agility.

Then, she watched as Childe combined Hydro and Electro, levitating mid-air—

And started his "radio calisthenics."

Lumine immediately sensed danger.

She unleashed a tornado with Gust Surge—

But she was a split second too late.

Childe's Foul Legacy: Raging Tide had already activated.

[Damn, Lumine's got skills. Almost interrupted the transformation.]

[Yeah, just not fast enough.]

[Should've let the "Golden Flash" handle it—would've stopped it in time.]

[Who, Kizaru?]

The sudden surge of power put Lumine on edge.

But such explosive forms always had fatal flaws—

Either they burned out quickly or came with severe backlash.

Either way, stall him out.

Yet before she could react, Childe shattered the floor with a single strike.

The entire Golden House collapsed beneath them.

Lumine plummeted into the abyss.

Thankfully, she'd stacked enough HP and DEF.

Just kidding—she still took some damage.

As she pulled herself up, Childe descended gracefully from above.

Childe's delusions deepened.

"You were the one who took the Gnosis first, weren't you?!"

"Were you faster than me? Or... was the intel on the Golden House a trap?"

"Either way, hand it over now. Don't make me take it by force!"

Lumine could tell—Childe's fighting style had grown reckless.

He's running out of time in this form.

"Seems I was right. He can't sustain this for long."

"It'll be enough to deal with you!"

Lumine focused, weaving through the battlefield with Anemo, refusing to engage directly.

She ran, he chased—she had no escape!

Childe was the first to falter, his Foul Legacy fading.

Paimon gasped. "Ah! He's back to normal!"

Clutching his chest, Childe knelt on one knee.

"Time to... cool off."

"That Foul Legacy form... the strain's no joke. Didn't even leave room to think..."

Now, he realized—the Gnosis hadn't been taken by Lumine.

Standing up, he mused, "If the Gnosis wasn't stolen... maybe it was never inside the Exuvia to begin with?"

"Or... is the Exuvia itself a decoy?"

Lumine frowned. "Rex Lapis isn't dead?"

"Seems that way. How... amusing."

Childe couldn't help but applaud.

"Truly worthy of the God of Commerce. Even beyond contracts, his tricks are masterful."

"In that case, it's time for Plan B."

He pulled out a stack of Sigils of Permission.

"I didn't want to resort to this—too many weaklings would get caught up."

"After all, the world belongs to those who seek strength. I've never had patience for the dull and powerless."

But as a Fatui Harbinger, he couldn't afford to be picky.

The Tsaritsa's mission came first.

Lumine stared at the sigils. "Using the power of the Archon War... are you trying to—"

"Exactly. I'm awakening the slumbering god beneath Guyun Stone Forest."

...

——————

Top of the Jade Chamber

Mu Yang watched as Guinaifen, after much chest-thumping, "Ah, minos", and "turbulent waves", finally scraped by with the Bubu Pharmacy Sword Saint's chip damage.

After tossing some gifts her way, he closed the system panel.

Lumine's side was progressing faster.

By now, the skies of Liyue had begun to churn.

To force Morax's hand, Childe had unleashed Osial, the Vortex of Legends.

"It's finally beginning!"