Forbidden Melody

Surprise ripples from the contours of his face, as if he never heard a girl saying him that she wants to be alone. But hearing me he removes his hands from me. "You have never refused my presence Loretta."

What? Who does he think he is? But I keep my thoughts to myself turning on my heels. 

I find my peace near the open window from where I can see a cherry tree far away from here. I hear a long sigh then retreated steps hopping down the stairs.

I spent the afternoon reading... Fantasy genre has always captivated my fascination. Levi didn't return after he left in the morning without telling me anything when he himself said he plans to stay here. I wonder about Levi and his connection with Loretta when Sophia knocks the half open door.

I have still not found one thing about me though—what's my age? In this mansion one thing I have noticed in the last seven days that everyone—especially the servants pay extra attention to me as if I am some kind of queen. I got the impression that they are scared of being at fault. Mr. Morgasson always stays in his room and hardly faces the road. He's suffering from heart problems so that's understandable. 

Sophia after standing for a while seeing that I am quite says, "Dinner has been served, Young Lady. Young Fawcett has just arrived. They are waiting for you."

Hearing the mentioning of Fawcett something suddenly shifts in my mind and I start to feel impatient. "I'll be there in a minute," I dismiss her.

Taking a look at the mirror I say to myself: Hm...this dress looks fine. Just a bit of perfume I need. I have always been a connoisseur of perfumes—despite being broke I used to save money to buy perfumes even when I couldn't finish the previous bottles... And now look at this altar-all these luxurious perfumes...I couldn't ever dream. I spritz the 'Dream Love' thrice, then loosening my hair I jog downstairs. Indeed everyone is there... They haven't started without me. Why is she so special? Just because she is a great pianist? Because she's a self earned VIP?

Myria waves at me. "Juliet, your Romeo's been waiting."

I feel a weird bubbly feeling seeing Levi's gaze stuck on me. When my eyes follow his, he looks down. "We shall begin before our appetites run away, eh?" Says Levi snagging a part of the gingerbread.

I sit beside Levi hoping him to smell my perfume. I was always like this... applying perfumes and letting people be aware of my magnificent presence. He looks at me with unreadable expressions.

Myria tries to make a small talk. "Levi, where did you run off this morning?"

"You know Myria, I never discuss my troubles at table."

I steal a glance at him trying to read his face but he catches me and his next words clearly indicates that he's avoiding the topic. "You hardly ever used perfume Loretta. But today...umm," he inhales deeply.

"This is refreshing," Myria adds. "That's why she has so many unused bottles at her altar, Levi. I don't know if the sun rose at West today but Lori darling," she pointing her spoon at me says, "Your decision has made me happy."

So this Loretta didn't like perfumes? What a weird irony!

Roland, the oldest servant (above 45) and the one who Myria thinks more capable, asks her, "Madam Myria, Mr. Aiden called once when you were out. He wanted to have a talk with you."

Who is Aiden now? Agh...just how many people do I have to have awkward interactions with?!

"Didn't I see him storming out of Young Lady's room earlier?" Sofia quirks an eyebrow. She's like that jumpy gossip girl in every girl's group. Sofia couldn't be more than five years older than my previous age. That's right—I missed my 23th birthday. But wait... what did she say? Storming out of my room this morning..? Could it be..? I gulp, carefully inspecting everyone's reaction. Sofia...ugh...why?

Levi pushes the dessert plate towards me ignoring any of those comments. I love vanilla cakes and this one's topped with cinnamon cardamom sprinkles. Sofia notices that and defensively says, "That one's for Myria, Levi. Don't you know she doesn't like vanilla?"

Since when? I roll my eyes, then I realise that she's talking about that Loretta. Who doesn't like such a delicious looking vanilla cake like that? What was her favourite then? I give her an awkward smile. "Maybe I would like to give it a try this time?"

Levi gestures her to keep the plate there and bring another one like that again for Myria.

"Couldn't refuse Levi's sweet gesture, Lori?" Myria almost snorts. I feel my lips crushing again each other, biting. But Levi just hands me the fork with a nod.

"What are we celebrating anyway?" I take a bite of the sweet delicacy. Myria gives me a bland look. "Your recovery Lori."

Suddenly an unbearable silence falls upon the table. Few minutes pass with spoons' and forks' clattering. I take my fourth bite and start feeling weird.

Levi notices my discomfort. "Would you like to go for a night walk? I think we're quite done eating." I nod at his suggestion and get up without finishing the cake. If the time was before...I would have finished that thing—but right now I don't feel like doing that.

"I'll wait outside the door," Levi says when he sees me leaving the dining hall.

Couple of minutes later I join Levi outside. "Will it be a long walk?" I ask looking at the half moon in the sky.

"Not unless you want." 

I start walking. He quietly follows.

"______"

"______"

We've been walking for a while now and I don't even know where he's taking me. He was following behind me a minute ago and now he's somehow before me. Am I slowing down?

He stops, turning back at me. Now he's standing just an inch away from me. His hands behind him, eyes unreadable as before. Now I notice—this thing which I should have noticed before were I not wrapped up in my own thoughts; Levi somehow keeps a distance from me... As if he wants something but does something else.

"Uh...where are we?"

"Just five more minutes' walk. Though you can guess already."

And here I thought he'd take my hand to lead me away. But wait... I cannot guess where he's taking me. In fact I don't know any place around here except the Knight's Mansion. The city I used to live is 500km away from here. I woke up in Heaven's Blessing Hospital at 4a.m. Saturday. But Levi wasn't there then. Thinking about it now feels weirdly melancholic.

"The Death of a Nightingale..." I mutter to myself. I notice Levi halting. Now we are in a park, though it has nothing except a pair of swings, and flower bushes and a little gazebo. It looks so tranquil that I feel the urge to lie down on the soft grass and forget Levi's sudden silence after hearing my faint murmur of that piece name.

I feel my legs giving out for some reason but he grabs me. "Why don't we sit inside that gazebo? You seem tired." He sits me on the bench. Surprisingly we both fit inside. It looks small from outside but from inside it's neat and perfect.

There are two small benches. Levi sits on the second one. The silence decides to burden me again, but I dismiss it. "I've composed this melody today." Thinking of Aiden's mentioning of the title I say, "The Death of a Nightingale."

But he says nothing. Still unsure of that guy's name be Aiden, I choose to take the risk, since I don't really know my relation with that young man. "Our encounter didn't go that smoothly. I didn't feel like myself then...so he left."

I thought he'd ask about it but instead he asks, "How are you feeling now?"

"I..." I part my lips to speak but then close them again. The cool night air runs down my forearms. At this point I really don't know how I'm feeling. This life is not mine and instead of reaching salvation I have been punished.

Levi looks at the space beside me then hesitantly moves closer to me. He doesn't dare make a whisper but I really feel the urge to ask him, "...was I happy?" I tug at my loosened hair.

His stare fixated on my face, taken aback by my question. Seconds turn to minutes. Then he chooses his words discreetly. "If you were, you'd not have chosen the easy way."

What does he mean? Easy way..?

He sighs. "Dying is easy, isn't it? The easiest way to peace. But nothing is ever good if it's too easy. You know why?" He waits thinking I'd say something but I remain quiet waiting for him to finish.

"Because you will be enjoying the peace along...while the others will be grieving."

So...he's talking about Loretta's suicide attempt. But she really died that day. Does this mean he was sad? Was he grieving..? Was he scared for her?

I see his vision go blurry. Suddenly he wraps me tightly in his arms. Oh...Levi... Why it makes me so sad... Within minutes his breathing calms down but he shows no sign of letting me go. "I...I was mad... At myself and at you. And I felt like the world crashed near my feet."

"I...if only I knew you'd suffer so much..." I whisper, "I took a rash decision." I'm not sure if I said that as Loretta or as my old self.

He releases me. Something has changed in his eyes...as if he doesn't believe my words. "That melody..." he speaks out, "...you wanted to dedicate to Aiden on his birthday. The day you took that cruel decision."

His words suddenly feel so unreal that I feel like touching him to check if he's really saying those. I...Loretta committed suicide? No. Someone was responsible for her death. More like someone murdered her. But on Aiden's birthday?! Why? Was Aiden behind this? Why would Loretta want to dedicate a piano piece that she created entirely on her own to some guy named Aiden? Unless she was...in love?

"That explains why he rushed to your room this morning," he states in a matter of fact way.

"Um...I guess I'll have to go back to piano huh," I carelessly mumble.

"Not unless you want to," he mutters suggestively.

I uncurl my fist. "That is what is my destiny. Now written twice."

His expression to me seems like he didn't catch the last bits of my words. "You eventually have to show up in your concerts if you don't intend to quit your destiny."

Piano concerto hm... I have to play in front of all the people? Loretta...she was used to this life, wasn't she?

"Loretta?" Levi shakes me gently.

"Uh...yes? I was just thinking... Where are the other...melodies that I've ever made?" I ask assuming that perhaps she created more pieces before since she's so—talented to create something so beautiful.

"Your grandpa... He kept the recordings in his room. He loves almost all your pieces. As he mostly stays in room lately...he listens to them."

I bite back the question I wanted to ask regarding the records. "I feel at peace," I speak in undertone inhaling the cool night air that carries the sweet fragrance of peonies.

"Sometimes when I want to escape I come here. I have total three places where I go to find escape actually," Levi speaks wistfully."

"If I can guess the second place—water..? A lake maybe?" I put a finger on my chin. The previous lostness of his eyes is now replaced with an unnamed density. "You are surprising me Loretta. You never even showed interest in places where I disappeared to find solace. And now you have guessed it right. Just how?"

"Because I wanted to..." I bite back my words again realising this girl in front of Levi is not Morana. "I guess we should head back now," I yawn. "Tomorrow I will think about my concerts again."

Levi gets up offering me a hand. "No one ever found me when I escaped. But if you ever feel so, I'll gladly be your escape, Loretta."

All night Levi's words kept ringing in my head. The morning beams at me through the windows. These past few days have passed swiftly—knowing all these people...it's tiring. I slip into my slippers. My fingers ache, the result of pressing those keys so resolutely yesterday. Though I wonder why... Because this body is old, practised and used to playing piano and all. 

I walk up to the mirror to look at my face. Hm...not bad looking. I'd say that even if I was in my old body. Brunette...hair reaching the upper mid portion of my back, eyes shaped like a long leaf, dark brown irises guarded with thicker long upper and lower lashes. Lips, a faded shade of mauve. Three slim fingers forehead and a bright sunny yellowish fair complexion. I have never looked at a mirror this long. This mirror is beautiful too. Loretta sure had a vintage taste. I run my fingers down the brass edges of the long wall mirror. 

I pick up the comb from the dressing table to brush my hair and notice the phone. Is it my phone? This looks entirely new. I check out the phone realising it's new and with very less contacts. Did Loretta break her old phone just before..?

I notice a white papery surface well pressed and almost hidden at the back of the framed flawless mirror. I try to confirm whether it's really paper or not with the flashlight of my phone. Yeah it's a piece of paper. I won't be able to pull it out with my fingers. I'll need something thinner...a pin or hook maybe? I open the drawer to find a sewing needle lodged in a spool of silk thread.

Just as I'm about to pull it out I hear Sofia's loud demanding voice. "Young Lady, breakfast in five..."

"I'm up Sofia," I yell. "In a minute." I trudge to the washroom with blurry eyes. I want to sleep more. Sofia's the only one who's a little less intimidated by me. I don't know why everyone acts so weirdly.

I open the bathroom door and let out an embarrassed scream. "What the hell Levi?!"

He looks equally perplexed even though he's just half naked. No big deal right? Half Naked! But I couldn't help staring at that beautiful shape. What a well toned waist... Gah! Get a grip Morana...I mean Loretta.

"Who keeps their bathroom door unlocked while bathing?"

He schools his momentarily awkward expression saying, "I'm not fully naked, Loretta."

I can see that Mmm... What a drool worthy torso... Sheesh!!!

"Besides... it's not like you never saw me like this."

I gulp. What?! She had..? I forcefully subside my flipping stomach. "Are you done already?"