Game Of Thrones Joffrey Baratheon Purple Days

"Wha--" Robert burped loudly, then looked up in a drunken haze. It was that cold-hearted bitch that called herself his queen. What in the Seven Hells did she want?

He got his answer when in a single striking motion, she smashed his goblet of wine from his hand, sending it spilling over the floor. He blinked, more bewildered than upset, before his brows drew together in a thunderous frown. Apparently she wanted him angry.

He stood from his chair, his looming bulk overshadowing her easily. "Look here, you--"

But before he could even build up momentum, he was cut short as Cersei lunged and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, baring her teeth in a ferocious snarl.

"Joffrey's gone to Lys!" she hissed. "He's gone and it's all your fault!"

Joffrey was gone? To Lys?

Robert's mouth opened and closed for a moment, then he looked past Cersei to Ser Barristan.

The man awkwardly cleared his throat. "It's true, You Grace. Prince Joffrey is gone, along with the Hound. He left a note that he'd gone to Lys, and--"

"And he said that you wouldn't mind!" Cersei screeched so loudly that Robert flinched back, but the woman wouldn't let him draw away. In the privacy of his mind, Robert wondered how the hells Cersei had the strength to keep him in place. "He went off to that city of whores because he wanted to make you proud, YOU UTTER DEGENERATE!"

Robert was on the verge of a scathing reply. Perhaps Joffrey didn't want to make him proud, perhaps he wanted to escape from his bitch of a mother. Perhaps her constant coddling and whispering in his ear had finally driven him mad.

But then, brilliance graced his mind.

Robert Baratheon smiled, trying extra hard to make the expression genuine and charming. Cersei reared back as though struck, like she'd never seen him smile before. Then again, maybe she hadn't. The bitch made it hard for anyone to smile around her.

"THAT'S my boy!" Robert proudly proclaimed as he threw his head back with a laugh. He ignored his furiously gaping wife in favor of turning to the Lord Commander of his Kingsguard. "Before I crushed Rhaegar in the Rebellion, I fucked one woman from each of the Seven Kingdoms. And the Riverlands. Can't go forgetting about them. Called it 'making the eight' I did. And now my son is trying to outdo me! He's going to fuck one woman from each Free City, isn't he?!"

Ser Barristan blinked. "Your Grace, I don't think--"

"I won't be outdone by that little shit! Arrange a ship at once!"

*one hour later*

In the most unusual alliance ever, Stannis Baratheon and Cersei Lannister forced Robert to stay in King's Landing. They then sent Ser Barristan with a small company of Redcloaks to Lys to retrieve the wayward prince.